Love is Colder Than Death
by nattycullen
Summary: Renesmee Cullen went to Volterra for a thrill, to be unprotected and hated. She wanted to get away from her past. Too bad she got hit with love towards a certain sadistic guard memberand a war instead... Alec/Renesmee
1. Life is Scarier Than Any Nightmare

_**Love is colder than death  
Chapter 1;**_

_**Life is scarier than any nightmare.**_

_Until the next chapter is out, I would really sugget reading the A/N as this will be extremely confusing until the next chapter is out. This scene takes place again later in the story, but from a different POV. I thought it would fit here to start the story of and give a vibe, from another point of view. If your to confused, I apologize, forget about this chapter and read the next!  
Chapter 2 = Chapter 1 in a way. You'll see!_

***Alec's POV ***

I smashed the door open brutally, crumbling it to wooden pieces. I charged into the room, heading straight for the over-sized wardrobe, keeping my gaze away from the brunette (who once had bronze hair, until she dyed it to forget about the past) that had just awakened from her slumber now gasping with fear.

I yanked the wardrobe open, also yanking off the wardrobe doors altogether. Over the loud clanging noise of the wardrobe doors hitting the floor, I easily heard the brunette whimpering in fear, calling out my name.

"_A...A...Al...Alec!" _She gasped, sounding as if she was dying and had no air. I clenched my fists, trying to keep in control. The yells off my fellow guard members and the companions of the Volturi easily burst through the wall, blocking out the girl's voice.

She tried her best to call out again. I could hear her without any challenge. She, however, could not hear herself talk or thing. "_Alec!"_ She choked the words out, her voice almost unrecognizable, full of terror. I listened as she attempted to calm herself down and choke up another batch of words. "_Alec...P-P-Please..Answer Me. Alec! Why..." _She couldn't finish.

I couldn't open my mouth to answer her. I couldn't control the tone of my voice...what I would yell. My throat burned with anger. My whole body burned with anger, from my ice cold feet to the top of my head.

Trying to stay focused, I unclenched my fists, and moved my hand out moving it into the wardrobe. I started to grab random pieced of clothing at speed that was quick for a vampire. In only a few minutes, the wardrobe was empty.

I looked up, seeing the large black suitcases stacked on the top of the wardrobe even in a pitch black room. I put my hands on either end of the wardrobe and yanked it down, so it fell over. Making an earsplitting bang on the ground. The brunette gasped in horror, I could hear her sobbing. I knew she was to struck to move an inch. That put me at ease, she wouldn't move and she won't die. Although, I knew very well she was dying in the inside just now.

I yanked the suitcases open, all at once, throwing every piece of clothing and shoes that was now on the ground. I left one dress and a pair of shoes lying on the ground. I dashed around the room, avoiding all eye contact with the brunette who was now sobbing to much to even call. I grabbed everything, in every draw and on every table. Every photo, every memory...Everything.

After I 'cleaned' out a section, making everything vanish from the room and thrown into the suitcase, I destroyed everything. Every table, every cupboard, anything I could smash up into tiny pieces. The noise, to a human, would kill their ears.

Everything was destroyed, I didn't want to count the time even if time was precious just now. The girl was crying even louder, even harder. She couldn't breathe. She sounded like death. But she wouldn't die. I wouldn't let her. It wasn't possible.

I tried to block out the constant screaming and shouting outside of the room. I knew the brunette could not block out the sounds as well as I could. I had to turn around and face her.

I scanned the damage in the room. Everything was smashed into some small, and some large, pieces.

Clenching my fists tightly together, I turned around to the bed. The brunette sat up, frozen. Her face was even paler than usual, her flushed red cheeks had vanished. Tears were still gushing out from her chocolate brown eyes, that were glued on me.

I walked over to the bed, allowing my eyes to meet her terrified glare. _What was I mean to say? Could words even describe the situation? _Fury rushed through my body as I remember why I was so furious. I tried to block it away quickly.

"_W...Wh...What..."_ The brunette couldn't finish. She tried to capture air whilst more tears fell down her ghostly cheeks.

I opened my mouth to speak, trying to control what I _was _going to say...not what I _wanted _to say. "What is going on?" I asked if what I said, was what she was trying to say.

The girl nodded, brushing tears off her face.

I couldn't answer her. I couldn't tell her. I didn't want to, nor would I have to. She could find out herself. "You don't need to know..." Her brown eyes widened, "We have to hurry, Ignore the yelling and the screaming...I'll turn the lights on, then go and dress yourself with the clothes I left on the floor."

"_B...ut...Wh..."_ She trembled, not being able to finish. I was loosing my temper. Something I tried to cover up and calm down whilst slaughtering five humans earlier.

"Just go and do what I told you!" I roared. I watched as the girl went even whiter, frozen whilst eyes filled up with bigger tears, that came gushing up. I felt the horrible feeling of regret. I tried to ignore it, blaming it on my anger. I turned around from the girl, rushing over to turn the lights on. The room lit up.

She immediately_ attempted _to move, yet she couldn't. Her body was frozen in panic, fear and had shut down completely. The only part that was working was her eyes, letting out fluid. I hoped her ears wouldn't listen to the sounds around her, but I knew what I hoped was not true.

I growled and rushed over to grab her, her tiny frame now in my arms. I took her over to where the clothes where, bending down with her still in my arms. I could hear her sobs and whispers of help. Anger rushed through my veins. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at who has caused this all. The person who caused her fear and pain. The person who was the creator of my fury.

I picked the dress up from the ground and ripped the girl's pyjama's off her, not even bothering to look at what we underneath. I pulled the dress onto her. I felt her gaze on me. My eyes looked up, locking with her's in a terrified gaze. She looked at me in horror. I shut my eyes and looked down, grabbing her feet and stuffing them into the shoes I had left.

My brain told me to grab the suitcase and leave, it screamed to me, _GO! You've wasted to much time._ I moved the girl so she was now over my shoulder, I grabbed the suitcases with ease, the girl on my shoulder too, and rushed out of the room.

The screams were now closer...and louder. The girl was trying to get free, squirming around, sobbing loudly. I ignored her...and the screams.

_Keep going...down the stairs...out of the door..._ I commanded myself. It didn't take me long, soon I felt the air around us in the cold night.

I looked around me. Chaos. Cars pulled up and screaming vampires stepped inside of them. They moved at great speed, speeding away into the distance.

I caught sight of one waiting, inside of it was Demetri. Amongst the scared vampires, normally strong and powerful, Demetri remained calm. Almost..._excited. _I looked at him through the car, in deep thought.

My brain was still deciding what to do. I didn't want to move. I was hopeless, I didn't know what to do. My gaze was still on the car Demetri was in, I had to be quick, someone would go into it, my chances were ruined.

Never, in the many hundredths of years that I have been in the Volturi have I saw so much...organization. So much...terror. It was just so...unreal. I was lost for words. Outside was beginning to get more crowded, people trying to flee.

_GO! _My thoughts screamed at. I obeyed them, rushing to the car Demetri was in, a tight grasp on the girl who I was trying so hard to ignore. She sounded like death.

I opened the back door of the red Ferrari 612 Scaglietti, trying very hard to not take the door off completely.

Demetri's head snapped around to look at me. I nodded at him, examining his blank expression. "Let her go with you. I know you can protect her." I growled, lifting the girl so she was now sitting in the car.

"_Wh..Where?" _She gasped. Tears flooding down from her wide eyes.

Demetri looked at her, then moved his gaze to me. We both ignored her, unsure what to say. "I'll meet you when we arrive in..." I didn't want to finish. I could feel Renesmee's eye's glued on mine in panic.

Demetri nodded, understanding what I was saying. "I have to take the human secretary...the one Aro see's much potential in. We'll turn her once we arrive...a newborn should be helpful." Demetri's voice was hard, yet he showed no sign of fear.

I nodded. Demetri turned away to look forward blankly. My eye's moved to the girl. I was dreading this. What would I say? How would she react?

"_W..W...Wha..." _The fear took over, freezing her and the words she wanted to say.

"Shh..." I wiped her tears away, even if new ones kept replacing them. "I'll see you soon. I will be ok..." _For now..._ "Do what Demetri tells you, try and calm down...Please. I love you."

She nodded. I didn't believe it but atleast she was co-operating.

"I am so sorry for how I reacted...how I shouted at you. I'm lost for words. I don't know what to tell you. I don't want to tell you anything. You will find out soon enough. Sleep on the fight, forget about everything. Please...for me." That was all I could think to say. Pathetic.

This time she did not nod. She opened her mouth, attempting to speak but failing.

"Please. I don't have the words to explain. I'm so sorry for all this..." I wanted to destroy myself. Pull each limp off then set myself on fire for being so..._Stupid. So pathetic! _

I was relieved yet devastated as I watched the human secretary get in the other seat next to the girl I was struggling to speak to.

I would see her again, I knew that. And she would be alive. I wanted to leave her, I couldn't focus on my duty with her. And I wouldn't have to scrape words out of my mouth to speak to her.

"I love you." I said, my voice clear. The only thing that I seemed sure of at that moment. I watched as she tried to open her mouth, failing. I leaned in, kissing her softly. I pulled away quickly, looking at her devastated expression.

"Remember what I told you..." I murmured, my hand stroking her cheek. The anger was being washed away...yet more of it was to come.

She nodded. I knew what she was thinking. She was going to get information out of Demetri. I wanted sigh, yet there was nothing I could do. I hoped Demetri would end up telling her some fake story.

"We have to go!" Demetri hissed, "Unless you want her to view..." I growled loudly at Demetri for even making her more curious.

"Please." I pleaded to the girl, shutting the door. I watched the girl's expression carefully, her crying eye's glued on me. She was shaking her head in disbelief. I listened as Demetri started up the engine and the car soon with tremendous speed.

I turned around and gazed at the Volterra castle. Now empty. I lifted the hood of my black cloak up and put it over my head.

"Its time!" A voice yelled. I looked to where the voice was coming from. Paolo was standing alone next to my sister.

Jane's expression was unreadable. I've never saw her like this. Even as a human. Everyone seemed to be gone. Only a few members of the guard were left, ready to flee after we finished what was a legacy. Three car's were lined up. Each contained one of our masters and their wives (except from Marcus.) Jane and Renata would go with Aro, Paolo with Caius and I would go with Marcus.

We were the final ones, ready to experience the worst. I had no idea how we would achieve this. Who would achieve this. But I watched.

In a single second, everything changed. I was lost for words, I couldn't describe what I was watching.

I watched as the Volterra castle burned in flames. Removing all traces...and all scent. We didn't have to worry about the scent of our upcoming travels. We had a guard with a very special gift, to remove all traces of someone and the path they were going on. A very complex gift. I didn't know much. I was aware that she could not remove the traces off someone who stayed in the same place for a long time.

I figured this was why we had to set the castle on fire, a painful thing to watch. Everything was on fire. I wondered if the town had noticed yet. It was 5 O'clock in the morning, however, I was sure they were awakened by the screams.

"_Alec!"_ I heard my sister hiss, interrupting my thoughts. _"We have to go!" _

I removed my wide eyes from the castle and turned around, hurrying to the car Marcus was in. The windows were blacked out completely.

I slammed the door shut then starting up the engine. I turned around and nodded at Marcus, looking again at the horrifying site of the castle burning down from the back window.

I sped off, driving at an illegal speed.

The image of the girl in my head was stuck. Her white skin, her rosy cheeks, something I found beautiful and unique in her. Her chocolate brown eyes, matching her dyed brown hair. Her warm skin touching mine...

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I was so relieved she was away and didn't have to witness the castle burning.

I didn't even want to think of her name. I had tried all night to call her 'the girl' or 'the brunette' rather than her real name.

She was quickly regretting coming to Volterra, months ago. I knew that. There was no way out of the terror she would have to witness and be part off.

She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve to be unhappy and suddenly face her fears. I knew very well she didn't want to go back from where she came from.

I prayed silently that Demetri wouldn't show her the plane ticket.

Her eye's didn't deserve to shed any more tears. Her heart shouldn't be worried. Ever.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen didn't deserve what she was about to face. 

* * *

**Confused? **

**The next chapter will be from Renesmee's POV and this event HASN'T happened yet.**

**Its almost a preface in a way. **

**The story is from Renesmee's POV – Not Alec's...this is a one off. Almost a 'spoiler'.**

**I've written this as I thought it was kinda neat and gave a good vibe.**

**I hope this hasn't put you of the story..if it has, please give it another chance, forget about this chapter and read the second!**

**Got any questions? Ask me ;D**

**Hello! I hoped you enjoyed the first chapter of my Reneslec story. **

**My polyvore link is on my profile..my life is FASHION, so I have made a couple of outfits inspired by the story.**

**Again, please don't stop reading if this is 'confusing' or whatever. The second chapter is already done, treat the second like the first! Haha.**

**Love,**

**Cristina.**


	2. One Way Trip

**CHAPTER 1'S EVENTS DID NOT HAPPEN NOW...BUT WILL ;)**

**Think of it as like a spoiler that doesn't give much away ;D**

**Don't own twilight.**

* * *

_**Love is colder than death.  
Chapter 2: One way trip**_

The blue taxi that was covered in scrapes on the outside and smelt of second-hand smoke in the inside came to a halt. My body crashed forward as my reflexes made me grab onto the passenger chair infront of me for support. I tutted at the driver who had been getting on my nerves through out the whole ride from the airport. He was rude, smelly and drove badly.

Once I regained control from the sudden stop, I looked outside of the window. The streets were old yet beautiful, lit up by glowing street lights. The streets seemed golden, history walking about the alley ways.

I checked my watch again. It was three minutes past three in the morning which made my eyelids feel even heavier wanting to close completely. I really had all of the bad human traits in me. If there was even any good ones compared to what I _could_ have inherited from my father.

I turned to look at the driver who was impatiently tapping his fingers on the black, leather driving wheel. I rolled my eyes at his ignorance, "Excuse me, Can you get any closer to the castle?" I asked him slowly as he had rudely made sure to state he only speaks Italian earlier.

The driver flung his hands up in the air taking a fit, waving them in all different directions. "No! No! No castle! 30 euros please!" He shouted in a heavy Italian accent. I sighed. _Pretty good for someone who can't speak any English. _I picked the over-sized brown hobo I had brought with me from the taxi's dirty floor that was covered with gum and dirt from hundreds of shoes. I had originally sat it on the chair beside me but his 'driving' skills had knocked it down. I dusted the dirt from the bottom off and put it over my shoulder as I opened up the car door.

Stepping out, I was greeted by the cool September Italian air hitting my face. It felt nice, both cold and hot. I slammed the door loudly to show how much respect I had for the driver and began to walk around to the window where the driver was. It had occurred to me several (hundred) times that this man had no patience. He peeped on his horn and started to yell '30!' over and over as he rolled down the window after he stopped peeping and started waving his hands again.

I smiled smugly at him as I reached into the pockets of my overly-priced skinny J-Brand jeans Aunt Alice had purchased me. I changed from the grey sweats I wore on the flight once I got to the airport and attempted to clean myself up in the bathroom. I remember being incredibly tired, my thoughts running through my head at full speed as I realised that I _now _had to complete the other part of my plan. I didn't sleep on the flight at all, I was excited but nervous and worried at the same time. I now regretted watching movies the whole way through the flight as my eye lids got heavier in the dark reminding me of what I wanted (and needed).

My bag ached on my shoulder from the sweat pants, a denim skirt, pyjamas and the books I had in it. When I 'packed', I originally had no plan whats-so-ever, I took a couple of books to clear my mind and a pair of jeans to change into if I changed my mind altogether. I had to buy a pair of pyjamas at the airport in Italy along with a denim skirt and a pair of sandals which took away all of my newly-converted euros. I also had absolutely no money,_ great_. I hoped everything would work out as I had no money to buy a return ticket and no mobile phone.

The driver was now getting _really _annoyed now as I stood in another planet. The beep of his horn furiously snapped me out of it but made me want to snap _his_ head off. "30! 35! 40! 45!" The price kept going up as his anger went up. I didn't even have 30 euros in the first place!

I moved my hand around in my jean pocket and felt the small amount money in my pocket, I took out everything which came to twenty euros and flung in through the window. "Thats all your getting!" I said smugly, running up the street in a tired daze with a massive grin on my face. He began to shout at me but did not drive any further. I guess he was _really _telling the truth when he said he couldn't drive any further. I looked up at the night sky grinning, the stars looking even more beautiful in Italy.

_Well Renesmee, You did it. _I thought to myself as the grin on my face got larger. I had managed to escape from my family and get my wish. It was now September 11th 2013. Yesterday it was my birthday and all I had asked for was to be able to explore the world, a new type of world. My family had ignored this and bought me two plane tickets to Washington (I now live in Alaska) to visit Grandpa Charlie. That was most definitely not exploring the world. Plus, the other ticket was for Jacob who I wanted to strangle for being a forward and cocky asshole. Anger ran all over my body as I thought about what he had done.

I felt ungrateful, maybe I was ungrateful but my fathers speech before it stating how he didn't want me to grow up and how dangerous the world was. I couldn't accept the present, I didn't even see the ticket properly because of my tears. I demanded space. I asked my father if this was to 'dangerous' which just got him even more mad.

It wasn't a sudden 'oh-i'm-going-to-be-a-spoiled-brat' thing...I will admit openly I was indeed acting like that. But I was sick of being treated like this sheltered fragile baby by everyone. I had no independence what-so-ever. I didn't even go to a real school (yet) and I had no other friends outside the dog. _Shake the memories out of your head...get them away...GO AWAY!_

So I drove for hours and hours. I phoned my mother to say where I was so no one would come after me. I mainly stopped at gas stations and read for half an hour, it just clicked when I saw the sign for the airport. _Go! _I thought to myself, _Don't obey them! _And without my Aunt Alice watching me as all she could see was darkness, I could go where ever I wanted._ I've never been to Italy before...And I hear the accommodation is great..._

The click of my plan falling into place had now brought me to where I stood, Volterra. I walked about hopelessly which wasn't part of my plan at all. It was dark and I was lost. I looked at the small castle and kept walking towards it even if it was very far away. I got closer and closer as I kept on walking. I soon fell out of breath, gasping loudly as I pushed myself up the roads. _Why were roads in Italy so god damn hilly?_

I reached a square with a large fountain. The town it-self was so old, yet beautiful at the same time. The square was no exception to this. The silence of the town was beginning to annoy me greatly. The square was desserted and had only few lights. Much to my pleasure, the castle was now very close.

Suddenly a loud voice came from behind me, breaking the silence. His voice was ruff as he spoke in Italian to me saying, "Signorina, non è lontano tardi per essere fuori?" I jumped up in shock, turning around. My hand was automatically placed on my quickly beating heart heart.

A tall and thin man stood facing me, dressed fully in black. His hair was covered by the hood of a black cloak but one strand of bright, glowing blonde hair was exposed and his eyes were an almost fake blue. His gaze was hard as he stared at me waiting for an answer.

I gulped. "Uh, Non Italiano...Engl_eees_h?" I took my chance at guessing Italian, I failed horribly. At-least I got 'non' and 'italiano' right even if they made no sense put together. My voice trembled with fear with a very anxious edge.

He was part of the Volturi. It didn't take much to figure that one out if you were vampire (or half). It wasn't just his clothes or the fact he was walking around at three am (with no good reason like mine) with fake contacts in, it was his posture told everything; strong and deadly.

I didn't know _which_ Volturi he was. I scanned through the memory 7 years ago of my first 'meeting' with them. It was blurry and dazed, no good! My parents had always warned me greatly about the Volturi and told me in great detail about which ones to fear. There was Jane, although she was female. I knew the name off by heart from her power. Didn't she have a brother too? They both had brown hair, couldn't be either on them! I don't recall any of the Volturi having blonde hair as bright. Maybe one of the leaders but he wouldn't go out, would he?

_Think Renesmee! Think! What did Carlisle teach you? _A normal 16 year old would do lessons about the civil war (Jasper did teach me about this but in a classroom it did not include a life story and vampire armies) not ancient Italian history.

"Do you speak English?" The man-in-black I asked me, folding his arms. Surely a very important guard member wouldn't walk around the streets of Volterra at night? Maybe he isn't even part of the Volturi? But he has a cape! Confusion hit my thoughts, scattering them about with different theories.

I jumped as he growled at me impatiently, wanting an answer. I nodded quickly, starting to fiddle with my fingers nervously looking down onto the ground. I wasn't normally shy or awkward. As a child, I was a fun loving and caring. I watched my childhood shatter and disappear too quickly, now it was gone. I turned bitter and developed a short temper yet I still had a sarcastic humor and a section of life waiting to explode and become full again.

I dropped my thoughts of self-reflection as the guard started to walk at human speed over to me and put his arm around my waist dragging me away. "Do you come from here? I should take you home..." He said boldly. The word 'rapist' quickly came to mind, did you get such things as vampire rapists? My heart sped up in fear but a part of me, a sensible part, knew that it was just a pushy vampire.

"No! Its fine, really. I'm lost..." I mumbled struggling to get free from his grasp. It wasn't a lie, I really was lost. I did need his help so why couldn't I find the courage to ask him to take me to where I wanted to go?

The Volturi guard grabbed me even tighter...he wasn't going to eat me, was he? I felt the terror crawling beneath every part of my skin. Why would he? My scent only appealed to newborns and vampires who hadn't hunted In a long while, surely the Volturi had a good stock of humans?

"Where do you come from and where would you like to go?" He asked me, a frightening grin on his face, exposing his sharp teeth. It made me shudder. It was almost welcoming but at the same time serial killer worthy.

I swallowed my silvia nervously, "I come from Alaska but...I'm here to go to the castle thing." I mumbled some more. _Castle thing...What a good description! _I sighed quietly. Was it even a castle? Did the Volturi even stay in the castle?

The guard started to get uncomfortable, loosening his grip slightly. "The castle does not accept visitors." He said sternly as he stopped walking and turned to look at me again.

I had to explain fully! I couldn't leave it any longer. _Just say your part vampire! _I took a big, deep, nervous breath. "Yes but although I have..._blood..._" I hoped that the word didn't give him any temptations to bite into my veins and kill me,"I'm a Vamp-"

I was cut off my the sudden movement of his icy cold hand smacking against my lips. The only phrase I could think of was that _it stung like a bitch. _More than a bitch, like a rock-slap if that has ever happened. I let out a silent scream covered by his hand. He rapidly threw me over his shoulder as I clung with my life onto his black cloak. His hand was no longer on my mouth so I let out a large scream.

He growled loudly at me whilst he started running at vampire speed in the dark. _Good news Renesmee, You've got a ride to the Volturi! _"Don't scream again or else I won't even bother taking you back as I will kill you on the spot!" The words and tone didn't help my fear at all. _I'm going to die! I'm going to die! I'm going to die!_ I started to panic and over-react.

A shiver ran down my spine although I was glad he now knew that I was aware of what he was... _What I was! _A sudden terrifying thought hit me; _What if he knew who I was? Exactly who I was? Renesmee Carlie Cullen, the law-breaking half breed who he wanted to kill from the failed attempt 7 years ago? _

My jaw dropped open and tears filled up in my eyes. _Death. Why am I so stupid?_ My thoughts exploded like the tears falling from my eyes. Why did I even leave in the first place? Why was I so stupid?

I gasped in terror as we flung down a drop carelessly. I grabbed onto the Guard's cloak even tighter. I prayed that I wasn't bleeding from the impact. That would just finish the night of nicely! I gripped on harder to the cloak and buried my head in it.

The guard member growled loudly, "Stop that!" he hissed shaking me off as we still moved at incredible speed, now indoors. I couldn't (and didn't want to) check if we were in the Volturi's 'home' (and my death-place).It was however in dark with only dim lights in scattered places.

I started to hear voices aimed at the guard who was 'handling' me, their voices were eager to know why he was brutally carrying (what was to them) a human girl. I shuddered as I heard someone say 'dibs' loudly.

There was a loud bang that took us to another room, it was lit up fully now. I didn't want to check what it looked like as he slowed down. My guess was people died in here. I would die in here. I started to shake even more as I heard the voices of my killers.

"What are you doing Paolo?" I heard a voice hiss. The voice was so deadly it made the fear worse, if that was possible. _Paolo..._I hadn't heard of that one before. Fear and panic prevented me to scan my memories that would bring me to tears.

In a single sudden terrifying second, I was no longer on the man's back. He threw me over brutally and slammed me onto the ground. I screeched loudly in pain as I felt the impact. Every single bone felt broken... I was lucky I wasn't dead already. Every bone seemed to have shattered...my skin broke and blood gushed out, I took so much comfort knowing my half vampire, half human blood had no real appeal, only to newborns. I wondered if the pain from the impact was worse than being drained by a vampire. My whole body now stung in pain. I couldn't help the yells coming from my mouth.

I knew for a fact that I wouldn't die because of the impact even if every bone was crushed and I was loosing to much blood...I wouldn't die. I would die from being sucked dry. I was like a werewolf in a way, a very strange fact that no one, not even Carlisle could understand. I could heal _very _quickly. His theory was that because I aged quick, I heeled quick. My body would change and grow quicker than a human, so it would heal quick too.

When it came to broken bones, I needed no medical attention at all. I could simply sleep and they would heal over-night. Wounds were quicker, they started to heel instantly...with pain. A shooting pain where the wound was. Just now, I had wounds in every inch of my body...they had already started to heel and the pain had already started. I groaned and screamed loudly at this new pain.

I tried hard, struggling to side-track the pain, I succeeded eventually and moved my eyes up to look at the three vampires infront of me. I knew their names with no hesitation. Aro, Caius and Marcus. The middle thrown was now empty as one of the leaders with jet black hair and milky red eyes stood up beginning to approach me. _Was it my time to die now?_ I wondered. Death did seem like such a wonderful option compared to the pain I was experiencing just now from the impact.

I felt more tears gushing down as I remembered my family. I felt a deathly, horrible regret. _I love you Momma and Daddy, Aunt Rose, Uncle Emmett, Aunt Alice, Uncle Jasper, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandma Esme, Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Renee...And Jake. _I went through the names saying goodbye, sobbing so hard I could fill an ocean as I remembered memories. Why was I so stupid? Why did I leave? Why was I such a spoiled little brat who was never satisfied?

I looked at the man with jet black hair again waiting for him to get rid of the pain, replacing it with greater pain then vanishing it completely. Instead of his face being in a growl, ready to attack or even excited to end what should have been done seven years ago...his expression was almost..._embarrassed _yet his eyes showed signs that he was _happy _to see me.

Maybe I should take those goodbyes back.

* * *

***Paolo = new vampire, I created.**

**Thanks to the reviewers: Poisoned Princess & my friend Lara/boabz/alechater ;D**

**Oh yeaah, still confused? Either ask me or pretend Chapter one never happened. Hahaha.**

**What else to say? Nearly finished chapter 3...First, have to work on something for my fashion blog. Link on profile. But it WILL be out soon, don't worry! I've got a lot of ideas...promise!  
Polyvore link = on profile.**

**Hmm..hmm..what else to say?**

**Nothing!**

**Love, **

**Cristina.**

**SONG INSPIRATION:**

**One way trip – Lil Wayne ft. Kevin Rudolf **

**from the album Rebirth.  
YEES. I LOVE LIL WAYNE. PROBLEM?**


	3. Long Way Down

**HI HELEN, I KNOW HOW MUCH THIS ENTERTAINS YOU: I do not own twilight. Big smeyer does, thankfully!**

**Did I make you laugh? Of course I did ;) - ignore this, best friend talk! XD  


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**_**Love is colder than death  
Chapter 3**_

_**Long way down**_

I had clearly doubted monstrous ways of the Volturi, why was I stupid enough to think for one moment that their leader would be happy to see me? He was clearly excited to finally get to kill me without my families protection and I was extremely idiotic to think differently. The pain was getting worse as more cuts started to heal around my body, adding onto the unbearable pain I was in from my broken bones. I _should _be grateful for the ability to heal quickly, saving me from a slow and painful death but right now, with my dazed and confused thoughts, isn't being sucked dry alive better? Would the pain be worse? It would be quicker which was better than dying slowly.

I couldn't stand it anymore, waiting for death. _Kill me now! _My thoughts yelled amongst all of the pain. I had another theory now; Was the leader enjoying my pain? Was he joyful watching me suffer? Did he want to wait and torture me more with my own pain? _That was it!_ I felt a small rush of pain up my arm...in a few seconds it came back, rushing down my arm like fire. I shrieked in pain, tears now gushing out and my voice crackling up at the end of my scream. I couldn't keep quiet any longer, I wanted to die!

"Kill me now! Please!" I screeched, gasping for breath. "I don't care how you do it! Please!" I had no strength left and dropped my head down against the cold marble floor. I shut my eyes tightly, viewing all of my families faces in one last goodbye.

"Renesmee Cullen..." A voice cooed in amazement and surprise. Didn't he understand my pain? Could he not hear my screams? Why would he be surprised that I was screaming in pain? He spoke again, more slowly, "I'm afraid without any thought or doubt, I can't do that with your tremendous talent and influence. Did anyone ever tell you that your very much like your father?"

My eyes snapped open, now hurting with the light. What on earth was he on about? _Kill me, God-damnit! _Why was he keeping me for my power and not for his own pleasure, to watch me die in pain? And how was I like my father in a way he had to point out? Did my father handle pain in this way? Did he shriek out in pain like I did? Confusion battled pain inside my body as I shrieked out again at the pain in my leg.

"Aro..." A voice started, calm yet he sounded dull and lifeless, "I don't think the girl wants to end her life by choice...She wants to be free from the pain Paolo put on her and anticipates you to kill her." The voice was almost _heavy_, the type of voice that if you listened to for a while, you would fall asleep to due to extreme boredom.

It was as if the more lively voice had suddenly snapped out of a day-dreaming state, his voice was still surprised but more down on this planet, "Paolo, Bring Alec!" He commanded, his voice still gentle like a feather even when commanding people. It was as if he wasn't happy with Paolo, wasn't I the enemy?

I tried to get the energy and strength to lift my head up to look at him. I battled against the pain...and lost. I dropped my head back onto the floor shutting my eyes again. I was confused and in agony. I felt helpless, not knowing what was happening...not knowing how or when I would die! Or if I even would!

I listened as Paolo obeyed him and went out of the room. Another jolt of pain rushed through my arm, this time even more painful. I screamed out in pain louder, the tears now starting again.

"Don't worry, my dear. Our guard Alec will remove all pain and we will give you medical attention!" The less dull leader spoke, he talked in a strange but gleeful way even in this situation. He seemed apologetic and embarrassed at my 'welcome', now I was very confused, wondering if I was actually going to die.

I struggled to speak again, trying hard. It came out as a screech that I hoped vampires could still understand. "No...no medical attention...I heal qui-" I couldn't finish the word off as another set of pain ripped through my chest. I screamed again wanting this 'Alec' to come quicker and remove my pain, whatever way he would do that.

"Fascinating!" The excited leader jumped, "I told you my brothers that she would be special!" So, they weren't going to kill me and thought I was special? _Thanks!  
_

"How do you know?" Another leader spoke, this time a different voice. His voice was a hiss, not as joyful as the happy one and not as dull as the sad one (yes, I refer to Vampire royalty as the 'happy one' and the 'sad one'). I knew their names of course but I didn't know which one was which (Plus, I couldn't even move my head to look at them!).

There was a silence that he broke, continuing with a even fiercer hiss. "Do you even know why she is here, Aro? Where is your common sense and fear? Kill her now!" Ah, so Aro was the 'happy one' and the true leader. If he was on my side, I would still be alive. Although whichever leader wanted me dead scared me with his voice but I did not fear that he would kill me.

"I have no fear and neither should you, Renesmee Cullen is the one fearing us!" Aro was embarrassed as he spoke. I heard his footsteps come closer, I didn't fear. His voice seemed completely safe and calm. But what if this was one, big game? I gulped.

Although it feared me at the same time, I wanted to show him why I was here and that I wasn't against him (even if I was, why would I even attempt to do that?). I whimpered as I tried to move out my hand, my eyes still closed to him. It trembled and burned in pain, shaking viciously and uncontrollably.

Aro caught it in a second, his cold icy hands a relief against my aching hand. His hand was as far away from any cuts as possible. Firstly I showed him Grandpa Carlisle explaining to me how my 'half-vampire' blood had no appeal to Vampires, unless newborn or recently turned Vegetarian.

I listened as Aro said 'Ahh!' fascinated by the lack of temptation for my blood. I showed him my journey to Volterra and my decision. I was showing him my 'ride' with Paolo when the pain hit my rib-cage making me scream out and remove my hand.

"Don't worry, dear child. Alec will be here shortly!" _ I hate this 'Alec' for taking so long! **"**_What a fascinating story you have told me! It would be my great honor to allow you to stay with my coven and I in Volterra!"

The pain in my rib cage stopped me from having a second to celebrate and be joyful over the news that I wasn't going to die. I screamed again even louder, not being able to control it.

I listened as the door opened and a small crowd of footsteps walked towards where I lay screaming with Aro next to me.

"Master, I apologize for the time I took. My sister and I were..." his voice was calm and apologetic. He sounded much younger than the three leaders.

Aro silenced him and began talking again, "There is no need for an explanation, please can you instead start numbing _Renesmee Cullen _from the pain she is in?" He empathised my name, making it very clear who I was. _As if I was famous!_ If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have laughed lightly at being a 'celebrity' in the vampire world. _Ha!_

"Yes master." The numbing boy said loudly and clearly. He moved so I was watching his black trousers and the bottom of his jacket. I tried to ignore the pain even more now, this pain-numbing boy would take it all away.

I waited. Every millisecond seemed like seconds. Every second seemed like minutes. Every second was worth it. _Relief! _The pain completely washed away, replaced with an extremely uncomfortable numbness. I couldn't feel _any _part of my body what-so-ever. It was better than pain, right?

"Thank you..." I almost moaned the words in relief. I sounded like someone after they get a tooth pulled out at the dentist. The words coming out sloppy; _'shank eew'._

It wasn't the numbing-boy who spoke saying 'your welcome' or 'what the hell are you trying to say?' A female hissed this time, her voice wasn't angry. It was furious as if it was _naturally _like that. "What is _she_ doing here?" She spat sounding like the devil.

"_Renesmee Cullen_ is here to explore a new way of life! Isn't this wonderful, Jane? Such a unique being staying with us, so different from our normal way of life!" Aro was thrilled, oblivious to Jane's fury.

_Jane._

_Jane of the Volturi. _If I could feel them, my muscles would be tearing up in fear. _Jane. _Would the numbing block her pain? What if it didn't? _Jane! _The tremendous amount of fear I couldn't feel was extreme. _What about her brother? _My father had explained very clearly that even if it may not appear so, her brother was even deadlier with his power.

Was her brother in the room? Was he watching me, ready to attack? I was over fearing for my life in the hands of the Volturi but now it had returned when I realised the reality. The Volturi were to be feared even if Aro was so inviting and appeared soft. They _weren't _soft.

Can someone please explain to _me_ why I even came here in the first place? I knew perfectly well about Jane and her brother..._wait! _My eyes opened widely as my thoughts came together.

"_Master, I apologize for the time I took. My sister and I were..." _The numbing boy was Jane's brother? Surely not! How could he be deadlier if he had removed all pain from my body?

Jane spoke again whilst my thoughts ran around, confused. "But master, she could be a threat! How do we know the _real_ reason she's here? Her _family..."_ She paused, spitting the word 'family' out in the most unloving way possible, "could be cleverly plotting to destroy us all!"

_Oh and your scared? _

"My dear, please do fret! I doubt you have forgotten my ability! Renesmee is purely here to explore the world!" _And to get away from an over-protective family and a pushy pedophile that barks!_

Jane didn't speak for awhile. It was extremely awkward lying on the floor, not being able to feel anything except from my fear that Jane would lash out on me any second.

Jane's voice was more controlled this time, anger-wise. It was slow and polite but clearly a fake trying to respect her master, Aro. "I'm sure we can send her off in a plane tomorrow to another country or continent, do you plan to do this Master?"

"No, I do not unless Renesmee wishes such thing herself. She's here to explore the immortal world, to embrace her half vampire side! Surely you can't miss her potential?" Aro's voice went low, I tried hard to listen. I guessed it was about myself. I was getting no-where...It was quiet even if Aro was whispering to Jane.

_I couldn't hear myself breathe!_

Stating the obvious, something wasn't right. My hearing returned as something from behind me, that I could not feel, pulled me up from the ground. I blinked a couple of times, looking around me. The lit room was remarkable. Covered in marble, full of ancient carvings on the walls. It was empty without the vampires in it. I flickered my eyes to the right where three thrones were, only two occupied. The leader on the left's voice matched his expression; bored. He had long jet black hair that didn't cover his almost suicidal expression. The leader on the right scowled at me, I snapped my gaze away from him terrified. His hair was a very rare silvery-blond, like the bored leaders, his hair did not cover his terrifying glare. Unfortunately.

Infront of me, Aro stood with his gaze on my face. He was grinning inhumanly wide. Across from him, Jane stood. Her face was like a antique doll, her cloak covered up her hair, only a few strands of browny-blonde***** hair appearing. Her red eyes burned and her full lips were puckered up in fury.

I seemed to have missed a big chunk of important conversation (on purpose). Jane nodded at Aro, "As you please, master. You do know best." She sounded extremely uncomfortable. She made certain that her gaze would not catch mine as she looked over to whoever was holding me up from behind. Jane looked at the person furious yet hopeless, pleading for advice. Such a strange expresion coming from someone so powerful. Her gaze snapped away from the person holding me up, her expression now changed to controlled fury. Aro turned to look at her and smiled in a comforting manner, reaching his hand out and placing it on her shoulder. And in a second, she sped out of the room at vampire speed.

I was immensely curious about the large chunk of conversation I had missed on purpose, obviously about me. It terrified me, were they planning some death ceremony? No, Jane was far too furious. If that was so, she would have been dancing around celebrating.

I hadn't gotten my mind around to how 'they' stopped me from hearing the rest of the conversation. They had taken away my hearing, that I knew. But who? It had to be some Vampire power that I had no idea of. I felt extremely self-conscious and nervous at the missing information. I liked to know everything, I had to be aware of the situation to function properly.

_On the bright side, either the Volturi are extremely good actors, or they won't kill you. Maybe. What have I gotten myself into? _

Aro's tone of voice did not indicate I was in any danger at all. He spoke again, joyfully with a warming edge. "Alec, take Miss Cullen to her newly assigned chambers. You know what to do." _He_

_does? Oh my god. He really is really going to kill me, isn't he? And he knows what to do exactly! _ Aro spoke to who was helping me stand from behind me...Alec. I really did hope that my father had been over-exaggerating his ability, to keep me even more alert. For protection. I panicked as Alec held me up straighter. I could not feel his grip, I only knew he was there as I was standing by force.

Aro smiled warmly at me again. Did I believe his warmness? No. _Jacob was warm and you believed him when...NO! No Renesmee! _I erased that topic of thought immediately.

Turning his back, Aro walked back over to the other two leaders. I doubted that the bored and fiery expressions had changed. Alec started to pull me away, out of the room. I had a better chance now to look around, I wasn't on a vampire's back thinking I was facing death.

He was pulling me through what seemed to be a little reception area. It was dim-lighted with a dark colour tone. A few other vampires stood, looking curiously at Alec and I, mainly myself. Surprisingly, amongst the vampires, they were a decent number of humans present. They stood staring too. They looked far too calm to be considered a 'meal' and to watch someone be dragged through a castle, numb.

I was taken to a hallway now, it was long and narrow, lit up only by flames of fire on the wall. Even if this was the only thing that could destroy a vampire, they did not (seem) to fear it. They weren't stupid enough to jump in it, that I knew. Did they keep it for effect? As if to say; H_ey you! Break a rule and we'll throw this at you! _

Alec was moving at a greater pace now. He didn't stop to grab a fire-torch and set me on fire, that was a good sign. I didn't the fact that he was _helping _me walk. I had ran away for many reasons, some I did not even know myself, but I knew that it was to help me get away from protection. From my comfort zone! To help myself stand...on my own! Which I was not doing just now, even if it was not what I really did mean.

I tried to build up the courage to talk to him. I didn't like to speak much, especially to a powerful, sadistic vampire who once wanted to kill me. _Then why did you even come here in the first place? _

I forced my mouth open. "I can walk on my own. Seriously, its fine." I wriggled about with no hope what-so-ever.

Expecting him to snap back at me, I was surprised that he spoke politely, almost professionally. "But surely walking with numb legs would be uncomfortable? I wouldn't know myself, I am the one who does the numbing. And I am sure Aro would hate for you to be even...more...uncomfortable on your first _morning _in Volterra."

I wanted to object but a voice spoke with annoyance from behind us. "I'm glad Paolo has finally listened for once, I said dibs first. Give her to me." I shuddered a little, confused. It was such a unique form of terror...not knowing wither or not someone was going to end your life. It wasn't the first time I had felt this.

I listened as the footsteps came closer to us, following as we turned left at the end of the never-ending hallway. "I hate to break it to you, Demetri but I'm afraid we won't be feasting on the girl." _Yet?_

I listened as somebody laughed loudly, the laugh not matching the tone of Demetri's, whoever he was. "I'm sure you can find someone else...the Cullens would not be happy at somebody draining a member of their coven!" The voice laughed. _Hahahaha, they sure wouldn't! So...don't!_

Demetri clearly faked a laugh, extremely annoyed. "Yes, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy." His voice turned very polite as he sped up and moved infront of Alec to take a good look at me. He had short, brown hair and the obvious, pale skin (with a slight olive complexion) and red eyes. Demetri examined me carefully then he moved his red eyes and looked at me, his gaze frightening.

Snapping his red eyes away, he looked to the bigger vampire (who the laughed earlier belonged to), who had now joined Demetri, looking at me. He reminded me of a bigger version of Uncle Emmett. He stared at me curious, a grin on his face.

"She isn't like her mother...I can lock onto her mind easily..." Demetri muttered as we went through a large wooden door, stopping. _Finally! _

"Thought so." The bigger one said, "I'm Felix. I knew your mother and father before you were even breathing." He grinned widely, making it sound as if my mother and father were close friends of his. "Did they send you here? Kick you out or something?"

It was as if Alec knew what I was thinking, he moved my hand over to Felix who took it curiously. I showed him what I had showed Aro.

His eyes lit up, amused. Felix laughed again, he reminded me even more of Uncle Emmett when he laughed. "Nice little plan you had there, Renesmee! Nice little power too." Demetri took my hand next with the same curiosity that Felix had, I showed him the exact same scenario.

Demetri let go of my hand and hissed under his breath, "Can Paolo do anything right?" Felix laughed for the third time, still cheery. I couldn't help but laugh, happiness taking over the fear that I would be dead any minute now.

"Demetri and I better get going, you half breeds sleep, right? I _think_ its late. Try not to dream about me to much..." Felix winked and I laughed again as he walked away, Demetri following.

I felt more comfortable now, maybe it would disappear now that it was only Alec and I. I knew my fathers words, wither he was over-exaggerating or not; _"Jane has a twin. Be very, very careful around him, Renesmee. With Jane, you will automatically be careful. Her twin may not provoke caution but Renesmee, I mean this, take caution with every Volturi guard" _

_Does taking caution include running away to them, father?_

Alec started to walk again, now up a flight of stairs. He stopped and moved one of his hands, I watched as he moved his hand, gripping onto a key, he inserted it into the door and unlocked it, pushing it open. The room was not lit, I stared into the blackness as Alec pulled me into the room. I listened as he switched on a light, lightening up the room.

_Holy freaking vampire!  
_

My old house suddenly felt like some cardboard box compared to _this. _The lights had revealed a tremendous sized room, three brown doors were scattered around on the light gold/brown wall that had lighter patterns at the top. On the wall, a few paintings hanged. At the back of the room was a glossy brown bed. The golden bedsheets were tucked in perfectly and a short oliver coloured blanket lay over the bed, the colours clashing perfectly together. The pillows were white and simple. Next to them were 'decoration' pillows that were a darker, more shiny gold. The headboard was a glossy brown, it had carvings on it that matched the two bedside tables next to the bed that had lampshades on each table. Infront of the bed was a long in width and height, chocolatey brown carpet with a small table on top of it. To its left was a dresser with towels on top if it and flowers in a white vase. A large mirror hung on the wall, beautifully carved and a darker brown. It matched the bigger wardrobe on the other side of the bedroom, the colours and carvings the exact same. To make the room seem less empty, a couple of brown leather sofas and chairs were scattered across the room, fitting perfectly.

I looked down to the light wooden floor. "Wow..." I mumbled.

Alec chuckled from behind me which came as a big surprise. "I thought Paolo had scared you so much you could not speak." His voice was more relaxed now than what it had been when he was with Aro.

It had been a long game of if I will or won't die. Right now, I hoped and truly thought that maybe I wouldn't.

"So did I..." I mumbled, looking up. Due to the numbing, I knew I sounded very stupid.

Alec removed his grip on me, so that I now stood very uncomfortably numb. He had moved himself infront of me, he was looking around the room. When finished, he turned to me. "The doors lead to a bathroom, living room and a study." He said politely.

I knew what my father meant when he had said that Alec didn't look as if he naturally had to be feared compared to his twin. He looked a lot like her yet his expression was more calm and his lips were a little fuller. He had Jane's gaze though which was frightening. He looked around fifteen or sixteen but appeared a little more maturer. I had to admit, I didn't fully look seventeen myself. _Babyface! _So our faces were equal in age in my opinion. He looked a few inches taller than me, I stood at 5'4 making him very small for a man. Alec was very good looking, even for a vampire. I knew that every vampire was meant to be 'beautiful' but seriously, if you looked at a lot of them closely, some were as just as ugly as some humans on the street!

I nodded at him awkwardly. "Thanks..." It came out as; _hanks. _I groaned and Alec chuckled again. I was still pretty surprised. I had expected him to be just as angry as his twin, just as sadistic. I didn't know anything about Felix but I had to admit, hearing him laugh was very unexpected because of how I had expected the Volturi to act.

"I apologize for what my ability has done to your speech...but being pain free is better, no?" I couldn't wrap my head around how this power was meant to be _powerful._

I nodded, "So, you can numb people?"

Alec smirked at me, I shuddered. He looked a lot like his sister _now. _I started to blink, questioning my eye-sight (and sanity) as I watched a mist form around Alec, coming closer to me...I was truly confused now. It kept coming closer and closer as Alec's smirk grew.

When I blinked, I opened up my eyes to nothing, just darkness. I couldn't hear myself breathe or any sound. I couldn't feel anything. I was in total darkness. Had he killed me? Was this what death was like? It was truly, one of the most confusing and paralysing moments of my life. I didn't know where I was, what had happened..I was just in complete and utter darkness. I couldn't feel, hear or see anything. I only had my thoughts. This was death. But I could still hear my thoughts.

_Stop messing around, Renesmee! .DEAD! He killed you!_

I jumped up as if my body could have been shaken. Infront of me, Alec was trying to take my shirt off. At this point, I could not care that I had my sight back or even wonder what had happened. Jumping up again, I smacked his head fiercely.

_I should be feeling pain...but I can't feel anything! Ha! Hahaha! Well, neither could he really._

He looked up and I couldn't help but grin like a fool at the fact the hit had caused me no pain what-so-ever. "Who do you think you are? A freaking imprinter?" I snarled. It didn't come across well. More along the lines of; _Hoosh dooo yeeew shink yeeew aaahr?_

Alec looked embarrassed, "It occurred to me, several times, that it was uncomfortable for you to move in such numbness. I am correct. Like I mentioned before, Aro wants every guest to be comfortable."

"I can undress myself, thank you very much." When I came to Volterra, I was hoping to get away from the Jacob type, not meet the vampire equivalent of them. Alec did look very embarrassed though. He was just trying to help, it was his 'job' after all to impress his master. He shrugged and moved away.

I still had no idea what had happened earlier, I knew for a fact that Alec had something to do with it. His smirk...and the mist! I was now on the gold bed so he must have carried me there along with my bag of (little) clothes and books.

Reaching my numb hand out into the bag, I pulled out the pyjamas I bought. I checked to see if Alec had his back turned, which he did, and pulled my clothes off and dressed myself in the pyjamas. My eyes were on Alec the entire time, making sure he did not look.

"You can look now." I said whilst buttoning the final button of my pink silk pyjamas that had luckily been on sale. He turned around, his expression still quite embarrassed. I decided to drop it and ask about another topic that I was desperate to speak about.

"Did you do that earlier?" I threw the bag onto the floor and started to move the covers, getting excited to finally get some sleep.

Alec smirked a little, the embarrassment washing away. "I can cut off your senses." He said proudly. _Now _I truly knew what my father meant. This could be used in a nice way and a terrifyingly bad way. If he wanted to destroy me, I wouldn't have felt anything although that was very uncomfortable to even think about. Maybe it was more bad than good. Alec could use this to fight someone off to. They would be clueless about where to move or where Alec was. They couldn't even feel him attacking!

"Nice. I can show you pictures." I winked at him and grinned at my pathetic sounding power compared to his. I had another, minor power. I could break through shields. I _think _it was only my mothers.

"As I saw." Alec said, crossing his arms. I listened as he growled under his breath.

"Something the matter?" I started to lift the bed-covers and moved under them. I didn't know how I would be able to ignore the numb feeling to sleep. However, It was much better than spending the morning in pain. It had to be at-least 4AM now.

"I can't feed now. I have to watch over you this morning." _What the? I came to Volterra for __independence and zero protection. I bet he was trying to rape me before! Now he's watching over me! _

I shook my head, "Its alright. You can leave." My voice sounded to eager to get him to go, I should have tried to control it.

"I never knew you wanted to spend the night in pain, sorry." He turned his back to me now, starting to walk away. _Come back! Come back crazy rapist numbing boy! _So he had to be near me for his power to work? So that was the mist! The more of his power he used, the more mist. That was why I hadn't noticed it before.

"No!" I shouted in a panic, "I mean...I'm sorry you can't feed...but Aro said that he wants to make me comfortable, right?" He turned around and I smiled at him with a cocky edge.

"If I get hungry, I can always drain you, right?" Alec matched my cocky smile and tone of voice perfectly. When I first came across him, he seemed very quiet. Now that he was more 'comfortable' around me, he became more and more like his sister.

I sighed and put my head down onto the pillow, trying harder than ever to not fall sleep. "Have fun watching me, Alec. Do me a favour and turn of the lights?" I shut my eyes, eager to fall asleep. Alec did not say a word more, he turned the lights of. I could feel his gaze watching me. That and the numbing made it hard to sleep, it was extremely uncomfortable. I was thankful for the good bed and the fact that I was very tired.

Yesterday (and part of today) was one of the most exciting days of my life. And one of the worst. A day that had started of so normal had turned so abnormal. Twenty-four hours ago, I was sleeping in Alaska while my family prepared for my last (true) birthday. Now that I wasn't growing anymore, I truly thought that now my life would be a boring and repetitive heaven. I had everything. Protection, family...and I would never have my heart broken.

Truthfully? I don't think I quite knew why I was here myself. I hoped that it would help me learn myself better then figure out why I had done such an absurd thing. I knew very well that it wasn't _just _because I wanted to explore and do exciting things. There was more to it, I didn't even know myself.

As I fell asleep, peacefully, I knew that tomorrow would be very different. Reality would hit me, the minute I woke up. Wouldn't I be in great emotional pain from being away from my imprinter? I would be worrying over my family who were in Alaska just now, loosing their sanity along with my imprinter. I knew he would try and find me. But my scent stopped at the airport.

It was almost as if I was drunk right now. Then tomorrow, I would awaken and face all of the stupid things I had done.

Or maybe I would stay forever drunk. I did not know.

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***As for hair detail or whatever, I WILL BE STICKING TO THE MOVIE VERSION! SAME with Demetri's hair. Its like black, shoulder length in the BOOKS but I'm changing it to the movies because that is really how I, and many others now think they look like.**

**I am sure this is the biggest chapter I have wrote...EVER!  
To long? I hope not! If so, I am sorry! I hope you didn't skip it. Hehehe.**

**Anyway.**

**Thanks to my reviewer: Poisoned Princess**

**Music inspiration:**

**Da Da Da – Lil Wayne**

**Long Way Down – Timbaland FT Draughty.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!  
It seriously keeps me going. I read every single one and reply to them. Compared to other stories I have written, this story has gotten hardly any reviews compared to them.  
Is there something you dislike?**

**I would love to know!  
Thank you & love!  
So please...**

**REVIEW!**


	4. Unforgettable

**I do not own twilight or anything used in this story (:**

**_**Chapter Summary: Renesmee starts to doubt her reasons for being in Volterra and starts to see Alec's true colours. Even if Renesmee doesn't know her own intentions, Aro's intentions become very clear and he says something that could make her an enemy or two...**_  


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_**Love is colder than death**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Unforgettable**_

I was awakened that afternoon by many gentle bangs on the door, the bangs got more impatient and louder as I rolled about half-asleep trying my best to ignore them. Over the hours that I had slept, I was surprised I did not have any nightmares at all. I was anticipating to wake up during the night, (a bad habit of mine) scared to go back to sleep, waiting to continue and face my nightmares again. I was surprised and glad that I didn't dream at all...just stuck in complete and utter blankness, an escape from reality.

There was another loud bang coming from door, I moaned loudly, annoyed, and flung a spare pillow over my head to block out the impatient bangs. "I'm up!" I groaned groggily like a child being awakened to go to school, my face still hidden under the silky and warm pillow.

"Miss Cullen, Aro wishes to see you soon." A voice said from behind the door apologetically. I recognised the voice slightly but I had no idea who it belonged to. _If Aro really wants to see me, he can go and sit on the god damn bed whilst I try and sleep some more! _I needed more sleep. I had gone to bed at around four in the morning and it had to be at-least one in the afternoon yet I was still tired after nine hours of slumber.

_Well, yesterday wasn't exactly a calming day...Yesterday. Oh crap. Oh crap, crap, crap!_

I ran away from my family. I ran away! Not just down the road...I went to another country! I ran away to Italy! Volterra! To the _Volturi! _I threw the pillow off my head sending it flying across the room. My eyes started to widen as I jumped up and threw the bed-covers off of my body.

_I ran away! _

Of course I knew what I was doing yesterday. I knew very well that driving to an airport and hopping on a plane to Italy was considered an act of 'running away.' Yesterday I had followed my instincts and my heart, not thinking about anyone except from myself.

I was selfish. My family would be suffering right now because of me! It wasn't the first time they had suffered because of _me _anyway! Would they think I was dead? If Aunt Alice watched the Volturi and because I was with them, their future was blank. She would know where I was and who I was with. If she could see them fine (or if she could see them disposing my dead body), she would know that I was either dead, not with whoever she was watching or I had moved to another location.

I was a very selfless person. I did things for _others _but never myself. I felt the need to always put others above myself, I wanted to please everyone and make them happy even when I wasn't. I didn't know what had erased this personality trait from me...I was now putting my own needs before others for once in my short life.

I was here because I wanted to. I didn't know exactly why I wanted to be here but something inside of me pushed me to go to the airport. To make myself happy, I had to hurt others.

_But shouldn't I be hurting? _When an imprintee and an imprinter spend time apart, they would both be in great inner pain. I didn't feel any extreme emotion pain of regret for leaving the man who imprinted on me years ago. I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty over what I had did to my _family_. I was a liar, I phoned my mother every half hour telling her that I was fine and that I needed time. Phoning her in the airport bathroom, lying that I was coming home was such a wrong thing to do. I had given her hope that she _did _deserve. This decision was made a lot more harder because of the love from my mother.

I wanted to be happy. I wasn't happy with my family. Everything was perfect. I was in my comfort zone and I would forever be in it. I knew that in a few years, everything and everyone would still be the same enjoying their perfect happiness. Boring. Maybe I was a brat for not wanting this when so many suffered in the world, begging for a better life. Did I care if I was labeled a brat? No. For once, I was going to do something for myself.

_But why was I doing it? What pushed me all the way to Volterra? This is all far too confusing for my mind to handle. I didn't even know myself properly, I was far to immature to make such a huge decision!_

"Miss Cullen, are you there?" The voice said again, clearly now really annoyed. I sighed and got up from the bed and walked over to the door. All of my bones were healed, I felt no pain. Alec was no longer here, he must have left earlier once I had healed.

Alec was strange. I had expected him to just be as sadistic as his sister. There was this side of him, which I could see easily which was exactly like his sister, personality wise. They are twins after-all. It was almost as if he isn't too bothered to show everyone that side but once you got to really knew him, he changed completely. Especially when he was mad or when things didn't go his way. I saw this last night when he couldn't feed because of me and he didn't bother to hide his fury. He was partly my hero though from taking all of that pain away.

Opening the door up, I cringed a little when I saw who was there. _Paolo. _His annoyed expression changed to apologetic once he saw me. He still looked very frightening but I noticed that he looked less powerful than other guards, even if he nearly killed me hours ago. He stood in an awkward manner, wearing the same outfit that I saw him in previously.

"I owe you an apology for earlier. I was clearly far too protective of my coven and..." I rolled my eyes then smiled at him. Poor guy. I wondered if the pissed off leader had ripped a limb or two off.

"All is forgiven, I'm fine now anyway. Aro wants to see me?" I guess I really wasn't getting any more hours of sleep.

Paolo nodded, clearly not satisfied with his apology but I really didn't want it when my mind was racing so much. "Come down to the throne room when you are ready." He smiled politely. And before I could get the opportunity to say, '_What the hell? How am I supposed to find my way about you retard?' _which will then give him the opportunity to crush my bones again...he went away.

_Well, I don't accept your apology then you idiot! _

Letting out a big sigh, I shut the door and leaned against it whilst my heart started beating faster. I moved so I was sitting down on the floor, my back against the door. _I wanted this._ Every part of me except from my common sense knew that this was the right choice for _me. _My common sense still battled hard. It tried to tell me to leave this place and go home to my perfect little life.

_No._

I did not want that. I did not want a perfect, boring life. I DID NOT WANT THAT! The words sent a rush down my body, I stood up strongly now, a sudden rush of energy pulling me up. I did not want that and I wouldn't have to do that. _I did not want that! _

_Renesmee, don't do this! Your head is not straight, you know very well you don't even know your own feelings. You following your crazy mind! Pack your bags and go home!_

NO!

I would simply phone my family and explain that I was ok. I had my mobile with me and if they wanted to come after me then they could. I would destroy my phone after I promised them I was happy (even if they refused to believe it) and that I wouldn't die.

_Want to remind them the events of last night, Renesmee? I'm sure Paolo would be a hit with your father._

Jacob did not deserve a phone call. I didn't care if he was howling in pain at his runaway mate/victim. He knew what he did and if he honestly thought that I would just forgive him then he was completely wrong. Howl all you want, I'm not coming back!

I skipped happily over to my only bag that was on the floor next to the bed. I reached in and pulled out my white iPhone from the pouch on the side. I took a deep breath. Even if I was over-the-moon excited for this new journey, facing my parents was something that scared every bit of excitement out of me.

_Just text them. You know you want to!_

Did I really just think of that? That wasn't fair! Such an easy option, I couldn't do that!

_But you know you really want to!_

I shook my head and tried to ignore my thoughts. I turned on the phone, my hands shaking and sat on the big, golden bed. I touched the icon for 'contacts' and scrolled down the list until I got to the letter 'M'.

My mother.

She was the only person I knew that I could trust. If I explained my actions fully, I hoped and half thought that she would understand. Maybe. And she wouldn't give the phone to my father if I didn't want her to.

_But do you think that if you called and confirmed you were with the Volturi she would choose your safety over your happiness? I think not._

I scrunched my eyes together, frustrated. This was causing me pain, worrying about others! Didn't I say I was going to do this for myself? To make me fully happy? I wanted to explore and enjoy a completely other new way of life on my own. Sighing, I decided that I would check my voice-mails instead before I called anyone...or if I _should _call anyone.

I listened to the furious calls from Aunt Rosalie, my Father and surprisingly, Uncle Jazz. I listened to the warm calls from Grandma, Grandpa and my mother. I smiled when I heard Uncle Emmett try and lighten up the situation and sighed when I heard Aunt Alice complain about how the party was ruined and her 'headaches' because my father was begging her to try and see the Volturi clearer.

I dreaded to start listening to the missed calls from Jacob. They would either make me very mad or would fill my heart with undeserved sympathy for him. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I pressed play.

The first few were from a pained voice. He talked about how stupid I was, how he only wanted what is best for me and moaned about how his pack were getting annoyed alongside his fathers constant unusual moaning that he had imprinted on the wrong person when he was meant to carry on the 'wolf line'. I gritted my teeth, trying to control the anger as I gripped onto the phone tighter.

"..._they won't tell me where you are but believe me Nessie, I will find you. You have clearly gone insane for running away and I blame this on the fact that you haven't talked to me much at all after what happened but Renesmee all Billy does is nag about carrying on the wolf li-..."_

I threw the phone at a great, uncontrollable speed, it smashed against the wall making a loud bang before it shattered into pieces.

_I hope they aren't expecting a phone call.  


* * *

_

I wasn't the happiest girl in the world as I walked around the castle hopelessly trying to find the throne room for half an hour. I was already annoyed enough after hearing the voice mail from the pedophile pup. I showered in the luxuriously big glass shower, trying to calm down but failing. I put on the top I wore yesterday, the denim skirt and sandals I bought at the airport, regardless of the weather. It got worse. The shirt had blood stains on it. Perfect. I had to scrub the marks, trying to make them lighter. Clothing was becoming a big issue. I couldn't live on three bottoms, and one shirt for the rest of my time in Volterra.

It definitely did not make me happier when it was Alec that found me. "What are you doing? I'm sure you can go and explore another time."I heard a voice say from behind. I knew it was his, much to my displeasure. I was right. He wasn't quiet or nice at all, now that he had met me, his true colours were starting to expose.

I turned around and saw him standing at the bottom of the smaller hallway that I was stuck in. I am seriously convinced that the castle is ninety percent hallways. He stood up straight, his eyes looking at me with fake innocence. His hands were folded over his chest that was covered by a military styled black jacket and a matching pair of black trousers. _Great. I'm wearing a mini-skirt whilst everyone else rocks the goth look. That's just perfect._

"No, I was just trying to avoid you. Oh well." I said smiling at him bitterly, walking closer to where he stood. He remained still and returned my bitter smile. I shouldn't have been pushing him considering who he was and what he could do but his smug, two faced comments were starting to fire me up.

"Shame. Aro sent me to see if you died on your _short _journey to the throne room. Half breeds are ever so amusing." Alec raised an eyebrow as he examined my blood stained shirt. I clenched my fists together at his remarks, trying to control myself infront of him.

I made my fake smile even wider and even sweeter. "Nope. Just got lost." I said through gritted teeth.

"I cannot say I'm surprised. You have wasted far to much time now. Funny. Reminds me of your life. A waste of time. Please, follow me, try to keep up." Alec turned his back to me and started to walk swiftly away. _A waste of time? You would be a waste of space if you didn't take my pain away! _I didn't want to follow him nor did I want to obey anything he said. But I didn't want to be complete darkness, not able to see or hear anything either.

I forced myself to follow him, clenching my fists together even harder. I had to admit, it _was _hard to keep up. Other vampires (and a human or two) walked past us, Alec nodded at them whilst their eyes were glued onto me. I knew that most of them did know who I was. I've 'met' them before in a very unpleasant situation. They had wanted to kill me and now (by choice), I was staying with them. It didn't make sense to either them...or myself.

We reached the familiar reception that was empty except from one human and one vampire. There was a formal desk and behind it, a human sat on a computer chair, her mind looking as if she was in space. Beside the large brown door that led to the throne room, _Jane_ stood. I snapped my gaze away from her awkwardly, focusing on Alec's back to avoid her gaze.

"Dearest Sister, how are you feeling?" Alec asked lovingly. I shouldn't have been so surprised at the tone of his voice. Unlike most vampires, Alec and Jane were true family. You could tell with the lovingness in Alec's voice that he cared for her deeply and _only_ her.

"Better." Much to my surprise, Jane sighed as if her head was in another planet. Her voice was as gentle as a feather when speaking to Alec. When she referred to me (or 'it'), she was an entirely different person, she was the person that everyone knew her as. I guess she felt the same feelings towards her brother. "Where did you find_ it_?" She asked bitterly. I felt the burning urge to confront her for her disrespect that mirrored her brothers. I knew what would happen if I did.

It annoyed me so much that I had to treat them as if they were above me. Maybe in strength and power they were but it made me furious I had to fear and obey them. I couldn't snap back at them with all of my anger because I knew the consequences.

"Near the stairs down to the prison." Alec said casually, he moved over so that I was no longer gazing at his back. My gaze moved with him. He walked over to Jane who took his hand as she looked at me with burning, terrifying fury. I wondered and panicked that I would be in horrific pain soon but I felt nothing.

Jane's gaze had me distracted from the word '_prison.'_ Alec had said it as if it wasn't a big deal at all. A prison! I didn't have the guts to question about it but I knew that the Volturi killed law breakers immediately. It wasn't like some human situations were they were jailed for life (thats a _long_ time, vampire-wise), the Volturi killed you straight away so why did they need a prison?

_Maybe its your new home?_

Alec opened the door for Jane who shut it behind her, right in my face. _That's just rude. _I clenched my fists for what seemed like the hundredth time today and tried to burn away any fury. I opened the door myself and walked inside the throne room nervously. The leaders were positioned like they were yesterday with the same facial expressions. On the left side of Aro was a female who looked as if she was almost _attached_ to Aro. I could recall a faint memory of my curiosity about what seemed like the same person, all those years ago. She must have been his body-guard and appeared to be a very effective one too. On Aro's right side was a thin, fair-haired female who appeared as if she was almost floating. Aro's 'body guard' and her stared at me with the same amount of curiosity as the vampires we had passed before.

"Renesmee! Did you sleep well?" Aro asked with a creepy amount of enthusiasm. I had a lot of respect and gratitude for him, he let me live years ago. He had also prevented me from being raised by _scum._ I still shudder at such thought.

I smiled and nodded, walking towards Aro in an awkward manner. I had gotten over the fear that they would kill me, I couldn't always be sure but I certainly felt a lot more safe. If they killed me, I knew for a fact that my family would get revenge along with the _rest _of the vampire world. The Volturi would be destroyed and I didn't think that Aro would want to risk his power.

Aro's expression always changed, it was rapid but always full of excitement, like a toddler (that could and would kill you if he wanted). It changed to curiosity. He looked at me in a deep thought. I didn't know what to do and how to respond to such an awkward gaze.

"Renesmee..." He paused and clasped his hands. _Renesmee, I am afraid we are going to set you on fire now. _"...How much do you know about your power?"

My power? Well. Compared to your little two guard members, my power seems pretty crappy now and useless. "Uh...when I touch people, I can show them pictures. Its quite like the opposite of yours. You get to see _other_ people's thoughts and I can _show _other people my thoughts. Some similarities. Its more like my fathers, I guess." I shrugged, unsure of what to say.

Aro still kept looking at me in a deep thought, he spoke softly, his head in another universe. "Indeed. Almost as if you inherited such type of power from your father...I have learnt that you can indeed practice with your power and make it better...soon...maybe...you could just do it without any physical contact..."

I wasn't surprised that Aro would have already thought of a way to use me and my powers as an 'advantage'. I didn't hate the thought, It could be interesting or fun. I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone, remember? My family didn't need to really practice their powers to make them better, they didn't live the 'lifestyle' that the Volturi lived. Unless it was when they had to protect me, they didn't ever need to use them in battle.

"I inherited one from my mother too." I informed him and shrugged. I've only used it a few times, I didn't see it as a particularly _good_ power. However, Aro seemed fascinated by the fact I had two powers.

"Two abilities? Tell me now, what did you inherit from your mother?" It wasn't Aro that spoke this time, it was the annoyed leader. He spat the words out, clearly not believing what I had said.

"I can break through shields, her shield." I said casually, it wasn't a big deal at all.

Aro seemed to disagree.

He jumped up, his eyes widening in a mix of shock and excitement. Aro stood frozen for a few moments, his lips moved but I could not hear what he was saying to himself. His reaction confused me, what was the big deal? Why had Aro gotten so excited?

"Wonderful!" He gasped. _I bet he's dying to say 'Shut up! No way!'_

I raised an eyebrow, very confused now. How could Aro use this for his advantage? Why would he want to break past my mothers shield?

_Oh!_

The memory of a 'thirteen' year old me, nervously approaching my mother appeared in my head. I asked her one question; _"What happened with the black cloaks, momma?" _She told me everything, the memories put her in great pain. I asked her why the Volturi did not fight, her answer was simple. _"They were nothing because of me. Especially Alec and Jane."_

If I was the only one who could break through her shield, the Volturi wouldn't have to surrender. Because of _me, _they would be victorious. Did Aro really think that I would betray my family so easily? Would he try and push me away from them? My father told me that Aro had kept my mother alive because of her great potential as a human which backfired on him badly. His confidence would have been shattered and my power could bring his and his coven's confidence back.

My second power now seemed so much more valuable in the hands of the Volturi. Aro now had his back turned to me along with the two females. He was speaking in a loud, excited voice to the other two leaders, his hands waving up in different directions.

"Didn't I tell you brother Caius that she would be powerful!" Aro was ecstatic that now his coven really was unstoppable (again). I guess now I could stumble across this adventure without the fear of being killed. That was probably one of the only things I was sure of right now.

Caius hissed, reminding me of a snake. If it wasn't so frightened of it then I would have found it really amusing that he just sat there and hissed! _Ha ha ha ha! _ I took a step back and looked down at the floor, unsure of what to say.

"I wonder if...Renata!" I raised my head curiously as Aro turned around along with the body-guard female. She wasn't body-guard material at all yet the way she followed Aro was more protective than any body-guard of a famous figure I have ever seen. "Renesmee Dear, try using your ability to attack me. Focus."

I scrunched up my eyebrows, confused. Why did he want me to attack him? And how did my ability come into this? Renata did not move, her hands were almost now fully stitched onto Aro's long black cloak protectively.

Not wanting to move, I stood confused. _Y'know Renesmee, you don't know why your here for sure but you do know that you want to be here to try new things. Didn't you say you wanted to experience another, exciting way of life? The leader of the vampire world is giving you a chance to attack him! Just go!_

I hesitated and Aro lifted his eyebrows in anticipation, waiting patiently. _Just go! _I knew it wouldn't end well but I charged anyway. It was like diving off a high diving board for the first time, your scared and nervous but a part of you wants to do it, that part is pushing you to do it because your able to do it.

I didn't normally move at a vampire speed, by a strange preference. I made an exception this time and charged at vampire speed. It didn't feel natural which prevented me from fully concentrating on my dusty penetrating shields power.

_But what shied am I mea-...Huh?_

I started to slow down and walk in a different direction, not knowing why I was walking that way and how I had gotten there in the first place. I was walking towards Alec and Jane who stood watching me, amused. What had happened? It seemed like a big gap. I remember standing telling Aro about my power and watching him get excited over it. If my life could get even more confusing, it just did.

Jane stood, a smug little smile on her young, angelic face. She was just as beautiful as Alec and just as innocent. It was as if the song 'Pokerface' was really written for her. She didn't wear a cloak but instead wore a black skirt and long-sleeved, tight fitted black T-shirt paired with a pair of white tights and black pumps that in my opinion, nine year olds wore. Her hair was tied back in a bun with little strands of hair loose. It was clear Jane took no interest in her appearance. She only cared about doing her duty and her authority. Shopping was not her ideal past-time. That was clear. She dressed to fear, not impress.

Alec and Jane wore matching smug smiles, and now more than ever, they did look like sadistic twins. "I told you sister, Vegetarians lack." Alec said conceitedly.

"Of course brother, what does _it_ even eat anyway?" Jane raised both of her eye-brows at her brother who continued to look at me. I wanted to rip that smug little smile off her face then Alec's. I wasn't offended, I was livid but could I fight back? No. That did not help my anger at all.

"_It _drinks blood." _And eats nutella out of a tub as a hobby. _I said, rising above Jane and showing her that I did not care what she called me. Blood was so much tastier and it satisfied me for so much longer. I hunted before I came to Volterra, if I ate before I came, I would have been very hungry. Blood was just better in every way.

"Ever felt the urge to drain yourself? Please, go ahead if your thirsty." Alec folded his hands, convincing seriousness in his voice.

The (loosing) argument I was having with Alec and Jane had moved the fact I had somehow lost memory to the back of my mind, I would ask Aro what had happened, I knew that he had something to do with it. _But for now, I had a bitch and a man bitch to deal with._

"I believe your the one that is thirsty, Alec. After all, you did have to take away my pain last night and miss a meal. Such a tragedy, isn't it?" Alec's lips puckered together annoyed at the fact I was gloating that he didn't get to feed because of me.

Aro stepped in so the insults did not continue, he made his way over to where Alec, Jane and I stood along with Renata. "You need to focus some more, young one! Don't focus on the attack itself, focus on your power."

_What? What attack?_

Looking at my confused face, Aro laughed loudly and clapped his hands together. "Renata has the ability of a physical shield and because you could not break through it, you were sent in another direction, clueless of your attack!" Aro said proudly. My mother had always said he was a collector of Vampires. He took pride in his powerful ones and from what Aro was saying, Renata seemed very gifted when it came to defence.

_My attack? I attacked Aro? Why? _The confused expression did not change. "I attacked you?" I said in disbelief. Had I lost my mind? I attacked the freaking Vampire leader!

"Because I asked you to do so," Aro raised his hand in peace, "No harm done or received." Still slightly confused but for own personal sanity, I'll drop it.

Aro noticed my blood stained shirt and frowned. "I didn't see you with any proper luggage earlier, dear child. Did Paolo take it?" His voice was so warming and friendly when Uncle Emmett would always joke that he was a vampire version of Hitler with no moustache. He was welcoming me into his coven and it wasn't because he particularly liked me. Aro only liked my ability.

I shook my head, "Like you saw earlier, I wasn't planning on running away. And if I was, which I couldn't because of my father's power, I couldn't go and pack a suitcase. It would give to much away." _Because you are a liar, Renesmee._

I could tell with Aro's face lighting up that he had thought of an idea, his eyes widened and he smiled widely. "Isn't that perfect? This can give her a chance to bond with other guard members, isn't this right Jane? Another young girl!"

_What the hell? Jane was not a girl!_

"Go where, Master?" Jane said through gritted teeth. It appeared that she would do whatever he said and she could not get mad over his commands. My guess was that only her three masters and her brother got a pain-free pass. Jane hadn't attacked me yet or used her power on me. Strange but I'm thankful. So far, so good.

"To purchase and clothes for Renesmee here, dear one!"

I didn't have anything in common with Jane except from the fact we were both gifted, Vampires (and in my case, part) and everything that came with being a Vampire or half. But right now, our expressions were the exact same. It was as if we were in the middle of a terrorist attack.

* * *

****CLEARING SOME THINGS UP...**  
Are you confused about Renesmee's feelings and why she is in Volterra? This is from her POV and she's not entirely sure. She's lost and her mind is racing. She's just going along with her heart. I know her true intentions in full though even if she doesn't :P**

**Why hasn't Jane used her power on Renesmee? And why is she so nice around Alec? You'll find out in the next Chapter. And because he brings out a softer side of her and this will become a HUGE part in future chapters. **

**Why does Alec hate Renesmee? He's a sadist, but he will tell Renesmee straight in the next chapter. It has something to do with Jane ;)**

**Oh, and the stuff in _italics _is Renesmee's conscience and/or the selfish side of her trying to battle the selfless side. Right now, its more the selfless side. **

**Any more questions? Ask me (:**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Oh and back to school in like a week. great.**

**Thanks to my reviewers for the prev. chap:  
Poisoned Princess  
xXPurpleMidnightXx  
ViVi (doesn't have a pen name, so I couldn't reply buuut..Thank you for reviewing! Glad you like the humor! Hehe)**

**Love,**

**Cristina.**

**Musical Inspiration:**

**Unforgettable – Drake ****  
Gangsta Luv – Snoop Dogg ft the dream**

**Right Above It – Lil Wayne ft Drake  
Okay, I know that the last two have NOTHING to do with the story but they're such big tunes! Bahahaha, their actually amazing. But yano, 'gangsta luv' aren't the volturi so gangsta? ;)**


	5. Knock Out

**I do not own twilight, Smeyer does.  


* * *

**_**Love is colder than death**_

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Knockout**_

My eyes widened in shock at Aro's 'bonding' plan for Jane and I. My eyes flickered to her face which was full of disgust at the thought of spending her time with someone like _me. _It wasn't only Jane that was objecting to this idea without actually saying anything; I could hear Caius growl at Aro from his throne. Caius would blame me for this, not Aro. I wasn't trying to change the Volturi or take away their prized guard members for a shopping trip! I didn't even know why I was here in the first place but it was definitely not to go out shopping with Jane of all people. Anyone could have guessed that Aro would literally kiss the asses of his guests to get them to stay. The more vampires he had (especially powerful ones), the more control and power he had. Clothes or no clothes, I wanted and planned to stay anyway.

The silence was awkward enough so it did not help that Aro was smiling widely at Jane, who looked at him in disgust along with Alec, Caius and everybody else in the room (except from Marcus). It reminded me of one of those bad sitcoms which you couldn't help but laugh at. In this case, if I laughed, Jane would snap my neck. _Ha ha ha ha ha! _

"Master..." Jane paused, the tone of her voice struggling to keep under control. It reminded me of the very rare times when I was annoyed and I had to speak to Grandpa Carlisle, trying to hide my feelings and trying to not lash out on him. "Master, I regret having to question your intentions but do you think this a good idea? I wouldn't want to leave the castle in-case something was to happen." _Sounds good to me!_

Jane had made it clear already that she loathed me during the short amount of time I have been 'reunited' with her after seven years. Seven years ago, she wanted me dead and it has stayed that way. Now, I was distracting her from her duty with her master supporting it. Her hatred would only grow from now on. "Jane's right. I wouldn't want to mess up anything." _And I most definitely don't want Jane to mess up my face!_

Caius hissed again at my voice, the amusement of it seemed to grow and grow. It was stupid, laughing at someone who had voted to kill me and here I was, trying not laughing at him like a teenage fool. Volterra has truly sucked all caution out of me. I was already getting into fights with the Romanian named 'witch twins' but now I pushing it, big time. "The mongrel is right for once, a distraction is not needed, Aro!" Mongrel? Aunt Rosalie sometimes called _him_ that. Was Caius saying I was a half breed _and _a dog? It made no sense. _Bitch!_

_Say that to him, Renesmee! You still remember what happened to Irina, it didn't look fun, did it?_

"A handful of hours is not a distraction, dear one. I know adjus-" Aro was interrupted by a roar from Caius who at lightening speed, had moved next to me, grabbing my neck tightly. It was so sudden that the distress inside of me hit suddenly. I struggled to breathe; I couldn't whimper in pain. Whoever was watching over me, I thanked them. Caius' grip was not tight enough to break my neck or snap it off...yet.

Aro's voice still remained calm yet he sounded very displeased at Caius' actions, hoping that it wouldn't scare me off. Combine this with the whole, 'Paolo' incident and the bickering with Alec and Jane, I _should_ have the common-sense to get my ass out of Volterra but my common sense completely smashed when the iPhone smashed. "Brother, Stop! Did this child suggest the trip? No. I did. If you want to punish anyway, _try _and punish me."

There was an icy silence after Aro finished speaking. I felt Caius' grip loosen and he tossed me to the ground beside Alec's black leather shoes. I gasped for breath, it felt good to breathe a decent amount of air back. I looked up and saw Alec looking down on me, an amused smile on his face. Trying my very best to ignore it, I looked over to Aro. My gaze met Caius who snarled at me before he stormed off.

Aro still looked displeased at Caius' scene yet he smiled sympathetically at me, his expression showing that this happened a lot. _Caius = a blond J-Lo. Diva's unite! _ Aro's expression shifted so that he now looked uncomfortable; as if he was waiting for me to run for my dear life back to Alaska. He spoke again, careful to test if I would run away. "So it's decided, Jane can go with Renesmee to Florence! Use an indoor center in-case the downpour stops." I looked down at my bare legs and groaned quietly.

I stood back up, wobbling in the process. I couldn't and didn't want to believe that Aro was serious about this. He was trying to make me feel welcome/kiss my ass after what happened with Paolo but a shopping trip with _Jane _of all people was just unbelievable.

_Maybe he's on blood crack..._

My eyes moved to Jane; waiting for her reaction. I had only been in Volterra for less than twelve hours and each Volturi seemed to reasonably easy to understand. I knew not to trust anything I saw or heard as the Volturi have two faces. I still remembered the promise Aro gave me as a very young child. He said would not hurt my family. Even if he kept that promise in the _end_, he could have broke it in a violent flash. Jane still wanted to kill me yet she always seemed to control her fury in-front of Aro. She respected him and she always tried to suck up to him, praise him and do whatever she was told.

I was eager to see if she would object harder to today's shopping/war-battle even with Aro's bright enthusiasm. Needing new clothes badly, I was torn. If she objected then I would dance with happiness I wouldn't need to spend the day with the bitch/witch/she-devil but if she agreed to it, I wouldn't have to break Aunt Alice's clothing laws by wearing the same thing more than two times.

"As you wish master. We will leave immediately." My draw dropped. _No no no no no no! Argue back, bitch! NO!_

"...But I have to accompany my sister." My draw dropped even further. Wonderful. Perfection. Amazing. Hey Aro, you wanna happy dance? Or Marcus? _This is just ! Even though the sound of it sounds quite atrocious, shopping with the cruelest twins will be a joy!_

I didn't bother to listen to whatever Aro had to say next. I stood, putting a smile on my face and nodding my head, my eyes widening as I bopped my head around. I equaled (creepy-wise) with Aro right now with the facial expressions. I was speechless, I've been handling tough situations after situation lately. Nearly all being an emotional struggle. Maybe it would be a relief to have to deal with one strange situation for once that wasn't so serious. _Or maybe it would be a physical struggle._ I was used to not knowing or caring about the future now. "Your car awaits!" Aro said loud enough that my thoughts couldn't block it out.

Nodding for the final time, I let my eyes return to their normal size. Alec was the first to move, heading towards the door at a quick pace. _Lets all skip to the door instead! _Jane followed behind me, her gaze felt as if I was being shot in the back several hundred times. I became very self-conscious, speeding up my short journey to the door then stopping a few inches behind Alec who stood at the reception desk talking to the human who I had saw behind it earlier. She still had the same, dreamy expression on her tanned face. The receptionist had bleached blond straight hair that fell to her shoulders in a perfect side fringe over her face. I strained my eyes over to the small name card on her pink blouse, it said 'HELENA' in formal, gold writing.

I was not surprised that Helena was staring at me. Everyone seemed to do so anyway. But her gaze wasn't curious, it was as if she thought she was _above _me. Even the vampires who were stronger than me did not stare as if they thought they were _something _compared to me. But this human looked at me as if I was dirt. Helena smiled smugly, her red lips puckered. I returned it the smugness in my own _half-vampire _smile.

"I take it Aro has decided to give you a little snack after your absence from last nights feast?" Helena said cockily, moving her eyes to Alec. She started to blink a million times as she 'fixed' her perfect blond hair. Did she actually think Alec would take interest in someone like _her_? He wouldn't, would he? I was respectful towards humans, not thinking I was half better than them all but Helena was the type of person I could _not _stand, human or vampire.

Alec was clearly annoyed by her affection, not caring at all for it. "This one is half vampire, Helena not that this is any of your business. Don't you have a job to do?" _Crash and burn, bitch! _Her face fell and she looked at me, the smug smile now washed off with red hot water. Her tanned head bobbed up and down quickly as she bent down, searching for something on her left. Jane was no longer behind me, she made her way over to Alec who was now taking off his jacket and leaving it on the reception table. Helen hadn't seemed to have gone away for long enough, she was soon standing, handing over two eye-contact boxes.

Jane turned around and faced me, her arms clenched in fists beside her. I looked into her eyes for a quick second. Unfortunately she hadn't put her contacts in yet, making it even more frightening. Her red eyes were so deep and full of anger she would inflict on others that it just did not go with her young and pure face. "I'm glad that you have changed your foot-wear today." She spat, making me confused. _I wasn't glad! _It was raining and I was wearing sandals. _Such a nice way to introduce myself to Italy. _"What did you have on your feet yesterday? Sheep boots?" Alec let out a small snigger as he inserted the contacts into his eyes.

_Well, at-least our shopping trip has gotten of to a bright start!_

* * *

The thought of entering Aro's mind made me shudder but I really did not think that when he planned Jane and I's 'bonding' trip that it would be like _this. _I scanned the mall map for the sixth time, confused with the Italian. I struggled to hold seven large shopping bags in my hand that I bought from stores that I recognized from America.

I didn't know any Italian. Nor was I with anyone that knew any Italian. Alec and Jane? Oh, I was told to "go away" (the exact words of Jane before she stormed off with her brother) after I gave my sizes over. Alec handed me _25,000 _euros and told me to buy something humanly stupid with it. I could tell that Jane would buy items that were the opposite of my taste so I put a couple of hundred euros of that money to good use including buying food (aka nutella, waffles, whipped cream and more nutella) and carelessly buying an iPad and an Apple Mac. _Aunt Alice taught me well._

I wasn't going to buy anything more except from toiletries. I now stood trying to find some sort of health/beauty store that stocked such items. It was getting so hopeless now that I was quicker just to wonder about cluelessly hoping to run into some luck. I adjusted the heavy carrier bags that were starting to ache and set of trying to find somewhere that I could find toiletries.

"They're not even evil, they're just bitchy...pathetic..." I muttered under my breath fifteen minutes later, still having no hope. _Just wait Renesmee...just wait until they make you eat your words..._

I let out a loud frustrated groan not caring if anyone heard or thought that I was having a mental breakdown. I did not care anymore. I didn't care what the witch/bitch twins thought of me anymore or if they wanted to leave me alone in a mall that I didn't speak the native language of. I DO NOT CARE!

_Ooooh look! Shiny cosmetic stalls! _I shook my head in disbelief at how much of a teenager I truly was.

I followed my brain that was leading its way to the cosmetic stalls in a store. The name was in Italian, but it seemed to be just what I was looking for; a beauty/health store. I sighed in relief and grinned as I entered the store, my bags banging awkwardly against the door. I went straight to the hair products and put a couple of bottles of strawberry scented shampoo and conditioners (I didn't like the smell of their beauty products back in the Volturi castle), a hair brush and hair clips, body wash and other bits and pieces in my basket.

I scanned the products for something in particular. Hair dye. Preferably brown. My intentions for buying such product were unclear. I didn't hate the color of my hair...it was just that _he _loved it. He loved touching it without my permission, twirling the curls around and kissing the top of the bronze curls. I grabbed the best looking hair dye tightly, my thoughts infuriating me. So, I was doing this to forget about..._things_ yet they still appeared in my head?

I didn't know where my head way anymore. One minute I was trying to forget, the next I was thinking about it._ Not in detail, I couldn't deal with thinking of what... _I changed the subject of my jumbled up thoughts quickly and finished of the sentence in my thoughts as; _'...what nice cosmetics they have!'_

With the basket now badly balanced along with seven other shopping bags, I was struggling more than ever. I made my way over to the cosmetic section, mumbling apologies to my victims that I hit as they said something in an annoyed tone in Italian. It felt such a relief to finally drop my bags onto the floor as I stood in front of the Christian Dior make up booth, Aunt Alice's favorite. I focused on the eyeshadow and examined the colors of them carefully. I reached over to grab a silver tester.

"Strawberry scented? I must say, I'm flattered. How did you know that was my favorite?" I gritted my teeth.

I felt the urge to tell him to "go away" just as like his sister had said to me earlier. It wasn't as if he would do it anyway so there was no point in wasting my valuable breath. "I was planning to shove the bottle down your throat but I might just empty the lovely strawberry flavours into your mouth instead now." I said through gritted teeth, keeping my eyes on the eye shadows.

"I wish you luck with that...what on earth are you looking at? _Face-paint?_" He seemed very amused at what was in my hand. Face-paint? God. When exactly was he changed? I recalled a 'school' lesson with Aunt Alice, based around the history of cosmetics which dated back to Egyptians.

"Make-up." I corrected him, lifting up the lid of the tester and examining it. The truth was that I needed something to look at...other than him. "You put it on your face. Wanna try?" Lets see how smart he actually is.

"I'm educated, very well actually unlike _some._" I felt a dagger go through my chest. I had let him offend me! I tried to cover it, furious at myself. I let Alec of all people offend me! Disappointed in myself, I started to look at the eye-shadow closer now. Changing the subject, he asked something that confused me. "Do you find yourself unattractive?"

"Excuse me?" I couldn't help but looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Alec was staring at me, very amused now. He had brown contacts in which mixed with the red, making a deep red-brown color. I didn't know what he was getting at. First, he insulted my knowledge now he was about to pick at my looks? Surely he still had some manners like the first night I met him?

He moved a hand over and grabbed the eyeshadow from me, he shut it and put it back. "Your taking interest in face paint therefore you must be ashamed of your face to cover it up. I never knew mommy or daddy..."

"Do NOT bring my family into this!" I spat at him, my furious gaze locking with his entertained stare. What was his problem? I've only known him for half a day and here he is, insulting me! What have I did so terribly wrong? You wanted to kill me! GET OVER IT. I was livid and I wanted an answer! "Is there some _real_ problem you have with me that I am unaware of?"

Alec's eyes turned hard and cold, his face growing with anger. It was better than his stupid little amused expression. He was actually taking this seriously. He was taking me seriously! Alec kept getting more furious as the seconds passed by. Thank god we were in public!

He took a step towards me, getting far too close. "Yes there is!" He hissed. His voice was so cold, more than ever because I brought up the subject. "You don't want to bring your family into this? Well, then I'm bringing mine into it!"

Jane? Was he going to bring her in to kill me? I swallowed the large lump in my throat, trying to stay confident and not let fear escape. I was a master at appearing much more stronger than I actually was. "Oh, you're too much of a coward to handle this yourself? You need your baby sister to help you?"

"Help? You think I need her help? Did I accidentally blind you from my darling sister's expression? I have been the one helping her because of _you! _You filthy half blood!" My stomach twisted around uncomfortably. Why should you care what he thinks of you? You've not bothered about the opinions of others in years yet because he thinks he has some sort of 'authority' over you, you feel the need to get offended?

_Pathetic Renesmee. Just pathetic._

We stood in silence, both looking at each other. His face was unbelievably serial killer furious. I didn't know what to say. I would either yell at him or my voice was crackle up and my eyes would let a tear or two escape. _How stupid!_

"Would you like me to explain?" He hissed. I nodded unnecessarily as he ended up speaking anyway as I nodded. "In-case you have failed to notice, Aro takes great delight in your presence. And any hybrid for that matter. He treats you as if you are better than full vampires. More special and more powerful. Some may find this humorous but this infuriates my sister and I do _not _like anyone doing such things to my loved ones...no matter how small that group of loved ones may be." Her pain was his pain. Her fury was his fury. They were closer than I thought. If one wanted someone dead, the other one wanted the same person dead too.

"How do you think Jane felt when Aro tells her _she cannot use her powers _on little Renesmee? She cannot attack who she pleases and the same goes to everyone else my coven! My sister feels weak because of you! You are _nothing _Renesmee Cullen, nothing yet Aro treats you as if you are something! You would be dead right now if Aro hadn't banned us from doing so because he wants to keep on good terms with your family and believe me, your death wouldn't have any involvement with my power. It isn't even good enough considering you should have died seven years ago! Your mother and you must think your special because no one ca-" _ That was it!_

I've been more livid before but this was a close second. The fury rushed through my veins, my heart pumped fury around my body. The anger made my head throb as if it was going to explode, my teeth were gritted with my mouth in a snarl, my fists were curled up into balls and my arms just wanted to shake him and throw him across the room, throwing him right into death!

"Don't you dare bring my mother into this!" I snarled, far too loudly. I couldn't control it or help it, he was lucky that I wouldn't attack him in public. "None of this is my direct fault you...you...you pig! An-" Alec placed his hand on my lips, preventing me from speaking.

His voice was now more calm now that he had let his little rant out. He might have been finished but I wasn't. "I know you just love to break laws but I advise you to keep your tone down now." My jaw dropped a little at how calm his voice was compared to what it had been before. Two faced? I'd say the Volturi have more than two faces.

"And if I don't?" I hissed after he removed his hand from my mouth. He was 'good' enough to calm down in seconds but I wasn't as skilled as him. I didn't want to be either. He deserved my fury to be lashed at him even if it had no effect.

Alec took a step backwards and looked at me with perfectly calm eyes. "Then I'm afraid Ja-" It wasn't me that interrupted him, instead it was a short and chubby dark skinned sales assistant.

"Problem?" She said in a Italian accent, she had picked up our English conversation. I had to get away from Alec before I broke down. I didn't know wither or not it would be in fury or pain. Deep down, I was hurt at how he had to bring my family into this but the fury fought it, winning successfully. I had plenty of time to shed unnecessary tears later. Alec loved Jane so much that he would threaten me. Looking back at what I saw, he looked slightly out of place doing it. The polite voice fitted him much better but the angry voice definitely fitted somewhere.

Alec opened his mouth to answer the shop assistant but I quickly jumped in and spoke again. "Yes, there is. I can't seem to find the female sanitary section. I have to go but my friend Alec here will gladly pay for a couple of packets of your finest ulta-protection sanitary pads! Do you stock any Vibrators?Y'know what...I'll just let Alec handle this since its him who seeks it for his sister!" I smiled at the confused shop assistant. "Be a dear Alec and carry my bags? And pay for these?" I knew he would not find it troubling but hey, at-least he would look like my little dog. I handed over the basket to him, he watched me in disbelief, growling under his breath as I walked swiftly out of the store._  
_

I wondered about randomly after that until I eventually had to stop when I saw the feminine bathroom sign. Where else could I go? My short rant at Alec felt good now, I was letting out a lot of needed steam. I hid the thought that I was pretending that Alec was _someone _else to the back of my mind. I had lashed out at Alec because he was rude and had no boundaries. He wanted me dead but that was impossible because of Aro.

_But what if he doesn't want you dead. What if its just Jane..._

I was right. What if Jane was influencing this hate? Alec had no real reason to hate me apart from the basic 'oh-you-should-be-dead'. He had gotten to use his powers on me and I doubted that he wanted to lash out on me the way Jane wants to. He had said why _Jane_ hated me but now _why_ he hated me apart from the whole 'mess-with-my-sister-and-I'll-rage-at-you' crap. Did the stuff about hybrids thinking their better count as a reason?

My fascination with why Alec hated me wasn't a good thing to have on my mind. It was already confused enough. My intentions and common sense had been erased and they were now replaced by rapid moving feelings of confusion and doubt towards myself. I didn't know how I truly felt about myself and others anymore. Adding Alec to this mess would end up in mental breakdown.

It felt as if I had broken all promises with myself earlier, falling back to the very start. I wouldn't have had these problems back in Alaska. But where would the self discovery be? Repeats of the same feelings, the same movements and the same days wouldn't get my anywhere. This confusion was a good thing...I hoped. I've had to adapt to being a 'mature' adult in seven years so technically I haven't had proper time to grow.

I didn't have any time to develop proper inner-strength either.

I sat on the toilet seat that was down, the door locked as I let the tears fall. I was furious at myself for breaking down, becoming weak over something that was so stupid. It wasn't just Alec's words, he could not hurt me. I wouldn't let him. I was ashamed of myself, hiding in the bathroom like a child as a cried. Pathetic! Burying my face in my hands, I let out a quiet whimpers. I felt more vulnerable then ever, I hated myself for being so weak. Today, my confusion about myself and what I was going to do had taken over my thoughts now reducing me to breaking down in a freaking public bathroom.

I didn't know who I exactly was right now. But I did know that I was weak. If I didn't belong in Alaska, did I really belong in Volterra? No. I couldn't just sit around in the bathroom crying all day, thinking about how sad I was leaving my perfect little life, acting like the spoilt brat I was. I couldn't cry over how confusing my life was, begging for sympathy. Yet here I was, doing so. Did the Volturi do this? No. I didn't belong here.

My family had inner strength too even if the Volturi had it in a different form. Every human seemed to have it, every vampire...except from me. Renesmee Carlie Cullen who belongs no where.

_Oh boo-hoo, Renesmee! All you want is sympathy. You won't get it here, go back to Alaska so you can embrace your spoiler attitude even more. _

The Volturi would not give me sympathy. If I wanted to stop crying, I would have to do it all by myself. Me, myself & I. They wouldn't help me, they wouldn't help me to stop crying _I _had to do it! I've been handed everything since birth even if I didn't even need or deserve it. But here I was, crying in the public toilets in Italy with no inner-strength at all. No one could give me that, only me.

I had to be strong for _me_, I was here for some strange reason that was locked away in my heart but couldn't I try to unlock it? Once I found it, I could leave as a better and bigger person. I wasn't one hundred percent, I never was these days. But hey, life is a journey, your faced with two different paths and you can't be sure which is best. One may be warm and safe, not testing yourself. Easy. The other may be a struggle, facing you with death. But you would come out of it stronger.

I needed strength, inner strength. I had to find it inside of me. My family could hand me over the support and make inner-strength useless but the Volturi would make me work for it. I needed and wanted them to do that forever. So, I would stay in Volterra.

The tears started to slow down until they stopped. I removed my hands slowly from my face and stood up, wiping my eyes quickly. I was ready to face my own journey in Volterra, I wanted it to be easy but I knew it wouldn't and I was thankful in a way. I hoped that I would become stronger, I wouldn't cry in the face of death and I would forget about who tried to stop me from doing this. No matter how hard it would be, I will find the strength to do this.

Forcing a smile, I unlocked the door and didn't even bother to look in the mirror at my likely red and puffy face, not that I wanted to. Looks were not important right now nor would they ever be to me. The reaction to the make-up was purely a reaction programmed by my aunt, like I was some robot. Her robot. _But I wasn't going to think about any of that anymore. _I wasn't good at keeping promises, I wonder how long that will last..

I headed straight for the bathroom door, keeping my head high. So high that it came crashing down at a great speed as I banged into a figure who stood at the edge of the door, resembling a brick wall. "Wonderful." I muttered under my breath even if it was likely that he could hear. I was saying sarcastic words like 'wonderful' and 'lovely' a lot lately in unpleasant situations. I guess it was my brain trying to cling on to the last strand of optimism I had in me at such times.

_Now_ I regretted not cleaning up my face in the mirror. Of course it wasn't because I felt the need to impress him, it wouldn't even work but the thought disgusted me. He now knew that he had torn me, made me cry. Alec had won, I had lost. It was now official to him, my tears exposing that. I waited for the anger to rise up at his smug smile that was about to appear on his face any second now.

Alec examined my face, his expression blank. He gave nothing away about how he felt, which was both a blessing and a curse. Sympathy for me? _Ha! _I've only known him for less than a day but Alec was incapable of any feelings towards others except when it was for his sister. I wanted to know what he really felt even if the outcome would likely be anger.

I waited and waited for that smug little smirk that I had saw many times already to appear. _One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...nothing._ The missing emotion in his expression did not fade until he had fully examined my face, slowly and carefully. He smiled well-mannered at me, reminding me of when I first met him.

_.hell?_

Lets get this straight before my mind explodes, one minute he was about to kill me in a beauty store now he is acting all polite? Wait. To late, my mind just exploded. I hated him, I really did hate him now. He was frustrating and made me burn with fury. I've never hated someone so much in under twenty four hours. Was I in some nightmare when he raged at me before? Now he smiles? Was he being professional? '_I may kill you and I want to but don't worry, I'll do it in a mature way because I am a confusing jackass with one ball!' AHG!_

"Jane is getting impatient now. You don't want that, do you?"Ah! There is that Alec that I have grown to hate. There was a hint of smugness in his voice. This made me even more frustrated that he went from polite to serial killer to polite to half serial killer in less than 24 hours. I would try not to care, I had bigger problems that involved myself so why should I share my own paranoid thoughts with Alec? _I've got 99 problems but the vampire bitch ain't one!_

I shook my head in agreement that making Jane impatient was not a good idea. She couldn't hurt me but I knew that one day she would be able to again and keeping on her good side was a must even if it had no benefits right now. Everyone had to please her and obey her (with an exception to Alec) because they were afraid of the consequences. The type of authority she had on the immortal world was tremendous for someone who appeared so innocent and young. "Lets go, shall we?"

_Lets go and see if you have any more of your pregnant mood swings, did you buy a pregnancy test back in the health store?  
_

We met back up with a not surprisingly sour Jane who didn't even bother to look at me. She gave a quick nod to Alec and started to walk away (expecting us to follow). I was curious to know why Alec did not follow her but instead put on a puzzled expression. Jane turned around, her face confused to why Alec wasn't following her. I didn't know who had more power in their brother-sister relationship, I had to think it was equal considering that Alec had to comfort her when it came to her ban on her powers because of me. Alec started to walk towards Jane now as I followed behind him for the tenth time today. I think he must have enjoyed it that way, me following him as if I was behind him. _ Well, Whatever makes the pregnant moody man happy._

"Sister, the car park isn't in that direction." Freedom! _Freeeedom! _I felt a Braveheart moment coming on here now coming from the monster of Scotland herself. Thank god that no one knows about that nickname here. Possibly Aro considering his power but its unlikely that he would go around calling me 'Nessie'.

Jane's sweet voice when talking to her brother always felt so out of place as if it didn't belong to her. The sweetness in her voice didn't go with what she was saying half of the time. "Weren't you listening to Aro?" _I didn't. _

"We have to feed it, Alec!"

* * *

There are many things in life that are unavoidable...some you are more likely to face sooner than others but at one time or another, they will come. I think that extremely awkward stares and silences have to be on the top five most annoying moments.

They say that Vampires do everything better. They're stronger, faster, more beautiful and more powerful. It was true, Vampires did do everything bigger and better than a normal human. And being even more awkward was one of those things. I'm not saying that Vampires are awkward, they're strong and confident creatures, definitely not awkward! But when it came to awkward situations, I had recently discovered that they do it better than _any _human out there.

Here I was, in a small Mexican restaurant in _Italy_ (yes, I fought the WTF and giggles too) being stared at by two young and powerful vampires. It was a long, awkward stare of between Alec teamed with Jane against me. The _hardcore_ battle took place in a big booth shaped like a half circle. I sat at the very edge of one side and Alec and Jane were at the other side of the booth, at the very edge. Between us were many shopping bags. Sadly, they did not block out Alec and Jane's faces.

They stared at me the entire time, it was just so awkward and creepy. Like, _really_ creepy. We dined in silence as they watched me carefully as if I was some lab subject. I felt the urge to not stare back for the sake of Florence and their sanity. It was just one of those really, really, really unbelievably awkward situations that in ten years time it will hurt to think about.

Scratch that. Not ten years time, _it was hurting to think about the seconds that had passed right now!_

"Look at us, please."_ Oh thank god! _Even if it was Jane that was speaking, It would so much better than the suicidal silence we were sitting in. I moved my head from the desert menu that I wasn't even bothering to read and looked at Alec and Jane who were _still_ staring from the other side of the booth.

Jane smiled sharply at me, Alec soon copying her smile perfectly. "Do not speak unless you are asked, listen to my every word and do not move an inch. Do you understand?" _I also understand that you cannot hurt me! _"Yes." I said with confidence that I definitely should not have had. My eyes flickered to Alec to see if he had noticed my confidence incase he took another rage. _Aw shit._

"Why are you here?" She spat from across the table. I stared at her blankly then at Alec who nodded at me, giving permission that I could speak. Why was I here? Well, Aro wanted me to go out shopping with you and you had to feed me. That is why I was here.

I knew that wasn't what she was meaning but I wished the answer would be as simple as that. Even if it was about myself, I could only guess. "I want to try new things. Step out of my comfort zone I guess." I shrugged as I struggled to keep my gaze on the twins.

"Surprise, Surprise! You're even more pathetic than your coven. You no-longer have permission to speak. Listen to me _very _carefully." I nodded quickly, my heart going faster in anticipation of what she had to say. "You're making a mistake, little Renesmee. You appear to be desperate, trying too hard and you do not know your place in this world which is below us, your rulers. Memorize these words; _you should be dead._" She stopped, as if she was giving me a few seconds to actually memorize that I should be dead. It was nothing new; Alec had said the same in different words. I nodded, indicating that I understood.

"We will not kill you even if it would be heaven to end your existence that should have been ended years ago. That doesn't mean that I don't want you gone as you will exit from our lives quickly." And what makes you so sure of that? She wanted me gone, that I got. But she actually thought that I would leave? The thought of facing my family now made my bones crumble. I couldn't handle that yet because I was a _coward. _

"My brother or I will not hurt you, physically or emotionally if you leave tonight. Tell Aro you made a big mistake and leave. Believe me, Renesmee that if you do this, I might have a slight amount of respect for you...are you willing to leave?"

I stared at her, not knowing what to say. _Hell no! _I didn't want to leave yet, maybe one day I would pack my bags and go but right now, leaving? No! She couldn't make me but it made my breaths short when I thought of what she _could _do to get me to leave even whilst following her master's rules. She was smiling sweetly now, in a comforting manner that was obviously staged to get me to trust her and leave. No matter how 'sweet' she acted, I still didn't want to leave. I could just imagine going back... I would probably be grounded for at-least a century, lectured until my ears bled then locked up in a room from eternity...only aloud out when I had to marry..._NO!_

"No!" I blurted out, making a huge mistake. Jane's eyes widened and her face turned to shock that I would speak to her in such manner. Her mouth puckered up in fury as Alec put a comforting hand on her shoulder as he stared at me, now furious that I was making his beloved sister mad. My scared gaze flickered to the table as I anticipated the worst...

Jane laughed. She actually laughed! Okay, not the 'LMAO' or the 'LOL' sort of laugh, more bitterly. It was the type of laugh that I expected to be used when killing and the 'enjoyment' that came with doing it. I couldn't describe the relief that I knew she could not kill me. No matter how much I hated him, I would always thank Alec for this and removing all of the pain yesterday. _Doesn't mean that I would kiss his ass though._

"Very well, Cullen." I was expecting Jane's tone to be furious despite being in a public place but it was oddly soft for what I had said. She could control her voice well, I've heard her do it many times already with perfection. I forced myself to look at the twins, their expressions both dangerously raging even if Jane's voice was hiding it. "Do not leave then. Stay. But I will make this crystal clear, half breed...you are under some allusion that this is a safe and warm hiding place for you but you are completely wrong as you abuse the Volturi for your own use. This will not end well now. You _will _leave and I always keep my promises. You will leave because I _know _you are not strong enough to handle being here."

_Alright? _She said she would make things 'crystal clear' for me but hell, I was still confused! _How _exactly would I leave because I wasn't 'strong' enough? Are we talking emotionally or physically here? God! Maybe I was just plain clueless to what she was truly meaning but could she not just spit it out? Without the whole half mysterious threatening crap?

Alec spoke now, his tone taunting me. "We feast tomorrow at noon. Didn't you say you wanted to step out of your comfort zone, little half breed?" _Oh! _Stepping out of your comfort zone (I am 99.9% sure that I am so crazy and stupid that going to the Volturi may actually be in my god damn comfort zone!) was hard, especially for someone as sheltered and protected as me. They know it would tear me apart and they knew_ exactly_ what would push me over the edge.

Me, killing a human that had did no real wrong in their life? I was part human and I had human family! That I loved! I had always been taught self control even if Grandpa snuck a blood bag in here and there, I couldn't ever kill a human...or could I? It would always secretly annoy me when my mother would say how 'wrong' it was and sadistic to kill a god damn human. Yes, it saddened me that their life would end so unfairly and that they didn't deserve it at all. But vampires needed human blood to survive...so why should they struggle coping and drinking animal blood? _Bambi has feelings too! _ It wasn't much of a problem for me but it was like eating my least favorite food in the world (cauliflower) instead of my favorite (nutella) for my family. I sympathized but didn't think that whoever did drink human blood needed to be frowned upon. But I wouldn't ever do it myself.

Alec and Jane were fly, very fly. They knew that I was desperate to be accepted and to try new things and they also knew that I would never, ever kill a human for its blood when I could have _two _types of substitutes instead.

But I couldn't stand to lose. The thought of Alec and Jane laughing away at me was even worse than the image of myself sucking a human dry, ending their life and putting whoever loved them in great pain. I watched as Alec's face lit up, knowing I wouldn't do it.

If I did do it, I would hate myself and I would probably have a panic attack whilst doing-so. But if I didn't, Jane and Alec would taunt me like the little children they were. They would eventually make me run away like a coward because I would know that I wasn't strong enough to do so. I've thought this before but I cannot describe how _fly _they are. They knew exactly how to push me. _And they were winning._

"Its ok, Renesmee. If you can't do it then that's perfectly fine. We understand that not everyone has the self power to do something they do not want to do. Maybe re-think my sisters proposal to leave tonight? I guess you belong with your family instead." Alec's words echoed in my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't force myself to do something that I hadn't even tried. What if my family weren't so against it? I didn't stay away from human blood because _I _wanted to. It was because they did therefore they always told me how wrong it was, sticking the words down my throat until I only believed that it was completely wrong. And now, I wasn't strong enough to do something for _me._

When I looked at in from that view, I never had much of a choice except from the blood bags. But that wasn't a kill, nobody died. I've been strictly brought up around the 'right' way of life that i've never really been able to find out what was right for _me._ I've never had the chance to try but now, I wasn't confident enough.

That wasn't fair! I should be able to do what I want, no guilt! I wasn't even with my family even more so why should I follow their rules? I've been so programmed so that I had to be against the 'wrong' that it would now stop my body from functioning if I had to end a human's life.

Well, that was going to change. Wither I liked it or not.

* * *

**12 GOD DAMN PAGES ON NEO OFFICE? O_O  
WOA, big chapter! Like 8000 words! But it was so fun to write!  
I apologize if this bored you, I honestly do think this was the case! Well, at-least I enjoyed writing it! ^_^**

_***hides from the grammar nazi's* mhmmm, yes, I understand that this chapter is probably full of illegal typings, grammar wise ;D**_

**YES! Renesmee is going to the big bad side ;D it won't be easy of course. This was a hard decision and I know many of you will be like, "WTF SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT!" No she wouldn't. But like she said, she could always FORCE herself to do this! And when she does, you'll see Renesmee weaker than ever.**

**Mwahahaha!  
**

***dances around***

**I got 4 reviews for Chap. 4! Thank you so much; **

**Mspyrrha**

**xXPurpleMidnightXx**

**Seph Meadowes**

**XxxxIceQueenxxxX**

**Music inspiration:**

**Knock out – Lil Wayne ft Nicki Minaj**

**^^ Mainly because of the anger sorta tone in Weezy's voice (maybe representing Alec minus the lyrics!) and ESPECIALLY with Nicki! God her voice is like, representing Renesmee! XD **

**Anyhoo. Back at school! Trying to manage. Last year I dropped all of my fanfics because of school. I'm having a blast writing this one, 12 freaking pages!, so hopefully I will continue!**

**Love,**

**Cristina**


	6. Rebirth

**I do not own twilight :)**

_**Love Is Colder Than Death**_

_**Chapter 6  
Rebirth**_

"There's no escaping

There's no place to hide You scream "someone save me!" But they don't pay no mind Goodbye."  
-3 A.M. - Eminem

I've made a lot of terrible decisions in my life. I'm the paranoid and overly worried annoying girl who will let the future destroy my mind. Every move I make, I'm unsure of it. I doubt myself, my mind starts to only focus on one little thing. And it's god damn annoying! Here I am, lying in bed at three o'clock in the morning, tossing around the bed in a messy manner because I have the most retarded mind in the whole freaking world! Everything seemed to be annoying me tonight. The slightest itch, move or sound set me off. I didn't do much with my anger; I would just chuck the bed sheets off and rant under my breath. It was impossible to sleep, I was freaking hot, my head was itchy and guess what? Tomorrow, I'm going to become a serial killer! Isn't life just wonderful? But you know whats even more wonderful? The word '_yes!'_

_Will you marry me? Yes! Would you like to kiss me? Yes! Would you like a years supply of nutella? Yes! Would you like to kill a human with us tomorrow? HELL YES!_

It was because of the devilish word 'yes' that I wasn't sleeping right now. I'd forced myself to say 'oh yes, I'd love to feast with you, Alec' yesterday at the restaurant in Florence. Alec and Jane's expressions turned from surprise to anticipation. They knew I would probably run away or something, taking a human or two with me. I would freak out, which I was doing right now. _Hours_ before the 'feast' even began. I think it was completely impossible to get out of it without being humiliated or making the situation even worse. Jane made sure to tell Aro the second we stepped into the throne room about my decision. His face lit up with surprise but he did not bother to question why I would agree to such thing considering my upbringing. My whole family would probably be disgusted with an exception to Grandpa and Grandma who would accept me for whatever and whoever I wanted to do or be. And my human family? Lord, their faces If I told them! I was just so confused, not that the feeling was new to me though. But still, what was I meant to do? Why did I even say it in the first place? I bet someone spiked my coke so that my head was in an alternative universe where I thought it would be a good idea to agree to kill a human. The thought made my body feel as if it was dying, so how could I actually go ahead with it? Simple..because I couldn't. How could I get out of it easily? I knew that if I said I didn't want to, Aro would let me back out and try and convince me slowly later. Then there was Alec and Jane, what would they do? Taunt me, scare me off, be bitches..._the usual, the usual. _I couldn't just not show up, they'd come and remind me. So, I'd have to show up at the thrown room at one o'clock and tell Aro I didn't have the guts to feed of a human. Could I watch the feasting? Would it be worse? It would be pretty terrifying watching many deaths happen, unable to stop them. I had been so caught up in my thoughts lately; enjoying the freedom. With my father, I could truly never get lost in my thoughts. I guess that was a good thing, good for my sanity. Here I was, worrying in freedom with my thoughts. It was just getting me worked up and I couldn't stop. It was beginning to annoy me, I didn't even question going to Volterra but now that I was here, I was back into my old habits? Which was loosing me sleep? I hadn't even gotten a full nine-hours sleep when a loud bang on the door woke me up (I did little periods of slumber, an hour at a time...I was awake more of the night than asleep). _Which vamp-bitch is it this time? _Paolo still apologising? Or was it Aro coming in for a cuddle in the morning? I was unbelievably tired and how I felt and my face showed this. I bet I had nutella all over my face which just went perfectly with the black bags under my eyes! My pissed off mood from earlier hadn't faded. I stomped over to the door in a dazed manner; furious at whoever interrupted me from my much needed slumber. What was the time anyway? It was likely that it was time to be up and about but I clearly don't have a proper, functional mind that lets me sleep. But whatever time it was, I may or may not be killing a human but I would be diffidently killing whoever it was the moment I yanked the door open!

O_r not..._

"Good morning, beautiful." Alec said with a smirk, his body leaning against the door frame. His arms were folded across his usual black clothing. His posture, tone and expression was just there to annoy me today. Had Jane sent him to go and wake me up? Because he was her little bitch and an annoying one too. The second he finished speaking, I slammed the door shut in his face. I didn't want his smirk to make me even more angry or else I swear, I would need counselling. His greeting, his face, his posture...everything! Every god damn little thing about him made me want to grab a baseball bat and if I could, whack him so hard that I could destroy him! My groggy mood due to the lack of sleep made my snappy mood even worse. The main focus on my mind was sleep, the thought pulled me towards the bed, heaven hitting when I snuggled myself into the bed covers. Paradise. _Bang, bang, bang!_

"Ahg!" I hissed, struggling to force my eyes open. The bed felt so warm..and snuggly..so warm! Warm! Was there anything at all I could do to get back at him? No. I bet he knew how much that got to me, the fact that he could take advantage of me and it was impossible to do it back. And with today, if I didn't even go through with..._it..._then he would just have more satisfaction. And I would get even more annoyed. Winning was impossible even with the ban Aro had made.

The banging continued, I couldn't ignore it. Guess what it was? Impossible. Im-freaking-possible. Everything was impossible when it came to Alec. _Can I shave your hair off? Oh impossible. Wait, I've got it! Can I rip your balls of? If you even have any? Oh wait...impossible again. Oh I know! Can I end your existence? Impossible? Again? Who would have guessed? _I scrunched my eyes together, the bed fabrics covering my face in distress at the fact my time in the warmth and safety of the bed was limited. Alec ruined everything._ Everything!_

"Miss Cullen, you're amusing me far too much at how much of a coward you are. Due to your strange 'human' side, even if I don't remember sleeping so late, you only have thirty minutes until the glorious feast. But I guess you're obviously too weak to handle the situation." _Crap! _Weak? Me? Weak? _Oh you know he's right. _Alec and Jane had won. Already.

_Hell no!_

I flung the bed sheets off me, unnecessarily running the short distance to the door. I yanked it open, exposing Alec in the same position as before, his face now disappointed. "Of cou-" He put his hand over my mouth, silencing me ignorantly. _Lick his hand! You know you want to, kitty cat! _Alec started to push me further into the room until he finally pushed me against the wall. "Ouch! God dammit, Alec! You've broke my ass!" _Today is all about breakage! Asses and necks!_

Alec looked frustrated, his eye brows scrunching together along with his fists. "Have I made it clear enough how much I want to kill you?"_ How about we ask the shoppers of Florence instead? _"You are so irritating!" He started to walk towards me as if I was some sort of prey that he could never reach. Even if there was a part of me that knew I was guaranteed safety thanks to Aro, I was scared. Everyone always feared Jane, the sister who brought pain. Alec did the exact opposite but did this really effect how he behaved? And killed? He didn't care about the cries of pain, the fear or feelings...and no one truly noticed that. It was his new expression, his posture and the fear he brought to me that made me fully realize that I really had to stop messing with him. _Aw! But its fun! Not as fun as him sucking you dry, but still F-U-N! _"I can't describe the burning pain to rip your limbs off as my sister sucks you dry whilst using her power on you..." His voice became angry with anticipation of the undoable, "...oh the minute you step out of Volterra...your family can try and revenge, no matter what Aro says regarding how _powerful _they are." He spat as he stopped moving closer.

His hard eyes burned with flames. It was impossible to remove my gaze from his, scary but fascinating. _Oh dear lord, just run! _His gaze was painful as we stood staring at each other in silence, only I breathing. I didn't know what to say; or if I _should_ say anything. _Soooo...did Jane enjoy my creepy lesbian present? Of course she did. _

I was waiting for him to say something, or to rant about something. I was always the conversational type, the one who'd start a conversation no problem but with Alec, (or the Volturi) I didn't know what to say. Anything could spark off death threats or just death altogether. I really was pushing it when it came to Alec and Jane, I took far too much advantage of the ban from Aro. Every second, I got closer to him killing me. Not being able to resist it, not even because of the lust for my blood. He would probably do it with Jane, who I wanted to praise for her self-control and respect for her master.

The seconds ticked by, my eyes fixed on his fists that clenched together as he let out a frustrated hiss. "But sadly," he said through gritted teeth, pausing to control himself, "I didn't come here to do just that." He took a step backwards which created a rush of relief, allowing me to breathe easily. _To do what? Chillax? _I was sick of his stupid, mysterious crap too. I knew he was very capable of spitting things out. "I came to remind you from Aro about your highly anticipated feast...and for personal reasons..." _Oh lord, here it comes. _"I'm here to apologize."

_Wait, wait, wait. I'm sure I saw a pig fly..._

I couldn't stop my mouth hanging open immaturely in shock. Apologize? A Volturi apologize? _"Ha! Ha ha ha ha!" _I laughed, my face brightening up as Alec's burned with outrage that I would dare laugh at him. _Oh crap, he's going to blow! _I couldn't help my laughter, I started to snort as it got so bad that I couldn't stand, my head tilting to the ground as I grasped onto my stomach, leaning over...snortin' and laughing. Maybe it was the way he said it..._oh who knows! It's funny!_

Alec hissed loudly, grabbing my hair and making me face him. The laughing immediately stopped, my eyes widened as they filled with pathetic tears. It hurt, a lot. What could I do? Run to Aro, crying? "You can't just hit a girl, you...you...bitch!" My hand got ready to slap that lovely face of his. The anticipation made my tears run off, a smile dying to appear on my face. Alec clearly did not feel the same, grabbing my wrist and preventing me from doing so. I was a _really _good face reader, a possible inherent from my father and if Alec's face wasn't angry, it was blank. Did he feel regret? _Oh, please don't make me fall to the ground laughing again! _He breathed through his nose, I honestly expected fire or something to come out. _How funny would that be? Stop it, Renesmee! _"Can I please get permission to kill you? It won't hurt, I promise." He pleaded, "I'd always hoped that even if violence couldn't get you away from my sister and I, I could with the simple act of infuriating you so much that it hurt your brain! But...you! You infuriate _me _with your childish laughter even more than Aro's ban. I will kill you Renesmee!" _Death? No biggie. All part of the routine. _No. I had to admit, I was pretty scared now. Finally. I annoyed him _more _than Aro's ban which meant that his need to kill me was higher than obeying his master. _Uh oh. _

_Apologize you idiot! Wait, isn't he supposed to me doing this? _"As much as I hate to admit it, I bet that after todays feast, maybe you won't have to kill me and disobey Aro to get me to leave back to my family." I didn't want to face the situation, I was pushing it to the back of my head when it kept coming forward. The only reason I wanted to do this was for _respect and freedom. _I wanted my own voice; I didn't want to be the daughter of two vegetarians. I didn't want to obey them, I didn't want to only know one side of what was supposedly 'right'. And then there was Alec, pushing me to go ahead and do it. Believe it or not, even if I forced myself to believe that I didn't care about what he thought, I did. He didn't think I could do it therefore I _had _to do it. It wasn't that I wanted to impress him, I just wanted to show that I could do it if I wanted to. Plus, I didn't wanted to be taunted either by Jane and Alec.

Alec started to repeat his actions before; moving in closer to me as my breaths starting to get harder. _Shoo! _"I'm sure you'll be reunited with your family soon. I hope to discuss with Aro a theory that hybrids have abnormal brains as I don't think I have ever been so confused at the personality of someone." _You're not alone, do not worry. _"But didn't I come here to apologize?" I rolled my eyes, laugher not even erupting this time. "It's not funny anymore, y'know." I folded my arms together, scrunching my eyebrows. It wasn't just Alec's mood that always seemed to change, his conversations always did the same. It was a violent back and forward between the upcoming feast and his apology. _Reason number six hundred and twelve why I hate him. _

"Obviously your sense of humor is as abnormal as your brain," _'least I have one, _"it was never funny in the first place. I came here to apologize. To say sorry." _Hello flying pigs! _My mouth flung open, ready to tell him to stop before he even began. "Don't interrupt me." He snapped. My mouth stayed open as he folded his arms, his expression daring me to say anything. Well, I accept. "I normally love a bit of comedy, Alec but don't we have a feast to get ready for?" I tried to move away from him, in the direction of the door but good 'ol Alec blocked my path. "We wouldn't want to be late for Aro, would we?"

Alec put his two hands on my shoulders and lifted me (at ease) infront of him. "That won't be a problem, I'll make sure you get there in plenty of time. Trust me, I don't want to miss it anymore than you do." He flashed an excited smile, a smirk in it. "Be a good girl and stay." He said as if I was a dog. I clenched my fists together, furious. He was definitely the only dog around here. "I don't want to apologise, you're not alone in objecting but I'm not a coward, I face things." Right where it hurts. I wanted to yell at him, letting out all of the built up anger. It would only get easier; dealing with him...and his infuriating, annoying, idiotic ways. Either it would pass or I'd have to get an umbrella and pull a Brittany. My mind was also thumping, trying to think of what he was going to say next. What if Aro's kicking me out? Sweat started to build up, my heart springing out of my chest...home...facing...he's sending me home! I'm going home! He had said; 'I'm not a coward, I face things' and now I would have to!

"No!" I choked out, my hands rapidly running through my hair, my palms transferring sweat into my curls. "You can't send me home, please! I'll bow down to you, I'll kiss your freaking ass if I have to!" I felt light headed, the feeling in my legs disappearing and not because of Alec. Remember I mentioned how I probably would have one of my freak outs during the feast? Yeah, well I wouldn't just have it once today. "Crap!" I gasped, grabbing onto Alec's shirt for support.

His hands grabbed my waist, forcing me to stand up straight, his face annoyed at another delay from his apology. "You are unbelievable, unpredictable and just as infuriating as your mother and father." He hissed, loosening his grip as I calmed down. "We are not removing you from Volterra, that is only a dream of mine." His eyes flickered to my hair, now ruined with sweat. "Did you...dye your hair?" He raised an eyebrow and let his grip drop completely. Panic over. Yes, yes, I am a freak. He picked up a strand of hair and studied it, his face confused. "I understand you're human but surely your vampire genetics can save you from being so stupid?"

He had noticed my hair today quicker than I did. I've did a lot of crazy, brainless things in my life and when I dyed my hair, that was added onto that list. I asked the dry receptionist, Helena for a dozen packs so that when it faded, I was prepared. I wanted eye contacts too but that was just too far and pathetic...even for me. When I looked in the mirror, I saw...family. It was easier to change this on the outside rather than the inside. The curls reminded me of Grandpa Charlie, his awkward and loveable ways, having to deal with a secret that he didn't fully know. He was human, my curls were from a human and today, I would kill a human. I didn't have time to straighten the hair which just made the plan one, big pathetic flop. That was just me.

"Wait, no just don't bother to explain, okay?" Alec snapped, much to my relief._ 'Hey, I know you think I'm already a retard but I was bored and my hair is like my fathers so I dyed it! But I swear, running away to Volterra is more fun! Oh and if Aro asks about my thoughts on my grandpa's vampire knowledge, still don't kick me out!'_ "We're running out of time and trust me, I'm not letting you miss the feast. Back to the apology." He paused as if waiting for another reaction. _Wait, Stop! I have to pee!_ "I have respect for the rules, more than you were brought up to have and what I did yesterday was a threat to my coven and the vampire race. What happened in that store was shameful for myself that I would let my inhuman anger be exposed in public. I apologise to my coven and to you for letting that happen." Polite, gentle Alec. He was talking to me the way he treated Jane, his loving side. His personality was like a tennis ball being thrown about from side to side. It was sometimes amusing but mainly just plain annoying. This side was...sweet. Ha! Impossible for Alec. I'd witnessed it when he was with Jane, maybe I should be honoured that he'd use that side on me. _Can I hug you?_ "And I remember that you said you would bow down to me..." He raised an eye brow daring and wanting me to do it, taking a step back.

Too late for that hug. Ugh. I rolled my eyes and turned to the direction of the bathroom door. "Trust me, Alec. I'd rather kiss your ass."

I entered the bathroom and started to wash my face with freezing cold water, I was beginning to shake slightly. The event was coming closer and closer, I just...I couldn't! But I couldn't let Alec smile smugly at a victory yet I was telling myself that I didn't care what he said. I didn't bother fixing my hair in the obsessive way Aunt Alice did, not that I could with the shaking. I tied it up in a messy bun and washed my face once again, this time getting the water all over my pyjamas. I should get used to spilling liquids, soon they would be all over the 'clothing' Jane had bought me. The clothing was a joke. Either humorous or embarrassing. Everything seemed to either be from well known brands that I bet she didn't even know or from strange Italian brands. Hardly anything went together. My personal favourite? The floor length black scarf...at least I thought it was a scarf. I laid out whatever I could find yesterday that was half decent. Putting it on me, I looked like a completely different person. A Volturi. But did clothes make you powerful? Did dying your hair give you the strength to become a brutal killer? One could only wish.

Time was running out. I was now shaking so hard, my stomach churning and vomit creeping up my throat. I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it! The phrase was repeating over and over in my head, making it stick. I could run away to people who wanted to kill me but I couldn't murder someone? Maybe my mood changes were as bad as Alec's. I wasn't a killer, I couldn't do it. It would hurt me and kill me as much as it killed my victim. How could I choose who to kill? Everyone would be killed anyway, everyone's end undeserved. I just couldn't do it. I felt horrible, disgusted at myself for being a clone of my family with no individuality from them. Feeling horrid, I opened the door. Alec sat on the bed impatiently, his eyes snapping to mine as I entered.

"Here is a little suggestion, please move faster next time. Not everyone has as much time as you without duties and responsibilities." Don't you mean, 'without being someones bitch?' I was nervous now, anticipating his winning run over to his sister to share the good news.

I had to admit, not that I wanted to be him, I wanted to really explore the Volturi and one of those things were their duties. "Trust me, Alec. I want to have responsibilities, I'm here for many, crazy reasons and that is one of them." I took a deep breath and forced my eyes to look at him directly. "But I don't think I can do the things I want to do. Please, laugh at me all you want but I can't...I can't kill a human, Alec!" My voice broke, tears stinging around my eyes. "I thought I could force myself but I...can't. I'm a Cullen, maybe I don't belong here..."

I was hoping that the tears would block Alec's victory smile that I had been dreading for so long. I hated to be defeated and right now, both Alec and myself had defeated myself. "You're really not going to go ahead and do it?" I was just as surprised as him. Was I not worth laughing at? Really, Alec? I had been fearing this? Would Jane handle it instead? Oh jeeze. I should get my running shoes on. I didn't know what to say. Would he just go ahead and leave, expecting me to pack my bags? I know I hadn't confirmed that I was leaving, I didn't want to leave and I probably wouldn't but the fact that there was no real reason I was here would eat me to death. "Well..." He breathed, pausing. "You shock me a lot, half breed. Although this time, I'm the most shocked and...saddened. I was ever-so excited to watch you break." He flashed a devilish grin, "but I guess you leaving is better."

"I'm not leaving." I mumbled, my lips pouting as a single defeated tear ran down my cheek. Dammit! I wanted to be able to hide my emotions and with every tear I shed, every battle he won.

Alec got up, walking towards me with his eyes fixed on my tears carefully. I was wiping them rapidly, embarrassed. "You try too hard. Stop trying to prove to everyone that you're something you aren't. Maybe try and and prove this to yourself first? But after this, I guess you truly are incapable of strength. Handed everything on a diamond platter." Spoilt. He knew me too well. And I agreed. He was picking the words from my brain, the sounds making the tears fall down quicker now. "I will admit, I did think that you would go ahead with it..." He stopped infront of me, smiling victorious, "But I guess you don't belong in the good or the bad side now..._you don't belong anywhere."_

In seconds, Alec had threw the truth at me. I felt as I was being hit by a train, I could only stand there helplessly knowing that running wouldn't help. My mind had been washed, my tears had stopped, my brain couldn't work...the only thing that separated this feeling with death was my beating heart that was speeding up. Did Aro tell him from my thoughts? He said it so carelessly like every other attack towards me, surely he would have gotten excited at getting to use the one thing that hurt the most towards me, the first one to even do so? I couldn't even tell myself that, the hard and cold truth. I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't realize it growing up, I knew I was different but my family only used the mixed word 'special'. I was a freak, different from everyone else. That, I could deal with. But I didn't belong anywhere. My family, full vampires? No. My human family, fully human? No. There was Nahuel, the half breed who kept in touch occasionally much to the dog's displeasure but Nahuel had venom. I didn't know if I would fit in with his sisters, strangers to me. But in the end, I didn't belong anywhere.

I'm not saying this is why i'm in Volterra right now; I don't even know for sure. But it sure did provoke it with the many other reasons that were being covered with dirt right now, buried forever so I would never have to face them. However someone could easily grab a shovel and dig them up. Just like Alec did.

I wasn't hurt that _he_ would say it, but why did he always have the habit or telling me what I didn't want to hear? That made me cry and right now, I was too angry to cry. I was surprised, the build up to this one comment was full of frustration and tears but I wasn't about to stand around sobbing. The truth was hard and cold, I would cry over myself later but right now, with Alec, I was livid that he thought he could get away with that so easily.

I wanted to know if I would fit in with the Volturi and what they did but I cowered away from one of the most significant things they did compared to my family (apart from the most unique amongst vampires – enforcing the law) and now I knew, and Alec knew that I didn't even belong here.

_Somewhere deep down, you do._

Alec wouldn't win. I wouldn't win in being alone in this world. "You know what, Alec?" I spat, his amused faced enjoying the anticipation of my upcoming rant. "I may not belong in this world but believe me, I _will _belong in that throne room with you."

* * *

"And this is for you..." Alec said, handing me over a white baby bib. I rolled my eyes, thanking him with a smile. We were standing at throne room door, my heart thumping out to his chest and hitting his face which was good enough considering punching him would probably have no impact. He had been my life-long enemy, wanting to kill me at only a few months old but I had never hated him as much as I did right now.

He turned to greet his sister who was walking towards us, her gaze on Alec's face. Jane smiled at Alec and reached to give him two kisses on each cheek. I didn't want to judge; no matter how incredibly weird that was to me. "What are you waiting for, darling brother?" Her eyes flickered towards the door then to me, a slight smirk appearing. "I'm sure _it_ cannot wait to experience her first feast."

_'It' can also not wait to prove you and your brother wrong. _"I'm just shaking with excitement!" _Or fear. _I smiled at her, licking my lips with fake anticipation.I wanted to throw up as if I was a child wanting to get sick day off school. My head was thumping as hard as my heart, it felt as if it was going to explode. Sweat was pouring down my face like the tears I shed earlier. It was struggle to even stand up.

"I didn't give you permission to talk to me." Jane barked at me as Alec give her a soothing look. It reminded me of my family; Jane having to control her anger like they did with their thirst. Alec nodded to her, giving her direction to open the doors of the throne room. I shut my eyes tightly hoping that darkness would take over. I didn't know where the strength was, the strength that was keeping me moving.

"Renesmee, I doubt that closing your eyes will teleport you across the ocean and back to your family." Alec said, grabbing hold of my wrist as he started to drag me into the throne room. My eyes slowly opened as more sweat appeared on my face. My stomach churned as I watched Aro greet _over fifty _humans. His eyes lit up when he saw me, smiling at me warmly as he continued to teach the human's about Volterra.

The vampires of the room were huddled in groups; I was surprised at how many of them there was. Some dressed in sun-dresses and not the usual black-Volturi attire. Some watched their prey and others were staring at me. I wasn't a pleasant sight; my legs were struggling to keep me up, I wanted to fall to my knees and I was shaking uncontrollably trying to not look at any of the thoughts were blank; my sarcastic thoughts wiped from my brain completely. I wanted all of my strength to disappear. I wanted to collapse and never wake up.

I was a little confused when I was approached by six muscular, over 6'5 vampires who could only be described as 'body guards'. They were huddled in a square shape with a space in the middle. I watched as a thin, pale hand moved to grab one of them at the chest trying to push them out of the way. They immediately jumped to the side, exposing two female vampires both only years older than me. They were stunning; more beautiful than Aunt Rose. The first was narrow, standing tall and proud. She had rich dark brown hair that was even curlier than mine with matching dark eye-lashes. Surprisingly, the woman had an almost tanned tint to her pale skin suggesting that she was much darker as a human. The second woman was much shorter but taller than me. She had the same brown hair as the other female but hers was straightened. Her bright red lips were puckered towards me, her face curious. They were both dressed in matching red sun-dresses that came to above-the-knee, a bow tied in the middle.

Alec nudged me and my eyes snapped off the two females, now focusing on him and Jane. They were both bowing down to the females who smiled in return. I didn't know wither or not I could control my joints enough to bow down yet by the respect Alec and Jane had, It would considered an offense if I didn't. I did a wobbly bow which was extremely embarrassing. I had to move my palm to the floor for support which didn't even help. I listen to Alec chuckling as I struggled to get back onto my feet. Not that it felt any better. "Sulpicia..Athendora...you remember Renesmee." Alec introduced us, nodding to each female indicating who was who.

_Who?_ I couldn't remember them or the name. But Sulpicia seemed to think that we were life-long friends. She grinned at me; holding her hand for me to shake. I moved my shaky hand over, Sulpicia grabbing it and shaking it excitedly. "Do you remember us?" She asked optimistic, letting go of my hand. I stared at her blankly, just plain confused.

Athendora stepped forwards, studying me with a cheery face. "We got our hair dyed," She started to run her hands through her straight hair, "but can't you recognise the facial features?" They both grinned widely with excited eyes.

_What. The. Volturi? _There was no way in hell that they were part of the Volturi...no way! They were so...weird? Unusual? Bubbly? They had gotten their hair dyed, I was pretty sure that didn't even work on Vampires up to this point! Hell, no vampire had even tried that! Why would any vampire even try that? Was this half-breed hair dye of mine some trend now?

"I told you, Athendora! No one even bothers to notice us with the guards." She folded her arms, annoyed. My brain has truly went threw the roof now. "We're the wives...are you_ suuure_ you don't remember? Seven years ago? When we went to destroy you?"

_Uh...no? _I shook my head quickly, forcing the movement. Wives? I had been told they had wives but surely they couldn't be the wives? I had imagined them as stern and powerful figures, _these _two were far from what I imagined! And there was only two! Marcus looked far too depressed to have love and Caius was incapable of loving. Maybe Aro..._he has two wives! What a pimp! _Ah, there is that humor back. Sulpicia and Athendora's faces both fell with disappointment. They looked so vulnerable, as if they were about to cry.

"We don't ever get out of the castle enough...and when we do, they don't even notice us?" Athendora said, her quiet voice now full of stress. "Were we not even a target? Do people not care about us? And who knows when we will get to leave Volterra next!" She whined, holding onto Sulpicia for comfort.

I'm not sure I could _ever _find the words to express how speechless I was. Ever.

"We don't go out for a reason, you know that Athendora! After Didyme..." She paused, her voice turning into a whisper as she said that last name. It soon cheered up. "Thanks by the way for causing all of that drama. It was Christmas sale season too." Sulpicia winked at me and let out a giggle.

_Well. I think the meaning of 'out-of-character' has been re-defined._

I jumped as Caius barked from across the room. "Sulpicia!" I refused to look in his direction...in the direction of the humans that were getting closer to the end of their lives..._some as young as five. _Sulpicia rolled her eyes, storming off over to Caius with her body guard's and Athendora following. Caius was married to such a bubbly creature? I feared that he abused someone as excited has her; he was Caius after all. Did the females even get any rights in the Volturi? I was pleasantly surprised when his voice turned gentle as she approached him, "Sulpicia, darling. I told you not to talk to that creature."

_No comment. Yes, my mind has exploded too._

"Renesmee? Dear, please come over here." Aro said in a loud, excited voice. The distraction had been nice but all of my symptoms before had returned quickly now. I was shaking even harder now, all eyes were fixed on me. Could I even walk? "Don't be nervous!" I was beyond nervous, I was at the point were I was about to pass out any second now. My sight was going blurry and there was no mist anywhere.

I tried to force my gaze on the humans who were looking around curiously, their faces clearly expressing some threat that something wasn't right. I felt my body rip in two, my legs completely falling off from the rest of my body. I collapsed quickly but not hitting the floor, two icy hands grabbing me. "Oh dear!" Aro shrieked, "Alec, help her over to me." My sight was getting worse as I got even more light-headed and sweaty.

Alec dragged me through the crowds that appeared as big blobs. Even with terrible sight, Aro's immense grin was still in sight. I don't think Aro cared about my state, the excitement of myself turning into another member of his coven, at small steps, was more important that my mental breakdown. He gave me a few moments to recover but it only got worse. I felt Alec's lips on my ear, his voice hissing down them. "You don't belong here..." He seemed impatient; wanting me to kill someone already.

But I _did_ belong here. I felt the churning in my stomach replaced with fire, my bones healing, my sight clearing and most importantly, my mind focused. Alec let go of me now that I could stand up straight. The human's were now completely in panic. Something was definitely up and it wasn't just the red eyes. They were all looking at me, the only one who looked something like them yet sadly, I wasn't even one of them. I couldn't help them.

I scanned their faces, their worried expressions crashing into me like waves. I stopped when I recognised one face. The taxi driver. Remember the creepy, impatient one? Who I practically half stole a ride from? He recognised me too, his mouth puckering as he started to wave his hands towards me, mouthing 'euro!' and holding an imaginary phone to his ears and making the Italian emergency digits with his fingers.

"Felix...bring Renesmee the man doing the strange hand movements." Aro called out to the vampire audience for the friendly, buff guy I had met before. "Since you are an honorary guest, it is only right that you get to begin our feast." _You're alright, thanks._

I kept replaying Alec's words in my head, telling myself that I didn't belong here. Provoking myself to prove to myself and him that I did belong here. Felix brought the taxi driver closer and closer to me, causing each shake to get harder and harder as he approached. His face was now filled with horror like every human in this room.

The myths were true.

Maybe the whole, 'half human-half vampire' myths weren't as well known, if known at all to these humans which made the whole thing even worse for me. The taxi driver dropped onto two knees infront of me, his face screaming out for forgiveness. I was forcing Alec's words to keep repeating in my mind like how I would have to force myself to do this.

"Let the feast begin!"

I saw my family standing on one side of the taxi driver who was too struken with fear to move. Their disappointed faces gazing at me in disbelief that I was even attempting to do such thing. Grandpa Charlie soon joined them, looking at me in a way I had never saw before. _I was a monster. _I jumped back, scared to do anything. _I couldn't do it! _I had gone crazy, seeing allusions of my family. Maybe the wives were allusions too. Maybe this whole thing was one, big allusion!

"_You don't belong anywhere..."_

'Alec' was now standing on the other side of the taxi driver, his expression smug. He resembled the devil. No, he _was _the devil. I was stuck in his lair, hell, as he tortured me. And soon, I would run back to my family. The allusion of them seemed to be getting closer to me like the amount of seconds that I was getting closer to going home. The devil had won.

The allusion of Alec disappeared when two icy hands gripped my waist. I felt frosted lips touch my ear, whispering softly. "You don't belong anywhere..."

I lunged towards the taxi driver, my teeth ripping into his skin. The warm blood feeling like heaven in my mouth. I listened as screams of horror broke out, some being replaced with screams of pain. All over the world, people were dying. In this room, people were dying. And so was I, the old me was dying a slow, painful death.

***high fives you all*  
WITH SCHOOL, PLAIN LAZINESS AND THE FACT THAT I WROTE THIS CHAPTER 3 TIMES, I FINALLY GET IT OUT! WOOP!**

**I'm sorry, the wait was annoying me too!**

**So our little Renesmee is now a big bad killer! :o How will she handle it?**

**Alec's motivation towards it was seriously...uh..cute...no? He truly does hate her...now ;)**

**Also, for the Wives personality, DON'T kill me please. I know it is probably totally off but what do we know about them? Nothing. So they can be really crazy if I want them. But they're still completely evil, trust me.  
20 reviews too! Hugs*  
**

**Thanks to..**

**-ilovedemetri**

**-NiamhK (actually my friend in real life who knows how this story pans out. She knows everything...mwahahaha...AND SHE WON'T TELL YOU!)**

**-Kerryfication**

**-mspyrrha**

**-xXPurpleMidnightXx**

**-Imyourfreakingprincess (for chap. 3 but It was later on so I never got to thank her).**

**-smileyface209**

**-ravenlovestwilight**

**-Seph Meadowes **

**-x-TwilightPixie-x (again, for an early chapter)**

**Music Inspirtion:**

**EMINEM! Woa, not weezy O_o  
But seriously, Em's album Relapse was just SUCH an inspiration. Gotta listen to it! Some horror/sick stuff there! ;D**

**Love, **

**Cristina.**


	7. Careful What You Wish For

**Don't own anything in this story except from the plot.**

**I must warn you, this chapter does get more heated up with the terror compared to other chapters. This is the home of the Volturi after all, I won't say much but you have been warned! -  


* * *

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**_Love Is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 7  
Careful What You Wish For._**

I have very strong memories of my childhood, the memories being clear and vivid with perfect detail, something I was thankful for as the total number of my 'childhood memories' was likely to be at-least half of the total from a normal, seventeen year old. Then again, I wasn't normal. I recall a conversation about this with my mother when I was 'eight' years old, watching some television show that burst into song and dance, telling their young viewers that they were all special in their own way.

"_Momma, how am I special?" I had asked her, removing my glued eyes from the television._

_I remembered her proud, motherly smile at the thought of why I was special. "You're the rarest creature out there, don't let anyone tell you other-wise. Although, everything about you is special." _

"_Rare?" I asked, wondering if that had anything to do with the conversation Uncle Emmett had with Grandpa Charlie over how he liked his meat – nice and rare (I almost interrupted him carelessly, asking him if the deer's blood had made him crazy)._

"_You, Nahuel and his sisters, if you remember him, are the only blooded-vampires in existence." Of course I remembered him, momma. He saved my ass._

"_So I'm different? But what if there is more..."_

_I was interrupted then, "The word different is for those jealous of the really special and beautiful creatures out there, like you. I'm not certain if there are more but Renesmee, even if you were like Daddy or me, you would still be special. You're so smart, gifted, strong, brave and the most beautiful creature to walk this earth. And most importantly, you give me strength."_

As the years grew, the memories grew and grew. I looked back on them at times, especially during the period of my life were things began to get so much clearer, the period that led me to be here in Volterra. Maybe it's still going on but I'm just hiding it, blocking out the feelings so I definitely do not want to think about it. But I do want to remember the day when that memory had became so much clearer.

I was special.

Not because of what my mother had said, although I do think that she truly did believe it, but for so many other reasons that when you separated them, I wasn't ever a special being. I was just damned.

No seven year old has had a group of vampires out to kill her, putting her family in danger because of it all.

No seven year old has a best friend that is ten years older than her. Gets worse. No seven year old is imprinted on, a friendly term for 'one day, we're going to make babies together and produce more were-wolves' by someone ten years older than her. Wait, gets even worse. This all happened when the girl was a few seconds all.

No seven year old looks like a seven-teen year old.

No seven year old has ran away from her family, going to another country.

Notice how I'm using words like 'girl' and 'her' because I hate to face the fact that that girl is me.

I'm the seven year old girl who basically has one mighty messed up life. I'm not special; I'm just plain messed up.

The list will continue to grow and grow with the things that only I have experienced (unless some seven year old wishes to challenge me) and as of today, I_ am the only seven year old to be taken into a dungeon/prison/torture chamber. _

Who with? Oh just Jane, Alec and a family of humans that are about to be tortured and thrown into death.

I knew what my family would say. "How the hell did you manage to get yourself into a situation like this? Apart from the true problem, running away to them in the first place." But I really had no clue why I was in this situation apart from why I was in Voterra.

I remember crying on the bathroom floor of my room over the life I had taken away hours before. I'd thrown all the blood up (not even because I had forced myself), in a complete state of horror towards myself. I was a killer; and the fact just didn't want to process in my brain.

Alec had soon came along, to which I had thought that he was wanting to gloat that maybe I was considering moving back to my family but I was wrong. He was disgusted at me, furious I was in such a state. Not because I was throwing a fit in his home or for any of the other reasons why he hates me, but because_ I was crying over a human life._

I'm surprised he would expect different. I may have took a dangerous ride on the evil, sadistic side of life but did this mean I wouldn't regret it terribly? Regret that I had killed someone just to prove someone like Alec wrong that I could make my own decisions? Of course I was going to mourn over it, hating myself for it.

Somewhere in the lunatic part of my brain that had been taking over lately, I didn't take a certain comment from Alec as nothing. A part of me took it as a sick compliment, as wrong as that may be.

"_I killed someone Alec. You may not care but I do!" I cried from the bathroom floor, my head resting on my thrown up vomit._

_He growled, already furious enough. "You killed a human. They're nothing, humans are scum and if you are truly wanting to be here, they are food to you. Nothing more. You're half vampire, you are above them."_

I shouldn't have took it as a compliment yet I did. It didn't stop me from sticking up for my grandfather and grandmother along with the whole of the human race. I may have been weak at the time, but I sure did hate Alec more than I hated myself.

Insults were thrown; the anger between us arised along with the recklessness of even bothering to argue with him despite Aro's ban.

The last thing I remembered was throwing one last comment at him, telling him how sick and sadistic he was. The room went silent apart from my quiet sobs that refused to stop. And then, I blacked out.

If I hadn't been a victim of Alec's powers before, I would have honestly thought that I had died. The blackness seemed to go on forever. But I knew I would wake up some time.

I didn't want to face it. I didn't know where I would be or who I would be with. I wouldn't have been shocked if I was on a flight back to Alaska but nothing could have prepared me to the reality.

I regained my hearing first, whimpers of fear torturing my ear drums from those around me. My eyes were clenched tight, I didn't want to open them. Ever.

"Open your eyes, little Cullen." Jane had said, her voice perfecting calm with a hint of amusement in it.

If I refused, I knew she would rip them open anyway.

I heisted for a moment, not even thinking it would matter. "I said, open your eyes!" Jane barked, my eyes snapping open immediately...

_Hell truly was a place on earth._

I didn't want to function. I was frozen in shock at what was infront of me, the most horrific sight ever. Alec had taken me to what appeared to be an old-fashioned prison/dungeon with no lighting. The walls matched the floor; old bricks in a greyish green colour. Cells in a square form were marked out with old carelessly placed wired fencing and I was in one of them.

I wasn't alone, my company consisted of Jane, Alec and what appeared to be a family. There was a man appearing to be in his forties, on his knees praying in a strong American accent. Infront of him, a motherly figure sat on the floor with her two children hugging them tightly. The sight of the children made the situation a million times more horrifying. Their little faces, both so young, the boy around eight and the girl around six, sat with matching terrified expressions.

I knew, Jane and Alec knew, and they knew that they were going to die. I didn't know how, I didn't know why but they were going to die.

Right now, seconds were turning into days. My mouth was hanging open, my eyes glued onto the family that was praying to God, their voices shaky as they begged for a light. I was frozen. Truly speechless with a horrible shock. Alec was next to them, looking at me with his arms crossed, a small content smirk on his face. I wanted to scream at him, asking him why he was doing this, why he was being so cruel.

"Look at me, half breed." Jane said, her voice impatient.

My gaze flicked to her for a moment, until Alec began to speak. "Ah but sister, her expression is truly comical. Why do you have to go and ruin all of my fun?"

_Fun?_

"I'm ever-so-sorry, my dear Alec. But we have to pick up the pace remembering that it can only get better." She paused, I watched as Alec turned to her with a loving smile plastered on his face. "Renesmee, look at me."

I took a deep breath and moved my head around to the side of the cell where Jane stood, even more amused than her brother, literally on the verge of laughter. "That's a good girl." She cooed, her voice a perfect impression of an angel when really, she was one half of the devil. "Now, before you run off to my master, I'm not going to hurt you. One day, I will kill you but not at this very moment. I see you noticed happy family over there." She said, a small smile appearing on her lips as she looked at them. "Say hello to Renesmee, humans."

They didn't respond. Only looking at Jane in a frozen picture-frame of horror. It only took a blink for one of them to be wailing in pain, the mother. She was rolling on the ground, screaming loudly as Jane watched happily.

"Tell your family to say hello to Renesmee." Jane commanded, her voice becoming more snappy and less angelic.

The children looked at their mother in distress, who was in so much pain that she couldn't even speak. "H-Hello R-R-en-esme" The boy said, followed by his sister who was now sobbing and wailing at her mother.

The father turned around, finishing his prayer and stared at me first, his eyes bulging out of his head. He turned to Alec who was standing next to him, his intense gaze fixed on me. I hated it when our eyes met, his full of burning fury and mine, weak and hopeless.

"What are you?" The father gasped, looking at his children that were crouched by their mother crying.

Alec looked down at the man, his face suddenly bored now that he was no longer looking at me, all hopeless and panic-struck. "I didn't give you permission to speak." He spat.

The man very foolishly ignored him. I wanted to scream at him, grab his attention and tell him to be smart and to be quiet for his own life. "What are you?" He repeated in disbelief that someone could be so evil. "The devil? A witch?"

Alec looked at Jane, his expression amused again as if there was a private joke between the two. "And here I thought humans were completely clueless." He said, with a wink towards his sister who was laughing now, her laugh resembling a child, a child who was sick and twisted.

It was physically paining me to sit here, doing nothing, as the family approached their deaths whilst Jane just _laughed. _My body was urging me to stand up; to face this horrible nightmare that was unfolding as each second past by. I've had very few nightmares but isn't it the case that during them, you would be grateful for each second, bringing you closer to waking up? I hated each second right now. This was reality and as much as I wanted it to end, what could happen next was worse than any dream.

Could I attempt to stop it?

_That would be considered funny if humor was alive right now. Go ahead, try._

My brain knew it wouldn't work. But my heart cared enough to argue. "Why are you doing this?" I said, my voice shaky as I stumbled up. My legs felt numb as if I hadn't walked on them for years causing my bloody palms to move to the wall for support. I wasn't cut; the thrown up blood was still over me. It smelt and looked dry, as disgusting as that comment may be. My hair was drenched in it due to lying on the vomit-covered floor.

_Is this really a problem right now?_

"I didn't tell you to stand up or speak either." Alec said, his voice not as harsh when talking to me, it wasn't music to his ears though.

Next question. "How did I get here?" I asked as Alec continued looking at me with one of those awkward stares that made me wonder what the hell was going on in that sadistic little mind of his.

"I took away your senses when you were in such a vulnerable state then carried you down to the dungeons which I had to admit, wasn't as easy as I expected it to be with the amount of irritating squirming you did. You are the feisty one when you want to be." he teased.

"Dungeon?" I blurted out. It was probably the least of worries but no, I had to find out the goss' about the Volturi castle.

"Brains." Jane snapped from across the room, not amused with my conversation. "For your first question, dig deep into that abnormal mind of yours and connect the life-lines."

_Why were they doing this?_

I

If I knew why, maybe I could get them to stop. Elimination seemed like a pretty good way to tackle this. I knew that it wasn't me they were going to harm, therefore it would be the family. They had just fed, so it wasn't because they were hungry. It obviously was being done to have some sort of impact on me which was fear..._fear! _

Alec and Jane's goal wasn't to kill the family, _it was to get ride of me. _Send me running back to my family. They didn't care who they killed in the process; they were making that very clear.

"I must say, Renesmee that it is ever-so amusing when you put the pieces together. It's my favorite expression." Alec said, a smirk in his voice.

I took a deep breath, my eyes flickering to the family quickly, regretting it afterward. The children were staring at me in complete horror and confusion as if I was both bad and good. "If I leave, will you spare the families life?"

Alec chuckled then at my attempt to do good. "I have to admit, after you killed for the first time..." I felt a slap across my face. "...I couldn't help but truthfully think that you were a reborn person. But then, after seeing you earlier, I realized that you will never learn the difference between a human and a vampire."

_Is that a no?_

I thought of my human grandparents, immediately filling my body with rage. "You, Alec, are a clueless and sick piece of nothing. What exactly makes you better than a human? Because you're stronger physically? What does that matter compared to emotional strength? Is it because you're faster? So you can run away from your fears faster? Is it because of your power? I know that one of these days you will be the one wanting to use it on yourself to get away from everything, and that day will be when someone finally ends your existence for good."

_Silence._

My eyes were fixed on Alec's, who was staring at me in shock that I would dare speak to hin like that. I did regret it, I regretted it so much that I wanted to kick myself. Common-sense rushed back quickly for once, screaming at me for being so stupid.

Alec's eyes flickered to Jane's in sudden panic, his face full of realization about something, "What about Aro, Jane! What did-"

His words were blocked out with pain, an indescribable pain. I fell to the ground, screaming as my fingers curled up along with my entire body that was now arched. I couldn't control myself; the fire did that for me, an agonizing fire that was taking over my entire body. It felt the worst in my head, like it was about to explode. My eyes were rolling back in my head as I continued to scream and scream. Was I being sliced up in tiny parts whilst being set on fire? That wasn't as painful as this.

"Stop it Jane!" Alec's voice said louder than the screams.

I felt something grab me, forcing me up against the wall. It wasn't painful. Nothing was painful compared to this, nothing. My eyes rolled back to see Jane staring at me, the level of anger in her face matching the level of pain in my body. "If you dare speak to my brother like that again, I swear I will do a million times worse to you." She said through gritted teeth.

The concentration in her face vanished.

The screams stopped. I couldn't even think, that's how shocked I was. I stared at Jane as my breathing began to slow down, wanting to collapse onto the floor and vanish.

"You'll regret this." Alec said, his voice careful as he spoke to Jane, who was calming down as much as me.

"Aro won't find out, will he?" She grabbed my neck tightly, turning the pain-free feeling from before more heavenly. Although now, I didn't want pain killers, I wanted air. "Will he?"

She repeated, her teeth gritted together. I attempted to shake my head, her grip too tight to do it properly.

Jane let me go, taking a step back as I took deep gasps to regain air back. "Alec..." She said, sighing as she turned to him. It wasn't a weak, hopeless sigh. Of course not, coming from Jane? Although she may laugh childishly or sigh, there was pure evil in both actions. "I'm afraid our fun is coming to an end. I didn't want it to be so soon but I think Renesmee needs to understand what she's just did."

I looked at Alec, confused, looking for an answer to the missing piece of the puzzle Jane had just said. He nodded at her, his gaze _still_ fixed on me. I was still trying to gather my thoughts which were completely lost. The pain...oh the pain...Jane's pain...She used her power on me and it felt like one big build up. The pain she had inflicted on me had been built up since the minute she walked away from me after the first time we met.

I began to get far too occupied in my thoughts, trying to grasp this situation that was getting worse and worse. _Renesmee, get over it. Wrap your mind aro-...Holy Crap!  
_

My mouth dropped open as if it was competing with my widened eyes to see which could react quicker. If my thoughts had been lost before, now they were destroyed. I was frozen in shock, not wanting to even think about what I had saw.

_He...ripped...blood...Alec ripped the man's hand off! _

The thought made my hand slap my mouth that wanted vomit to come out of it. _Alec had ripped the man's hand off! Then he threw him over to Jane, as he screamed in pain, looking to his wife and kids like they were heaven._

Jane had a grasp of the man's head in her hands, the sight of a young girl doing such thing to an older man unique (no question that it was unique in a completely stomach-churching way). Hell, nobody should ever do that to anyone, no matter what age they were. "You see Renesmee, I would have maybe considered your little plead for others like your family would have wanted but after the un-needed comment about my brother..." I gasped as Jane gripped one hand around the man's adam's apple and the other at the bottom of his neck.

I gasped, forcing myself to remove the hand that was clenched over my mouth. "No!" I screeched. _Oh god no, no, no, no, no, no!_

Jane smiled sweetly, her gaze moved from me onto the children who I didn't want to look at for reasons I found too hard to state in my mind. "Yes Renesmee. Yes! Another death because of you. I'm awfully proud, you are a _Cullen _after all." She paused, looking down at the man happily, "Say goodbye to Daddy."

I dived at Jane then. Stupid and careless after all that happened but I couldn't help it. I knew I wouldn't save his life but oh, how I wanted to for those children. Jane simply smirked, ripping the head apart from the body, blood splashing onto my face. I shut my eyes quickly then, falling to the ground because the sight had shaken me to much.

"This can't be happening...no, no, no, It can't be happening..." I whispered to myself. It was happening so fast, it was too much for me to even understand why someone could be so cruel or If this was a final punishment for my actions.

"Oh but it is." I heard Alec say as a hard, wet object (no, not '_that'_) was flung at my back, falling down infront of me. My eyes slowly opened, frightened of what would be infront of me...I was right to be.

"Oh my god.." I whispered, my eyes widened.

It couldn't get worse. It just could not. Nothing can be worse than having a dead head infront of you. Nothing. I literally could not believe what happened, I would never grasp it even if the shock slowly faded. It had started with the hand being ripped off, only a short minute ago which was only the beginning of the horror story. My shock was indescribable, this whole situation was indescribable; no words could ever describe the horrifying events. Who would I tell anyway? My family? My grandparents? I wouldn't need to tell them ever.

"Oh god...Please no..." I cried, moving awkwardly across the blood covered floor to get away from the head. "This can't be happening...God no...Why..." I whimpered, moving away from the body. I banged into a body behind me, jumping up to my feet and turning around quickly.

"Help us...please..." The new-widow cried, holding her children tight. Their faces were both cuddled into their mothers chest, sobs coming from them which were louder than mine. It ripped me apart. Her voice, her completely devastated voice ripped me in half.

_This is your fault. If you didn't run away to Volterra, they would not be dead._

The fact felt like a slap, a hard slap on the face that brought floods of tears. "This is all my fault..." I cried, falling to my knees and burrowing my face in my hands. "Why am I so..so..stupid!"

"I could think of a few reasons." Alec said from beside me. I looked up at him in horror as he took both children from their mother who tried to fight back. She was proof that there was many, many more souls out there that were suffering more than me and this woman was suffering because of _me._

"Alec," I screeched helplessly, "Please, please, please don't do this. Please don't be this cruel." I begged him as hard as I could.

_This is your fault you're begging to prevent a mother from seeing her children die in the first place._

Alec looked at me, his face solid. He wasn't smiling nor victorious at the state I was in. A shot of hope rushed through my body as his eyes flickered to the mother, who I wasn't even brave enough to look at now, his eyes going soft. Then he looked at me, shaking his head. "Welcome to the Volturi." He said, that evil smirk appearing on his lips as he walked away with the children over to Jane.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take any more of it. I was done with the slaughter, the blood, the killing and Volterra. I had to leave, I had to let Alec and Jane win for the sake of those children. It wasn't a loss for me, they had already lost their father, I could survive with going back to Alaska to my own father, to a family where I should have stayed in the beginning.

I gulped, shutting my eyes to calm myself. "Wait..." I said, trying to not collapse as I re-opened my eyes. Alec turned around, Jane now holding the whimpering children. "I'll leave. I'll leave Volterra, leave you and Jane alone. I'll leave immediately, pack my things, say some excuse to Aro and catch the next flight back to America. Just please, please, don't hurt them." I stared at Alec pleadingly, wobbling my way back onto my feet. "Please."

Alec looked at Jane, both with victorious smirks. However, Jane's was bigger than Alec's. Jane nodded at Alec then at me as if I was no longer an enemy. "Thank you for agreeing to leave although I am afraid that I cannot let the children live. Obvious rules, of course."

My face fell, looking at the children devastated. They looked at me as if I was an angel, trying to save them when the truth was, I was the exact opposite. "No deal." I choked, rushing over to stand infront of the children.

"Renesmee," Alec began, his voice frustrated. "Even if we could save them, there is a rule against turning children. You should know that."

"They won't tell anyone! Neither will their mother. Please consider it... having your life over keeping a secret. Please." Alec looked at me intensely, his ruby eyes softening. I smiled at him optimistically searching for goodness inside of him.

Jane looked at Alec, her expression in panic that he would actually agree to me. _Would he? _Jane's eyes were glued onto Alec, searching his face frantically for any sign of good in him. Jane forced her cold eyes to look at me, her expression at her brother considering breaking a rule still the same. "I am afraid we cannot do that." She snapped.

"I'll make you a deal." Alec said as Jane looked at him alarmed at what he was going to say. "We won't allow them to live _but _I will numb them and the mother." Tears began to flood out of my eyes faster now. _So this was it._ No matter what I did, no matter what I said, they would still die because of me. Everything I had said about putting my self above others for once was so, so wrong. "That or nothing." He added in.

I nodded slowly, the answer clear. There was nothing I could do anymore. I just had to take the best option I could. "Deal. As long as you take away my senses too...I've seen enough." I said, attempting to be confident about my decision.

"As you wish." Alec said, holding out his hand. He smiled politely at me, acting as if it was some (twisted) business deal between us. I didn't want to touch something so evil, I was too devastated to be angry at him but my hatred was now at the highest point. He put his hand back when he realised I wasn't planning in touching him.

I watched as that concentrated face before he used his power made its way onto his face, preparing me for the dreadful power which now did seem like a slight advantage. I looked at the children who were staring at me as if there was still hope.

"I am so sorry." I whispered, the blackness soon taking over. When it was gone; it would be time for me to pack my things and leave.

* * *

**And so am I! :( The wait for this chapter was really unacceptable as the chapter isn't even that long or packed with action. It was really hard to start it off but hey, once I got the flow of things, I finished it! Finally! Its like 6am over here, so I was pretty motivated to get this out.**

**As for the next chapter, it will come sooner as I know how to start it and I probably will after I finish this (alnighter!).**

**As for Renesmee leaving, try to think how it would effect the plot.. will she actually leave? ;)**

**Read and find out! =)**

**Again, super sorry, hands everyone Alec* ;) **

**Music Inspiration: RELAPSE THE ALBUM BY EMINEM! ← this got me out of the writers-block gutter. The lyrics are almost as messed up as my story!**

**Thanks to all the reviewers for the last chapter & previous ones who have never had a thank you:**

**-Lilylove (Since you don't have a pen-name to reply to..thanks so much for the review!And i'm sorry for not updating!xD)**

**-magicangel30**

**-Imyourfreakingprincess**

**-NiamhK **

**-ilovedemetri**

**-xXPurpleMidnightXx  
-Kerryfiaction**

****hugs****

**Loveee,**

**Cristina xxx**

**PS. this chapter is dedicated to Stefan Salvatore aka Stefgasm for making me cry at 5am on Friday morning, the two faced cow may have broken up with you, but i'm here for you baby ;)**


	8. Signs

**I do not own twilight or anything used in this story except from the plot.  


* * *

_**

_**Love Is Colder Than Death**_

_**Chapter 8  
Signs.**_

_It had to be a nightmare._

I kept on telling myself that during the deathly numbing feeling that took over my body. I kept telling myself that now the nightmare was over and I was peacefully sleeping. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't convince myself that what had happened was a nightmare. Nightmare's aren't that clear, you can't taste the blood coming from an innocent father, the splash of it on your face when the head gets ripped from the body of the father nor can you hear such ear-piercing screams in a nightmare.

_But it had to be a nightmare._

The children couldn't be dead or dying right now, they just couldn't. No one could be so cruel, not even Alec and Jane. I couldn't wrap my head around the thought of _anyone _wanting to do that to a child.

_Did you really just think that? I know what definitely wasn't a nightmare...seven years ago when the Volturi came to kill a much younger you! And even the human race has had incidences of sick killings of children._

But why though? Well, in my _nightmare _it was my fault. Death was just a weapon in a game to get _me_ gone. Even if it wasn't a nightmare, I was still leaving Volterra. The whole experience, as confusing as it may be now, opened my eyes to the consequences that didn't directly effect me or my family because of my stupid decision to leave in the first place.

At least I _had_ a family. Considering what I've been through, shouldn't I be thankful for having a family that loved me? A family that was full and happy? Have I ever had to watch my own father die infront of my eyes? Will my mother ever have to watch her only child, me, die in front of her?

I'd witnessed all of those horrific events being thrown at another family, being faced with that myself would have been even more frightening than my own role in the nightmare.

_Still going on with the 'nightmare' stuff? You know well you're not sleeping, Alec used his power on you at your own request. You know why._

Reality was still mystifying me. When was reality ever simple though? Dealing with confusion and helplessness was never one of my strong traits, there was no use trying to kill my brain even more with theories and memories, I could only wait until reality hit. When my eyes would open and I would put on a brave face.

_Or I can just sit and cry._

As impatient as I am, I waited and waited with my (forced) blank mind trying to not face the fact that I was indeed under Alec's power. I knew why but then again, I didn't know if that was even real. Time passed and confusion grew quickly but the anticipation of finally finding out what exactly happened (or if it happened) was much faster.

It was around the time when I was allowing myself to start worrying about going home that my hearing returned, the sound of my own breathing filling my whole body with relief. I could feel my body now on some-sort of silk fabric which felt heavenly and as for my taste and smell, well, that returned too...but I could smell and taste blood on _me. _I felt my heart sink, hope vanishing as I tried to accept that maybe evil had beaten good again.

_When doesn't it? _I thought blankly, scrunching my eyes together tightly. I seemed to do this _a lot _lately, for immature reasons that could make dying my hair brown to try and forget about my family something a strong, mature person would do.

I'd came to Volterra for many unintelligent reasons, some I didn't even know myself, but I didn't want to be a coward, did I? And here I was, about to leave Volterra, still a coward who wouldn't open up my eyes to face the mess that was my life. _It won't be so bad, you're going to be leaving soon. _I re-assured myself that there would be light soon, now closer than ever.

I sighed when I realized that the cowardly side of me had lost. The more I tried to avoid opening up my eyes, the more distant home came to me. My home was warm, Volterra was not.

I took a deep breath and allowed my eyes to open slowly.

"Oh thank god..." I murmured the minute I processed the fact that I was in my room and not in a dungeon. It looked the same, no blood what-so-ever. Accept from on me. I studied my hands blankly that were covered with dried up blood along with blotches on my arm. I hesitated in moving them to my curly hair that felt strange, heavy even.

I flinched at the memory of Jane removing the head of the father from his body, the blood splashing onto me and my failed attempt to save his life that appeared when I felt blood in my hair, some of it dry and other sections damper. The rest of the memories flooded back then, paining my entire body. I felt a sudden rush that pulled me up from the bed and commanding me to go into the bathroom. My legs obeyed along with the rest of my body as if I my brain had been taken over.

I needed answers, I had to know what had happened, if it was real and who had died because of me. Deep down, I knew exactly what happened but the fact was so terrifying that there was no use trying to deny it.

As I reached the bathroom, I had to grab onto the door frame to prevent me from collapsing . It didn't stop me for long though, I soon hurried to across the large bathroom heading over to the white sink that had a mirror in front of it. My eyes were on the ground which was spinning, which still had the thrown-up blood from earlier on it.

I reached the sink seconds before I threw up into it, suddenly feeling cold. Shaking, I tried to help myself stand properly by putting my two hands on either side of the sink, my back bent as I vomited one last time. "It's going to be over soon..." I whispered to my self in a disbelieving voice, "It's going to be over..." I repeated, moving my hand over to my cheek to wipe away my tears.

On my palm was wet, bloody tears due to the blood on my face that smelt far too fresh and strong for blood that I was sure had been there for hours. My instincts took over, my newly returned senses begging me to smell it. There was a vile part of me that was throbbing for a taste even after all that had happened. I moved my palm slowly up to my lips, my eyes shut as my head moved up.

My tongue moved out to lick the delicious gold, doing it slowly, worshiping every smell and taste. My throat burned with fire, wanting more. My teeth had never felt sharper and I moved them to my _own_ skin. I realized what I was trying to do quickly. I felt a shock rush through my body, hitting my eyes first then my hand, which was quickly removed from my burning lips.

_What have I become? _

As my eyes snapped open, my head facing straight, I started to whimper in shock at the mirror in front of me. Dried blood covered the mirror completely except that two words were engraved in the middle of the mirror in old fashioned, but clear writing. The message was even clearer and simple; 'LEAVE NOW' it said.

Written by Alec and Jane, of course.

I glanced at it in horror knowing that the nightmare would not be over until I left, which I had to do as soon as possible. My hand was shaking quickly now, as it moved to turn the tap on allowing me to wet my hands. It was shaking even more as I touched the bloody mirror to try and remove the haunting message.

I wiped my hand across it with pressure, not too much that it would break it, but enough to remove the blood. The thought of seeing myself, covered in blood, made tears fall from my eyes. _I want to go home _was the only thought on my mind as I wiped it, imagining the sweet heaven that was home.

But I was still in hell.

I screamed, louder than I've ever screamed before; full of shaky horror and shock, probably the two emotions I felt the most in the last twenty-four hours. I started to make a loud, uneven panting sound at the sight and realization of what was in the mirror.

It had been no nightmare. It had been all real. That family was dead. And the two children were in the bathroom, dead. Headless. Sitting on the frame of the bathtub, covered with blood. They had died because of _me._

I lost all control of my body then, my hands gripping onto my throat quickly, trying to take away all oxygen and succeeding. _I want to die, I need to die! _Although I did not speak, I mouthed "let me die!" silently as I fell to my knees ignoring all pain.

"Don't you dare!" I heard a voice say unexpectedly, sounding much closer from the first to the last word. Two cold hands gripped onto mine that were tightened around my throat, pulling them off easily despite my efforts to fight. I looked up at the person in shock, my mouth hanging open as I realized what I had just attempted to do.

I was a woman possessed. Driven to insanity by the man in front of me. Alec.

"Let me die." I whispered after I stopped panting for air. "You _want _this. Please!"

Alec was furious, grabbing onto my two shoulders tightly, shaking me to the point that it caused a small amount of pain. "You will _not _die, Cullen! Do you understand me?" He hissed. "Your life isn't exactly the most valuable thing out there but trust me, right now, it is more valuable than my own life, do you understand me?"

"You're lying!" I shrieked, frantically trying to move my way out of his grasp.

"Oh how I wish I was. I can guarantee you that you will not die in this _castle_, especially when the blame can be put on _me_. If you kill yourself, your family will do the exact same they did seven hears ago," he hissed, pausing to bring his face even closer to mine. He razor sharp teeth were exposed as he growled at me so close. "But you know what will happen? The Volturi will be destroyed this time! Go, kill yourself or be killed in your own home but not here. Do you understand that?"

"Yes." I was telling the truth, despite my ability to pokerface almost everyone except from my father. I had regained my own body back, no longer wanting to do myself harm yet the sharp memory of what I had just attempted to do haunted me already.

Alec seemed to have calmed down now, moving his head away from mine. "I'm sorry for the actions of my sister, the bodies were unnecessary." I shuddered, staring at him blankly, unsure of what to do or say. He seemed to notice my vacant expression, not pleased. "You _are _still leaving."

_He doubted me? After everything I had gone through? I was stupid, but not that idiotic!_

"I will. As soon as possible, please." I mumbled, getting up as Alec did although I was more off-balance and shaky (with a very valid excuse).

"I'm glad that we are thinking the same here." Alec said, putting his arm around my waist to lead me out of the room and into the bedroom, pushing me down onto the bed. I guess he pretty much figured I was about to collapse any second now. "The flights booked. You depart to Alaska in two hours, here..." He tossed me a new Blackberry phone which had never been used, "...call your family with this. I'm sure they will be delighted to hear from you. Although, I advise that you wait until you have calmed down."

"Another thing we agree on." I said emptily, my gaze facing the ground.

"You are _so _much easier to co-operate with when we do agree on things." I looked up at Alec, who was grinning happily. _Happy to see me go! _"Everything is packed and loaded. Demetri will accompany you to the airport, who I will alert on your recent suicidal status." He did not pause as I took a deep breath, attempting to not burst into sobs...although, his face did change at my distressed expression. "Cullen, you're about to see your family, isn't that a joyful thing?"

I nodded, sure that it was. "It is. I'm just...in shock of what came over me." Alec nodded, understanding. "I've turned into a monster that at times, I can't control."

"Nonsense." Alec rolled his eyes. I tried my best to ignore him.

"I love my family. Even with the reasons why I left. But the thought of going back is just..." I shuddered, trying to put-of the situation ahead. "...I'm a coward, Alec. I really did think I could just stay here forever and not have to deal with anything."

"Is it your worst fear?"

"Yes." I mumbled, shutting my eyes to try and block the upcoming tear-attack. I failed miserably. I waited for a few seconds until I opened them, tears dripping down. "I hoped that if I did go back, I'd be strong enough..." I tried tried to wipe all tears away quickly, forcing a smile. "...But, hey, life's like that. Unfair."

"Three things we agree on." Alec said, trying to make the mood optimistic. Even he was finding it awfully depressing.

I laughed shakily, standing up from the bed. "If you would excuse me, I'm going to shower. And, before you even bother to say anything, I promise I won't try to drown myself. Pinky swear." I walked towards him, holding my pinky out.

"A solid promise is enough." He said, his eyes flickering to my pinky as if it was a foreign gesture. Maybe it was in Italy or just foreign to vampires. "Meet Demetri out at the transport routes..." He noticed my confused expression, grinning. "Ask _when_ you get lost."

"Will do." I said, turning to the bathroom, grateful to be away from Alec. It didn't effect me that we apparently 'agreed' on things now, he was vile creature that I hated more than anyone. Even his sister.

I entered the bathroom shakily, closing the door with my eyes shut. My breathing was getting louder and slower, all because of the thought that I would have to face my family and worst of all, Jacob, who despite everything that had happened, was now in the greatest pain possible that I was meant to share. What Jane and Alec had put me through wasn't my worst nightmare, this is.

* * *

"Did Aro touch you? Read your thoughts? 'Cos Renesmee, if he did, that's really, really bad. Think of Charlie! I know i've already asked this six times but really, did they hurt you? Did they? That's all anyone worries about, you can tell your uncle Em, promise." I know I shouldn't have, but I stopped listening to Uncle Em's ramblings then. I had other focuses, such as getting my ass over to Demetri to finally leave Volterra forever, never would I be stupid enough to return. The big tall man, Felix, did help me by drawing a detailed map as I passed him, lost, which was now held up against my nose.

I was actually expecting myself to have had a heart attack, dying in one of the castle's many hallways, all with anxiety of going back to my family. Golden proof of how much of a coward I was even if I wanted to hide from that fact. Then, when I called, Uncle Em picked up as he was the only one home. Saint Uncle Emmett now, completely not scary at all after running away. Hell, he found it funny! And he knew not to mention my family quickly, giving me some time to soak up the comfort of his friendly voice.

"I was telling the truth, really. They didn't hurt me... physically." My voice wasn't convincing at all, the panic creeping up.

"Not physically?" He paused as the exit I was looking for came to sight, likely this 'car route' Alec had been talking about. "Emotionally? Did they... discriminate you?" He breathed, his voice turning hard.

"What can you expect? I'm the half breed, the one that caused them the problem. Aro didn't discriminate me, just the likely suspects. Caius, Jane, Alec..." Saying his name made me uncomfortable, not completely angry but not sad either at his respect. Maybe he was going to become a harsh memory of the past. Hopefully.

Emmett growled as I said the last three names, "You tell your mother that, Ness, and she'll get her shield up and make those which twins invisible! And we'll gather up everyone including the Romanians and dest-"

"Don't!" I yelled, surprisingly loud. "You can't do that to Aro."

"What the hell Renesmee? Have the Volturi made some sort of blood cocaine that you've been snorting? And do you know why they would do that? Because Aro is a sick and twisted bas-idiot!" I almost forgot how it felt to me treated like a complete child, innocent ears that couldn't hear a curse.

I breathed as I continued to look out at the exit, the wall carved into the shape of that castle's normally had, that came down as a bridge. "I don't know if that is true or not but you must thank him surely for all he has done to me."

"That's it, I'm booking you into rehab!" I giggled softly, the humor Uncle Em always showed such a comfort, so much like home. "I'm serious!"

"Although, I do have serious issues and probably need rehab, I am not on drugs. Okay? I would be dead if it wasn't because of Aro! He put a ban on harming me which included Alec and Jane." So strange, defending someone who wanted to kill you once but I truly meant it, not that I thought he was an angel, but he was the reason I was alive.

"And of course, that makes it the most safest, vampire crack free place to go ever. But kiddo, you are high. Anyone who goes to the Volturi is high. You were lucky, Ness. Of all the places, the Volturi? You little crack pot."

_That's me._

"It was quite exciting though." I sighed, "Walking through Volterra that night, all smug, not paying the taxi dr-" My face went red, warm with tears at the thought.

Uncle Em thankfully didn't seem to have noticed. "You're a little rebel, do you know that?" _Little. _"No seven...teen, _seventeen _year older would run away to killers with a perfectly loving family."

_Killer. _

I swallowed back the tears, my head starting to bulge. "I was bored! Too... too... perfect! Here, I'm hated. Something that I haven't felt for a _long _time."

"You want to be hated?" Uncle Em said, frustrated at my abnormal personality.

"No..I just..." Sighing, I wiped the fallen tear from my eye. "I just... how can I ever learn to over come and strengthen with these things? How can I ever learn to deal with being hated? And it did not effect me when I was inside of my mother's stomach. That does not count. As much as being hated is hard, at-least I can learn to stick up for myself and.. and.." Unable to continue, my voice broke.

_Cry-baby._

"Aww, Ness? You ok? Look, I understand. You've not exactly had the, er, normal childhood with proper feelings. After the whole Volturi incident, all you have ever been given is love. From everyone. It doesn't shape a personality well, I guess. But look, the Volturi are _not_ the people that shape character well. You understand me?"

_Very, very, very clearly._

"I do." I sniffled, getting out a handkerchief to wipe my nose.

"As for 'ol Mom and Dad, after hearing your voice at the beginning of the phone call, I guess you obviously are nervous about seeing us... including pedo."

Fire leaped through my veins at the reference, the memories of what he had done to me creeping up and luckily, being destroyed with the fury quickly. "Pedo? Don't you mean fedo?"

"Peado. Pedo. All the same thing."

I laughed, enjoying the humor no matter how harsh it may be. "I don't want to ask this. And thank you for not bring it up but... how are they?"

Uncle Em was silent for a few moments which killed me even more than the fire inside of me which hadn't vanished yet. "Your moms well... like any mother would be, worried yet wants you to be happy. A phone call would have cheered her up I guess. Your dad is being good old eddy... over-reacting and being over protective. It took me, Jazz, your mom and Rose to hold him back from coming to get you."

The dagger that was shoved through my heart hurt more than anticipated.

"But hey, Ness, none of that matters!"

"It does!" I shrieked, "I left! Ignored them, killed humans whilst I was gone a-" _Smooth. "_I'm a killer, Em. A killer." I whispered.

"Don't say that."

"But its true."

"Mistakes happen. You wanted to breathe new air, to experiment. Nothing wrong with that. Most teens get knocked up or start gangs and set crap on fire. You went to a different country and... do you know what? Let's just forget about it, Ness. Mistakes happen, you are definitely not the first. So, walk out of there with your head high, you abnormally beautiful and independent half human, half vampire _woman_ and I'm not going to lie, face the damage with strength."

"I don't deserve those words."

"You do. Trust me you do. Come back then leave again, go elsewhere. Do what makes you happy.. which can I make clear, does not include anything to do with drugs, alcohol, pornography and prostitution. Got that?"

"No, I'm a coward. I need punished."

"And how you gonna do that? Spend eternity with pedo? Be miserable and unhappy?"

That was a heavy punishment for myself, deserved but heavy. "I don't know! Okay? I just... I'm... now everything seems to be crashing down."

"So to heck with that, Ness! I won't tell anyone that you're coming back, then we'll surprise them. Happiness will forever overcome anger. And if Rose dares to make things worse, I'll shut her her up with hot, passionate s-kisses! Ok? So catch that flight, come back and deal with things. What are they going to do? Lecture you on not running away? And if the dog wants to even comment with _family _business, he knows what I did to him when..." I whimpered down the phone at the memory. "Forget I even mentioned that. He can sit on the god damn floor crying all he wants, he's the pig who brought this on himself. Not you, him."

"He lies on the floor, crying?" I whispered with undeserved sympathy.

"He thinks you're doing the same. Obviously the dogs over-estimate their imprinting _curse. _But forget about it, go catch your flight, sleep, I'll pick you up at the airport and take you home and I promise, everyone will be happy, okay?"

I forced a smile that he wouldn't see, trying to make myself sure of his comforting words that didn't full convince me. "Okay. Thank you so much, I'll remember to buy you a souvenir at the airport."

"That's my favorite niece. Now, get your ass out of that place now."

"Right at the door," I said, with a smile at freedom. "Love you."

"Love you too, Ness. Have a nice flight, remember to not ta-" His voice stopped at the deathly whimpers of a male voice, still loud in desperation. _'Is that her? Is that her?' _the voice said, desperate.

Jacob.

I crumbled the phone into pieces then. Half relieved, half truly upset at the ended phone call between Uncle Em and I. I still cherished and repeated what he had said, trying to keep my head high as I stepped towards the exit, finally leaving the Volturi forever.

"Stop!" A voice shrieked in a heavy Italian accent.

I spun around in curiosity that someone would stop _me _from leaving. A tall, olive-pale (an impossible skin tone, I had thought, although many of the Volturi guards had this. Dark yet pale. Italian yet vampire), sophisticated vampire stood. The female had long, curly dark blond hair that made her face twice as stunning.

"Stay there! Don't move!" She said, her voice in distress.

"Ok?" I mumbled, my eyes getting bigger as I got more confused.

"_What is wrong with you?" _She whispered, her face now dangerously close to mine.

_Weeell, if you really want to know.. It all started seven years ago... _"Uh... Is this over... uh..."

"You're...you're...so...strange!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air then starting to pull her hair, frustrated.

I took a guess at where she was coming from, it didn't take me long nor did it surprise me; where they actually any other explanations? "Oh..I'm Renesmee, half human, half va-"

"I know what you are!" She snapped, shaking me by the shoulders quickly. "Tell me, tell me the truth, how do you respond to mental vampire powers?"

_Emmett! We have a crack head on the loose!  
_

"Answer me!" She yelled, shaking me even harder, making it hurt now.

"I.. uh.. they work fine on me!" I gasped, absolutely terrified now. Angry red eyes were not good, not good at _all._

"Then _why _does mine literally explode up in flames inside my head when I try to use them on you? Why?" She screamed, throwing me to the cold marble ground.

"I...I..." I whimpered, "I don't know!" _Now, can you please let me leave?_

The female screamed viciously at me again like a wild animal in pain, her claws also scrunching up like an animal. "You don't know?"

"Chelsea!" A voice barked, rushing towards her appearing as a vampire blue and tucking the growling female behind him. "Calm, my darling. Calm."

Chelsea shut her eyes and nodded, shook herself then re-opened her eyes, completely calm. "I am fine." She murmured, taking a deep breath. "Perfectly calm, Afton. Perfectly calm." The couple looked at me cautiously as I got back onto my feet, trying to smooth out my hair. "I am sorry for my little outburst." She said in a professional tone, which matched the pearl gray skirt-suit she was wearing.

"Its uh, perfectly fine. But I actually have to go..." I mumbled, still shaken by her outburst.

"No!" Chelsea shrieked, making me jump again. "You are not leaving you...you... strange, painfully emotionally challenged halfbreed."

"How... how do... do I know you well?" My eyebrows scrunched up, wondering if my many problems were actually that visible.

"No, you don't know me at all. Of course, I know you. Renesmee Cullen. The child who should be dead. Of course I tried to help with your case, trying to break your families bonds which failed. I was not surprised, i've seen this happen with relationships before, your parents for example...but _you! You! _You have the most infuriating relationship problem ever!" Her hands turned into claws again, now grabbing her head tightly. "As much as I want you gone, as much as everyone wants you gone, it is my job to get you to stay right now, and do you understand how.. how.. difficult this is?"

I didn't know what to say, or if there was anything that I _could _say without snapping this woman and sending me pushed down on the floor again. Even with the crazy eyes and the shrieks, it was quite obvious that one, Chelsea for some reason needed, not wanted, me to stay. Whoever she was. And two, she had a power to break bonds, or something along line, and it clearly did not work on me.

"Explain! Explain your actions!"

I stared at her, frightened. Not in an Alec and Jane way, but in a psycho bitch way. With the large, red, fuming eyes being the worst. So, now she expected me to explain why I was so mucked up? "Uhm, I, uh, well, I ran away from my family. The closest person to me... well he just broke that bond himself. I'm terrified of going home and facing my family. I currently have a fuming hate for Alec and Jane..."

"Silence! That's not deep enough, do _you _even know how you feel?"

"Well...no..."

"That's it! Afton, that is it! How can I change bonds that she doesn't even know? Marcus, of all people, is currently spending days trying to figure out!" _What the hell? _"And do you know what I have to do now that I don't have my power on my side?" She loosened herself from Afton's grip, coming towards me at vampire speed. "Aro has told me to get you to stay, no matter how I do that." Her voice turned to a icy whisper, frightening up close. "And I will use violence."

I gulped, running my fingers through my hair nervously, sweat starting to drip from my forehead. "Please just let me leave." I pleaded desperate, "You don't know what Alec and Jane put me through.. please."

Chelsea scrunched her eyebrows together, her eyes lightening up at a sudden plan. "Alec and Jane... did they hurt you?"

"Jane used her power on me once, but apart from that, no."

"She broke the ban." Chelsea breathed. A smile burst out onto her face suddenly and she jumped up. "She broke the ban! This is perfect!"

"You want to get her into trouble or something?"

"Of course not. I mean, of course I don't love her, I hate the fact you have to worship her because of that power of hers. If their bond wasn't so deep, I would have turned her quiet brother on her centuries ago...and her ass-kissing towards the master! She always likes to be the favourite, that is why she hated your coven member, Alice so much... but now, you can turn her in! You will turn her in!"

I shook my head, "If I mention it to Aro, she'll kill me when I step out of Volterra which I will be right now..."

"Trust me, you are _not _leaving."

"Yes, I am." My teeth gritted together, wanting to beg Chelsea to allow me to leave.

"No you're not." She studied me for a quick moment, as if to dig deep inside of me. Wither it was her power or not, I did not know. "You don't like to be defeated easily, do you?"

"I guess not." I mumbled, trying not to break my teeth in anxiety of finally getting to leave, if I would. Which I was doubting now.

"Well, you're a loser."

I felt a stab through my heart, the truth hurting. It always did because I couldn't face it. No one told me the truth at home. No one told me the truth of what I was, ever.

"It was never a game, they started the game. There was only one round, which they won with pride." I forced a smile, as if defeat did not bother me.

"Doesn't that make you mad? That those powerful, self-centered twins won? They can't hurt you here without a consequence. And they will hurt you a hundred times worse when you leave."

It wasn't a fake threat to get me to stay, for fear or for revenge. Chelsea meant it, I didn't know why she thought that way but Alec and Jane had promised me differently. "But they promised me they would leave me alone as long as I leaved?" _Ah, now I see how stupid that sounds._

"But if you stay, Aro will protect you, you will be more safe here."

"I have my family, they can keep me safe."

"I don't want to scare you off with gory details of what I over-heard Alec and Jane say, but your family are in danger if you go home. They would destroy them all off-guard, painfully and their bodies would be placed in your room. What they did before, with the human bodies, it was a sign. Then they'd kill you, but a part of me thinks you would be the first, so they could torture your mot-" She stopped as she watched, pleased, as my expression changed to complete fury.

They would _not _torture my mother like that, ever. They would not harm her or my family. The responsibility of keeping them alive suddenly felt like a brick as it smashed down onto my shoulders. It was up to _me _to keep them safe. And I had never, ever, had that much responsibility before. If any at all.

"How can I get them to stop?" I hissed through tight lips.

Chelsea smiled, turning to her mate, Afton who beamed a praising smile at her. "In order to do that, you must agree to stay."

I wanted agree quickly for the safety of my family, but I didn't want any human killed either because I stayed. "You know what they did to me? I know you probably thought it was nothing, but I was brought up to consider that a horrible thing. And it really has effected me."

"Oh no, no, no! Sweetie, if you tell Aro that if they pushed you to leave, there is no way in hell he'd stop feeding on humans but Alec and Jane could stop torturing and killing infront of you."

Not that I expected them to ever stop feeding on humans for me, I accepted it, I had done it. It tasted good, and it would be such a challenge to stop now but that would have to wait. "That's perfect.. for the situation, that is. So, I stay and they won't torture me with killing or hurting my family?"

"As long as you tell Aro... you actually don't even have to because I understand from what I heard Alec and Jane say, you seem pretty shaken from it. I'll tell Aro everything, explain the situation including their future plans and you just go back to bed. He'll be disappointed, which tortures Jane, and with disappointment, she will stop. I promise you." She held her hand out like it was a business deal, smiling warmly to lure me in. I shook it, returning the smile.

"You can go to bed now..." She tossed me a new phone, her eyes flickering to the destroyed one on the floor. "...you should call your family and inform them on the cancelled plans, but not the whole situation. Keep it in Volterra, please, if you can. I'll go discuss things with Aro and you can enjoy a victory." She smiled, breaking off the handshake. "Goodnight, Renesmee." She turned and rushed off at vampire speed with Afton.

Chelsea had reminded me off a stressed out business woman, although I don't think any normal deal would go down with that. And the shrieking, of course. Friendly, but only to get what she wanted. I did consider her help saint-like, what she told me.

I had gained responsibility for my families safety. Of course my mother had a shield but it was likely in the Volturi, they were gifts above that, some I didn't even know about. There was no way I could chance it. It didn't completely suit me, I didn't want to be here still at all, but I had to for my family. I only really got to receive love at home but now, I had responsibilities. As annoying as the 'achievement' may have been, I smiled happily, a stronger smile.

* * *

I walked down the Volturi halls victorious, yet desperate for sleep. I felt bubbly though, some energy still inside of me. I had no idea what time it was, probably very late, but of course, the vampires still walked about. All staring at me, as usual, but I didn't mind. I had their leader on my side.

When I crossed paths with Alec and Jane, I didn't let them ruin my mood. It was their mood that was going to be ruined.

"Renesmee, my stupid little half breed, the exit is actually that way." Alec said, putting his hand on my back to turn me around.

"Oh, I wasn't aware of that. Are you going that way too?" I said, enjoying the power over them.

"Yes, we're actually on our way to see our master. Probably to discuss the joy of your departure." Jane said, smugly.

"The joy? Didn't Aro want me to stay? Because I am sure he would be very disappointed if he found out you broke the ban and got rid of me." I grinned at her, shrugging as if he would never find out.

"But he won't." Jane said through gritted teeth.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. But I have no knowledge on the situation. I'm sure he will praise you though." I paused, before turning to Alec. "But I wouldn't be so sure. I'm actually for a matter of fact, staying. The pleasure of spending more time with you Alec brings tears to my eyes."

Alec and Jane's eyes were fuming as they caught onto the plan.

"If you do this, I will torture everyone you love with your blood." Jane hissed at me, stepping forward to be stopped by her brother.

"Aro would be disappointed. And that would just be a shame for you. But I guess he can fill you in when he 'praises' you for what you did to me. I'm sorry I can't be there to witness, but I really have to sleep. Goodnight Alec. Goodnight Jane." One last, confident smile appeared on my lips as I walked off, hearing the thud of a wall crumbling.

The best part was that Jane didn't even use her power on me.

I kept on walking towards my room, taking out the phone lent by Chelsea and dialing the house number. I was officially staying now, not going home. I had a responsibility to keep my family alive and not tortured, even if it meant paining them in the process by staying. I didn't know what to do now. Could I ever go home? Was it possible that Aro had made Chelsea plant this trap on me so that I would forever be his? I didn't care, my families safety was above that.

"Hello? Uncle Em? Yeah, its Ness. There's been a change of plans.. I think you need to cancel that surprise welcome home party..."

* * *

**Smug bitch! LOL.  
So we saw Renesmee at her worst at the end of the last chapter, now at her best. And she is staying! One of the main reasons why she is here is also to gain human personality features as she's only been given love, like mentioned. Now, she has been given responsibility, which I thought was quite nice on her behalf. Just don't mess it up, Renestard!**

**School sucks the inspiration out of you, honestly.**

**Its been 2 days off because of snow, and the third tomorrow, so that's where the creativity lies. Then its the December holidays/Christmas, so that will just be so inspiring at this time last year, this fanfic slowly began to form inside my head as my love for this couple grew. The plot has went a long, long, long way but hey, it started in the winter, in the snow, so i'm inspired!**

**Thanks again to all of my reviews for the last chapter (32 now.. oh my god!) **

**-Lilylove **

**since this was a non-penname review, I'll reply here:)**

**Thank you , I'm glad you like the darkness of the story! And I hope you enjoy the upcoming romance, no matter how far away it seems now!:D**

**-xXPurpleMidnightXx**

**-NiamhK  
another non-pen name but I know her in real life, so i've already replied .. with spoilers!;)**

**-magicangel30  
-Seph Meadowers **

**Thanks everyone!  
Also: polyvore link...**

**.com/cgi/profile?id=1524847**

**Outfits from the fanfic and also from other oneshots.**

**Cristina,**

**xxxx**

**Song inspirations:  
PINK FRIDAY – NICKI MINAJ**

**BUY THIS ALBUM!**

**Also, weezy is free. The world is officially a better place again.**


	9. No Love

**I do not own twilight. **

_**Love Is Colder Than Death**_

_**Chapter 9**_

_**No Love  


* * *

**_

I've always tried to tell myself that in every unpleasant situation, there is an end. It's a fact that works with everything, being an annoying thing when the situation is good. But there is always an end, it could be soon or far away, even death because nothing lasts forever. I don't know if I would count or not, maybe half count, but this fact does work with vampires to some extent too. They too can die, it is much harder and impossible in some cases, so there is an end. Both happy and sad situations may seem harder to get to the end of, but time _always _moves on.

I didn't have a clue how long I would be in Volterra for, my only hope being time until I finally got to leave. It was now mid-October and as much as it would seem right for me to moan about how much I hated everything in Volterra, one, it was my own fault and two, I did enjoy it. I came here for a thrill and as hard as it may to believe it, the Volturi did have that exciting edge. This, of course, is when the edge is death free.

Not because of my own sanity, but to strengthen my want to stay, Aro tried to avoid my eyes seeing any human deaths. I didn't feed with them anymore, nor was I anywhere near the grand hall when the feeding began. I tried to control the cravings but it was starting to provoke me to become a killer, my only choice being the humans of the Volturi. That would be obviously very rude. And of course, against the law to feed on Volturi residents, and the rest of Volterra. So, I stuck to a blood-in-a-glass diet.

I spoke to my mother too. It is horrible to admit, but I was honestly too scared of my father to speak to him on the phone. He wasn't even in anyway when I called, _always _trying to find evidence, which was stupid because everyone already knew where I was or he would try to come and get me which also failed. My mother however, tried to be as calm as possible. It wasn't a perfect situation, literally since the moment she found out about the Volturi, she's forever feared them. I didn't know how strong the hatred was, but of course, after what had happened with myself, there had to be a grudge somewhere. I would stress over and over how safe I was because of Aro (she would always argue to this) and how surprisingly fun some of the things I got to do were.

"_Aro is using you." Momma had said, the fact causing her pain. _I tried to sound as if I did not care, I was clearly a stupid person that was like, _'well, whatever, at-least I'm having a blast'. _

Aro indeed was clearly using me, showed by the actives I did. I did fight training with the guard I had met on my first night, Felix. Quite a humorously scary man, friendly and not afraid to discuss the things he did. It had taken me quite a while to think of how to describe him, _a vampire version of one of the men from the Jersey Shore? _Was my latest phrase for him. Felix did not shy away from the fact he would take human girls, have sex with them which would 'unfortunately' sometimes make the death during the sex. And if not, he'd just kill them after wards. Good news was that he had re-assured me that he had no interest to do this to me. _Great to know. _

The fighting was a thrill, I wasn't the fastest or the strongest but I improved. I could never be as fast as a vampire but I improved my technique. Felix was still debating (probably with Aro) if I was useful against a vampire, the thought scaring me. We trained more about techniques on how to use me on destroying newborns when needed (something I was recently told about in more depth), a situation that was apparently starting to creep up to an alerting status somewhere in the world. My blood was supposedly good for rounding them up, making the target easier. But then, I would need protection just in-case they got close enough. If that did happen, I was guarantee a quick death.

Felix had told me straight that I had a quirky, bubbly, unusual fighting skill. I would giggle a lot, out of the fun of the training which apparently would make my opponent mad, loosing their focus if it wasn't an important kill. I would only win if I was fighting a human, or a half breed like myself. That, in one word, sucked.

I also did mental training, not much about my ability to show people things, but for this shield of mine. I don't think it will ever work with Reneta's physical shield but Aro wants to keep on trying. He's extremely motivated, sometimes forgetting as he would put it 'common manners' (this sometimes was taken humorously by myself) and making me work twelve hours at a time with it. It usually got so bad that I would black out, waking up with extreme head aches. It had to be shortened down to once a week now, because I started to struggle breathing concentrating so hard.

Today, was my once-a-week mental session, Reneta was busy so I was stuck with my teacher being my favorite person in the world. _Alec._

Hatred made me not interesting one bit. I hated the dungeons, the nightmares they brought back. That was all I could think about right now, that and of course how much I hated the man infront of me.

"At first, I could only take away all of the senses, but the key is to.. ok that's it, just leave now!"

My head snapped up from the ground I was gazing at, trying not to fall asleep. _But I swear, I was enjoying myself. I was trying to interact with the ground and try to break its shield thing. Grounds don't have shields? Well... _"Huh? Oh no, its fine. I'm _loving_ your lesson."

"I could teach you an effective way to call a taxi, make your way through an airport and step on a plane to America, you'd love that even more."

"Thanks but no thanks." I said, folding my arms impatiently to be given proper permission to leave.

"Did I mention that is another reason why I hate you? Your attitude. The false smugness which constantly provokes me to dream about literally ripping the smug smile of your face? And the way you walk arou like you ow-"

"Calm it Janet, I'm afraid for my own sake that angry heart attacks cannot kill vampires so don't even bother." I growled as he took a step closer to me, for a second making me think he would attack.

Alec smiled, clearly amused at myself. "Why are you so... stupid?" He paused, also folding his arms. "If you don't mind me asking that is."

I copied his previous movement like he did to me when folding his arms and moved closer to him, my fists tightening up too. _You do know that if you punched him, it would make his dream come true that sort of pain being inflicted on you. _"Why are _you_ so twisted and sick? That's a much better question."

Alec raised an eyebrow, cockily copying my movement again and stepping forward. "_You _did not answer my clear question. Once you do that, then I can answer yours."

I decided to keep the copying game going, raising my eyebrows too. "_You _do not have an answer to that question anyway. _You _are twisted and sick because you enjoy it, which isn't a valid answer, just proof of the question its self. Once you figure out a proper answer, I can answer yours."

"How... immature." Alec said, annoyingly disgusted for no good reason. Not that anything he did was for a good reason, despite what he may think with that peanut sized brain of his. "I already have an answer for your question, for a matter of fact. And as much as my answer may actually entertain you, I am sure your brainless answer to why you are stupid enough to not go back to your family would amuse me so much more."

_Ha! _It was his fault I was staying in the first place, to protect my family from him and his sister, thanks to the information Chelsea had given me which leaded to a win on my side. "I know what you and Jane were planning, peanut brain. I'm here to protect my family and to enjoy the fury because of my visit from you and your sister."

"You.. you actually believed that?" Alec burst into a loud chuckle. "Oh, my little brainless half breed! You do understand that Aro told Chelsea that to keep you from leaving. You know how much I would like to harm you emotionally in that way but I am afraid that your family are at no risk." He paused, taking in the delight of my stabbed face. "I'm afraid I don't have any tissues on me to dry up those pathetic tears at the fact little Renesmee's big responsibility is no more!"

"I knew that." I murmured quickly although it did not come out convincing at all. I wasn't surprised either, I just felt like nothing. Again.

"As much as I find your completely brainless personality and decisions completely amusing and occasionally I have the small laugh for the fact you think you are higher than my sister and I, now that your family are safe, would you please exit yourself from Volterra? I'd escort you myself."

"No." I said cockily.

Alec looked at me, puzzled at my answer. "_No?" _He breathed. I wondered if he was furious or just in shock, the first frightening me very much. "Chelsea and Marcus _were_ right. Your relationships are..." He paused, wondering how to phrase it.

"Effed up? Weird? Cold? _Human_?"

Alec flashed a smile at me, pleasantly surprised at my use of the word human for a negative term. "I would hate to be the one to get the answer out of you when Marcus is spending each second watching your ties but I must let my curiosity win. Before you were even told about your family being endanger, our plan had worked, you were leaving. You have no reason to stay why, yet why are you?"

Who did he think he was? One of those help aunts in cheesy magazines? Ask Aunt Alec?

I didn't want this gift, but I knew Alec. If he wanted something, he would get it. If he wanted an answer, he would get an answer. I didn't happen to know wither or not he knew the truth from the false. "I quite enjoy it here, when I'm not the cause of a families death. The fight training especially."

Alec hissed loudly at the breakage of my voice as I remembered the event. "When will you ever learn? Human life is worthless! To see you cry over them was hard enough, I felt ashamed of my own race, half of it."

"_That _was the softened look in your eyes?" I said, disgusted.

"No, of course not. It was because I wouldn't ever like you be in pain, I wanted to cradle you as you cried..." He paused, shaking his head in disgust at his own words. "Even saying that in a sarcastic manner is vile."

"Even harder to hear, you pig."

Alec laughed darkly, grabbing a lock of my hair and stroking it gently. "Call me that again and I will hunt down every last member of your human family and kill them all." He murmured sweetly, his voice like velvet. "Now, would you care to tell me what else is keeping you away from your family? I'm not as brainless as you."

I shrugged, hiding the fear that was trying to black me out as I did so. I _knew _he would kill those I loved. "I need a break from, uh, love. I guess."

"Stupid girl." He murmured. "You do know that turning your back to love coming from family causes evil? Well, after recent events you _do _know now."

"No idiot, clearly you _haven't _turned your back from family love and you are still evil...oh crap, I, uh, I'm sorry. You are not an idiot. I am really, really sorry." _Nice one._

"Oh how I love apologizes." He smiled, moving his hand to wipe the sweat coming from my forehead. "Turning your back on love almost always has unpleasant endings."

"And you know this how?" My face turned into complete disgust at a thought, "You killed your family? Didn't you? You sick ba-"

"What were you going to say?" He murmured moving his finger to my lips, "I think you're wearing too big shoes today, half breed. I did _not _kill both of my parents."

"You killed one of your parents?" I said in disbelief at how far someone could go.

"Yes. Although, I was indirectly involved with the second."

"You disgust me." I spat, turning around to leave even if my 'training' wasn't meant to finish until later but I refused to spend any more time with a monster like Alec.

_Alec obviously has other plans._

I felt his cold skin, probably the only thing more icy than his heart, grasp onto my shoulder, pulling me back to him harshly. "Let me go!" I groaned, trying to wrestle his hand away. It ended with him facing me, his eyes hard and determined to get his own way, as usual. "I said, _let me go!" _

Alec let go slowly, raising his hands above his head innocently to prove that none of his skin was touching mine. There was still a taunting glow coming from him, even with myself out of his grasp. "Doesn't mean you're leaving..." he said smoothly, grinning at me.

"Doesn't mean that I'm going to bother listening to your teachings." I said, rolling my eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh. "Nor do I want to hear how you managed to kill both of your parents."

"Ah but my father tried to kill Jane and I. It's an exciting story really, with a deliciously bloody ending, a happy one."

I looked at him puzzled, crossing my arms in frustration at the garbage he would come out with next. "Can I confirm that you killed your mother, helped to kill your father who killed you?"

"Just about right." He said carelessly, like he had heard the story a million times already. I felt his gaze go down my body, stopping at my shoes (high heeled ankle boots). Alec shook his head in disbelief, laughing softly. "Please, sit on the floor, you won't be getting out of here until we formally finish and I would hate for a guest to break her ankle in something like _those._"

I scrunched my face up at his mood change, and the effects it had on me, the politeness in his voice luring me in, even if I tried to ignore it. "So polite..." I mumbled, clenching my teeth together as he shrugged his shoulders and smirked. "Ass kissing to your master, I take it? I'm afraid I won't be helping you to get your gold star."

"_Your _master too." I looked at him in horror, trying not to vomit. "And as if you don't do enough sucking up yourself, with the sympathy act and the need to complain about your childhood. Don't even get me started with your journey to find _inner strength_!" He mocked, pausing to grin with amusement. "Want strength? I'll get my sister to see how much strength you have to handle long-term pain!"

"I thought you said I couldn't leave." I said through gritted teeth, removing myself from his gaze to take his advice to sit down in the cold floor in the room that haunted me so much.

"Listen more carefully, my half breed, I said that my sister would come to _you_, if she didn't mind wasting her time with someone like you."

"Then what am I supposed to do? I would rather rip my own eyeballs out than spend my time talking to you."

"I can make that happen." Alec raised his eyebrows and smirked, pushing the sleeves of his black shirt up in a taunting manner.

"You have a nice smirk."

_Oh my- did I just say that? _

"Word vomit!" I spat quickly.

_Alec looked as if he wanted to vomit. _

"Just forget I even said that.. Erase it from your memories.." I stuttered, my face going red. It wasn't as if it wasn't true, I had just realized it there, quickly. _Too quickly! _I could only blame it on the fact he was vampire, that it was a luring trait...which it was..._stop it!_

"Well thank you." Alec smirked again, more smug this time.

"You know, when I first met you, I liked you." I said, trying to change the conversation for my own sanity.

Alec scrunched his face up, confused with my statement on him. "Don't lie, I really don't think you are _that _ stupid to like someone who wants your life."

"No, not then...when I first came here. You take away pain harder than you give it, you were practically a god to me for taking the pain away, a quiet, polite god." I paused, thinking of what I had just said. "Ha!"

"That's why I advise people to _not _get to know me. Or make themselves hated by myself, but you are clearly wearing shoes far too big for your feet like I mentioned before ."

"I'm just lost." I said in defense of myself, "Live in the moment, I guess. I can deal with going home later."

Alec smiled at my naive attitude towards life, he didn't have any worries himself apart from fighting and killing to protect the Volturi law. "You're too interesting to be killed."

_Thanks my home-dog? _

"I forgive easily, you know. Not many people would forgive the Volturi for wanting to kill them and _no one _would go to them. _Or _piss the witch twins off." I smiled at how crazy my situation was, how the thrill I wanted was being on the edge of death 24/7.

"The witch twins..." He said, finding humor at the insult I'd heard many times, especially from the Romanian coven who had visited a few times. "I take it Vladimir or Stefan made you familiar with the name?"

"He _hates _you. Vladimir. They kept visiting wondering when the next time we would 'attack' the Volturi again. Grandpa said no each time, stating it was never our intentions. Not that you're hard to hate easily but why does he hate you _so _much?"

"You know that the Romanian's were in control once? I wasn't born when the small guard and our masters took control of our world, around 1000 BC. They tried to regain control in the 18th century but the Volturi were far bigger, gaining Jane and I. He hates me so much because I-"

"Kicked his ass?" I said for him.

Alec smiled proudly at the memory and nodded. "Yes, I did just that. He will _never _defeat me. Only if he has your mother on his side, the reason why Aro considers you so special. I don't think you will get particularly maddened at this, but do you remember when I first arrived, taking away your hearing when Aro was speaking to Jane for a short amount of time?"

"I thought it was a plan to kill me."

"Never. Caius has made many plans already but Aro is too alert to allow them to succeed, if you died, it would be his _worst _nightmare. What he was saying was that if he has you with us, or working to get you on our side, the Volturi is invincible again. The Cullens would never attack if you were with us."

I searched for flaws in his plan, finding none. I wouldn't betray my family but if I had some connection that made myself faithful with the Volturi, the Cullens would have to side with the Volturi for my sake, no matter how hard it would be. "People would do anything for love." I murmured, sighing as I thought of my family and how true it was that they would do anything for me. "It would be a very hard alliance, only done for love, despite the cold circumstances."

Alec nodded in agreement. "Love can be used for power. Destroying love too. Love can be cold. Aro knows that."

"Would you use love for power?" I asked, wondering if he would ever find love apart from his sister. Caius who had a wife, was a billion times worse that Alec but he seemed to love her.

"I would use people to get what I want, I am not as power hungry as Aro though, the fear my power brings is good enough for me, I would fake love to get what I wanted but if I truly loved someone, never. I would _never _use my sister for power." Alec explained, his voice casual.

_Whoa, deep. Wait. Kidding, he's still a proud a-hole._

"Love is not as pure as my family thinks, especially here."

"Love is cold." Alec agreed.

"Love is colder than death." I said dryly, "I've never been in love though, I don't think I can really judge. Have you?"

"Never." Alec said, speaking as if it was a wonderful thing. "I'm very close with my sister but no, I have never been in love with a woman who I wasn't related with."

_Are you gay?_

I did secretly envy his relationship with his sister. I was an only child and maybe my version of a sibling that knew everything was Jacob. But he messed that up. _Not that insane to even remember it. _"Have you ever been separated from her?"

"A few times, when she is going duties and I am not. Even when we were transforming into vampires, we were together. Before that, we were born together and died together." Alec said, beginning to get occupied with his thoughts, about the past probably I thought.

"The witch twins..." I murmured, thinking of the name. "Witches... not the most common insult." My eyes moved to the ground, beginning to get lost in thought.

"But it's true."

"What?" I said, my eyes widening as they snapped up to look at Alec who stood staring at me blankly. He began to walk towards me, sitting down next to me on the floor. I looked at him nervously, the closeness scaring me meaning that his attack was closer.

"The name has meaning. _The witch twins. _We were witches." He turned to look at me, a proud smile on his face. "We still brought fear as witches, and we still do as vampires."

_He must be one of Voldemort's horocruxes. _

"Witches are real too?" I stuttered, amazed. Witches? Vampires and werewolves I could handle but _witches? _Sure, all three work on _the vampire diaries _but in my own, real life? No way! "You used to be a witch?"

"We were _thought _to be witches."

"Huh?"

Alec rolled his eyes, looking as if he was wondering if he should even bothering explaining to me. "Stupid girl." He said, not even under his breath. "How much history have you been taught?"

"Lots."

"Are you aware that they would burn suspected witches at stake during the medieval period in time?"

"Ye- _Ah!_"

The witch twins had some truth to the name, not that they were witches, but suspected. It wasn't that surprising considering their personalities but were they really still that evil as humans?

"How could they _possibly_ suspect that?" I said sarcastically. "And if it was over killing people for fun like you still do, then I hope you weren't surprised when they tried to kill you."

"That wasn't what started the suspicion." Alec said blankly, pausing to find words. "We killed our mother at birth."

I looked at his face, wondering what to say as he just stared blankly. He didn't look guilty or (thankfully) proud but just blank, emotionless and unmoved.

"Surely death at birth would be usual then." I whispered, hoping it wouldn't send him off in a rage.

"It was." He said, "If that was all, we wouldn't have been trialled, it was the fact my mother was a well loved woman, and my sister and I were well hated. Jane never took this well, of course now she _loves _hatred, but back then, she would cause those who hate her pain."

"You were _children, _Alec. _Human _children. Are you sure?"

"She was always talented. The ending of my happy story is the grand finale, the fireworks for my sister, you could say, but she could _always _make bad things happen. Not as painful, but a small but noticeable pain. Strongest on animals strangely enough."

Jane had always been evil. Surprise, surprise. "Could you do anything?"

"Block out the hatred, I suppose. Jane's pain grew by year, with the suspicion. And then, we were trialled." He turned to me, flashing a proud grin, hinting the already-known outcome.

"So they burnt you both at stake, together?" I asked, hoping it wasn't a touchy subject.

"Born together, die together." Alec paused, shaking his head at the memory. "Idiotic humans. They burned so many people, over a long time, when _they_ were the real witches. Now look at us now, we _are _witches." Alec said proudly.

"What was it like?" I said quietly, taking a deep breath trying to imagine what he went through.

"I blocked out the pain. Jane tried to imagine giving the pain back on others, which she still does to this day. Those actions at death were what decided our powers as vampires."

"Did a vampire come in time and save you both?" I guessed, the same path of a lot of my family.

"_Aro did._ He knew about us and wanted what looked to be the most powerful vampires ever, waiting until we were older. Then of course, the humans tried to destroy Aro's plans so he killed them all including my father, who had avoided us throughout our lives, and saved Jane and I, turning us into vampires forever."

"Happy ending, huh?" I said humorlessly.

"Your family say it's a curse, my family consider it a blessing." He grinned meaning Jane. I had wondered if he considered the Volturi a family once or twice, but I guess not.

"So being burnt at stake was worth it with the power and fear you have now?" I asked, wondering how much he exactly cherished his gift.

Alec shrugged, "a few burns is a small price to pay for immortality. Trying to block the pain worked tremendously though."

"So if I'm ever being burned to death, I should try and block out the pain?"

"Yes." Alec said before standing back up. "Jane would prefer ripping your heart out though."

I laughed softly, holding my hand out for Alec to help pull me up. He rolled his eyes before helping me up. "I can't hate someone who went through what you went through." I admitted, shuddering at the thought.

"Be quiet." Alec growled. "After this, there is a good chance that I am going to kill a human or two when I am _not _thirsty. I'm sure we can still be best friends afterward."

My face went sweaty at the thought. "Fine, I do not hate you when you're not killing for no reason, especially to get to me."

"You show undeserved sympathy towards me." He corrected.

"True. But I forgive easily like I previously said."

Alec stepped towards me, smiling at my childless edge. "Renesmee, I do not care if you hate me, you annoy me more than your family combined but honestly, burnt to death or not burnt to death, I am the exact same before I told you my story."

_True again. Once a man-bitch, always a man-bitch._

I sighed vacantly, running my hands through my hair. "I guess there is no one genuinely nice here?"

"Then leave." Alec smiled as he pushed me.

I folded my hands, surrounded by the devils messengers or not, I was _not _going back. "No chance."

"Suit yourself." Alec said, grabbing his cloak off the ground and putting it on as the door opened behind him. Jane. He turned around and greeted his sister with a nod.

Jane looked at Alec adoringly then moved her gaze to me, looking at me as if I was dirt. "I hope _it _didn't drive you to insanity to much, brother."

"Surprisingly not as much as I expected, no need to bring another family in."

Jane laughed childishly at the memory which made me want to punch Alec, burnt or not burnt. _And you thought you stopped hating him? _Alec turned to look at me again, noticing my change of expression towards him, betrayal in my face at what he had said. "I am _always _right." He murmured, stroking my face gloatingly. "And now, I want to hear _your _story, without the lies or else another life will be placed in your hands."

I slapped his hand away which made Jane's face burn with fury that I ignored. "I hate you." I spat, starting to walk over to the door, heading past a silently furious Jane.

"Oh and Renesmee," Jane began making me stop before I exited, "I didn't come here for no reason, Aro's waiting for you with a guest that's arrived for you, he knows you _very _well."

_Oh crap. Time to pack my bags and say hello daddy!  


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**Less than a month to update, :O its a miracle! I hope everyone had a good Christmas! I swear, this chapter was like, 90% done on the pages app for my iPad, so I can write properly on the go! Seriously, GET THIS APP! It surprised me that it sent an email with the document... AS A .DOC FORMAT..FOR MY NEO-OFFICE SINCE I LOST THE iWORK DISK THINGY WITH PAGES FOR MY MAC! Basically, got an iPad? .APP! *apple did not pay me to promote that. LOL!**

**36 reviews.. oh wow! :') Thank you all! Thanks especially to the reviewers on the most recent chapter; _MrsNissieBlack, xXPurpleMidnightXx, NiamhK & ravenlovestwilight. _**

**Have a lovely new year, can't wait to continue the story in 2011 and write more! Lots of love, -Cristina xxx**

**Ps. Polyvore linkk is on my profile!:)**


	10. Nahuel

_I do not own twilight.  


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**Love Is Colder Than Death_  
Chapter 10  
Nahuel._**

The journey to the thrown room was too short for my liking. All of the worrying I did made it feel longer, but short or long, I was here now. My shaky hand reached out for the knob of the door that would take me to where my father was, grasping onto it tightly. I took a deep breath as I turned it, the door opening.

The scent hit me hard. So distinctive and strong, rushing at me as I stepped inside the throne room, prepared for the worst. The base of the scent was rare, limited, although for over a month now it had been everywhere in the Volturi castle but personalised compared to the scent that was making my brain explode of calmness and understanding, something that I hardly ever felt in Volterra. It wasn't the scent of my father, waiting to drag me back to Alaska, he wasn't here. My wasted panic as I walked to the throne room made me want to kick myself for getting so worked up. Jane had never said who it was. My father wasn't here in Volterra. It wasn't Jacob either, a thought used to calm myself because he had no control over me. Not a human for me to feed on, not a werewolf to shout at me for an attempted breaking of an imprint and definitely not my vampire family, bringing me back home.

My head snapped up, my eyes looking at the person in front of me with joy.

_Nahuel._

I rushed towards Nahuel who stood beside Aro with his aunt in front of the thrones that only Marcus sat at, the only person in the room who's face wasn't lit up by the reunion. Nahuel received my tight hug immediately, his strength as he held me felt so equal, just right.

"I thought you were my father." I choked.

Nahuel laughed quietly, his laugh the same as I remembered, just like a satisfied hum. "It appears as if we have a lot to catch up on since the last time I saw you." He whispered.

I flinched at the memory, making me pull out of the hug. It had been _that _night. With Jacob. The night that led me here, really. I had been so ignorant to Nahuel, which he had told my apologetic father that it was understandable considering the circumstances. I still felt horrible.

"Renesmee." Nahuel's aunt, Huilen, greeted me warmly, taking her turn to hug me. Aro watched with a painfully big smile on his face at the sight of those who had intimated him seven years ago relax in his home.

"How... Why are you here?" I said, each word coming out like a gasp of air.

"Wonderful! Isn't this just lovely, Sulpicia?" Aro jumped up, turning around to greet his wife who had just arrived with a sour Caius and his wife, Athenodora.

"This is a disgrace!" Caius answered for Sulpicia, hissing loudly with his lips puckered. "I want these Vermin out of my thrown room!"

_Haven't I said this before? Chillax dude._

Aro, mortified, turned to look at Nahuel and I nervously in-case we took offense. My eyes flickered to Nahuel's expression for a second, his handsome features appearing as if he had been slapped because of the insult. His aunt let out a small grow from beside me, I hoped silently she wouldn't push Caius.

"I get it all the time." I whispered to both of them, Nahuel's eyebrows raising up at me, the fact I just took the insults worrying him.

"But you shouldn't." Aro quickly added with an uneasy, awkward grin trying to lighten up the mood.

"I could do a lot worse to the rat!" Caius' eyes fumed, his voice breaking with fury like a dying hiss. Athenodora reached out to comfort him but Caius smacked it away so quickly that it blurred. Caius' face went surprisingly calmer but his teeth were still growling at me. "Sorry, my love. The rats make me on edge, as you know very well." He said quieter, struggling to contain his anger.

"Then if rats annoy you so much, how about you let me get a pet do-" Sulpicia giggled next to Athenodora who shot her a look that made her stop.

"We have discussed this!" Caius roared as Athenodora rolled her dark eyes and mouthed the word 'dick'. I snorted, knowing that containing the laughter would save my life.

"Brother, please..." Caius interrupted Aro with another rant of arguments which made my ears hurt because of the noise. Athenodora and Sulpicia didn't seemed to be amused with the argument either, floating out of the room elegantly in their knee-length silk dresses.

Nahuel moved his head down to look at me, tilting it slightly with a smile on his face. "We should..."

"Get out of here?" I finished him softly, smiling awkwardly to Nahuel as Caius yelled 'illegal!' at the top of his voice. "Lets go..._now_."

Aro stopped arguing and turned to me, Caius hushing shortly after, fixing his long black cloak. He glared at me one last time and stormed back up to his thrown where Marcus stared at me dully but intensely, making me feel very nervous. _He's reading my bonds. _I thought. The ones that have been puzzling him since I came.. Was he trying to see the bond between Nahuel and I? It was simple, friends. Surely not even that had become so messed up? Suddenly Marcus jolted up on his throne like had been electrocuted but Aro interrupted by surprised thoughts.

"What a wonderful idea, Renesmee! Give dearest Nahuel a tour of the gardens, will you?"

I nodded, not even sure where the gardens were located. _Yeah, Jane and I used to go there a lot and make daisy friendship chains, but we kinda drifted. Such a shame, right master Az?_

Nahuel, appearing eager to go and talk to me alone, looked at his aunt nervously. Did he want her to tag along? Lovely woman, yes, but some things should be kept between frozen young adults.

"Do not fret, I have _thousands _of questions to ask your aunt about the upbringing of a male half breed!" Aro said enthusiastically, Caius letting out a hiss when he finished. _Poor guy. _I thought. _He really needs to let his cloak down. _

Nahuel glanced nervously at his aunt who smiled reassuringly at him. "Go. I'll be fine." She said, putting her hand on Nahuel's back and gently nudging him away before doing the same with me. We began to walk away, the awkward feeling of having four eyes on our backs kicking in quickly. "Remember to be a gentleman!" Huilen called after us.

_Already guaranteed. _I thought as Nahuel opened the door for me.

There was a heavy voice in the background as I exited, belonging to Marcus clearly, but something was different though, when he said two names, the dullness in his voice went down, being replaced with sprinkles of enthusiasm, not on an Aro level, but it was still there.

"Aro..." Was the first thing I heard, the clearest name of all. "Renesmee..." His voice went fainter as he talked about me, I couldn't understand much at all, the words 'power' and 'wires' coming up a lot. And then he said the devil's name. Alec. I froze at the door, everything becoming silent.

"Are you coming?" Nahuel said from behind as if he had heard nothing.

I swallowed, freaked out in a horrible way, before stepped out of the throne room.

_The last word I heard was 'love.'  


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_

_Power, love, wires. Jane and Alec have power, they love each other and because of my training time with Alec, their relationship bonds or 'wires' were crippling. _That is the explanation. Nothing else. I forgot about the whole thing quickly for Nahuel's sake.

We walked in silence around the Volturi gardens, the air a crispy cold for November, Nahuel gazing at the ancient garden ornaments, stopping every once in a while to get a better look.

"I can understand why you could like the scenery here so much, these statues date back to Roman times." He paused, sitting down on a wooden bench, engraved with beautiful patterns. "But we all know that's not why you're here, is it?"

I bit my lip, sitting down next to him. "Its not...but you probably know why."

"Jacob Black can easily be vanished from your life, Renesmee. He says that you're supposedly in the worst emotional pain ever, since he is, but if you're happier without him the-"

"I _want _to be his friend, but you know what happened! He has ruined _everything_ for me! Imprinting has ruined everything for me! And emotional pain? His balls are in emotional pain since he can't have wolf children with me now that I am 17!" I said, my voice speeding up with each detail.

Nahuel chucked quietly, looking down onto the ground covered with cobbles. "I never got imprinting...not that anyone wants to be explained the details. But I take it you're the first imprintee to not have feelings back?"

_Probably the only thing I'm proud of myself for._

"Apparently I'll 'grow' to love Jake..." I sighed. "Well according to the senior pedophiles."

"But you love him as a friend, right?"

I nodded, swallowing back tears that were choking me up. "You're the only friend I have now." I mumbled, trying to shoo my tears away before Nahuel noticed.

"Easy solution." He said as he stood up, his long dark hair moving with the breeze that passed by. "Go home." Nahuel grinned goofily, knowing the suggestion made me want to go into hiding.

I slapped his arm playfully as I got up, giving him an 'are you serious?' look with my eyebrows raised. "I thought you were my dad, I nearly threw up 'cos I thought he was going to take me home!"

Nahuel rolled his eyes at my dramatic ways that he had gotten used to, tilting his head in invitation to start walking again. I followed him, the corners of my lips tugging up at my own immaturity. "They're your family, Renesmee." Nahuel said more seriously, frowning. "Your mother is coping with practically loosing her daughter for immature reasons and you only call her every few days! I don't have a mother, do you understand that Renesmee? Can you please just wake up and realize how spoiled and selfish you are acting?"

Hiding the pain in my face worked as much as a giraffe hiding behind a dog in a game of animal hide and seek. _The truth hurts, deal with it. _"I'm already awake." I tried to say as strongly as I could, but instead sounding weaker.

"Then splash cold water over your face to make you realize this isn't just about leaving your family, you're with the Volturi! They wanted to kill you!"

I stopped walking, turning to face him with a confident expression. This was the first decision I've made on my own and was he really going to just criticize my independence like that? "Because they thought I was illegal."

"Edward was right..." Nahuel said as his face twisted sourly, like he was sucking a lemon. I was the lemon, sour with immaturity and selfishness. "They _have_ brainwashed you!" His teak eyes stared up at me, deep with disgust.

Unfortunately for me, I didn't have an argument to throw back. _Had I been brainwashed? _Ok, so I killed a human, and tried to make out that it was natural but Alec had pushed me! I felt horrible about that as well as other deaths, so I wasn't that cold._ Or was I? _Well, that would sure help my self esteem.

"How would you even know?" I snapped, mainly frustrated and torn that my only friend, as pathetic as that sounds, wasn't even sticking up for me. My chest tightened as I remembered all of the times my _best _friend stuck up for me against my family, doing it perfectly, Jacob's edgy wolf side clashing with his humanly boyish side could even win over my father, who apparently thought I was being reb- _Wait!_

_"'Edward was right?'" _ I barked, my mouth still frozen from the final word, not wanting to close because it was highly likely that I was going to start yelling again. "They sent you here!" Nahuel nibbled at the side of his lip, containing a snicker that just sounded like a fake cough. He started to walk again at a quicker pace, I chased him immediately.

_Retarded speed walker._

"Answer me!" I hissed, my eyes fuming with betrayal.

"What did you expect them to do? Adjust to the pain? The world isn't all about you!"

"You actually think I don't know that?" Was that all I was to him now? A spoiled child that needs chuck ups every few months? The comment had made me zoom past a high level of anger, not slowing down like I'd just finished a sprinting race, but instead, my anger just increased and increased. Much like when Jacob transforms, my limbs were beginning to shake, not because my half vampire side was getting unleashed 'cos lately, it's _always _out, but because I didn't know what to do with my body. _Kick something? Kick him?_

Nahuel has always been a very, very smart boy. "I didn't come here to argue with you." He murmured, my shaking slowing down. "I came here at a request from your family to see if you were definitely safe, which you are, but _I _need to warn you about the Volturi. Please, just listen."

"Seriously Nahuel, Aro is going to keep me sa-"

"He is using you!" Nahuel exclaimed frustratedly, grabbing onto my shoulders and shaking me. "He is using you, Renesmee!" Nahuel repeated again, softer but still not an example of calm.

Nahuel and I's eyes locked together intensely, fury in his and blankness in mine. I could feel my face dropping, my usual red color washing out of it, a horrifying pale color replacing it. _Aro is using me?_ Two words: Oh shit.

Aro has complete control over the vampire world, even if things are a little _challenging _for his power now-a-days, and has even more control over his guard. Was I part of his guard now? With all the training sessions, pushing his guard members to befriend me...I've known that he's _wanted _me in his guard...but the whole idea of his using me was too frightening for words. I shuddered, running my hands through my hair, ready to simply _freak the hell out._

"Thank you!" Nahuel shouted, his mouth facing the sky to project his voice up. "Thank you for showing at least _one _normal non-Volturi emotion! Maybe _you _want to be in his precious guard, enjoy the thrill, fair enough, but look, stay any longer than a year and you will realize _very _quickly Aro's true intentions. He owns you Renesmee! You are his slave! He is using you for power, did you seriously not know this?"

I shrugged.

"He's really manipulated you this far." Nahuel's voice was a shaky whisper, coated in disbelief.

_Had he?_ The thrill I wanted and needed was action with the Volturi, and so far, I'd only gotten into arguments with the witch twins... but did I really want to put my life at risk for Aro? Did I want to be his slave? Obey him and call him my master? Because honestly, what else was I going to stay here for once the flame at home was extinguished?

"Aro won't let you leave." Nahuel said my thoughts, the truth; the cold truth of Aro's personality hidden behind the enthusiastic mask.

"I know." I whispered softly, looking at the ground, my gaze terrified to meet his, or anyone's at this moment.

I felt Nahuel's hot skin, cooler than my own, touch my cheek that faced the ground, cupping it gently and forcing it up so I could face his worried face as it tried to smoothen. "I came here at request to warn you. I have did that and I will _not _allow that to ruin my time with you."

"It already has." I said bitterly. "But," I sighed, "this is my families fault, not yours and if anything, this has made me realise that my family is just as controlling as Aro."

"You don't mean that."

"Oh but I do." I paused, shaking away the gloomy conversation about reality. I grinned, lightning up Nahuel's face that was panicking slightly at the though of his trip being ruined. "Or I'm just acting crazy. Again."

"As long as your happy." But his voice was thick with doubt.

"As long as I'm happy." I agreed, _but even if everyone else is hurt, I am still happy. Selfish fool.  


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It was getting dark when Nahuel wanted me to show him around Volterra when I hadn't even been much myself. He insisted I change from my inappropriate day outfit to something more cozy. I objected at first, since I am almost the temperature of a werewolf but I ended up being lured up to my bedroom anyway.

"So it _isn't _just the outdoor ornaments..." Nahuel remarked as I opened the door to my extravagant guest bedroom/_house. _"I prefer your bedroom at home though, its much more personalized."

"Well, thats because this bedroom is _temporarily_." I said, trying to defrost the conversation we had had earlier. "And aunt Alice designed it all anyway."

"I'm sure she would cry of happiness if she could at the missing black cloak in your closet," Nahuel smirked, moving down to sit on the ridiculously big bed, "I have notice however that not everyone dresses like goths."

"Did you _hear _the wives? First ladies would be _so _much more interesting if they acted like the vampire first ladies! Complete opposite of goth!" I said, opening the filled closet and scanning it, movie the racks rapidly.

"That's because they've gone crazy being locked up for over a thousand years, which by the way, is going to happen to you since with your half vampire strength, Aro has absolutely no u-"

"Hey!" I said, annoyed he was bringing this up again. I yanked a leather bag from the top of the closet, throwing it at him which didn't come off as playfully as I wanted it too. Nahuel caught it easily with his left hand before plopping it down on the bed and getting his phone out. "Uh, you don't need to research it, it's a new season pra-"

"Just want to send it to your..." _Snap. _"...aunt."

"Strange boy." I mumbled teasingly, grabbing my clothes from the rack and walking into the bathroom, locking the door.

I spotted my iPhone lying on the edge of the sink, alerting me I had sixty two new texts. I really shouldn't have, but I rolled my eyes irritatedly. _Seriously mom, you've sent someone to check up on me and you do it yourself too? _There was still fire left inside of me after the whole incident, I felt like the baby I was back in September, always over powered, controlled, overprotected, no independence...

The reasons why I left kept running back to me as I ran towards the iPhone.

My fingers rapidly unlocked the phone, finding my mother's number even faster. The number dialed as my heart pounded in my ears, much like the first time I had called her. I didn't know if it was because of anger or not... oh god, please _not _let it be because of anger that I could not control.

"Hello? Renesmee?"

_Hang up! _

"Renesmee?" _Panics so easily over you, doesn't she? Imagine her reaction when you left!_

"Hey mom.." I said shakily. _Go slap yourself, please. _"Yes, training went fine and no, I did not collapse. It wasn't Renata, Alec was filling in for her."

"Did he...touch you?" My mothers voice went hard with fear over Alec spending time with me. I had told her everything he did to me, with Jane, and it wasn't a surprise that if there was a fight, he would be her target.

"No mom, he didn't touch me -we actually had a heart to heart conversation, believe it or not."

"What? Renesmee, you have to _stay away from him! _And Jane!" My mother stressed. "He'll lure you in!"

"Mom, haven't we discussed this? He hates me, I hate him, we are living in the same castle right now, we're obviously going to run into each other and bicker! But Aro's ba-"

"And we discussed that too!"

"Yes but obviously you felt as if Nahuel had to come and repeat the conversation." My voice went quieter, almost an annoyed hiss but softer. I didn't have it in me to use such a harsh tone on my mother despite how ignorant I have been towards her.

"Wha- Nahuel? He's there, with...with you?"

"Oh so daddy sent him and you had no idea about any of this?" I said sarcastically, my bratty attitude beginning to disgust even me. "Look, momma, I'm sorry... I just, I just forgot how it feels to not have people caring for me or..."

"We didn't sent Nahuel..." My mom's voice was blank; all emotion washed away.

I froze as a loud growl came from outside of the bathroom, followed by a loud bang.

"Nessie..." My mother choked, "What was that?"

_Something is horribly wrong. _The single thought made my mind go blank, a tidal wave washing everything away. My breathing started to become a struggle, oxygen refusing to do it's job and allow me to breath properly. Blur covered my sight, all I could see was danger that belonged in Volterra but not at this moment, not with Nahuel.

My brain was flickering on and off like bad light wiring. Words smashed into my head then disappeared like lightening bolts;_ Nahuel... doesn't fit... alone... intentions... brainwashed..._

"I need to go!" I squeaked, oxygen flooding back inside of me. I smashed the iPhone against the floor as my mother called out my name one last time.

It all made so much sense. Nahuel's anger towards my actions, his lack of understanding when before he understood _everything _about me. It wasn't right, it wasn't how natural Nahuel and I's friendship used to be... did Jacob brainwash him? But my family didn't send him... did the Volturi do something so terrible to him that he now hated me for going to them?

_Did Alec and Jane threaten him to push me further out of the door?_

I gasped. Alec... Alec... that scumbag!

Another growl came from behind the door, louder and more predator like. I darter over to one of the bathroom's cabinet doors, yanking it open and grabbing the shaving tools that I had put away that came with the bathroom. Completely stupid of me, I know. A shaving razor in place of a knife is totally what serial killers are using now-a-days.

_I just need to calm him down... _

Taking a deep breath, I slowly opened the bathroom door. The creak made the silence so much more horrific, shaking started to spread across my body.

I forced myself to look at Nahuel who stood with his back facing me, his fists clenched tightly together. His body was clenched, it looked uncomfortably painful, as if he was getting possessed. That was exactly what Alec has done, possessed him. The thought made me want to cry for Nahuel (and beat the crap out of Alec -if possible).

"Nahuel..." I began in a shaky voice, swallowing and taking a breath to start again. "I have an idea of what Alec did to you..."

My eyes popped open as Nahuel's back straightened, his fists unclenching. His breathing became so much louder, so much more of a struggle. The sound of wind swirled around the room, a light breeze hitting me. But no windows were opened. It had came from Nahuel, who blurred before he stood, his face now facing me.

"Nahuel..." I pleaded, my voice breaking.

_It was a waste of air. _

Nahuel lunged towards me, pushing us both towards the bathroom door which collapsed backwards, taking us with it. I fell onto my back, pushed down by Nahuel's grip on my throat. A shiny metal blade was gripped tightly in his hand, slowly moving with preciseness to my chest.

That's when I looked up at my killer, his once-handsome face now creased, his mouth pulled back to expose all of his growling teeth, bared towards me like an angry dog. But most striking of all was his eyes. _His eyes. _

_They had turned black, solid black._

When I realized, I pushed him off me, pushing my own self with all the strength I had. He flew across the room, destroying a chest cabinet as he smashed into it. I knew his next move; an obvious one. I rushed over to where he was, not fast enough - he was already standing up and ready attack.

We both clung onto each others shoulders at the same time, both of our tight grips easily ripping off our sleeves. Nahuel was first to start shaking, violently trying to get my grip off him. I held on tighter, beginning to growl at him. My teeth clenched together, a wild roar escaping my lips as I did one, final move to get him off me. It worked; the bed that I flung him onto collapsed immediately.

My next move was to get out of the room, get help from someone to control him, so I darted towards the door, grabbing the door knob tightly, yanking it open.

But I was too late.

I screamed as Nahuel grabbed onto my waist, thrashing me onto the ground, the wood beneath us shattering. The pain was too much; I couldn't move to get up and fight anymore. He had out-powered me, no _Alec _had out-powered me. It made so much sense, Nahuel killing me, going insane thanks to Alec who would have me dead and still have respect from his master.

Reflexes kicked in as I squirmed about with my eyes shut, feeling the knife add pressure to my stomach. Every second seemed so much longer... limited... along with my heart beats.

The pressure increased, the knife was seconds away from going into me. I couldn't help but gasp in fear, using up my disappearing air. I screamed as it cut my skin slightly, I waited for the pain to get unimaginably worse.

But it stopped.

The sound of a window smashing made my eyes snap open; the feeling of the pressure removed from my stomach felt so unusual. Glass was now shattered all over the floor, the biggest window now a smashed mess. Nahuel had jumped out of it. I would have laughed if I wasn't about to pass out because of everything that had just happened.

I looked to the opened door to see the reason why Nahuel had jumped out of the window. Demetri stood beside Felix, studying the situation carefully, looking at me with a need for details. Felix, however, looked proudly at the scene, all thanks to his fighting lessons with me.

"Up top!" He grinned at me, raising his hand. Somehow, I wasn't in the mood for a high five.

* * *

"Compulsion." Aro stated, removing his hand from a struggling Nahuel, pinned back by two guards. "His thoughts were completely normal up to a certain point; clear and calm. Then a figure came and made everything blurry...it must be a power...all I can read is that he was sent here to _kill..._our own guard, of course."

I shuddered, my gaze on the ground, refusing to look at a pained Nahuel.

"But no one visited us..." Huilen whispered, completely shocked over the whole situation. "This makes no sense..."

"No it does not." Aro agreed. "The compelling power must twist other vampire powers such as mind reading or Alice Cullen's future-seeing too. It is a complete mystery to you and me both.."

"And me." I added in, _really _needing more information since my head was spinning. "So, some vampire with a power to compel went to Nahuel, compelled him to come and attack me - or Volturi guards, but the power makes it look like his true intentions?"

"Just about." A guard said, Santiago. "But the real question is _why? _We have been attacked."

"Yes." Afron agreed, Chelsea by his side, "We cannot answer this at the present moment, we need to add more security."

"I admire your rapid thinking, Afton." Aro complimented, moving his hand to gesture some of the guard to leave. "Go; alert the secondary guard to defend the castle and scan the area."

I watched tearfully as Huilen walked towards me, her sweet face broken. "We must leave but this isn't the safest environment for you child."

I swallowed back more tears, shaking my head. "I'm sure that the boost of security will keep everyone safe and ready."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, the gesture one big, fat lie.

Huilen kissed my forehead maternally, forcing a weak smile. "Make sure Nahuel doesn't feel guilty when he recovers. He will always be my friend, ok?" I murmured, my lips trembling.

"As long as you promise to leave when you become unhappy." I wanted to warn her about saying that in front of Aro, but my mouth stayed shut. I only nodded.

"It has been a long day for you, Renesmee. Aro wishes for you to go to your new room," Afron handed me a piece of paper with directions, "everything has been transferred and there will be guards waiting outside of it." Afton told me as my eyes flickered to Aro who was making preparations with Caius.

I looked at Huilen who was helping Nahuel up gloomily, the sight breaking my heart. Again, I nodded, speaking being too hard at that moment, before walking silently out of the room to burst into tears.

I went at vampire speed to my new room, my clothes and luggage already there. Two, tall male guards stood by the door, but I said nothing to them. Not knowing what to do with myself, I went into the shower, using up all of the hot water before stepping out and throwing my wet hair into a bun. I moved with a depressing glow to my new closet, choosing out some clothes and throwing them on because I knew for _sure _I wouldn't sleep tonight. I ran my hands through my hair, running out of normal things to do. I didn't want to let myself down and collapse crying or call my mother and explain the situation instead.

My eyes caught sight of me in the mirror, a ghostly unrecognizable figure. But a white note luckily covered some of my face. I should have been terrified after everything, but I curiously took the note in my hands and opened it.

_I'm getting very impatient and bored, Aro's not given me an exciting task tonight and I am honestly devastated I missed your little fight but I will take story time with you instead. By the way, Nahuel's still in Volterra. -Alec. _

Alec was going to kill Nahuel...kill him if I didn't tell him about the last seven years...he was going to kill him! I gasped, for what felt like the ten thousandth time today. The note was quickly thrown out of my hand, my legs speeding up as I ran out of the room.

"Alec's room!" I shrieked in a panic to one of my guards.

He looked at me worriedly, but forced a polite, professional smile at me. "West tower. Top floor. There's only two rooms."

I think he started to say more, but I was already running again. The castle seemed so much busier, more guards out doing their duties after the suspected attack. I hadn't notice there had been discreet signs before, in latin, Italian and English. I spotted one for the west tower, not stopping as I sprinted to where it was pointing. The large amount of hallways stopped, the setting being replaced with one narrow darkly coloured hall way that had stairs at the end of it.

_The top...the top...the top! _My panicked thoughts screamed my destination as I hurried up the never-ending stairs. The highest floor of all was the smallest, it was a narrow hallway with two doors facing each other but at the end, the space extended, a glass door that was left open leading into a medium sized gray balcony.

A medium sized male figure with dark brown hair stood on the balcony, gazing out at a dark Volterra. He turned around when he heard my unavoidable gasps of breath thanks to the _exercise _to get here. Alec studied me, his expression emotionless.

Then, he smirked. That beautiful, evil smirk that I couldn't help but love because it lured people in including myself. The definition of true, manipulating evil.

I took a deep breath before looking directly into his eyes, eyes that would soon know all of my secretes. The thought made me sick but I had to do it to protect Nahuel.

"January first, two thousand and thirteen, the day I found out I had been imprinted on and when everything changed."

* * *

**Apologies for the over a month wait – school started back, oh pointless school! And this chapter was SUPER hard to begin, like most of my chapters really, but I got the flow soon enough.**

**I mentioned a 'war' in the summary, and I feel as if in this chapter, the war begins for Renesmee. Yes, Nahuel was compelled, a storyline that will be answered much later, but as for right now, forgotten. Thats all I can say though :P**

**But, this fic is also a romance. And in the reviews, I saw a lot of people enjoying the Reneslec interactions in the previous chapter. I felt horrible making this an action one as you all seemed to be craving it! But, the next chapter and the ones after that WILL be Reneslec! And their realationship WILL BE MOVING FORWARD! So, sorry for the disappointment in this chap for all you romance lovers :(**

**Thanks to all the reviewers for the last chapter (in order of most recent): Renesmee C. Cullen da orginal, ErinL, Melinda, ravenlovestwilight, HecticZ, NiamhK, Anonymus, KristinL, xXPurpleMidnightXx, SallySmith, Mary mac, Lilylove, Vivi, Hurricane10208 and Seph Meadowes.**

**Thanks everyone! February holidays next week, aiming for a chapter up sooner, will be mostly busy because its my birthday and what not (sorry, had to get that in there xD) but I find romance so much easier to write about... ;)**

**-Cristina xxx**


	11. The Girl Who Played With Fire

**Don't own twilight.  
**

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death**

**Chapter 11**

**The girl who played with fire.**

Volterra was far too beautiful at night. It may have been a crispy cold but many residents were still sitting in groups at small tables around the town, socialising and eating (they have dinner much later in Italy), acting completely normal when vampire royalty resided in their town. I envied them. It wasn't the humanity that I was jealous of, it was the fact that most of them were having fun with their _friends _and _family. _What was_ I _doing on such a cold but nice night?

Walking around with my good 'ol friend Alec.

I was getting _really _impatient. I was about to tell him _everything, _things no one else knew just because he had threatened me to do so using Nahuel, who I was still shaken over and so far, he'd told me to 'silenzio' because he wanted to help scan Volterra for attackers since he was 'bored' when I was about to open myself up in front of him!

Ignorance!

"It seems as if the attackers needed someone to get into our castle, a spy." Alec said thoughtfully, thinking I cared. "I think we're safe, no scents have been found."

"Yes, exactly what Afton told you earlier when we passed him, no need to repeat it." I grumbled. "But anyway, what if we were being attacked right now? And you're guard-less? I would hate to think that someone as valuable as you is walking around unprotected."

Alec stopped walking, leaning against a stone wall in the little alley way we were in, looking at me in a satisfied manner because he was getting what he wanted. "As much as your sarcastic maternal nature towards me is flattering, I think you need to remember that I could protect us against an army of an hundred right now."

"Yeah. We all saw how fierce you were when less than a hundred people came to protect me seven years ago."

"Ah, but I have you and your neat little shield breaking power, making me invincible. _Again._"

"What makes you so sure that I'd break it for you?" I said, folding my arms and challenging him with a glare.

"Because I'd _make _you." My mouth zipped shut, _very, very _quickly. "I can't express how devastated I am that I missed your fight with someone with equal strength to you, I do hope an army of half breed vermin attack us so I can watch and enjoy."

I flinched at the returning memories. "I didn't want a fight..." I said, removing my gaze from his face so he wouldn't see me break. "His eyes turned _black _Alec, black! Someone is compelling and using him! What if the person strikes again?"

"Let them. You wanted action, you're getting Volturi action."

"But not with Nahuel! I..I honestly thought it was you that had used him...thats why I attacked him so hard...for _you._"

"As much as I am honoured that your inner vampire was unleashed because of _me_, I don't spend my time talking to half breeds that I _don't _hate." Alec said. "But of course, you know-how much I love spending time with the half breed I _do _hate, the one who clearly needs to do her research on attacks; why would I do something like that in my own home?"

"Well, I'm sure Aro would have preferred you attacking me than someone sending in a spy." I said, my voice chilled by someone using Nahuel. I wanted to ask him for information that's been lingering in my throat, terrified it will make things worse. I gulped. "Does this happen a lot?"

A vacant expression creeped onto Alec's face, his eyes disappearing into deep thought. "No," he murmured, almost forcing himself to look at me. "We always can catch out the rare spy with Marcus and Aro but now thanks to the discovery of this power and threat, _anyone _could be a threat thats new to the guard, but we don't get many vampires coming to us."

My face twisted in worry at the realisation of what he was getting at; _I was a suspected spy. _"Makes sense though." I said dryly, going pale at the thought. "A Cullen coming to spy, especially after what happened when I was young.. surely Marcus can see my true ties though?"

"Caius will use _anything _against you."

"Would you?" I asked nervously, shuffling my feet as I waited for a reply.

"Maybe - depending on how interesting story time is with you." He smirked, raising his eyebrows. "I'm still waiting and I can still go fetch Nahuel."

I looked at him, my pouted mouth hanging open in disbelief that he was so rude and ignorant to go and blame _me! _"Bu-you-sa... Oh never mind!" I sighed, taking a short but deep breath as the feeling of being naked in front of Alec set in again -only it wasn't my body on show, it was more than just _m__e, _it waseverything inside of _me. _I continued from where he had stopped me back on the balcony outside his bedroom. "Jacob had taken me to a new years bonfi-"

Alec held his hand up, signalling for me to stop as he shook his head. "Renesmee, you know how self-interested I am, I want to hear your little child thoughts when I came to kill you! Did you remember me from the confrontation when I came to numb you that night?"

"Honestly Alec, in a situation like that, I was pretty focused on the declining time with my family." _I guess you forgot that when you were running away. _"I do remember Aro though... And Caius' rage at that woman...Irine was it? Irina? Oh, but I do remember watching your mist..it came from upfront.. you were upfront weren't you?"

"Yes, as always, guarded along side Jane. The valued members_ always _go up front."

"Where would I go?" I asked curiously, wondering who the back was reserved for.

"If you were full vampire, I'd say in the middle. The back is usually for the wives, extra bodyguards and those who have been requested to go at the back. Overprotective mates, foolish in love." He said with disgust like it was a betrayal to the guard despite how much he loved his sister.

"I sometimes wonder what would have happened if a fight did break out.. I wouldn't be here in Volterra, I would be with Jacob and you... well, you were powerless and a main target." I said, moving off of the wall and walking a few steps to face the lightened up castle, sitting high, visible for all of the town.

Alec joined me in a second, his close presence making me jump as we both stared at the castle, it looking even more beautiful in the dark. "Did you ever think Jacob was the one for you before you were told about imprinting?"

I shook my head, my face dropping as the past flooded back. "No. He was a brother, as it should be in the imprinting process...the imprintee has a sibling, the imprinter has a future wife and baby-mamma."

I felt Alec shudder beside me, I turned around to see his expression; his angelic face twisted into disgust. "Vampires are more grown compared to shape shifters when it comes to love.. even we have grown out of sexism, believe it or not. You're job as an imprintee is to cook, clean and raise children with no choice. Plus, the wolf-man _chooses _you, it's outdated."

"Can I high five you?" I said sincerely, suddenly becoming very enthusiastic for a little wolf-bashing with someone who agreed. "Female wolves can't even imprint. There's this girl, Leah, who still hasn't, and everyone knows its because she can't have children."

"How did he tell you about it?" Alec asked, gesturing for me to start taking a walk with him. I followed, my hidden memories starting to burst open.

My legs started to feel limp, very limp. I focused on my breaths now that I had gotten the memories recovered. "He took me to a bonfire...a special new years one..the whole tribe was there and the elders..as well as the imprintees. Claire, a girl that is underage, was asked to leave, which worried me. Jacob's father then began telling a story about the first imprinting.. god, my mind was spinning!"

"Why _do _they imprint? Is it just to create another generation?"

I hesitated, thinking of all the theories the pack had, feeling ashamed to be apart of it. "Jacob's dad thinks it's to make the wolves stronger.. I disagree, this _did _only apply to Jacob and I because if we had children, my vampire genes would be passed down. Billy mentioned this.. so I ran off." I laughed shakily although my state at the time had been no laughing matter.

"His father told you? He didn't have the decency to do it himself?"

"If that had been the case, I would have been here a lot sooner. Jacob sorta finished Billy off in a quick manner before chasing after me."

Alec laughed as we turned a corner onto a familiar long road, the one that the taxi driver had dropped me off at. _So many memories tonight _I thought. "You're reactions are always so amusing, I would have loved to have seen your reaction to that half breed jumping out of the window."

I giggled myself at the quick image I though of Nahuel diving out of the window. I felt awful, since it was obviously because of the compelling, but I at least I had a sense of humour. "Optimism and humour are two _very _good qualities!"

"As is the ability to run off when being told that your life evolves around a werewolf, but tell me because I am so eager to know, what happened next?"

"Just a typical Renesmee rage, I guess. I kicked a tree or two, cried out of fury, then ran off to my father who I knew would confront Jacob over it, no matter what objections my mother had. And he did, my father banned Jacob from coming near me until I forgave him, _if _I forgave him. The pack got really pissed, saying that Jacob shouldn't apologise for giving me true love, then they _really _lost it when I sent them all t-shirts with pedo-bears face on it. I don't expect you to understand you."

"This will get _so much more _interesting if you tell me that a war broke out."

"A war?" I laughed humourlessly, rolling my eyes as I remembered the lack of excitement before I came here. If tonights events had been at home and not with Nahuel, I would have been buzzing. "Carlisle is the vampire peace maker, remember? And the creator of the vegetarian vampire club! He tried to calm them down, and it worked." I paused, closing my eyes and walking over to lean against a wall. I listened to Alec's footsteps carefully to get my mind off what happened next, my breathing still loud and harsh. "So they decided to attack me..emotionally."

I looked up at Alec who was staring at me nervously, an expression that I had never saw on his face before. "Look Renesmee, if you really aren't ok with telling me this then you don't have to."

_I have no one else to tell. _The truth sent a shock through me, a shock that woke up my brain, allowing the memories to flood back, each impact and memory like a meteor, falling down and hitting me over and over. I died with each memory hitting me, in a slow painful way, fire burning me as the memories became clearer and clearer. But It kept coming back, the burning feeling. It was never-ending.

I didn't care if anyone saw and I was in a convient place to be punished, but I jumped up on-top of a building that had its lights off, crouched down ready to be extremely stupid and attack Alec if he came near me.

"I don't anyone else to tell!" I yelled as Volterra suddenly went completely silent, my voice projecting so it could be heard everywhere. "The only one who cares is _you _for all the wrong, hateful reasons! But I am stupid Alec, stupid!"

I did not cry. I was beyond tears because I knew it wouldn't help, sympathy doesn't help anything! I had to step up and be self-dependent, to show everyone at home I could do it, the ones who sheltered me..the ones who caused me pain..

"Jacob kissed my mother." I whispered, for the first time ever in a tone that vampires _couldn't _work out.

"He did what?"

I sprang back down, bringing myself over to face Alec, his face inches away from mine. I wasn't afraid; how could I fear someone who I was pouring my heart out to? I've never felt more in control with Alec just now; my emotional state that worried my family so much months ago was coming back. I was a ticking bomb, ready to explode any moment now.

"HE KISSED MY MOTHER!" I screamed, sounding so possessed that it was worrying even Alec by his surprised facial expression. "He loved her Alec, my mother! My mother, who he was attached to when she was _pregnant _because of _me!_" I paused as my tight gaze with Alec's eyes dropped, my head shaking in self-disbelief. I began to laugh shakily at how completely messed up my life was and still is. Volterra had been an escape, but I couldn't forget everything.

But there was still more to say, more to release; more to pour out. If Alec enjoyed complaining so much about having to share his home with a half-breed then surely he can handle why I am here?

My breathing became harsh as I calmed down. Seconds ticked by, _one..two..three..four...five.._ each second was another ticking bomb, at risk of exploding again. I was the ticking bomb. But the rage didn't come back; only aftershocks of glumness.

"I woke up the next day and not just from a slumber, but from the imaginary world of perfection." I whispered, moving my eyes back up to stare directly at Alec, his eyes staring at me regretfully, alert incase I got so worked up again. "I got my vision fixed. I could see _everything _so much clearer, I could see the truth about my family, about my imprinter, about who I was. I also took another growth sprut.. I was no longer a child, I was a woman." I should have blushed, I wasn't normally an open person but for some strange reason, I could tell those I hated everything. _For respect? _I had thought but I couldn't usually even _talk _to Alec without getting mad.

Alec, still on-edge incase I would risk exposing the vampire secrete again, spoke to me in a careful and slow manner, cautious incase he set me off. "Did you also have cravings to join us?"

"I craved the exact _opposite _of what you are enforcing.. a rebellion. No more rules, no more boundaries... I was a big girl now, surely I could do whatever I wanted to? But that unfortunately wasn't the case." I said bitterly.

Alec's face tensed up as I spoke, a nervous feelings in his tone as he spoke, "Do you really want to discuss.. _law breaking_.. with a member of a guard? If Aro finds out, I can't -"

"I didn't break any law, Alec." I said, disappointed in my tone as I spoke of something I _didn't _get to to. "I thought about it.. several times.. I wanted a death sentence. I was convinced that the Volturishould have killed me and stopped my joke of a life from going any further."

"That makes no sense.. then you came here to _die?_"

"I came here because I couldn't handle everything but also because I was bored, _I need excitement. _But how can you need something that you haven't experienced? I got a taster. _I rebelled. _I became reckless, a criminal, I got grounded _every single day. _I went with my uncle Emmett and burned the wolves houses down.. and I watched with pride." Flickers of the memories started exploding in my mind.. Surely Alec would want to see them?

I put my hand on his cold cheek, Alec's eyes looking at me curiously, a spark of excitement in them. Would the rebellious side of me make him like me more? But I knew the truth now, I wasn't rebelling, I had been breaking down.

_The wood burned beautifully when my match fell onto Jacob's house, flames following very quickly. Uncle Emmett stood at a safe distance, watching me with both pride and worry. I was laughing a crackling laugh, my eyes lit up by the pain Jacob and Billy would have to now live with. They were homeless because of me and it felt wonderful._

"_Nessie... are you alright?"_

"_Its Ruh-Nez-May!" I yelled at him, clenching my fists tightly, knowing I was in control because I had fire in my possession._

"_You don't speak to me like that!"_

"_Excuse me? We're not even related!" I hissed._

_The shrieking started then, from Billy, Sue and other older members of the reserve. They had found out about every house I had burned as they had their little emergency meeting over my state and the threat I was. But I wasn't a threat now, my intentions had happened; they were real._

"_Wait until your parents here about this, Nessie! I wouldn't have told them but no-" Thats when I lost control with my own uncle, someone who I shared humor with. Someone who I did truly love, the person who I had called when I had planned to leave Volterra, terrified of what I was coming back to. I tried to push him into the fire, I tried to kill him!_

_I was stopped of course. By my family, Jacob... I did deserve the humiliation, the grounding until my birthday (honestly, that was really far too generous when I had tried to kill a member of my family!) and all of the other punishments and coldness I received._

_But none of that was what I needed. I was a fire bomb, always ready to explode. What good was locking me away in my bedroom going to do? I had been caged my whole life, in a cage that was nearly too small for me. But the cage had broke, I was free. But how could they put me back in the cage now that it didn't fit?_

I pulled my hand back, looking at Alec nervously. Had I went too far? Did loosing control and trying to kill a family member disgust him? Not even Alec would do that to Jane. Proof of how much I had lost it.

Alec didn't look at me with disappointment like my grandparents had. He didn't look at me with a punishment in his eyes like my parents had. He didn't look at me with worry like my aunts had. He didn't look at me with forgiveness like my uncles had. And he definitely didn't look at me wondering how long this stage would last because it was postponing an imaginary wedding like Jacob had.

He looked at me like I was some sort of creation from the devil. He was _proud. _Respect was in his eyes.

I had tried to kill a Cullen. A family member of mine.

_I was now worthy to be his colleague in Volturi standards._

"Don't!" I hissed at him, tears flooding in my eyes as the guilt I was trying to push away with the little strength I had came back at a sprinting speed.

Alec shook his head, his gaze on me like we were now equal. I was no longer the half breed, I was the crazed little girl who lost it and enjoyed fire. "We were wrong about you. We all were. Only Aro knew everything, didn't he? That was why he saw potential and I can't say that I have ever been more prouder of my master."

"No!" I objected, ignoring the tears that began to streak down my face. "I came here because I knew I was still an unexploded bomb! I need to recover, I need to become emotionally stronger to handle these things, I know that! But I had to come here to live with the guilt and be in a place that I couldn't hurt my family anymore, the family that I had grown to hate because of how they protected me!

"I'm a horrible person. I needed to be around those who wouldn't judge me, who would laugh at my breakdowns... I need to be punished.. I...I..."

The tears chocked my throat up so that I could no longer speak. _Those _were the reasons why I was here. I didn't need to put myself first because I knew very well that I had been doing that for a long time before I even came here. I had always been selfish.

All of the excuses I had made were just to make me feel better, make me feel like an angel compared to the rest of the Volturi.

"I'm sorry..." I cried, slaping my face as I wiped the tears away. I wanted to feel pain, the pain I deserved for hiding everything I had did just to make myself feel better.

"No, _I _am sorry." Alec said, pulling a pricey silk handkerchief from his suit pocket and handing it to me. I didn't particularly want to waste such an expensive accessory, but I appreciated his gesture so much that I started to dap my eyes with it. "I am sorry for threatening this information out of you, you clearly weren't ready."

I shook my head at him, taking a deep breath as I tried to control myself. "I feel so much.. cleaner.. I owe you that.. but there are still come things that I... I just... I can't..." I whispered, slamming the door shut that I had just opened.

Alec put his hand on my back to help me start walking back up to the castle, he removed it as I began walking. He kept his arm near me though, ready to catch me if I fainted since the ground looked as if it was swirling and it showed in my face. "Will you ever tell anyone about the other things?" He asked.

I shook my head, running my hands through my curly hair as a small distraction. "No." I said, "but my family were there, so I guess they know..."

"Are you sure? It seems pretty serious if you can't tell anyone about it..." He paused, hesitating to guess at what it was about. "If Jacob.. or any of the wolves.. hurt you or.. abused you because of it then just ask Aro to..."

I felt like such an attention seeker. Did it come across like Jacob had raped me or something as serious as that? I wasn't just over-dramatic, I really just wanted sympathy, didn't I? "Oh no.. its nothing really.. yes Jacob was involved but.. no, I was just honestly over-reacting about the whole situation."

"You should be aloud to react however you want." Alec said as we reached one of the secretive back doors that would eventually take you into the castle.

"You're right... but honestly, its nothing serious." I smiled and handed him back the hanker chief "Before we go back inside, I need to thank you for listening like that. I know you _wanted _to know for reasons that I honestly don't understand but who am I to judge? I can't hate someone who I just told everything to."

Alec shook his head and grinned, leaning against the wooden door and searching his pocket for a key. "I don't hate you – at-least not anymore. Yes, you are extremely irritating, but in a way that I can laugh at." He paused, taking out the key and tossing it about in his hands. "But I can understand why you are here. Just set another wolf-house on fire and I swear, Caius will _love _you."

I laughed, knowing that my rebellious behaviour was another reason why Aro saw so much potential in me. If Caius found out, I bet he wouldn't be as harsh on me. "I won't be here much longer, I promise you. Its like mid-October, I will be gone by Christmas. I promise I won't annoy you in your home any longer."

"Entertainment is always welcomed." He said slyly.

I shot him a joking glare at his insult, the type I had gotten so used to. "I don't care if you like it or not, but I have more respect for you after finding out how you and your sister were turned. And I said _respect_ not sympathy!"

"If we let everyone know and they feared us less, it would absolutely make no difference. I kill because _I want to. _Being burnt to death just made it more enjoyable, the torturing and the fear. You should be more like.. _me. _The state you were in wasn't _your_ fault. You suffered now let them suffer with your recovery. Stay longer."

I raised an eyebrow at him. He wanted me to stay? Well, so my family could suffer of course. Could he put up with me as long as my family were in pain? Was I now the Cullen he liked the most? "I'll leave when I don't fear my family." I sighed, knowing how horrible that sounded. "But I don't want to make you and your sister suffer. I know how I would feel if you went in and crashed my house. I can be _very_ fair when I want to, Alec."

"Your family would suffer more than me." Alec said but it didn't sound like it was what he _wanted _to say. It was as if he wanted to say something more stronger to get me to stay.

"I'm not leaving." I said, making my statement simple and clear. "But I will stay out of your way, and Jane's. You know everything about me now.. maybe tomorrow I will wake up, unable to look at you the same? I don't know, but I promise to stay out of your way. Or if we do happen to meet, I won't speak to you."

"You're too kind." Alec said, pleased. But not pleased enough. I had been expecting him to be ecstatic and victorious, saying his signature smug insults, but his response had been simple.

I held my hand out for him to shake, making the deal official. I would stay away from him. I didn't say his end of the deal because it was pretty obvious; he would have to stay away from me too for it work.

"Deal?"

A sudden bang from behind the door we were standing beside preventing Alec from responding, making me jump up as the door flew open.

Caius stood infront of two body guards, wearing a black robe with his hood up, unusual from the more 'laid-back' outfits he normally wore when sitting on his thrown. Do I really even need to say what his expression was? But it seemed to be that this time, it was even _more _sour, all aimed at me.

But there was another glare that was aimed at Alec. Jane's. She stood looking very petite behind Caius, her hood also up, looking seriously pissed at her brother who had just spent time with _me, _the annoying half-breed. He didn't seem that moved by her anger, I guess he knew that our deal would calm her down. Maybe that was his intentions all along to solve the problem that was 'me'. Soften me up so he could get what he wanted.

I felt surprisingly bad saying that about Alec, who had just listened to everything and spoke only in a soft and sympathising matter. _But he's Alec! Who knows his true intentions?_

"You!" Caius spat at me, his lips puckered as he spoke. "Do not think that you can _fool _us with your true intentions, child! I think your family missed out on the very significant detail when they sent you here to spy!"

Fear ate me up; making me the seven year old against an thousand year old vampire. I _had _to speak, defend myself for something that I _wasn't _because I knew that it would save my life.

But yet, I couldn't. _Pathetic. _I just trembled with his cold, blaming gaze.

"Master, I can testify for Renesmee that she is _not _a spy!" Alec spoke out. He did something very daring then; very brave when it was infront of his most cruelest boss and his sister; he protectively put his arm infront of me, pushing me back. He really shouldn't have, it just added more fuel to the fire. "Ask Aro why she is here!"

"How dare you stand here and protect a spy infront of your master! Move boy!" Caius shoved Alec aside, but he did not fall. Alec smoothened out his suit, his gaze directly on me as he concentrated carefully. Was he going to risk everything and try and protect me with his power? I wanted to scream to not do it, the risk was too high! Two of Caius' enormous guards grabbed Alec and dragged him over to his sister, who's face was _now _worried because her brother was in danger.

"Aro may not see your true intentions that you have hidden so well but _let him_ punish me for ending what should have been closed months ago!" He hissed, his hand slapping against my throat as he gripped onto it, less and less oxygen being able to go down my throat.

"Don't!" Alec yelled, his face in distress as time ran out. Why was he doing this? This would make my family suffer! Or did he consider me a tragedy, walking into an unhappy ending? Did he know the consequences of killing me? My family attacking and with my mother, him being powerless?

"Be quiet! I am your master!" Caius hissed, his teeth baring at me as his grip tightened.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! It hurts! Please Alec..please.. numb me as I die!_

"She deserves to be aloud to defend herself, _master! _Make her prove that she is not a snooping Cullen with the only way she can prove herself!" Alec said, his voice no longer distressed. He had a plan.

I felt Caius' grip loosen ever so slightly, only noticeable because it was preventing my death. "Which is by?" Caius demanded.

"By joining our guard." Alec said, with a confidence that his plan would work. "You know the power and influence she has, master! If another Cullen rebellion happens, she is the only person who can prevent us from loosing a humiliating battle!"

_Was he just plain cruel or did he want me to survive? _I honestly had no idea. Neither did Jane by her absolutely shocked expression, her red eyes widening as she looked at her brother, wanting to beg for an answer.

Caius' teeth unclenched, and his grip on my throat dropped. He _knew _Alec was right. And even if died, I was pretty sure that having power was so much better. "Your wisdom has always been a quality of yours, Alec." He scoffed although it was a compliment, "You have heard your options, half breed."

"Join us or die." Alec and Caius said at the same time, and as frightening as Caius' voice was, Alec was the one who send goosebumps up my body. 

* * *

_I'm going to throw up.. I'm going to throw up.. I'm going to throw up!  
_

The familiar sound of Mozart's 'Lacrimosa' (yes, I am the only seven year old who can say that) filled up the throne room. This truly was a horror story now with the fitting music. A pianist played it as a freaking _vampire choir _echoed in the background. It was 'Aro's favourite' apparently for when members officially join the guard. A very special and sacred occasion in the Volturi. I say he only uses it to make it sound that extra bit creepy.

I stood at the throne room door, staring at the three ancients, who were standing up infront of their thrones, with their wives behind them. All five were dressed in floor-length black cloaks, appearing to be velvet.

Leading me to them was a cleared path but at either side of the path were dozens of cloaked figures, all of them vampire as far as I could see. _Official _members of the Volturi but none I knew their names of.

I took a deep breath and began walking, trying not to trip up on my own black cloak that was placed over my sleeve-less, short bell-skirted black dress. The sound of my black suede Louboutin's thankfully being drowned out because of the music. Silence wouldn't have helped a moment like this, at all.

With each step I became closer to becoming a Volturi guard. I had to! One, Alec had risked his life just to suggest it and two, I couldn't do it to my family, dying a continent away from them. I had to join, there was no doubt about it.

I felt like I was taking a vampire communion or whatever, in the form of joining a group of vampires who abused power. But now, I was one of them. I was their slave. I was about to become part of the Volturi guard.

_Could I even leave now?_

I reached where the three ancients stood, Aro smiling at me in a victorious manner that he was trying to hide. They had me now.. the Volturi were invincible again. This was truly a celebration.

Remembering what I was told to do, I bowed down to Aro first, _really _thankful that I was wearing thick black tights, then to a surprisingly blank Caius and finally Marcus. Aro turned around first, followed by his co-leaders in the order that I had bowed down to them. They began walking past the thrones, to a little square-shaped area behind where they normally sat.

Lined up in single rows at either side, creating another pathway, was what appeared to be the most _powerful _guard members. As I walked past them, trailing behind the leader's cloaks, I recognised many faces. _Felix...Santiago..Afton..Chelsea..Demetri..the woman who was always next to Aro.. _and many others with faces that I didn't want to mess with. It seemed as if they were ordered in _power status. _

It was no surprise who stood when I reached the top.

Alec and Jane.

Their small but powerful, angelic faces were hidden with the over-sized hood of their cloaks, but frighteningly enough, their expressions still shone through it. Jane was furious, simply furious. A controlled fury though, for her master's sake. A Cullen joining the Volturi guard... _her_ guard.. this made being burnt at stake look fun. Alec was looking at me with his expression torn, half guilt of even thinking about this (guilt not just aimed towards me but for his sister as well) and half smug for now knowing that his power had that fear about it again.

I forced myself to walk past him and _my _three leaders, doing exactly what I was told to do by the receptionist before I entered the room. Infront of me, placed on a golden stand (it probably was _real_ gold), was a thick, antique book with a leather cover than was labeled in capital leaders; 'LEX.'

I opened the book at where the gold marker was placed, since I was allowed to skip the reading of the rules as I knew little Latin. When I opened, there was two, mostly empty pages titled 'OLYMPIA FOEDUS' and 'DENALI FOEDUS.' I ignored the page with a list of my cousin-coven's names and moved my gaze to my soon-to-be old coven's names. _Carlisle..Edward..Esme..Rosalie..Emmett..Alice..Jasper..Isabella..Renesmee. _I contained the shudder at how the Volturi could find out information like this as my families coven grew.

I knew what to do next.

My shaky, sweaty hand lifted the feather pen from the ink pot placed on the edge of the golden stand, trying very hard not to do something my mother would do and knock the pot over.

The music stopped as I lifted the pen over to the Olympic coven's page, trying not to focus on any of my families names. I felt like such a betrayer. Joining the coven who brought them fear and pain, all because of me. And now I was doing this to them? But I had to. Hopefully they could understand.. they would have to.

I prepared myself, bitting my lip and blinking to prevent any tears as I slowly scored out my name of the list.

A dagger went through my heart.

I ignored the human boy who helped me flick to the two pages dedicated to 'VOLTURI DUCTUS' and 'VOLTURI CUSTOS.' My teary eyes flickered down the list of the guard names, (some crossed out) finding Alec and Jane's names in the middle, their handwriting similar to each others. The most recent names, in identical handwriting, were _Judy and Jennifer_, who I hadn't heard of. Well, I hadn't heard of half of the names in this book. But they were my coven mates now, right? We would have _forever _to get to know each other.

In the most ugliest and wobbly handwriting ever, I wrote my first and middle name at the bottom. I had officially sold my soul.

Clapping broke out in the room, Aro's being the loudest. I turned around glumly to look at my new 'family', quickly regretting using that term. My eyes found Alec, who was looking at me apologetically. I didn't want him to suffer when he had actually saved my life.

_'Deal?' _I mouthed at him, trying to smile as convincingly as I could.

Alec stared at me for a second before grinning back, mouthing _'Deal'._ Maybe joining the Volturi would be a good start, now that me and Alec would have to stay away from each other. Or maybe that was my pathetic, dull attempt at lightening things up.

I couldn't help but smile one last time at Alec, who returned it by widening his grin in a manner that was obvious; he had power again.

I felt the sudden movement from Marcus next to me, jumping up like he had been electrocuted. The random movement strained my lips as they tried to stop myself from laughing. None of the guard seemed to have noticed except from Alec and myself, who seemed to find humor in the odd movement.

My eyes snapped away from Marcus and to Aro as he adressed the crowd in a happy, lively tone. "Let us celebrate!" He said, raising his hands up in the air like it was a victory.

Now, how to I explain _this _to my mother on the phone tomorrow?

* * *

**A week-ish for an update? YES, I was amazed too! I guess it must be the speedy romance.. good thing that it will literally rocket up in the next chapter.. wink.. wink..**

**I hope that the romance isn't going TOO quick, but in my defense, Alec's defensive nature over Renesmee is after she told him everything, so they have a connection now. And as for Marcus' ending (funny) movement.. electrocuted.. hmm.. what is his power again?**

**I have like a week off now. I'm pretty busy though.. tomorrow I pick up my birthday cake.. Wednesday is my party.. Friday is my birthday.. blah blah blah. But I will try to update as soon as possible, but there is a key, important scene in the next chapter that is like one of the original, special scenes that has ALWAYS been there when creating the story. So was this chapter, the first half with Alec and Renesmee walking about a night-time Volterra, not the creepy ending with her becoming a Volturi. I thought of that recently, I hadn't even decided if she would officially join. I wrote it more imagining if it was in a movie.. especially with mozart!**

**Thanks to all the reviewers (in order of most recent); NiamhK, 'blank', Seph Meadowes, xXPurpleMidnightXx, Renesmee C Cullen da Orignal.**

**Also, the Latin used may not be correct. I study Latin at school but I had to use an online dictionary. 'Lex' means law. And the others are just like the covens and the volturi leaders and guards.. but I knew how to say guard tho!**

**Thanks for reading! - Cristina xxx**


	12. Driven Together By a Howl, Part 1

_**I do not own twilight.  


* * *

**_**Love Is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 12 – part 1  
_Driven together by a howl._**

I need to start looking past the thrill of situations when making decisions. Run away to Volterra, be all rebellious, join the guard, annoy Alec and Jane... blah, blah, blah. They're all such fun things to do, trust me, but there are still so many issues that I really should have looked into. My death being a big one, but that didn't happen so why waste time bringing back the fear I dealt with that first night? Paolo is still apologizing by the way.

But what is there to do once you're part of the Volturi guard? When Aro isn't doing some serious ass-licking to get you to stay? When Caius' mood has somewhat calmed? And when Marcus.. well, Marcus still stares at me, reading my bonds so much that it honestly just creeps me out and makes me feel extremely nervous whenever I'm near him.

You get a fancy black cloak, of course. You get duties, training.. and free-time that consists of sitting alone in my room.

A month has passed. One month of avoiding Alec, hiding the fact I was part of the guard to my mother and sitting alone during the night, watching movies on my macbook. Far from the excitement I wanted when I came here in the first place.

Tonight was no exception. Lying under my silk, baby-blue and pink bed sheets, I lifelessly watched the movie in-front of me, desperately wanting to shut my eyes and sleep. I didn't even know what I was watching, which takes_ a lot _of stupidity. I was more focused on the aching feeling inside of me; the longing for home.

I didn't dare to complain about it. I had no right, since it was my choice to leave in the first place. I wasn't lying in _my_ room, it definitely didn't feel like that, nor did it feel like a hotel room. I didn't know if it was temporarily or my prison forever since I had no idea how I was meant to get out of joining the guard.

Could I even leave? Not on Aro's watch, who was desperate for me to break the news to my parents, creating 'peace' between the two covens. Peace? How could there be peace when I wanted to leave now? My family would fight for my freedom. Maybe Aro would let me go, hoping that I would tell my family to back off since he had, to be fair, kept me alive and gave me such a luxurious lifestyle for a while.

I had so many options, so many problems in this deep hole I had fallen into.

What if I developed some sort of friendship? And wanted to stay for longer? The consequences waiting for me when I returned still frightened me. I wouldn't get another opportunity to go away again until I didn't just _appear _ an adult and I honestly don't know if I wanted those sort of restrictions.

Maybe then I'll actually appreciate my family and finally fall in love with Jacob, living a perfect fantasy life with my little olive-skinned cubs, baking cakes and stuff like Emily. _Princess of La Push baby!_

"Snow white! That's it!" I yelled out in realisation of what movie I was watching. Am I really that tuned into my little dream land now? _Is that seven dwarfs I see on my screen? Oh must be a documentary about whales or something._

"You've gone insane. Soon you'll be like Aro. Maybe you'll be lucky though, end up like Marcus and you won't have to smile." My eyes bulged open as I realized what I was doing. Great, now I'm talking to myself.. pretending to be someone else. I shook my head in shame as I shut down the laptop, carelessly putting it down on the floor.

_I will clearly need to check out chat rooms tomorrow to socialize._

"Or I could actually try and talk to people, shut up and be less pathetic." I grumbled, switching off the lamp beside me before tossing the pillows off of the bed.

"Night momma... Night daddy." I whispered, sighing shortly after. I closed my eyes in an attempt to fight off tears that wanted to escape, knowing that they wouldn't help.

_Is my pathetic, bored life killing you too?_

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock!_

Never the deep sleeper, my eyes snapped open almost immediately after the urgent knocks were placed on my door. They didn't stop at just three; each knock getting more and more louder and spaced together, convincing me that it was just a matter of time before whoever's fist that was knocking would go straight through the door.

After my old room getting wrecked with the accident involving Nahuel, I seriously did not want to go and re-arrange my stuff again.

"I'm just coming!" I shouted, knowing that the only way to get me out of the bed was to quickly force myself remove the warm covers in a single movement. Greatest thing about being half human, half vampire? The bed covers get _really_ warm and snugly.

The ignorant person knocking clearly wanted my attention now, refusing to stop knocking even when I had addressed her/him. Simply pissed off, I stuck up my two fingers to the door before flinging my house-coat on, trying not to rip it thanks to my now sour mood.

"I swear to god, if this is you, Christian (my chef), I will not under any circumstances eat your food! I told you, I don't want food at this.." I yanked the door open, freezing as I took in the figure in front of me.

Jane stood at the door with her little fists clenched tightly behind the sleeves of her black cloak that was completely fastened. The cloak was a different style than usual - the neck was higher up with more buttons, allowing it to cover all of her neck and even trimming across her chin. The hood of her cloak also trimmed around the edges of her face, almost appearing to leave a dark shadow, making her ghostly pale complexion stand out.

I wondered if she dressed like that on purpose, knowing my eyes would go to her face first so that she could clearly tell me what mood she was in before I spoke to her. Her lips seemed redder, more striking in an attempt to bring attention to how puckered they were, puckered up in _fury. _

_Shit, give her Snow White and the seven dwarfs and run! _

"Jane.." I swallowed, quickly forming a mental debate with myself over wither or not I should make eye contact with her. "Can I h-help you?" My eyes flickered to hers. _Wrong move. _I felt faint as her red eyes swallowed up mine up viciously.

Jane ignored me (which was expected for someone of such a fiery, limited personality), skipping to what should have been later in the conversation. "I will not repeat myself." She said, grabbing onto the delicate fabric covering my shoulders like a bully stealing a kids lunch money.

"You haven't said anything yet." I spat.

_Idiot. _

Jane reacted rapidly, controlling her expression carefully so it would not show any signs of rage indicating that my comment got to her. Instead, in a strikingly casual manner, she flung me across the room so that my back hit against the walnut brown wardrobe. I slid back down onto the ground, yelling out loudly in pain as Jane crouched towards me with her teeth bared.

_Oh god, oh god, rape.._

"We are being attacked, do you understand me? You have thirty seconds to grab a coat and put on a pair of shoes. Thirty.."

I looked at her like a retarded dear in headlights that really should be running away.

_Jane clearly does not like retarded dears._

"TWENTY NINE!" She screamed as she cornered in on me. Jane doesn't scream. Oh no, Jane is far more the chill, 'I can make you burn', type. But oh god, oh god, when she screamed there.. I swear, I laid an egg as I jumped up.

_OK, OK, calm down.. calm the hell down.. there is no attack, just ignore it, do what she says then pass out._

The ground started spinning and when I stood, not even walking, it felt like I was standing on a skateboard during an earthquake, wobbling around but thankfully not falling.

_Alright, calm down.. calm down! _Just keep calm and breathe.. I took a deep, shaky breath before removing the sweat plastered on my forehead. Despite my efforts, I still felt so uneven and faint, my rapid heart seeming to be turning all attempted calm inside my body into poison, the effects unpleasant.

_Thud... thud... thud..._

_Oh god.. please don't black out, please!  
_

I needed to do what Jane told me since it was apparent that it was her job tonight to prepare me for this attack – wither I liked it or not.

But didn't I want this? The excitement? It was all just so.. sudden.. so panicked! I..I.. wanted to live all fast and badass but how could I even want that when here I was, wanting to go and hide in a corner like a little baby.

I didn't just _have _to keep it together, I _will _ keep it together.

"Coat!" I yelled although it was intended to be a thought. I stuck my hand out into the closet, grabbing onto a smooth, velvet fabric that when I yanked it out was exposed to be the cloak given to me as a gift on my celebration night from Aro. It seemed the most appropriate for the situation that was going to fold out. I fell to my knees next, quickly reaching my hand into the bottom compartment of the closet, pulling out my warm uggs.

_Uggs during an attack, nice one._

Would I even be fighting? I couldn't even ask, my words would turn into vomit as they reached my throat and Jane definitely does not like vomiting retarded dears.

I stuck my shoes on and zipped up my cloak and before I even finished, Jane pulled me up with her hand gripped tightly on my shoulder (for the pleasure of seeing me in pain), not removing it once I was on my feet again.

"You will follow me," Jane stated, "If you leave my side, someone will kill you. Simple enough?"

Her black cloak swept around, nearly smacking me across the face seconds before she stormed out of the room at a speed that I knew would make me loose my breath after a minute of following her.

_Go, you moron, go!_

I dashed after her, skidding around corners as I programmed it into my brain to focus on _her _black cloak, making it stand out amongst the others rushing about the halls. Jane's movement was by far the most professional, swift and _very _neat. She dodged past the vampires with complete ease, leaving me to bump into them all as I tried to keep up.

I felt so vulnerable, not because of my lack of strength but because everyone seemed to be...growling at me...more than usual.

OK, so obviously the Volturi guard weren't ecstatic with their newest guard member. By 'not ecstatic', I mean that they have planned a total of twenty three assassination plots on me, only stopped when Aro gave them a talk on 'respecting all members of the guard.' _Total ending-of-mean-girls style._

Surely with such a dramatic event going on, I wouldn't be the current enemy?

"Feccia!" Someone shouted as a bulging pair of red eyes suddenly attacked my face. I whipped my head away, running faster to keep up with Jane.

"Scum!" another vampire shouted, followed by an outburst of cheers. Both the foreign word I had heard before and the English word was now being chanted with enthusiasm at me along with other phrases. It was like they were having a competition to see who was the loudest or who could make me cry first.

_"Dirty half breed!" _

_"Cullen scum!"_

_"Kill her, master!"_

_"No, kill Carlisle for building his vegetarian army to destroy us!"_

I would not cry. No tears would escape. I _had _to make sure of it.

I honestly don't know what happened next. It was a blur; I made the mistake of making my hearing more focused, more important than anything else. Jane, who I had lost sight of because of my attention being focused towards the insults was now in front of me, clutching a hammer in her right hand.

"Have you no brains, Joseph? A hammer? I will have to inform Aro on how much the standards of our Victorian guard has fallen." Jane said.

I peeked my head around Jane to see the short, strawberry blond man, Joseph, that all of the vampires had cleared away from now on his knees moments after his furious eyes met mine, dropping down in agony, screaming as Jane looked at him with a steel expression, flinging the hammer back at him.

Jane soon yanked me over to a big, wooden door locked with old fashioned black metal slates. She opened it just as quick as she closed it, pausing to throw me into the room. I had paid no attention to where I had been before, blinded by the hatred and before that, my problem understanding what the heck was going on. The new room blocked out all noise, still dimly lit but slightly brighter. A round, wooden table was the only object placed in the room along with chairs surrounding it, most of them occupied with members of the first guard.

Aro rose from his seat at the top of the table, motioning towards Renata as he moved. Renata quickly detached herself from Aro, positioning herself in front of me in Jane's place who had now gone to stand beside her brother who was leaning casually against the wall at the back.

Oh how I fought to control myself and not go over there and slap him for his expression on his face. It was amused. _A_-mused.

Dick.

The question of why Renata was now protecting me was answered when Caius lunged towards me with no care for Renata. It proved to be a huge mistake, Renata's super shield sending off Caius into a confused state across the room.

Not bothered about Caius, Aro reached his hands around Renata's body to grab onto mine, his cold touch making me flinch. "Ah, Renesmee dearest, you are coping so well! Please, do not fear!"

_Breath in, breath in...out..in and out!_

I opened my mouth to take a breath but gagged instead, grabbing my stomach and leaning over, collapsing onto the floor.

"Oh dear! Demetri be a dear and go fetch a bucket for Renesmee." I looked at Aro as he bent down next to me, concern in his face as I began to shake.

"I keep my guard heavily protected, child and during an attack like this, you are my top priority," Aro said, "but we need to get you out of Volterra first."

_Oh holy crap.. hoooly crap! _

"B-but wh-why?" I cried, looking up at Aro again with pleading eyes. Was it so serious that I had to be evacuated?

"Because it is you that _he _wants."

My heart stopped along with my shaking, I was now frozen. An emotionless piece of ice.

No. Oh god, please no.

"We were informed by our guard at the airport that the horrid smelling shape-shifters have landed in Italy, this information is fresh but we are running out of ti-"

"Why?" I whispered. "Am I his property now?"

"And that is why we will not let him go anywhere near you."

"Don't kill him! Please!"

My hand whipped to my mouth once I finished, covering it so that no gasps of horror would escape. Did I honestly just say that? Did I just stick up for _Jacob?_ Was he still that attached to me? Oh no, oh no, oh no. Why? Why did he have to go ahead and attack in the first place?

_Because he cares about you and maybe you feel the same._

No! I don't!

"We will be killing all of them!" Caius roared who was being restrained by Athenodora and her guards. "This is _your _fault!"

"I thought you wished to destroy the shape-shifters, brother." Aro stood back up and walked over to Caius, putting a comfortingly hand on his shoulder. "Although our meeting with Renesmee's family over her fate years ago has showed us all that maybe a peaceful outcome is better than loosing some of our guard.."

"No!" Numerous voices objected. Renata rushed over in front of Aro, hissing protectively at Caius.

The sound of the Volturi guard preparing filled the room as Demetri slid in, closing the door with a bucket in his hand. He gave it to me quickly, his face perfectly smooth despite everything.

"Thanks." I whispered, taking it and the water he had also brought.

"His name?" Someone loudly piped up, possibly Corin.

"His name is Jacob." Alec spoke up clearly for me, moving away from the wall to stand in-between Caius and Aro.

Marcus, who I hadn't noticed was even in the room, studied Alec like he did with me. It was as if he was repeating every word Alec had just spoken, analysing it. _Yeah, not creepy at all._

"If it is the young wolf boy, Jacob, who wants Renesmee then she is the target therefore it is _her _ decision with what we do with him." Aro said. _No! _I objected silently. _Dude, you are the leader! _

"We are being attacked, Aro! I do not care about her pathetic, immature Romeo and Juliet love for this shape-shifter, he must be killed!" Caius objected, banging his fist into the wall, forming a crack.

Alec, who was watching with delight, sniggered at Caius' comment about Jacob and I. I wanted to object, state that I definitely did not love him, nor particularly like him after a lot of things but did I really want to risk speaking back to Caius?

"We will have to fix that." Marcus said dryly without even looking at the big crack on the wall.

"Yes, correct my brother." Aro said as if he was talking to a child. "And how do you feel about the situation at hand?" Aro clasped his hands together, peering at Marcus with eyes glittering with enthusiasm.

Oh great. Aro now wants to know if I'm wanting to save Jacob because I 'love' him.

"The child needs to leave." Marcus stated, getting up from his seat to move over towards me. I tried to keep my gaze far away from his since I always dreaded the looks that flashed across his face when reading my ties.

Aro's black cloak swept across the floor, following Marcus over to where I was. "Ah, yes, a decision must be made soon."

All of the eyes in the room burnt my skin with their gazes at that moment, all fixed on me as they waited for my 'Cullen' answer.

I bit my lip, shutting my eyes as I allowed a few memories to come back.. I quickly shut _that_ door regretfully. After all he's done to you.. ruining such a.. I couldn't do this to him! To Billy! _Oh but he deserves it!_

"Don't kill him," I whispered, "I beg of you."

I looked up to see Alec shaking his head, tutting loudly. "My dear half breed, aren't you America's most likely to be abu-"

"Be quiet!" I hissed, using more energy and voice than I had at that moment after agreeing to save Jacob's life.

"Now, now, Alec, play nice." Aro warned. Alec's gaze dropped to the floor, a content smile still covering his face. Aro continued, "so its settled then, we do not attack the shape-shifters. We defend."

The room exploded with groans, the loudest from Felix.

"Unless _they _attack us, which would be extremely risky of them."

"I would think that if we threatened to harm Renesmee if they did not leave, the dogs would have to go with Renesmee's life on the line." Santiago said slowly, speaking and looking for a flaw in his plan at the same time.

Murmurs of agreement now filled the room, far more pleasing than the groans thanks to my decision.

"Brilliant!" Aro clapped. He whisked around to face his precious guard, looking at all the faces present. "You must head to the garage immediately and drive away from Volterra, keeping back-road routes, ones that will stretch the journey." He informed the guard although no one had been chosen yet. "Do not return with Renesmee until tomorrow morning."

I can honestly say that at that moment, I had no interest what-so-ever in where I was going. I just cared _who _I was going in.

I hoped that Aro would take consideration in the fact that the guard wanted me dead. I wanted Felix to go with, he didn't have a gift and he was useful in battle, which was being prevented so he was both my choice and the most likely person to get chosen.

"Such limited time to choose who.." Aro sighed as he circled the table,..

A low whisper came from Marcus' lips, his body still inches from my right although I refused to look at him.

"What was that, brother?" Aro stopped moving, his head snapping over to look at Marcus.

"Alec." Marcus paused, ignoring the ghostly pale color now on my face. "Alec should go and protect her."

* * *

"**YOU PROMISED ROMANCE!" I know :( I fail.  
There was in all honestly, meant to be romance in chapter 12 . However, chapter 12 was always intended to be what is now, part 1 +2 combined but after re-reading the ending over and over, i realized how much it needed to be cut there. My apologies. :(**

**Part 2 will have romance. I mean, c'mon, their stuck in a car for houuurs at night time.. hintt hintt! And not just the bickering interactions, Chapter 12 part 2 will end what they currently 'have'. **

**AGAIN, so sorry! I also need to apologize for another fail - the time this took. It's not even that long. I wrote 2 other versions of this chapter, one including both parts combined (not the exact same, but same plot-drift), it seemed so rushed and I just got frustrated and deleted it. LOL. **

**Special thanks to all the reviewers on the previous chap - (in order of most recent): Mary mac, Erin L, TheWitchTwins, NiamhK, Lilylove, Chocoholic151, Renesmee C. Cullen da original, xXPurpleMidnightXx  
**

**Thanks for reading & hopefully not being too mad!**


	13. Driven Together By a Howl, Part 2

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.  


* * *

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**_Love Is Colder Than Death_**

**_Chapter 12 part 2;_**

**_driven together by a howl. _**

_He knew what he wanted. He's always been the type to know what he exactly wants. Rarely does he get it, though. This time was meant to be different, it was meant to be his happy ending. Forever. A good wife, beautiful children, his pack and glowing happiness. But she didn't want any of that. _

_Sure, she was still young. She needed a bit of time to process it but running off to a bunch of killers who once wanted to kill her? Dumb move. _

_He couldn't just sit, crying and acting all dead-like until she came home. If, she came home, that is. He thought it would be after a day, when the pain of not being near her imprint would kick in. _

_Twenty four hours after he was told that she was gone, the pain had yet to kick in apparently, since she was no-where to be seen. _

_And it was only until now that he finally learned where she was. Her awful, unfit mother knew all along and she allowed it! She allowed all of this to continue! _

"_Well, I won't!" Jacob yelled to the wolves that had came to support him in getting her back. He was pretty chuffed with himself after such an 'amazing' speech as Seth put it. _

_Jacob turned around on the narrow, non-main road that their sat nav in their rented van had taken them. Couldn't he smell her? No remaining evidence of the half-breed girl he wanted so badly lingered in the air. The Volturi did have centuries of escape practice though. _

_This had been the exact road where the girl had forced herself into the black Lamborghini, gritting her teeth as the black cloaked guard practically danced with excitement as he tormented her about being the 'runaway love'. Severe bickering was followed. _

_Jacob marched with his pack through the spot where she jumped out of the car as the powerful member taunted her, protesting in-front of the car until he lifted her up back into the car. _

_Jacob kept on going, speeding up as the back, emergency exit of the castle came into view as well as what was surrounding it tonight. The guard. Positioned in a big semi-circle around the walls, all of their cloaks up, their faces hard and emotionless. _

_The pack halted as they reached as far as they were told to go. Jacob continued to walk, clenching his teeth as the stench filled his nostrils. It will all be worth it. Oh how it will be worth it, he kept telling himself. Little did he know that what he wanted was already well out of the province of Pisa. _

_The leader (or king leech as Jacob would always stay), stood with his two brothers behind him, heavily guarded. He spoke softly after evaluating the army Jacob had rounded up, "We wish for a peaceful, civilized outcome, my fellow supernatural friends." _

"_As long as I get her." Lies. Why? Because he phased after he spoke, ready to fight for his happiness._

* * *

I'm well experienced with unusual situations. My birth? Mm, I'd rather not bring up the details that shouldn't have been told to me. Let's skip to the minutes following my birth. Youngest imprintee ever, suck on that, Claire! Less than half a year old? A threat to the vampire world, causing the biggest vampire gathering ever. Not to sound cocky, of course.

My life then got really boring then I went crazy then I got bored again so I ran away. Things got good again once I packed my packs and left for Volterra... well, then boring yet again... then so eventful that I nearly threw up over Aro..

The climax of my book of eventful situations was this moment. This glorious, effed up, wrong, irritating, suicidal moment with thee biggest ass in the world. Trapped in a two seated car, surviving only on food from the service station, the rain pounding down, making us skid but did we still down? Oh no of course not.

The icing on the cake? Being dressed in my pajamas. Which maybe wouldn't have been a problem since it's 12am but it meant I couldn't go out the car, right?

"The reaction you caused in the service station to those Italians when you chased after me in your nightwear was even more amusing than watching you collapse onto the floor earlier!" Alec spoke up loudly so that his voice could be heard over the classical music he was blasting like he was some pimp or something.

"We-WE-.. can you just.. ahg!" I couldn't possibly raise my voice to be over the music which was driving me crazy, the level of the noise. "Could you please turn this crap off?"

I stuck my hand out and placed it on the volume dial, practically an invitation for Alec to smack it off.

"Excuse me! Manners! You do not smack a lady!" I yelled although I couldn't even hear my own voice. I reached over, quicker this time now that I had learned my lesson and clicked the eject button.

Silence. Oh sweet silence.

"I was listening to that." Alec snapped although did not bother to stop me from taking the disk into my hands. I rolled down the window. "You throw that out and I'll make sure your only ride is with Jacob, runaway love."

"Didn't I already tell you?" I said, obeying and rolling the window back up knowing that Alec was indeed a man of his word. "I prefer the nickname 'half breed.'"

"Did you say that? I prefer you as the seen but not heard type anyway."

"I prefer you as the dead type." I said.

"Nice. You already prefer me..." Alec said happily, reaching his arm across me to yank the CD from my hands like he was going to blast it in celebration.

"You are only embarrassing yourself by putting such a genre of music up so loud as you speed around in a Lamborghini. Failed pimp, much?"

Alec took his eyes off the road, looking quite happy when he saw that my eyes were on his face. His eyes narrowed at the phrase I had used to describe him, obviously not appreciative of my modern-day lingo. "Why would I care about what humans think of me? You clearly do and even more so care about what the dog thinks of you showed by your little panic attack when I went onto the motorway."

"Aro said to stick to back roads!" I hissed, tensing up not only at the blocked thought of this whole situation but also at how little Alec is actually looking at the road. "Do you know what else he said? Protect me! Not leave me in the car as you go into the service station to get food, which was for me anyway but still! Wolves like their food, you know!"

"It must be awfully boring to always need to be protected and saved. What can you do on your own, may I ask?"

He always gets you right where it hurts. Always.

"That's right, Alec!" I agreed sarcastically, lighting up my face in an over-the-top manner. "I can't do anything at all! That's why you were sent here to go and wipe my ass because I can't do anything!"

"You need your mouth washed out."

"Oh really? I take it that you still hold on to your old fashioned ways, too bad I remember that they preferred burning as a punishment back in the day." I spat.

The car screeched as Alec suddenly pulled us off of the motorway, turning onto a road that had no signs up next to it what-so-ever. My stomach now felt tight with regret at what I had said -harsh but true- which had now set Alec off for real, showed by the growls coming from his seat.

"For your information, you half breed scu-"

"I didn't mean to get so sna-"

"Don't interrupt me." Alec hissed. I could tell that his anger was growing because of the increasing speed of the car, pushing safety as we nearly crashed when going around the narrow, dark bends. "The only thing you can do is try to play a role far bigger than who you are."

Pft, you've used that one before!

"Oh really? What role would that be? Because despite what you may think, I must be somewhat equal to you now we're guard buddies!"

"There's a difference, runaway love. _You_, are a waste of space in a fight unless used as bait. _I_ am necessary." My mouth popped open to threaten the obvious to him, unfortunately the obvious option isn't just apparent to me only. "And do not say you will call mommy on me because that furthermore proves that you cannot do anything yourself."

"Good one." I admitted dryly, rolling my eyes as a way to get more time to think up my comeback since Alec was good, really good. "What if I cannot then? Does that make you my bitch? Well thank you for the service although it would be appreciated if you could turn the volume down a tad."

"You do know that whatever you say about being all powerful and independent is just a waste of air." He mocked. "Do you know why?"

"Yes, for a matter of fact I do. Because you don't care. Nice."

"Oh no, no, no. This isn't about me! I just find it funny that although your best efforts to break away are moving, you still appear to be Jacob's property."

Alec took his eyes away from the bendy road then, his gaze trying to eat my mask away in a desperate attempt to see the impact hit my face because of what he had said. Was he looking for tears so he could dance around in victory? Anger so our bickering session could continue?

"I'm afraid what you are looking for isn't there, Alec," I said in a vacant voice which matched my face. "Being part of the Volturi guard can change a person, y'know. I would think that you would know such things."

"I wasn't looking for anything." He grumbled before turning his head back at the road. God knows why we hadn't crashed yet!

"Oh really? Well, could I please state now for future arguments that I know no longer care. I'm bulletproof now, you can't hurt me." I spoke with such an over-confident, cocky tone that it even annoyed me.

Alec could tear my confidence down over and over, but I would not care. I just don't care what he, or anyone thinks anymore. Surely that counted as a piece of the person who I wished to be? The selfish monster that I was slowly turning into, the reason why I was here.

_Yeah, doesn't sound very good anymore, does it?_

Unfortunately, I haven't yet perfected the whole 'not-freaking-out' when being told that my imprinter is coming for me, to claim what was his. Alec was right. I was his property. The girl who he had groomed for seven years so I could one day be his. The other wolves couldn't touch me, that wasn't aloud. Why? Because I was _his._

"It makes me sick." I whispered, oblivious to how out of the blue it sounded to Alec.

"What does? What you think you are now? It's an excellent and valued thing not to care what others think. Little tip though, don't stop and act all lifeless, you should have insulted me back." Alec said.

"For your information, I wasn't _acting_ lifeless!"

"Ah, so you just didn't have a comeback?" Alec turned his head around again. Even from the side of my eye, it was hard to miss the grin on his face.

"I thought we had a little agreement to not go near each other?" I scowled. Oh why oh why did I have to be enduring this right now?

"That's twice tonight that you've not had a comeback! Rusty, are we?" Alec gloated, taking his other hand off of the steering wheel to nudge me.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped, "Look, can you just like... shut up? Please? At least for tonight! I am _not_ in the mood!"

"Aren't you having fun?" He asked. "Its a glorious night!"

"Glorious?" I said in disbelief, outraged that he was enjoying the fact that I could have a heart attack any second now. "We're at risk of being chased and found by a pack of wolves who want me!"

"They won't go anywhere near us, trust me.. you just need to calm down." Alec said, sounding confident yet it did not calm me what-so-ever.

I shook my head with a sick expression plastered across my face as I thought about the current situation. "I don't like being chased."

My voice was so weak and pathetic that it even worried Alec, the hard asshole who was now convinced that I was about to burst into tears any moment now, incapable of handling everything. The skin covering my hand jumped when I felt Alec's cold touch on it, the intended-to-be comforting and reassuring gesture terrifying me in case he ended up ripping my hand off instead.

"I will keep him away from you, Renesmee."

"There's only one of yo-"

Alec seemed almost giddy as he replied, his voice containing the excitement of a child at a candy shop, "Caius finds weapons to destroy Vampires to lack variety but werewolves on the other hand.." His voice drifted off like he was falling into a wonderful, bloody dream. Whatever candy is his flavor, I guess.

"I still can't look at Jacob, not after.."

"I'll blind you. You don't even have to watch or listen.." Alec said.

"Thank you." I whispered, trying to make it sound as if I had hope but I failed to do so. Maybe Alec didn't have his guard with him but surely a man with power like his had some tricks up his sleeve? He could get his cool mist out then...

"And by the way, Renesmee, I take great offense in you even thinking that a pack of puppies could defeat me..."

My hand snapped away from his, my face now a burning red. I hadn't even realized! Stupid power! Stupid, useless power! "The only time my power has ever been useful was when I wanted food as a baby, I don't even remember it as well!"

"You have your shield-breaking talent.. did Renata ever get you to break her shield?"

"Only once, when she got me fired up, thinking that she was guarding you." I admitted with pride.

"Ah, how I love bringing out the animal side in you! I hope you lunged at Renata in that 'bambi' manner that Felix was telling me about!"

"Bambi?" I said, puzzled. "Volturi guards and Disney characters don't go well together.. anyway, I'm working on that lunge!"

"I wasn't insulting it. Neither was Felix, he said that it would make your opponent stop to laugh at you." Alec said, very much enjoying the famed 'Renesmee on a battle field' image that Felix had spoke about so many times.

Remember when he said I had potential? Yeah, well that was before we practiced lunging and appropriate growls.

"I take it that you and Felix enjoy making fun of me during in your free time.. what a nice hobby."

"No, he actually said that when I first joined the guard, I lunged like you." A giggle escaped my lips, the first in months, at Alec having to be told that he once was like the weak half breed. "So I ripped his arm off."

"Well, that is no way to treat friends..."

"Isn't it obvious that the only person that I can stand in the guard is my sister? Demetri is at least observant and actually holds a decent reputation for our guard."

"I don't have any friends here either." I said blankly, my hand ready to slap myself for the pathetic comment.

"There's a difference though, I bring fear, you don't and I doubt you ever will."

Bring fear? Me bring fear? The thought even made me snort. "You should have saw the riot I caused. Guess another death attempt is coming my way.." I said humorlessly, wondering what they would try this time.

"Jane's already on the second draft."

"Hilarious.. And how many have you been apart of?" I asked him.

"All of them."

I would be lying if I said that I was expecting Alec to want me dead. Sure, in the past it was possible but after our agreement and that night when I told him everything, you would think that we were at least on half-decent terms, even if he was an annoying ass. I would also be lying if I said it didn't hurt me, just a little. Why did I even trust him in the first place?

"Well then I take it that this is one of them." I said softly, running my hands through my hair in an attempt to do something that showed that I didn't care. I don't think my voice agreed, though. "Do your best."

"I'll be doing my best to keep you away from him, that is all. I was apart of them all because I was the one who alerted Aro to save you."

My face dropped, not because he wasn't going to kill me tonight, but in utter awe and disbelief that he, Alec, would do such thing to save me, of all people. Me.

"You betrayed your sister to keep me alive?" I whispered, the words even sounding strange to me.

"Its clear that we have some trust for each other." Alec admitted, his voice (for once) not sure if that was what he should really be saying to me. "You could tell me your past and I could tell you mine... I just don't understand why.."

I bit my lip, knowing that the conversation had now made a difficult turn. He was right. Why he was right, I do not know, but there was no doubt that there was something.. something wrong with the fact we could both tell each other so much yet still have a burning hatred for each other. "Maybe we're the only ones who care what each other have to say.."

"Jane does, I suppose. Yet our past isn't an option for a conversation starter.."

"And I just don't have the guts to tell my parents how I feel. Hmm, maybe that's why running away was a good option," I reflected, the past making my voice go all Marcus-like, "so what if we do trust each other? Does that make us friends?"

"Oh yes, best." Alec chuckled as if he didn't know what else to do thanks to the awkward intensity of the conversation. "I do apologize for starting our fight earlier, it wasn't needed... I guess I just.. well, how do we act if we _are_ friends?"

"We avoid each other."

It surprised me that Alec didn't grin happily and make some smart comment at how good his life would be, but from the corner of my eye, I swear I saw disappointment in his face.

When I realized that he wasn't going to reply, I spoke carefully, not wanting to turn his disappointment into anger. Really, why would he show such emotion? "I think that the reason we made that agreement is because we don't know how to act civilized as friends around each other."

"True.. but what about right now?" Alec pointed out.

I stopped to think for a moment, wondering what on earth Alec and I actually were. Enemies? Mmm, maybe too far. Bicker-buddies? True, but as Alec pointed out, we shared some trust with each other. Two raging hormonal teenagers that take each others anger out on other another? Yup, sounds right.

"I actually don't know.. I don't know why we can trust each other then bicker moments later.. I have no clue." I admitted, the analyzing of our relationship even pissing me off with how complicated it was.

"Oh well." Alec sighed. "Its fun anyway, the bickering and story time."

I didn't reply but instead continued to sit and think about Alec and I. There hadn't been any thought before to it. I hated him, he hated me.. simple. The hatred was long gone, but we did love our arguments.. and stories.. ah, how frustrating this all was!

We sat in silence for a good ten minutes, Alec allowing me to choose the radio station. It was all in Italian anyway, with a few English songs that I hadn't ever heard of since the outside world was like mars to me now. He then slowed down the speed of the car drastically before pulling up onto a grassy ditch, cutting the engine off seconds before he began to button up his army-styled black jacket.

"I need to go and feed," he explained, his voice making no attempt what so ever to try and make what he was saying sound any better for my sake, "you can wait in the car, if you want. There's probably a couple of drunken teens out in the fields, better get the opportunity before its too late."

I wanted to tell him no, beg him to save the lives of those so young but I knew that tears would fall and that would be no good. Hadn't I caused the death of those even younger before? And people died in my 'home' daily so I had to get used to it. "Drunken kids in fields? Sounds like a party... have fun."

"You know I will. You sure that you want to wait here? I have blankets in the boot."

"I'm good here. I'll sit and party to some Italian tunes so I can enjoy the hardcore, Italian club music before I dose off for the night." I joked, knowing how awfully some of the music was.

"You do know that you better get used to watching the guard feed, its unavoidable." Alec said, seeming quite desperate for me to come with him.

I couldn't handle it on an night like this, or ever.

"But right now it is."

Alec stayed silent for a few moments before addressing me in a firm tone, "you're coming with me, you can close your eyes if you must."

_His firm tone showed me that he meant business. I was coming with him wither I wanted to or not. I gave up very easily, forcing myself out of the car... _Only that was what _Alec _wished I was thinking. Instead, I folded my arms and puckered my lips, waiting for him to leave. I watched a blur move around the car, stopping at my passenger door.

Alec yanked the door open and despite the darkness, his eyes were still clear, filled with a desire to win and get me to go with him. Winning. That's his only goal, isn't it? Everything was a competition, a battle... practice for the bigger army. Well, that's a good way to spend eternity, isn't it? "Come on..." He motioned his head for me to step out of the car.

"There is no valid reason for me to step out of this car when you have clearly stated that I am safe."

"Is your skin indestructible against human weapons? I think not. Now, unbuckle the seat belt and come out." Alec ordered me. It did annoy me; being controlled. One of the things I absolutely loathed about my family and Jacob. I mean, at least when Aro did it in his sick plans, it wasn't direct.

"Who's gonna shoot me, Alec? Seriously? The Tuscan young team?" I said.

"Fine. Don't come." Alec raised his hands in surrender, taking a couple of steps back. His expression then changed dramatically and for the first time ever, I saw fear flash across his face. "Oh my.. is.. is.. that a howl I hear?" His voice was taunting, clearly a joke... I think. It didn't surprise me that Alec ran off at vampire speed soon after, leaving me behind in silence.

I wanted to say whatever, roll my eyes and ignore him but I swear, I heard a howl.

Mind trick or no mind trick, that was me done. I practically dived out of the car, slamming the door with absolutely no care if someone could go and steal it in the likely event that I sprinted off to go and find Alec.

"Alec.." I trembled quietly, knowing he would hear me anyway.

Another howl rang through my ears, slamming me back against the car. _Your minds just playing with you.. Its all fake.. _the third howl was the loudest.. the most determined and needy.._for me._

"Alec!" I screamed this time. "Alec! Ok, I need your freaking protection.. you..you roman god of protection person!"

"Worst. Beg. Ever." Alec said, clapping anyway as he re-appeared from the darkness. "By the way, for future reference, I prefer the Greek Gods."

"You!" I charged towards him, slamming my fists into his hard chest. "What was the point in that, idiot? To scare me for absolutely no reason what-so-ever!"

Alec rolled his eyes, tilting his head away from me as he continued to allow me to hit his chest. "Firstly, don't answer your own questions and secondly, as much as it did entertain me, I wanted to see how much the dog frightens you."

"Frightens me? He doesn't..." My voice trailed off as I realized there was nothing I could say in my defense. "Okay, so I don't want to go home..badly..no big deal."

"How can you allow him to live tonight when he's clearly hurt you physically in the past?" Alec said, a burning fury in his voice that had no right to be there.

My face scrunched up in objection to his false claims that he was _making _up. "Hurt me physically? It's only ever been emotionally!" I hissed back. "And you should know that since I told you!"

"If I do recall, you missed out one event!"

"Which was none of your god damn business!" I yelled at him, outraged that yet again, he was starting another argument.

"But I'm the only one who cares, Renesmee!"

_Oh dear, where is this going?_

"I..Y..Oh.. Do you know what, scum bag? Go jump in a fire!" I screamed at him, louder than I've ever screamed at anyone before. I started to breathe like fire was ready to come out of my nostrils. Fire. The only thing that could be used to kill Alec. Fire. My freaking best friend.

But there was no fire tonight, only salty tears, the symbol of my weakness.

"And do you know why I didn't tell you? Because I don't like telling even myself what happened that night! The night before my birthday, the reason why I'm standing here with you, in Italy! You really think my rebellious stage pushed me that hard? No, of course not! That was the reaction to the discovery of my effed up life.. past, present and future!

"But do you know what pushed me here today? Do you? Realizing that I can't ever be normal! So what is the god damn point in wasting my time at school with people I will have to move away from? I had to watch my childhood rush by, I never got to go to Disneyland or do anything normal but do you know what I promised myself?

"At least one normal teenage experience! Just one! And I don't care if you find love revolting, because you are just one sick, twisted piece of work that will forever be alone with your sister! But I have always intended to actually appreciate love, and go ahead, laugh if you freaking want but I wanted my first kiss to be perfect, perfect! The only human experience I could ever have to be perfect, p-e-r-f-e-c-t! Perfect! The word that I've been hiding from for so long and do you know why?

"Because perfection is impossible!"

I didn't have any control of my body to snap Alec's arms away as he wrapped them tightly around my waist, forcing me to stare directly at him. I didn't have a mirror, but I wouldn't be surprised if my eyes represented someone witnessing a death because of the look plastered across Alec's face.

He was shaking his head in regret, sincere and pure regret but it was too late. "I am.. I've pushed you too far.. I never meant for this to happen, I just.. I don't know how to a-"

"Funny how in a couple of minutes, you'll start your crap again." I said, not amused. "But I have a story to finish first..."

"Don't -"

"That's what Jacob said that night, as we stood on the balcony, forgiveness all wrapped up in a box for me to hand to him.. _don't _he said.. and do you know why, Alec? Why did my imprinter say that? Because I was pulling away!

"Why would I pull away from such gentleman? Why why why? Because life is an unfair joke! You should have killed me seven years ago, prevented my life from becoming any worse! You should have taught me the lesson that no, you can't have perfection! I couldn't have my perfect first kiss, couldn't have the one human moment that I wanted! And why?"

My voice turned to a fragile whisper, my body being washed over with complete numbness.._ the _image came back to me, _the _moment that I had been hiding from for so long, _the _memory, all of the feelings.. everything.. "Because Jacob kissed me. He ruined everything."

I waited for Alec to start laughing.

Yup, my first (forced) kiss was with Jacob Black, the way it should have always been to him. He ruined the one moment I wanted to be normal, a normal human moment ruined because of him.

And do you know what? Yes, I am a drama queen and no, I don't care!

It was no surprise that my emotions were currently having a fireworks part inside of me, and stealing the show was none other than the one and only, Mr depression.

I burst into tears, not just the daily tears that I always shed, but tears that caused me to wail, taking away oxygen, making me collapse onto the ground..

Alec caught me, and to my complete and utter shock, he _hugged _me. He held me tight in his arms and hugged me.

"I'm done." He said. "I ask for your forgiveness yet I know I can never have it, but trust me, I am done pushing you.."

"Is it because you no longer have interest? Now that you know everything?" I wanted to rage at him some more, but only broken sobs escaped my lips.

He didn't answer my questions, he only began stroking my back with care and whispering his apology over and over.

So, this was it then.

All of the wasted time arguing for no reason, the time in the mall.. the night in the dungeon.. all lead to my destruction.. was this his plan all along? I could imagine him and Jane plotting every detail -

"No. That never happened."

I didn't care if he could receive images from me, I didn't care. I felt so limp in his evil arms but I didn't care, I didn't care who he was, I just wanted to cry.

We stayed like that for what I bet had to be at least ten minutes, over a hundred apologies being given from Alec. My tears stopped, I forced myself free from his embrace and took a step back, taking a deep breath to calm myself down before I silently went back in the car, feeling lighter now that I finally had my chance to truly rant at him.

Alec took his time coming back into the car, also entering with silence. The radio was not turned on as we drove off, the silence eventually making my mind and eyes drift off, a confusing sleeping pattern taking place. Sometimes there was a deep darkness, other times I was awake.. what never went away was the massive headache caused by my thoughts that would never be collected.

There was one, last thing that had to be said.

"I feel a repeat of a conversation we have had before but I don't mind," I said with no hesitation, "we clearly have always trusted each other for reasons that I do not know, and my best guess is that Marcus wants to get to the bottom of it but I think that we clearly are just two, effed up people, needing to take out our anger problems on someone that can give it back. I've also finally realised that the only reason I have involved myself with you for so long despite everything is because hatred is like an illegal drug to me, never available to me but I discovered you had it.. so I came back for more." I said. "But I've overdosed tonight, so take me back to Voterra and let me leave. Let me get help."

Alec did not turn around, but instead ignored me and increased the speed of the car.

"I said, take me back, please Alec."

"No."

"Give me at least one good reason why because I've had enough tonight and would quite frankly like to go and stand in front of a moving train."

Alec ignored me and contented to push the limits of the speed of the car.

"Please!" I begged hopelessly.

I nearly went flying through the wind-screen, my seat belt saving me life due to the sudden halt of the car, the breaks screeching loudly as we stopped on the middle of the deserted road.

The breaks definitely weren't louder than the noise of Alec ripping the steering wheel off then smashing the window with it, the glass shattering as he left, storming out of the car. I immediately followed him.

"Really Alec? Lovely hugs now this? You really need to get some help!"

"I don't know how to act around you anymore, okay?" Alec snarled as he turned around to face me, his back clenched along with his fists.

"Anymore? What? Are you crazy, Alec?"

I couldn't help but gasp quietly in fright as Alec (at vampire speed) positioned himself inches away from me, taking a curly stand of hair in his hand. "I really don't know-how to act around you anymore.' He stated again.

I didn't really know what to say, mainly because I didn't even know what he was meaning at all in the first place.

Since when didn't he not know how to act around me? When we agreed to be civil? Had his hatred simply increased? Did he not like knowing too much about me? I was asking all of the wrong questions to myself, pointless ones that did not help at all. I need to say what would help, directly, not in my head but to him.

"Then act how you want to act." I whispered, shutting my eyes tightly in anticipation. "Kill me, just at least numb me, that's all I ask."

Alec's red eyes swallowed mine up viciously when I finally forced them open, his gaze eating all emotion away. I didn't have any fear anymore. _Go, kill me. _I wanted to say, get it done with.

I flinched at his sudden, cold touch on my back, my eyes popping open as if my vision of Alec killing me wasn't as clear enough already. I could hear my heart thumping at a worrying speed, ringing in my ears, the whole noise making me very uncomfortable, not that that was a strange emotion to feel on a night like this.

Alec pulled me closer towards him with his hand on my back, not removing his intense gaze as he did so, like he actually wanting me to see every bit of joy that would soon get deeper in those sick eyes of his.

_So, this is it then. _

The waiting was Alec's way of torturing me before my death, that was a fact. I closed my eyes for the final time, my lips trembling as I tried to keep standing. Would this be a taster of what was to come? Will my slow and painful wait mirror how my death was done?

_And that's when it hit me, like a lightening bolt, hell, because that was what it was._

It was when I tried to open my mouth to beg him to hurry up that an electrifying jolt of warmth rushed through me at an unbelievable speed, turning every part of me into.. _something.. someone _different...I..I

It took me seconds to realize where it was coming from.. and _why_..

My lips were being hungrily touched by someone else, a colder pair of lips kissed mine as my body dragged closer to the man next to me but it was not close enough, not the way I wanted it to be. I lost control, all sanity, all reality, the electricity inside of me took that all away. I kissed back.

The feeling was so strange, it should have been uncomfortable but it wasn't.. It was fluttery even, not queasy but better yet not in a pleasurable way.. I just couldn't describe it.. I.. I hadn't ever felt such an emotion..

Then, in a single slap the feeling was gone. The slap came from my head, forcing my thoughts to come to a sudden, screeching stop because it was at that moment that I realized _what _I was actually doing and _who _with.

_Oh..my.._

Alec. I was kissing Alec.

Alec.

And then, as I thought of the name again, _his_ name, another spark ran through me. And another... and another. It was never-ending, like the kiss I was currently sharing.

* * *

**I honestly have my doubts about this chapter, it's been annoying me, yet its not strong enough for me to press the delete button.. hm.. if anyone absolutely hates it, then i'll try and improve!**

**Well, what else can I say? ;)**

**Thanks to all my reviewers again! (In order of most recent) - RoseEternal, Aimee, xXPurpleMidnightXx, Anna Chocoholic151, xxxElliexxx, TheWitchTwins, Renesmee C. Cullen da original & Seph Meadowes.  
**

**This story will now, of course, begin its more romantic path but another part of the plot will begin in the next chapter but now, I must shut up before I blab like I do! **

**One small warning- exam preparation/studying starts soon, I get off for my Spring break on Thursday, I am hoping to keep motivated and not slack off during the day, leaving plenty of time to write during the holidays at night but once school starts back for the short period of time before the exams, I won't be on! :(**

**Thanks again everyone for reading + reviewing!**

**-Cristina xxx  
**


	14. Bacio Di Morte

**Obviously don't own. Stephenie Meyer does, therefore we are stuck with some Nessie/Jake pedophile lovin'..  
**

* * *

_**Love is Colder Than Death**_

_**Chapter 13  
Bacio di Morte  
**_

I don't feel a lot of new emotions much. I'm either sad or angry. Nothing more. A smile here and there out of excitement, yes, but never anything new, which is strange since I'm doing something new practically every day. Today? Oh, I just ran away from my imprinter, which I've technically did before... on several occasions.

But there was a new feeling tonight – no an_ explosion_ inside of me. I felt so.. so light too. Not like I now had weight off my shoulders after having one final rant about my history with Jacob but I felt like I was _floating._

I couldn't process any of the new feelings. My body didn't even try to reject them, it just sat patiently in the four-seated car that had been sent to pick us up since the last car was destroyed. My mind, on the other hand, was have a fit.

It kept sending such strange feelings to what felt like my stomach, so uncomfortable but not in a painful way.. was I just imagining things? Was it just panic over what had just happened?

Another firework was suddenly set off inside of me as I remembered.

_What happened._

The 'light' feeling inside of me could only be explained as my body refusing to accept that this was reality, not a dream or a nightmare. This was real. The feelings were real. The fireworks were real.

The kiss was real.

Alec had kissed me.

Kissed me.

_Boom, boom, boom!_

That was how he wanted to act.. he _wanted _to kiss me. This isn't like the moment in a teen film were the unpopular girl kisses the popular guy, and she totally doesn't know why because she's so ugly and geeky and stuff because I've been kissed before. I've just been kissed. By Alec. Alec.

_But why?_

No, this can't be real.. it just can't be!

Alec was, is and will forever be an evil and sick Volturi guard, who possesses the mood-changing hormones of a heavily pregnant woman. The kiss _has _to have sick intentions attached to it.. no man could be so angry and insult someone they wanted to kiss before doing so. And if they were like that, then they were definitely not the type that any girl should waste their time with.

The hug and apology before was irrelevant too. He continued to tear me apart after, more proof that he definitely isn't the type of guy that I should waste my time with.

_So now you are thinking about your future with Alec? Do you.._ Oh, of course not! But he kissed me.. and.. I've never even thought about love before, or my future love-life. What type of guy did I like then? I didn't want the sweet and caring Jacob and I couldn't ever love the cold Alec..

_Ever? _

But the kiss had sent me into a frenzy! A complete frustrated, confused frenzy! I had kissed back, wanted to be closer.. I just lost it. And when Alec pulled back, I swear I wanted to cry.

_No.. no.. no! This isn't right! NO!_

But why? Why am I feeling like this? Why?

I can't.. _feel _something for Alec. That's just impossible. Impossible.

_So was the idea of him kissing you and I emphasize the 'was!'_

Ahg! I freaking hate kisses _and _fireworks _and _that annoying 'light' feeling that makes me feel like I'm flying and nothing is wrong when my life has been hit by yet another tornado. This whole night was practically leading up to a new chapter for my messed up life, all starting with Ja- Jacob.. oh.. him..

_Nice. Get kissed = forget about everything and everyone else. Nice priorities. _

I really didn't mean to forget about him, like, I could remember that I was running away from my imprinter but I guess I just.. well.. I just got kissed. And he could be dead.

"Santiago?" I spoke up, my voice slightly worried for Jacob Black's life.

Santiago, who was currently driving the car as some other guard who's name I did not know played about on his phone (quite the odd sight) in the seat next to him, turned the volume of the radio down.

"Yes, Cullen?" He said, the nickname probably being one of the nicest that I've been called by a Volturi guard.

"I forgot to ask you – are the wolves.. did they attack?"

"The dogs attacked which was expected for such dumb, scummy creatures. They soon found out -brutally- why we rule _all _supernatural beings." I heard the unknown guard next to him chuckle before turning around in his seat to smile at me, _the _smile done by those who find joy over death.

"No worries though, your lover is well. Unfortunately, we only had the chance to take away two lives before the other leader told them all to stop." The unnamed guard said. He seemed quite surprised when I didn't sign in relief over the saved life of my 'lover'. I was relieved, but right now, other feelings were more apparent.

I didn't mourn the two lives lost, belonging to people I probably had met before, but instead, a new urge rushed through me when I felt Alec shuffle about in the chair beside me as we drove into the town of Volterra. I wanted to look at him. Look at the face which I had kissed. He wasn't ugly, pft, he was a vampire. They're all perfect, right? But Alec was probably one good looking witch back in the day.. with his perfectly sized features and -

I slapped myself. I actually slapped myself.

Alec did not turn to look, and it wasn't as if I was doing it for attention.. I was just going crazy.. completely crazy.. crazy.. what on earth has my life came to?

I needed to get out of this car, run away from Alec and never look at him again.

Because, in summary; my brain is on some drug, I'm currently being electrocuted and zapped over and over, I was just about to describe how freaking perfect Alec looks and finally, I can't deny it anymore. I can't deny the truth.

I felt something when he kissed me. Maybe I already knew that.. Oh, of course I did! But what? Not hatred or shock, but something stronger. Yes, the fireworks and the electricity now created between me and the man who was sitting next to me -

Wait, he's gone!

I hadn't even realized that the car was now parked outside the back of the Volturi castle aka the escape route which was brightly lit up by a dozen of old-fashioned oil-lights. Alec probably jumped out that window the minute the car stopped because now, I was planning to ask him some pretty obvious and straight-forward questions that would put my mind to rest.

I just didn't have the guts. Yet.

Still in my pajamas, I opened up the door and stepped out, stumbling as I did so because I was so light-headed that I honestly thought I was going to faint.

What surprised me was that Demetri, of all people, was over quickly to help me stand properly.

_If only it was Alec.. _

"Miss Cullen, I see you have returned in one piece." He said smoothly, before turning to look at two dead bodies piled on each other. "Lucky for some."

I pulled away from Demetri, and despite my fragile state, I went to go look at the bodies. _Leah and Quil. _Leah, in my opinion, was always such a liar. The pack can be so big-mouthed sometimes, and I quickly found out that the girl didn't even have her period. Such a big lie. She clearly has a bad case of PMS twenty-four seven and I didn't take any of it. Quil used to be a nice guy. Always trying to make me best friends with his little Claire. She was so young though because she actually grew at a normal speed. It wasn't my fault that I never really noticed this and said that she has the brains of a brick and would struggle in life. Quil was not pleased.

I stopped my harsh train of thought there. Appalled that I would think of such horrible things to say about two people that just died. I shook my head in disgust that I clearly was too caught up in my little kiss rather than having some respect for Quil and Leah, two people that always did know how much of a horrible and selfish person I am.

"Aro wishes to see you in the throne room immediately. He has some questions that must be asked about what happened to the car.." Demetri said, now behind me.

I turned to look at him, my face now sour because I seriously couldn't be bothered with filling a report about how a car was damaged at three-freaking-am. "Alec got mad. Nothing more. Send my thanks to him for keeping me safe.." I said, turning to walk off.

Demetri grabbed my arm, dragging me back over to him. "Aro wishes to talk to you _personally _about the behavior of a certain guard member."

Ah, so things can get worse. Brilliant.

"Behavior? Please, tell Aro that Alec only went to great lengths to protect me from danger that didn't even exist." I said. I hoped that when I spoke _his _name, the electricity buzzing inside of me didn't show - practice for when I spoke to Aro.

"There is still the matter of the badly smashed car. Please, the quicker this is over this, the quicken you can return to your room and.. er.. freshen up."

Freshen up? I'd have to put bleach on my lips.

"There's no way out of this, is there?"

"Master must be obeyed." Demetri said, sounding so robotic that it actually scared me so much that I followed him immediately when he started to walk away in the direction of the castle.

I tried to keep myself together when I entered the castle, knowing all eyes would be on me. It wasn't as bad as before. No hammers were being thrown at me which was always a good and calming sign. Many growled; others just looked at me from head-to-toe and a small amount actually seemed quite grateful at the fight I had caused as well as the deaths.

Aro, on the other hand, was buzzing when I entered the throne room.

"Renesmee! Dear! All is well!" He came up up to me, clasping his hands together in joy.

I knew what his next move would be. Oh, I was prepared. I hid my hands behind my back, trying to keep distant so he would not touch me and see what had happened.. _boom!_

Aro frowned, dreaded disappointment flashing across his face, every guard's worst nightmare. "Now, now, we do not keep secrets in Volterra."

"There is nothing to be kept from you, master." I said, trying to be strong and sincere when in reality, my feelings were driving me completely crazy.

"Is that so? Then, if you would be so kind, please inform me with what happened to the car."

Aro clearly wasn't blaming this on me. Either he knew about the kiss or he had thought Alec had attacked me.

But he wasn't the one with the most knowledge right now. Marcus was. And the minute my eyes flickered to his face, they went straight back to Aro's.

_He knows. Oh boy, he knows alright._

"I insulted Alec," I lied. "so he got mad and tore the steering wheel off and threw it at the _window_, not me."

"Then would you let me see?"

Marcus rose from his seat, making Aro turn around to see what his normally statue-like brother was doing. "Clearly the child is tired, Aro. Please, tell her the plan and let her go."

_Plan? _

Aro turned around again and forced a comforting but awkward smile, maybe an attempt to help calm the fear in my face over the word 'plan.'

_Plans and Aro are two things that I never, ever want to get involved with._

"The Volturi have ran into yet another issue." He said, calm as always. "I am sure you are aware of newborn armies, which are stopped by _our_ guard when they expose too much about _our_ world, breaking _our_ laws. Unfortunately, we have allowed a newborn situation in Canada to go on for too long and we must deal with it _immediately._"

"Not to be too forward, but I take it that I am expected to go and destroy the army?"

"If you wish, then yes, you are warmly invited to go on your first duty as a guard member. How exciting!" Aro said gleefully.

I couldn't even force myself to look excited for Aro's sake, who's face fell at my reaction. I was desperate for some excitement that wasn't being kiss- _wait a second.. _

"And how many are going on this trip, may I ask?"

"Fourteen in total, my dear. You see, the newborn army has attacked three towns already. Such a strange group, their intentions are unclear, even to me. I plan to send three of my guard to each town, and another five to the closest city to the towns attacked, Toronto. I invite you, with confidence that you will succeed, to be apart of the five going to Toronto." Aro explained.

_Fourteen. _It was rare for so many of the guard to go on a duty together, unless it was a rare law-breaking (eg. An immortal child) and that made it a greater chance for Alec to get chosen.

No, I did not want to spend time with thirteen other guard members who hated me. I knew Aro would make sure that they did not, under any circumstances, harm me. But do you know what I needed and did want to do? Get away from Alec. Sort out all of the feelings inside of me and get away from him.

"Do you have the thirteen other names picked already, sir?" I'd noticed that a couple of other guard members had called him this and he didn't mind. It was much, much better than 'master.'

"Yes, and I would doubt that you would know any of the names in the _minor_ groups. However, in your main group, I plan to send Jane, Felix, Demetri and Paolo."

Yes, yes, yes!

I couldn't help but smile broadly at the thought of finally getting away from Alec. There was a small part of me that feared being away from him would just make the feelings worse; create urges, make my body beg me to go near him again but then again, being away from him could just end everything. Forget the kiss. No questions asked.

Now, all I had to do was accept.

"Of course I would be honored to go!" I said enthusiastically, trying to match up with Aro's happiness at that moment (which was hard, trust me!).

"Ah! How delightful! The cars will be ready to take you to the airport -private plane of course-, in an hour or so! Please, go and back!"

There were some things at that moment which I wanted to do. No, they felt _right _to do. I wanted to hug him, then high five him in a retarded manner, or fist pump him instead and then finally, bounce off to my room.

Instead, I thought it would be better to be more subtle, simply nod then turn around and walk quietly off. Totally more boring though.

I started to walk to my bedroom and for once, I didn't get lost in the castle's ridiculous amount of hall-ways. I didn't even care that I was dressed in my pajamas or that my hair was a greasy mess because I would soon be free from Alec for at-least four days, and that would be enough time to forget about everything including..

_Him._

When my eyes looked up, they were glued forever to his face. No turning back. They were stuck. He walked so calmly, yet his face was so vacant that I knew he hadn't forgotten about what he had done. His eyes only met mine for a fraction of a second, the gaze so quick but intense that it hit me harder than the kiss. So much harder.

There was a new feeling – fluttering.

It wasn't as if my mind was racing so much that it just couldn't admit or point out what the feeling meant, it was because I didn't want to process it. Ever.

But, I knew, at that moment when I looked at him what the feelings actually were and what they meant.

I liked Alec. I liked-liked Alec.

I ran then. Not caring who I bumped into, who growled at me.. I didn't care. I just needed to get into my room but more importantly, I needed to get away from Alec.

I grabbed a suitcase that had magically appeared (and by that I mean, Aro bought it for me in advance for the trip), opened up my wardrobe and threw random items into it before zipping it up and running into the shower.

The hot water would only make me more faint and sleepy but I doubted that the cold water would do any more good. Instead of making me more awake, it just made me more alert of what I was currently feeling for Alec.

I blow-dried my hair, got dressed, packed my flight bag and rushed out the door with half an hour to bump into Alec again.

Not knowing where to go, I went over to sit in the socializing area near the throne room, which was basically just a cosy room with chairs, fire-places and vampires drinking blood out of wine-glasses. It is quite classy though, you have to admit, compared to chasing deers in a forest. I hoped Alec would smell my scent and for my sake, stay away from me.

It was all crazy. Really, really crazy.

I needed time to pause and just think about everything. This whole situation was just going so fast.. my feelings were just.. ah!

Alec had kissed me and there is a good chance that now, I am falling for him. I refuse to believe that I already have really deep feelings for him or something, such as the dreaded word that begins with 'l' and ends with 'e', because its not even been twenty-four freaking hours yet.

Then again, I grow fast but that's no excuse.

Does stuff like this happen quickly? I've never been 'interested', if that's even the word, in someone before.. I've never felt this way.. I didn't know! How am I supposed to know whats wrong and right in a situation like this?

I just needed to be calm slow the fu-

"Renesmee!"

I looked up from my lap (an attempt to not catch the terrifying gaze of anyone) to see Athenodora and Sulpicia, the ever-so-bubbly Volturi wives, looking down at me, smiling.

Do you know what's really creepy about vampires? The fact they don't blink. Look at them for more than ten seconds and I swear, you will need help.

Pulling myself up from the seat, I was glad that my brain reminded me to bow down to the ancients. I did so, awkwardly, before being completely stuck with what to say.

"Oh no! Sit back down!" Sulpicia motioned towards my seat and I plumped back down on it, moving my hand out too as an invitation for them to sit too.

They accepted eagerly, sitting down way more gracefully than me, folding their lovely satin skirts as they did so. "My husband was telling me that you're going on your first guard trip, isn't that lovely? I remember when you were so yo-" Sulpicia was quickly interrupted by a warning glare from Athenodora who sat across from her. "Maybe that's not a topic that should be brought up.."

I shook my head, smiling politely so that Sulipica would know that no hard feelings were there at all. "Of course I don't mind.. after all, why would I run away to Volterra?"

"So fearless!" Sulpicia clapped her hands together excitedly, so much like her husband. She giggled before snapping her fingers up in the air. I swear, in seconds, three glasses of blood were at our table.

"Thanks," I muttered to the Volturi waiter who was already gone, "I take it that you both weren't in the fight earlier?"

"Oooh, of course not! We watched though.. from the tower.. I must say, I was quite appalled yet pleased that it seems that the dogs cannot afford proper clothing for their chests!" Athenodora said, sipping at her blood.

"Oh, I know! And did you see the looks on the guards face when they transformed back into humans, completely naked, when the main leader decided to stop it all? Oh poor Jane!" Sulpicia and Athenodora laughed against their seats, laughing louder than all of the murmurs of talk in the room combined. But they were the wives, they could do that.

I had to admit, the sight of Jane viewing a naked wolf was actually, pretty hilarious. I joined in with the laughter.

With one last laugh, Athenodora turned to me. "I would assume that you would have preferred watching nude dogs rather than watching the other twin smash a car?"

I studied Athenodora for a moment. Her beauty hadn't faded in time, it still remained, and although the three Volturi leader's had been greatly effected by sitting around for more than a thousand years on their thrones, Athenodora was an exception to this along with Sulpicia. They didn't even leave the castle yet Athenodora was absolutely stunning, joyful and at times, had no fears what-so-ever.

Athenodora was also married to Caius. It made no sense.

I snapped out of the thought but I was still clearly thinking of something else when I spoke, "oh yes, highlight of the night."

"You seem.. shaken from it, child." Athenodora said, folding her arms on her lap as she studied me. "Tired, yes, but even Marcus seems worried.."

"Impossible, sister."

"Oh no! But it's true! After the fight, he just sat, staring at the wall! He always does this but does he ever have a face.. so.. so entertained but bored? I think not!" Thankfully, Athenodora had no clue _why_ Marcus was like this.

Marcus, using Alec and I's bond as his personal opera show. Isn't that an honor?

"How can he be entertained? The man hasn't cleared his throat since Did-" Sulpicia stopped, looking at Athenodora apologetically but she continued anyway. "Since Didyme died."

"You had to bring it up, didn't you?" Athenodora said, folding her arms sharply before turning to me. "Didyme was Marcus' wife, one night, when she was alone.. someone broke into the castle and killed her. Marcus feels nothing now. Nothing." **(A/N: READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END!)**

Oh.

I didn't know what to say.

I wondered if Marcus enjoyed watching how I felt when Alec kissed me out of memory for his love. Not that Alec and I will ever be like that because.. because we just won't be.

"Our husbands see us as the enemies ways to get to them, the reason why we are so protected. Admit it, Sulpicia. Caius is worse than Aro though." Athenodora said.

I knew it was going to sound rude and personal, but I needed to ask. Not out of curiosity because I could stand that, _but could such cold people actually love sincerely?_

"I hope that you don't take offense with me asking, and I mean no disrespect, but Caius isn't.. he isn't.. the.."

"Isn't the loving, husband type?" Athenodora waited a moment or so before smiling widely, putting me at ease. "That is true, very true. My husband, in your modern day lingo, does not take garbage from anyone.. forgive me if that's the wrong phrase, please."

"Oh no, it's fine. I would say crap instead of garbage though."

"Ah yes, well, he doesn't particularly listen to others. He likes getting his own way which includes killing those who he thinks deserves to be killed. Normally people that Aro wants to save.. for example, you. My darling also doesn't like forming relationships with other people, unless he plans to kill him.. my husband and Aro aren't even that close, believe it or not," Athenodora paused and put the glass of blood back onto the table, smoothing her skirt again before she continued, "but that doesn't mean that those who hate everyone don't have a heart. Men like that just love you and _only _you. Well, that's not always the case.. remember that Todd man.."

Athenodora began to mumble off to Sulpicia about some abusive vampire that was dead now so I tuned out.

I've witnessed a nicer, calmer Alec before. But I've also witnessed him kill a family. Maybe I wanted to believe that he _wanted_ to kiss me because maybe he felt something too and Athenodora seemed sure that love is possible for almost everyone..

"Like Alec and Jane!" _His _name pulled me back into the conversation, I looked nervously at Athenodora as she spoke about him, hoping that my face remained collected. "Jane especially isn't a warm girl, neither is Alec, but they love each other in a sibling way!"

"Did I mention that Didyme was Aro's sister?" Sulpicia added, her brown creasing as she spoke about her husband dealing with his sister's death. "Although Caius and Aro are two, very different people, Aro still loved and mourned his sister."

"Do you think Alec could ever love someone?" And the minute I said it, I regretted every word.

They knew.

I could tell by the way they looked at each other that _they knew _something more than curiosity was there when I asked.

Luckily, my savior, Felix came and tapped me on my shoulder.

I jumped up, grabbing my bag and suitcase. "It was lovely talking to you both, I'll see you when I return!"

They ignored me, too busy looking at each other with knowing, silent faces. I used the opportunity to hurry off after Felix who led me silently to the place I had been so many times today already. Four, black SUV's were now on the large cobble-stone drive-way. All lined up, engines on, the blackened windows rolled up.

"I think you're going to slap those newborns around, Cullen!" Felix said excitedly as he opened up the boot for me and stuck my suitcase in. "Laugh at them, dance around.. do a Bambi!"

"What if one of them punches me?"

"No! That is not the spirit! Think positive, I trained you for this!" Felix said, closing the boot and leaning against the car. "I really wish that Aro had let you stay earlier. Wolves are so entertaining to fight."

"You haven't seen me around the Jacob I was telling you about.. I'd be snatched up in a second."

"Nah, we had guns and stuff. Trust me, you would have loved it." Someone called his name then so he quickly opened up the door for me and hurried off.

I entered the car and slumped against the seat, knowing that the feeling currently in my stomach wasn't nerves, it was because of Alec. And I hated that. I hated it.

I hated that he kissed me.

I hated that now everything was going so fast. My feelings needed to slow down.

I hated the feelings altogether.

I hated that I knew the feelings were a strong liking towards Alec.

And most of all, I hated that I had no idea what to do.

Alec was a killer. I don't care what Athenodora said about Caius. She kills too. She's a lovely woman but she kills too. I can't kill. I can't watch someone I've kissed go and kill without caring then kiss them again. I just can't do that.

I can't like Alec.

The fireworks were extinguished. Stopped. They were gone.

I smiled, a little weirdly, at Felix as he sat down on the driver's seat, turning around to look at me. He seemed quite confused at my smile, which was expected, but ended up just shrugging it off like I was just excited.

"Change of plans. Paolo can't go. Alec's joining our group us."

My draw dropped.

The front passenger seat door opened, and a brown-haired figure sat down on the chair before turning around, laying his black cloak on the seat next to me. He avoided all eye-contact with me but it couldn't stay like that forever.

Every feeling returned. And this time, they were bigger, back with vengeance.

_Boom. Boom. Boom._

* * *

**Under a week for an update? BOO-YA! I wrote this in one day, thank god for the holidays! Ok, so I know there isn't a lot of Reneslec in this.. buuut.. obviously the next.. *counts*.. 5-ish chapters will be full of Reneslec. And then the 6th.. 7th.. 8th.. and so on ;D But the next 5, depending on how I write them, builds at the romance at a rapid speed. I made a little plot plan called 'THEE NEWBORN ARMY!' which has it all planned out ^_^**

**So yes, expect another kiss.**

**Another thing, regarding the message I put in the chapter to look here about the whole 'Didyme' thing.. I KNOW ARO KILLED HER! I just think that Aro wouldn't tell anyone about this. Maybe, by a slight chance, Sulpicia but I doubt he would tell Athenodora and that Sulpicia would tell anyone. Its just not something you tell people xD I plan to bring the issue back up, at the veeeery end, but it won't have any effect what-so-ever. But this is from Renesmee's point of view, so she has no idea about how sick and twisted her little master is!**

**Anyhoo, thanks so much to those who reviewed on the last chapter! In order of most recent, as always: Moonlight145, Emlou16, MaralyBrightVolturi, LilyLove, JennyBtheJellyBean, angelserina-alice, Vivi, Seph Meadowes, sexylady15 & TheWitchTwins.**

**Regarding what I said last time about hating the chapter, I basically sometimes rage at my writing, and i'm just like "GAH I HATE YOU, YOUR SUCH A MARY-SUE RENESMEE!" and stuff xD as for this one, I fear that Renesmee is taking things too fast.. blah blah blah. But i've never been in love, so hey, I don't know!**

**Hope everyone has a nice Spring/Easter break!**

**Cristina, xx**


	15. Cold Shoulder

**I do not own twilight.  
**

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 14  
Cold Shoulder  
**

_You say it's all in my head_  
_And the things I think just don't make sense_  
_So where you been then? Don't go all coy_  
_Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault_  
_See I can see that look in your eyes_  
_The one that shoots me each and every time_

_Cold shoulder – Adele._

The car ride, as expected, was a silent one. Occasionally, Italian dialogue was exchanged between Alec and Felix, but apart from that, we sat and soaked up the glorious awkward silence. I had already came to the conclusion that this was all Aro's work, with Marcus' help. The torture I was experiencing being a seat behind the man who had kissed me and sent me into a frenzy was their own personal, forbidden-love show. I bet they had actors currently playing it out in the castle as Aro laughed and clapped his hands like a retarded seal.

Never mind how Aro is feeling.. what about me?

Well, I've not slept in a decade and my only source of caffeine is the active fireworks in my stomach that are now making me sick and I have absolutely no idea how to throw them up.

The world also seems to be going so much more faster. Maybe not the world, but how I'm feeling.. or what I'm feeling.. for Alec.

I've never been so clueless. The first time I was kissed, I went crazy and it pushed me over the edge and I ended up running away. This time, I tried to run away. I tried to get away from what I had to face but it ended up blowing up in my face.

It's not like it's my fault either – he kissed me! And I kissed back.. but that was just to be polite!

Before I even knew it, we were already at the airport. I couldn't prepare myself for having to look at his face. When we passed each other in the castle earlier, I was smacked with the fact that I like-liked him. Excuse my immatureness, but I really don't know how else to describe it.

I'm seven. I can't like-like someone. That's just so sick.. should I even feel these feelings?

Grandpa Carlisle said, that despite how smart I was, my mental state was quite behind. By that, he meant that my 'mature' feelings would come later on.

Well, my feelings for Alec aren't exactly mature. Liking a bully isn't the wisest thing, nor is it particularly role-model like. Not that anyone would or should ever want to copy my decisions.

I swallowed before I opened up the door and stumbled out of the car. The rest of the guard didn't have any luggage, so most of them went in little groups through the tunnel that would take you from the car-park to the airport.

It was hard to miss the two, shorter figures walk away together. Although they were not wearing any cloaks, their clothing was the darkest and everyone moved out of the way for them.

I felt the strangest feeling when I watched Alec go.. like a sinking, but at the same time, it wasn't that uncomfortable, like a -

"Cullen?"

"Hmm?" I snapped out of my dazed, Alec-centered thoughts and looked blankly at Felix.

"You really need sleep... and blood for when its time to fight some law-breakers." Felix said as he studied my face with doubt that I honestly couldn't pull of this mission.

Agreed. I probably would end up just hiding up a tree.

"Don't say that word.. I bet I could fall asleep standing right now. As for the blood.. I'm off it, remember?"

Felix shook his head and walked around the car to open up the car boot, pulling out my suitcase and carry-on as well as another black, leather bag. He unzipped it and took out a metal flask. "Maybe your family can survive on their crazy diet but I know that human blood makes you stronger and more alert in a fight." He passed me the flask. "Drink up."

I took off the lid and moved my nose down to smell the glorious, sweet blood. Delicious. Fire burned my throat, not as strong as a normal vampire, but it sure as hell made me want what was inside the flask.

I emptied it in fifteen short seconds, but I wanted more.

"There will be more.. fresher.. beverages on the plane. I'm sure you can wait." Felix said as I grabbed my case from the ground and slung my carry-on over my shoulder and turned around in the direction of the terminal, only to be stopped by Felix grabbing my arm. "Now.. let me see..."

I looked at him, puzzled as he put his face right up into mine and searched it, looking for something in particular.

"Wha-"

"Nah, the humans won't see anything suspicious." He let go of my hand and grabbed his blood-bag.

Obviously they wouldn't. I'm half them. I noticed that Felix was also wearing contact lenses, which I honestly don't think made a difference since his eyes ended up becoming a green-red color anyway.

"I take it that bags full of blood aren't suspicious either?" I raised an eye at his carry-on items, knowing that the coven that make the Vampire-laws would be pretty stupid to get caught at airport security with bottles full of blood.

"We're vampire royalty, we don't go through security." And with that, he swiftly walked away into the tunnel to the airport.

I chased after him, pushing the limits of my grace with a suitcase. We entered the reasonably busy airport, not going in the direction of the check in desk, but rather, to a man waiting in a corner, dressed in a smart suit.

_Yeah, I guess vampire royalty don't do check-ins either._

"Buongiorno, Signore!" Said the suited-man as he handed over an envelope to Felix, shaking his hand. He then turned to me and said something that I didn't catch because it wasn't in English.

"This one is from America." Felix explained as I blushed and smiled politely.

"Ah, yes! Yes, America! Let me take your.. er.. suitcase for you, miss!" He yanked it off me then grinned nervously. I smiled back again, clearly just wanting to get away from him.

"Grazie!" Felix called back as he walked quickly away, again.

I caught up faster this time now that I was suitcase-less.

"You'll learn in time how we work." He assured me. "Now, we just have to get to the tunnel to take us onto the plane."

"Private tunnel, I take it?"

Felix looked at me and grinned, "royalty, remember."

"Got it. So does that mean I need some royal swagger?" I asked, remembering the unbelievably quiet and powerful movements of the Volturi when we first met. Never would I have thought that one day, I would be one of them, stumbling along behind.

"'Swagger' then hood of the cloak after Jane and Alec do so. It won't be that hard to master it, just remember you're with some of the most powerful vampires out there." Felix said.

"So I won't really fit in then?"

"Well, remember that with your ties to your family and their friends, you could end up being a great help to us. Think of yourself like an ambassador!" Felix said, sounding quite proud of me since he was my trainer. I didn't really deserve the pride though.

"Nice. Well, I have already stopped the rivalry between wolves and vampires..."

"Felix." His voice made my head snap up in the direction of where he was. Leaning against a wall, his facial expression was suited to someone on a mission like this; not stressed but ready to go.

Felix handed Alec the white envelope then shoved me towards him.

My first thought, which I will forever be regretful of, was a rush of panic at the risk of the envelope containing money from Aro, ordering us to get a hotel room and.. and.. oh my god, ew!

But, you have to admit, it wouldn't be a surprise if Aro did do something like that.

"Take her to get some food and remember to give her this.." He discreetly handed Alec the metal bottle, "...she needs to get prepared. Meet us at the tunnel in twenty minutes, ok?"

Alec nodded, and before I even got the chance to freak out and cling onto Felix's jacket, he was gone.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. NO!

I was like a lost little child, lost in a big city without their mother. Alone with a bad man (strange saying that when Jacob would normally be the man who would associate with a 'bad man',_ wink wink_) that I needed to get away from. But I felt something for this 'bad man', that was the difference.

I forced myself to look at Alec, trembling as I did so as I waited for the feelings that were about to rush through me. Alec didn't worry over me, nor did he like the state I was in. Instead, his expression was completely hidden so that no emotion were on show.

I would be lying if I said that the feelings inside of me didn't grow stronger, the fluttering and the fireworks and the boom-boom-boom's but something else rushed through my veins as I realised that I couldn't move forward without one, important piece of knowledge.

How Alec felt.

And the fact that he was covering up his emotions made me livid. I couldn't even do that!

He kissed me. This was his fault and he showed nothing?

I suddenly had more courage that ever.

"Do try to keep up." He said, turning his back to me and storming off.

That son of a -

"Alec!" I called after him, doing a crazy amount of speed-walking to catch up.

"Yes, that is my name." He said.

If I hadn't been so mad, I would have cried with disbelief. How-what-why? I needed answers, not cheek. How could I move on and forget the terrible events of earlier if I didn't even know why he did it and how he felt?

"Stop!" I hissed at him, grabbing onto his shirt. He shook my grip off, like it would actually stop me.

I knew how the conversation would have to start, even though I didn't know how it would end. There was only one thing I could say.

"You kissed me." It came out quieter than expected, like I was admitting a sin that I hadn't even committed.

Alec stopped in the middle of the airport and quickly pulled me to the side, near an emergency exit where hardly anybody was. He held up three fingers, putting them right up to my face. "How many fingers am I holding up?" He asked.

"What?" I said, my face now narrowed as I tried to figure what game he was playing this time.

He shoved them even closer in to my face. "How many fingers?" He asked again.

"Three! But why-"

"So you're not delusional.."

I suddenly had no control over my hand that quickly smacked against his face. I didn't care if it hurt me and not him. I had other, more important reasons to cry.

"Or maybe you are.. considering that you would be stupid enough to do that."

"How can.. how dare you!" I put my throbbing hand behind my back as I tried to keep my expression calm and collected. "I am not delusional, nor stupid. You kissed me." I said again, this time more of a whisper.

Alec grinned, finding my (factual) statement amusing. "Oh dear, half breed, I believe you have misunderstood what happened last night. Unfortunately, It wasn't my choice to protect your from wolf-lover, it was Aro's. I'm sorry if you are now in some dream-state over the fact that you think I care for you."

"I know it was Aro's choice! But-but you kissed me! And I kissed back but please.." my voice broke, quieter so I wouldn't cry, "please, I need you to tell me why you kissed me."

"But I didn't, that's the thing."

I slapped him again, purely because of how smugly he said it. Like it wasn't his fault and my feelings were created all on their own.

"And here, for months I have always thought that_ I _was the biggest coward around but I guess that title has been robbed from me." I spat.

"Are you trying to say that _I _am a coward? He said, shocked I would dare insult him.

In the past, I've regretted insulting him quickly after I did so but now, I didn't care how many threats he hit me with, I just wanted him to know exactly what I thought of him. Everything, even the new feelings. I wasn't scared - just determined.

"I am not _trying_ to say, I am _stating _that you are a coward because you _are._" I paused, looking to the side because I knew I didn't have the guts go look at him anymore. "Last night, you kissed me. I kissed back, and I will not deny that I did it to not reject you, but I kissed back because I wanted to. Because I didn't even dream of not doing so. And I want to know – no _need _to know, why you kissed me..."

"Half-Breed! When will you get it into your mind that I didn't kiss you! Clearly you are dreaming and getting yourself far too worked up over a dream... _how human like."_

"And you, a coward, can speak about being a human? Even human men have more dignity to admit what they have done!" I paused to debate wither or not I should _really _prove my point.. Alec would be furious but he deserved to feel some kind on non-smug emotion. "_Even Jacob Black is less of a coward than you. He at least admitted that he kissed me._"

I knew that if we weren't in public, Alec's mist would have been swirling around the air already because _the _face was now staring at me. The face, feared by all vampires who knew and stayed clear of the witch twins. I'd been bold, got to know one of them and maybe, briefly, saw another side. But was I scared? Alec didn't bring fear to my eyes anymore because I knew, that despite his best, frustrating efforts to immaturely deny everything, he was at his weakest.

"Listen to me, half breed.." he said through gritted teeth, shaking as he tried to keep his mist in. _Hmm, wonder what this looks like to the humans... _"how dare you compare me to a _dog! _I am not the coward when all you do is -"

I tuned out of his rant then, disgusted. I felt so ashamed, so self-hating towards my own body. How could I feel something towards such a _bully? _The word evil could no longer be used. I didn't want the excuse that he was a vampire and it was his nature, because he was just insulting me for no reason now.

I remembered what he said about not knowing how to act around me, leading to our kiss. There was a pathetic part of me that maybe, just maybe, understood how he was feeling. He didn't want to face or act around the feelings or urges that he felt towards me, so he was denying it.

I guess I understood people like my father, yet I didn't have any sympathy towards him, or respect.

Alec had stopped ranting on when he realized I was no longer listening. I moved my head up high and gave a small, forced smile to try and show that I did not care. And I didn't, _I think. _

"Just forget it," I said, my voice a little too on the edge of tears than I wanted it to be. "there was no kiss, I'm just a sad, little dreamer but I do thank you for showing me something that the dreams didn't."

Alec's face had now fallen, and it was as if he was trying to seal his lips shut from bursting and saying something he would regret. I watched him try and compose himself and what he would say, which took him several long seconds that went on and on until finally he said; "and what would that be?"

"That a pig like you doesn't deserve to be allowed to kiss me." I said, and to my surprise, I did not cry because I knew I was right. The only problem is that I felt something for that pig, and I've never been so ashamed.

* * *

This trip is going to be horrible. I wondered if I could get something arranged so that I could be in another group, away from Alec in the 'base' camp but I knew that Aro's permission would be needed and he would likely say that protecting the law comes before personal issues. What is the point of my presence anyway? It's not like I'm even powerful – physically _or _emotionally. Maybe I could try and provoke Caius to get me kicked out of the guard for being a waste of space, not an 'ambassador.'

There was still a part of me that, despite everything, was terrified of the thought of walking away from Alec. I didn't even have a clue how to properly handle these feelings, which should be expected at the age of seven, so I followed my heart and ended up getting humiliated, again.

_I followed my heart –_ gah, what I did even makes me shudder.

The only thing I found out was how immature Alec is. Denying what _he _did. This isn't my fault and it will never be.

It may not be my fault, but it doesn't mean that I won't stop until I get an answer.

I may be a coward in most situations, but I was dealing with an even bigger one and I'm _not _done with Alec. I will not walk away until I get an answer.

He kissed me because he _wanted_ to, he said so himself and I kissed him because I _wanted _to and although one day, these feelings will have to be forgotten, I still want to know why he did it.

Maybe the answer is simple. Maybe Alec currently has the same feelings for me. I hate to be forward saying that, but I can think of no other reason. _Aro? _He would hate to see his most valuable jewel distracted so there would be no way that he would send Alec on the mission with me if he didn't want to be entertained by the events currently taking place.

I cannot come to a conclusion on my own, I can only confront Alec again, and again, and again until I get answer. I will find out so I can move on.

There is one problem though.

Before I find out about _that _issue, I really need to find out how to get to this magical royal tunnel. I'd abandoned my child of a chaperon to go and try and hold myself together and get some coffee and I'm now simply lost in the airport.

I can't speak Italian either, another bonus.

Then I remembered what Felix said about being with some of the most powerful vampires, including Demetri, the best tracker out there. If I'm lost, he can find me.

So I sat my ass down on a chair and drank my coffee until Demetri came.

He was pretty pissed, of course.

"Hey there." I said, adjusting my bag as I stood up.

"You were expected at the tunnel _fifteen _minutes ago." He said icily with puckered lips.

I shrugged, knowing that if they decided to fly without me, it would be better. "I got lost."

Demetri tugged the arm of my jacket and pulled me away, walking at a quick pace, dodging the other airport fliers effortlessly. "Listen, Cullen, do you not understand that after yesterdays riot, everyone wants to kill you? The wolves made them remember your disgusting alliance with them and if Master Caius was in control, you'd be sent out of Volterra with them." We had reached a big, wooden door when he paused, the entrance to the tunnel. Guess it wasn't so far away.

"And I thank you all for protecting me." I added in my defense.

"Well, you are _not _welcome. Please listen as I get straight to my point; _you cannot afford to mess up _and unfortunately, you already have with your time keeping. Do not disgrace the name 'Volturi' on this trip. Do I make myself clear?" Demetri said sternly.

I nodded quickly, unsure of what my expression should be like. Something along the lines of being serious was probably my best bet but I didn't really have the motivation to force myself to look convincing enough to fool Demetri.

"_I said_; do I make myself clear?" Demetri repeated again, this time in a voice that was guaranteed a spoken reply.

"Yes, very clear." I said. Not knowing what to do, I decided to do what I _wanted _to do; get away from Demetri and his strict attitude.

I silently walked forward and pushed the tunnel door open, stopping when I realized something.

I really didn't deserve any of the hate coming from the Volturi. It's been seven years since my family humiliated them and I'm trying to repay them by giving them a fantastic alliance. My secure place in the guard or Aro's protection wasn't my fault either; it was _their _and my master's decision so shut up and suck it up.

Maybe I just annoyed them. If so, _good. _

I turned around again, Demetri already behind me. He raised an eyebrow at me stopping and was ready to snap if I wasted anymore time.

"One more thing, Demetri. You really think I'll respect the rest of _my_ coven if they don't respect me back? Not a chance. And yes, I _will _go crying to Mommy and Daddy about it." I smiled widely at him, smugly knowing I had taken his opportunity to tease me about my lack of independence.

"Then the consequences will be waiting for you." Demetri smiled slyly back at me in anticipation of what his guard members would do to me. "Come on now. We wouldn't want to make that fifteen minutes, twenty, now would we?"

"No we wouldn't." I said but the smile had not vanished.

I began to move down the tunnel, taking me out onto the airport runway, leading us right into the _very _large private plane. I had been expecting a small one, normally what I associate with private flying but no, this plane, by the look of things, was like a commercial one.

But inside, it was _so _much more luxurious.

I stopped as I entered the plane to take it all in. The vampires were doing the same – well, angrily taking _me _in. I didn't care, I was too occupied with the furniture. Not just private _seats, _but private sofas were scattered about on the first floor (there were stairs across from where I was standing) as well as tables. Other sitting areas were more _plane _like, rows of seats, occupied with guard members who were sitting alone. The entertainment? By the look of things, Aro quite enjoyed splurging out on modern day technology, as well as multiple bars.

_Yup, how this is going to be an enjoyable flight! _

Felix, holding onto a glass of blood, rushed over to be at a vampire speed. He smiled apologetically at the members of the guard who he was talking to before ushering me quickly up the stairs, pushing my back with his hand to get me up them.

Once we were up onto the second floor, which was smaller and consisted of a hallway with six doors, he raised both of his eyebrows.

"I got lost!" I objected before he even spoke.

"I left you with Alec! How can you get lost? If he left you, then that's understandable but Alec is very focused when it comes to these missions and -"

"I walked away from _him_, Felix." I said, not really in the conversation as I was too busy craning my neck around to get a better look of the second floor.

"Then Jane has another reason to punish you." Felix said, tugging at my shoulder to turn me around to look at him. "Listen little Cullen, I have faith in you. I trained you, so of course I'm gonna have faith in you and I want you to show the rest of the guard that you belong with them and so far, it ain't going well at all."

Felix was right. Even if I wasn't in the mood to take any crap from the guard, I still should want to show them that I can survive living their life. Could I show them that I belonged with them? That I was just as powerful? Hell no.

I nodded, just like I answered Demetri, but this time, I meant it. "I know, I know. I'm sorry Felix, I really am. My mind.. I'm just.. things are a little fast, y'know?"

Felix smiled apologetically, putting his (large) hand on my shoulder. "Then be faster," he said, pausing to move along the hallway to the first door, opening it then moving his hand out in an invitation for me to step inside. "Your room for the flight although you are welcome to socialize downstairs."

I nearly tripped up when I entered the small but big _bedroom._ It isn't like my family 'struggled' with fiance, I've flown first class to visit various vampire relatives before, but never on a private jet. I've been sheltered from the even more luxurious things to keep me grounded, but still partly exposed. I just never knew you could actually get a bed on a plane without it dropping back down to the ground.

Felix grinned at my reaction, moving out of the way to let me in. I threw my bag down onto the bed and turned to him, still breathless. "But vampire's can't even sleep..." I said.

Felix winked playfully at me, the point he was getting across making me shudder. "Innocence is such a rare thing. Bad news though, kiddo. You can't go to sleep _yet._"

I groaned loudly. My body was so desperate for sleep, and not even the caffeine could satisfy it. "Are you seriously going to make me apologize for being late?"

Felix chuckled, shaking his head as he did so. "Nah, just need you down stairs for take-off and so Jane can brief us on the plan."

I knew that when Felix said the words 'brief us' that the guard would be even more annoyed with me now. How could I sit through it when I was _this _tired? Yes, how the vampire government worked was actually quite interesting but was it more important than sleep?

I huffed, pulling myself away from the bed, walking past a grinning Felix and out of the room. I turned to him, my face turning serious now. "Do I even want to know who's flying the plane?"

"When we went to go kill you, Aro insisted on testing out his flying skills on the way back, partly because Caius couldn't stand to be around him." Felix said, amused as he shut the door.

_This is your captain Aro speaking.. _

"Ah, how different life would have been if you kidnapped me and took me back to Volterra." I mused.

Felix nodded in agreement before making his way down the stairs. I forced myself to follow, keeping my gaze to myself as I made the final step down. No one seemed to be giving me dirty looks, at least that was a good sign.

"Half breed, how lovely of you to join us." Jane's voice_ made _me look up because I knew if I didn't, she'd just bark at me and I'd end up barking back because I was that tired. "We really do need to discuss something before I begin explaining the plan to my fellow guard members. I don't expect you to keep up though."

I forced a smile of agreement, the facial movement hurting. "I don't want to let our masters down, Jane. I will _try _and keep up for their sake."

She smiled sweetly before getting back to the point. I already knew what it was going to be; another god damn lecture on the Volturi's reputation. "I expect that Demetri has already discussed the requirements of being part of the guard but let me warn you again, I would have no problem making sure that I arrange for your parents to come pick you up, as much as their presence infuriates me. As long as you take this seriously, there will be no need to do that and make me so angry. Quite simple, isn't it?"

"I think I can follow that."

Jane shook her head, folding her arms. "_Think?_ Unfortunately, that is not good enough. Try again."

"I know I can follow that and honor the Volturi-guard name." I said with absolutely enthusiasm.

"Then we will not have a problem as long as you follow through on that promise." Jane said before turning around to the waiting guard that immediately stopped all conversation.

I wanted to smack myself over the fact that Alec was the first person who caught my eye. Sitting at a four-seater table alone, he looked vacantly out onto the airport runway, the only person who could get away with not listening to his sister.

I felt the fireworks fight the hatred for him inside of me, battling to see which one could get to my heart first. The difference between the two was that the hatred was smart; the emotion which I _should _be feeling alone, not mixed with anything else.

But I knew they were both fighting a loosing battle.

Jane cleared her throat to make sure that everyone was paying attention to her although Alec's head did not move to look at his sister. She paid no notice, beginning her briefing anyway. "Master has trusted us with the always-important duty of protecting our law and most importantly, our world. We must all fight to protect the law, fight those law breaking newborns to show them who runs our world. Some may loose their lives..." Jane paused, tilting her head to look at me. My gulp came to a halt when I caught her doing so. "...and others may loose friends. But does it matter when we are protecting our world? I think not. So please, I expect you _all _to listen carefully so everything goes smoothly as this is actually a very unique new-born issue..."

And with that, she began repeating all of the things that Aro told me in more detail. She told all of the other groups their locations and duties, as well as how to communicate with my group in the city. I was a little surprised when she gave out mobile phones to the group leaders, treating the phones like they were objects from Mars. I tried my hardest to contain the sniggers.

Good news is that I listened to absolutely everything she said about the other groups but the bad news is, I 'forgot' to listen to what I was supposed to do.

Oh well, she didn't seem to notice anyway.

The plane took off, soft music playing when we were in the air. The guard scattered off to different areas of the plane, Jane did what Alec had did earlier and Felix went over to the bar and drank blood with Demetri and a few other male guard members, a sight that was actually _so _human.

Alec had disappeared and I was honestly proud of myself for forgetting about him when Jane was talking. Despite how ashamed I was, there was no denying that the feelings created when he kissed me were still there. Why? Because I'm an idiot.

I would not embrace them but I knew I would have to continue to confront him until he would admit what he did and why he did it. He could humiliate me all he wanted, insult me, say I was dreaming but I wouldn't take it. I would argue, fight and I would win.

He can't walk away because I won't let him. This is his fault and I will not kill the feelings without an answer.

I was both delighted and nervous when I made my way up the stairs again. I wondered what on earth I would dream about because I knew _who _would be in those dreams.

But he was already there in advance, sitting on my bed, looking down at the ground.

I gasped in fright when I saw him, jumping back. His face snapped up immediately, smiling as I entertained him. I was quick to growl. "You can remove yourself from this room if you are planning to humiliate me some more." I said as I clenched my teeth together.

Alec stood up, folding his arms as he took my sour mood in. "And why would I do that?" He said, walking towards me. "I've only been worrying about you."

I smacked his hand away the second he touched my cheek, the touch sending an electrifying sensation down my body. "Touch me again and I will slap you."

"Won't that be the _third _time today? How foolish of you but I will let it pass, since the state you are in is clearly not normal. I blame the dog's presence, by the way. His fault that I'm worrying over you too."

"Oh really?" I said, taking a step back from him. He could still touch me anyway, but it still made me feel more comfortable. "Such a shame that Jacob's ability to be a man and admit who's lips he has touched hasn't rubbed off onto you."

Alec rolled his eyes, irritated I was starting the same conversation up again. "Renesmee, please get some sleep before you begin to think that it's time for a tea party with my sister. You're clearly delusional and-"

"Stop!" I yelled at him. "Don't you dare say that I am delusional or that I was dreaming!"

I nearly freaked when he reached over to open the door until I spotted his mist, swirling harmlessly around me but instead, attacking the eavesdropper outside.

"Renesmee, please go to bed." He commanded again.

"NO!" I shouted, even louder this time. For both his sake and mine, I stopped to control my tone of voice. I had to whisper, Jane was just down stairs. "You cannot deny what happened earlier. You kissed me, Alec. And the reason that you cannot deny it is because I know how I feel, even with your best efforts to destroy those feelings."

"And how do you feel?" Alec said and despite his hard mask, glued tightly on so that it would not fall off, I could tell from his tone that he actually, sincerely wanted to know.

Maybe I didn't want him to know just yet.

"How do I feel about what, Alec?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

Alec seemed to appreciate my slyness, smirking as he answered me. "About our _kiss _in your dream."

"Dream? I thought I needed some sleep since I haven't slept since our escape from Jacob."

There was a strong possibility that I was just seeing things but I was pretty darn sure that by the look on Alec's face, he was loving the path I was confidently taking. He had no right to like it. Was this just some game for him? Entertainment incase the newborns didn't satisfy him?

I could tell that he was ready to come out with a comment about how 'amusing' I am, the reason being because I am half human. I didn't have time to waste with his repetitive insults; there are more important things to be said.

"I've realised that I don't care if you want to deny it all to my face because I know that you know the truth and that's fine for me, for _now. _But when the time comes for you to act like a man, I know we can both agree that nothing will happen between us, ever. But please don't tell me that you're using me for reasons I don't even want to state.. please.." It came out as a weak beg; not a warning, how it was meant to be.

I grabbed onto Alec when he started to walk towards the door. He pulled away, removing my grip. I didn't know if I had the energy to fight anymore, at-least for tonight. His hand froze when he was inches away from the handle.

"Revisit the conversation we had when I told you about my past." He said simply, like it was actually enough.

"Wh-Wha.. what? No! Wait!" I held my grip tighter this time although it was not needed. Alec had already turned his head so he could face me.

"If you think that nothing can happen between us which I have no idea how this came about, because again, _I did not kiss you, _then why do you care?"

Because I don't.

I've never been in love. I haven't had heartbreak. I'm young, naive. Fearless, you could say. What could happen? What could I loose? Not a single thing.

It felt like I was jumping off a cliff for the first time, purely for fun. I was nervous but it didn't stop me. The possibility of not continuing wasn't there because I simply didn't care about the consequences of what I was about to say.

"Because I felt something for you when we kissed, Alec."

He was quick to look away, quicker than I had expected. But even though he wasn't looking at me, I knew that I didn't want to see his face when he replied. "Such a pity." And that was all he said before he silently left the room.

I had no time to crumble to pieces as what Alec had said before about _that _conversation suddenly made so much more sense. It hit me hard, making me gasp loudly as what Alec had said repeated over and over in my head.

"_...b__ut if I truly loved someone, never."_

Never.

Never would he use someone he _loved_ for power.

_Someone he loved._

* * *

**Ah! I was so hoping to get this out over the Spring/Easter holiday but I just couldn't write! :(  
Then I got _Adele's album '19'_ and BAAAM, inspiration city! I hope everyone had a nice Easter/Spring Break too!  
Updates will be a little slower due to exams, so I don't see myself updating until after exam week is over ( a week on Monday; I think.. eek!).  
I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, as I wasn't that pleased with it.**

**Also, Stephenie Meyer's twilight guide described Alec as a 5ft, 13 year old boy. Ok, Smeyer LOVES pedophiles, so Renesmee could.. but nah. Obviously Reneslec is impossible and is far too epic for Smeyer but heey, we could always have a movie? ;) And as for the 13 year old issue - I say that the twins were like 13, but looked 17. Hello, Renesmee much? They possessed vampires gifts.. so why not half breed traits too? ;) Well, maybe only Jane. And as for the height issue.. WHO CARES? Ok, so no one wants Smeyer to do a Reneslec book, just stay away from Jacob/Renesmee and we shall be fine with fanfiction. PS. Summit, reneslec would be one epic movie. ;)**

**But at the end of the day, Reneslec is just over-all so much better than Jacob/Renesmee.. better stop before I go on a hating rant.. O_O**

**-Cristina.**

**PS. any other Uk-ers don't see the point in this wedding? I like the idea, but royals are just -_-. Butttt, Volturi are vampire royals.. Alec is basically a prince so HAHA JACOB, RENESLEC COULD HAVE THE ROYAL WEDDING OF THE VAMPIRES.**


	16. Love Gun

**I do not own twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.**

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 15  
Love Gun**

_**(A/N: First half does not have a lot of Reneslec in it but the second half is pure Reneslec goodness. Just listen to the CeeLo Green song 'Love Gun' for the mood. Hint hint.)**_

I gave up after Alec left. I was still furious at him and his behavior but I couldn't stop his words, once meaningless, repeating over and over in my head. I felt no urge to go down and see him. I just needed rest. Even when I slept, he was there and I absolutely hated it.

I was pleasantly surprised when the flight to America actually went quickly and like with our arrival at the airport in Italy, the guard quickly scattered off, Alec included. Good, I thought. I didn't want to deal with him again just yet. Felix was left with me, taking me to collect my luggage.

"So where is everybody?" I asked Felix as we walked towards the airport exit. My head was throbbing out of exhaustion too much for me to do some math to calculate the time, but it was day-time anyway. No sun though, of course.

I looked up at Felix when he groaned at what seemed to be my stupidity (not that I could argue with that), his head shaking with disbelief. "You didn't listen to Jane, did you?" He said. "You'd be dead if I wasn't with you, bambina."

I couldn't help but smile softly at the nickname. I guess being liked was very anti the point of coming to Volterra but Felix sure did remind me of my uncle in a bittersweet way. Plus, we were in America now anyway.

Knowing there was nothing I could say in my defense, I looked up and smiled guiltily at him. "I find it hard to focus." I said innocently.

Felix pushed the exit door open, searching the car drop off bit for our ride. "Then go speak to Alec. His focus is golden, trust me." Felix said with absolutely no clue what-so-ever how much his words effected me.

_At-least Aro can keep his mouth shut._

Felix changed his direction, leading me to another black SUV like the one in Italy. A driver waited beside it, holding the door open. I smiled and thanked him as I stepped into the car, collapsing back onto the car seat once I entered.

Felix joined me in the backseat, giving the driver directions before turning to me again, his face full of disappointment. "I honestly thought you would be proving everyone wrong right now, showing how much you had wanted to get into the guard.."

I raised my eyebrows, wondering where he had gotten this information from. "I wanted to get into the guard? What? Where did you hear this? Trust me Felix, I was threatened by Caius... join or die was exactly what he said."

Felix's face twisted like I was crazy; one of a kind (half true). "So you never wanted to join the guard?"

"Ye-I mean, no! I just wanted to stay in Volterra, learn a few things, become stronger, defeat eternal boredom and Jacob..." I said and it was the first time in a long time that I had told lies to explain why I was here.

"So you're never going to go home? Never?"

I looked sheepishly down onto the ground, biting my lip. I moved my gaze to the window, watching Toronto pass by. It's funny how the last time I watched the city, I was with my family, also visiting my extended one. Battling everyone to get the excitement I wanted. I still don't know to this day if I had truly won or lost that battle...

_"Renesmee, sweetheart, I know that you're hitting a.. hard stage in your growth but that gives you no right to take it out on the Denali's. Please, promise me you won't embarrass us.."_

_I rolled my eyes at my father's lecture. Embarrass them? I'm the only embarrassment. How could I look any of the Denali's in the face when they had watched me grow up? Grow up to one day be Jacob's? I'm a laughing-stock to them. The only decent one if their dead sister for trying to get me killed by the Volturi..._

_"And we do not bring that up!" My father barked, only softening down his anger once he had finished. "Promise us, Renesmee. Please."_

_I folded my hands across my lap, glaring at my father as he drove the car out of the city and to the Denali's new home. My mother had been silent the whole journey. Jacob snored next to me, a packet of freaking Dorito chips had already been spilled all over the car. Pig._

_See, if it was just a coincidence that 'shape-shifters' transformed into wolves, then why couldn't it have been something more appropriate? Like a pig? Pedophile pigs?_

_Oh my god. Pedophile pig. I need to use that one on him.._

_"I like it. It has a ring to it.." My father said in an attempt to lighten up the mood._

_I ignored him and his rude, mind-reading powers. "Firstly Daddy, how can it be the 'Denali's' when they don't even live there anymore? And secondly, I won't misbehave infront of them, but I request nights out alone."_

_"Absolutely not."_

_"Why?" I raised my voice at him, my eyes livid. "Why? Do I have to sit about with pedophile pig? Why the hell is he coming with us anyway? Because he's in pain when he's not around me? Glad you are more concerned with your perfect family portrait, mom!"_

_"Renesmee!" My dad hissed. "Apologize!"_

_I had been expected my father to have locked the car doors so I couldn't escape, but to my luck, they were very much open. I quite enjoyed the fall..._

"Not anytime soon, Felix. That's for sure."

We sat in silence after that. I guess I was the only guard-member staying at a hotel, since that was were the car stopped. Felix filled me in with what I didn't listen to Jane saying after we checked into the hotel. The guard had split up into their groups and headed off to their respective towns, playing vampire detective and stuff. Apparently there is a chance that the newborns could have moved to the city so we have to head out tonight, including me. Jane's already looking for their location with Alec and Demetri, Felix being assigned to take me to the hotel.

"I need to go and catch up with Jane and the others." He flung me the hotel key-card. "Go and get some sleep, I'll be back at seven."

"Seven..." I repeated. "Right, seven... I won't sleep in, promise."

Felix shot me a warning look that eventually calmed down into a grin. "If you do, I'll send Jane to wake you up," he said. "But don't you argue with Alec a lot? Then I'll get him to wake you up.. climbing into your bed and everything."

"Well, that's a repulsive thought." I lied, smiling to look convincing. Felix just looked at me funny before turning away. "Wait! One more thing.. what do I wear tonight?"

Felix spun back around, entertained by my human question. Well, what does one wear on a newborn army mission? I took my black cloak, obviously, but should I just throw some uggs on with my sweats so I'm comfy? He looked at my current outfit; airport friendly jeans, sneakers, a stripped top and a brown leather jacker like it was a complete disaster. I shrugged.

"Black." Felix finally said. "Wear black, keep your official guard cloak for tomorrow but wear a cape of some sort. But black, wear black."

I nodded, knowing how out of place I would look compared to everyone else in something pink. "Don't sleep in, dress in black.. got it."

"Sleep in and I'll get Alec to deal with you, don't dress in black.. well that's your own embarrassment." Felix threatened, his tone proving he meant it. Despite his scary looks and height, I didn't feel threatened at all. Even his confident and deadly walk when he went away to do his duties didn't scare me either.

So, I will have to face Alec tonight. I'm not afraid. No, no, no. I'm excited. Excited, and nervous, to experience the guard-way of life out of Volterra.. making the world a better place for vampires and all that crap. As for Alec, I had numerous things to calmly say to him, calmly demand and calmly insult.

I smiled at the thought, rather creepily, as I stripped my clothes off, letting them fall to the ground. I honestly didn't have the energy inside of me anymore to rummage through my suitcase for pyjamas, so I climbed into bed with my underwear on.

Of course I didn't do it because I was going to intentionally sleep in. Even I'm not that desperate yet. I made sure I set my alarm clock for half past five, giving me enough time to shower and get ready before I walked out into the night, taking Felix's advice to be focused, and demanding that Alec tells me the truth. Calmness can go to hell.

* * *

I seriously think that Felix was surprised to see me ready by seven o'clock, waiting for him outside of the hotel-room door; dressed completely in black, the skin of my face and neck the only things on show. Felix seemed impressed, nodding as he raised his eyebrows in a jokingly flirting manner. "Lookin' good, bambina. So who are we impressing tonight?"

"Duh.. Demetri of course." And Felix actually believed me, his face looked horrified! His faced killed me, sending my body into a laughing fit. "Oh! No! No! Don't worry!" I said between laughs, "When you're stuck in Volterra all day, it's good to impress when you finally get out."

Felix snorted, trying to recover from (what was intended to be) a light joke. "You go shopping all the time." Alone, may I add since there is nothing better to do once you've finished doing touristy things in other nearby places. "Think about how our Master's wives must feel! Can you imagine that?"

I shrugged, remembering our upbeat conversation from earlier. "They seem happy enough."

"Mmm-hmm." Felix said. I decided to drop it. "Speaking about protection, I forgot to tell you that you, my dear, have an admirer."

My mouth dropped open. "A Waa?"

"I believe that someone wishes to court you." He said, winking at me. "But just to keep you hanging even more, let me pause..."

"What? No! Tell me!"

Felix payed no attention to my begging, starting a new story. "Demetri informed me that he got a call from one of the guard back in Volterra.. one of the dog's came back." I didn't think it was possible for my heart to race even more after the first story. A wolf? Jacob? Oh so he must be my admirer.. "a young one, brother of the dead girl.. apparently he was polite to Aro, a fellow peace-maker."

"Seth is my admirer?" I blurted, the thought of Seth falling for me completely unbelievable since Jacob would kill his ass the second he found out. Why? Oh, because I'm his! Barf.

"The wolf? No! This is another story now.." I sighed in relief. "Anyway, the wolf came, even bowing to Aro, asking for the bodies of the dead dog's. Aro was the one doing the ass kissing though, trying to seek more connections with the Cullen's. The guard is dealing with getting the bodies back to America.."

"We were stupid. Jacob could have still found me in the airport or even on the motorway! Oh god! Could you imagine just driving and he's there?" I said, getting worked up over nothing really, shuddering at the once-potential disaster. "Aaand? He told Aro who my admirer is?"

Felix shook his head, "Another story! Anyway, the guard who Demetri was talking to said that Athenodora has a message for you."

"A message?" I said like the words were foreign. "For me?"

"Quite a simple one; no idea what it means though. She says you should call the Seth boy as soon as possible. Don't ask me why though.. and don't call him now, we have other things to do first." Felix warned.

"Does he know who my admirer is?"

Felix chuckled at my eagerness, rolling his eyes playfully as he did so. "Moving onto the second story. As you are aware, Aro assigned me to be your bodyguard for this mission since you're all half-breed, but..." he paused just to torture me some more, even going as far as turning away and walking towards the elevator. I chased after him, smacking the back of his cape. "Feisty when it comes to a potential husband, aren't we?"

I moved my gaze away like I wasn't interested, shaking my head in disagreement although I could not hide the eager smile plastered across my face. "I'm seven, Felix."

"Clearly you think differently. With the running away.. acting all rebellious.. arguing with Alec and Jane.."

I smacked his cape again, watching the elevator open with nervous eyes. I didn't care if humans were already in there and my secret admirer was a vampire that Aro bit and made into santa or the easter bunny, I just needed to know. "Just tell me, Felix." I sighed, stepping into the empty elevator with him.

"Back in my day, a girl your age would already be married. Even if he was horrible.. for a weak, little human, anyway. I think that's the equivalent of marrying Alec.."

"Felix!" I moaned at him, waving my hands about.

"Ok! Ok! I don't know who this admirer is but I can tell you that the man must have quite the relationship with Aro..." He paused, allowing my face to turn pale, sick coming up my throat. "No! Not Marcus!" Oh thank God. "Did you know that originally Paolo was meant to be guarding you? He's a moron, but body guard's aren't really needed in the castle. He did watch you go shopping one day though, bet you feel stupid that you never even recognised him!

"Anyway, for this mission, Afton was meant to be coming with us in the main group for your sake. He's rarely needed though, he's just Chelsea's little lover. Apparently his useless guarding skill wasn't good enough for someone who would absolutely hate to see you hurt." Felix grinned.

Sincerely shocked, I smiled. It was quite a nice thought, really. It shouldn't have been since being protected was something that, after being exposed to all my life, I'd grown to hate. Of course I knew that being part of the guard and being with the Volturi meant Aro would provide you with protection, something he'd given me far too much of, but I would still be exposed to danger; a bonus. But the thought of some male-guard member going out his way to protect me was just... sweet. It wasn't the protection crap that was part of the imprint either, nor was it creepy.

I blushed, still in my little romantic bubble where everything was good and wonderful.

Then, the elevator opened and there, waiting in the lobby, Alec stood.

And I suddenly realized what I was completely stupid to forget about. If Alec was true to his words, even with the horrible comments, he basically admitted that he too, had feelings for me. And by the contentment on his face as he watched Felix stand next to me, acting as my bodyguard, I knew what my brain had cleverly blocked out; who my admirer is.

_Round of applause for tonight's biggest dumb-ass!_

"We found them, Felix." Alec said, without another look at me. We stepped out of the elevator and followed him across the lobby and out of the door into the chilly night. "Killing in the normal, law-breaking fashion. We'll have to clean up before our own meal but Jane wishes to watch them first."

"I knew they were in the city... I take it we are calling the other members of the guard back so we can end this as quickly as possible?" Felix said.

Alec nodded, turning into a dark alley-way. I kept close to Felix as we walked. I was sick with fear right now. Newborns! Newborns that would want to eat me! And you really think Mr Admirer would allow that? "Jane has word that the Denali coven, as they were previously called, are near one of the towns attacked. I would hate for a vegetarian coven to do our job, again."

Alec's voice stopped when he disappeared, a whoosh of wind smacking my face after he was gone. I looked up, seeing a black cloak lifted by the wind on top of the brick building.

_Because that isn't suspicious at-all..._

Felix jumped up after him, leaving me to look up at the building like an absolutely terrified child.

"C'mon Renesmee!" Felix hissed down. I looked up at him blankly; the fact that he thought I could jump up was crazy. "Just jump!"

I sucked in a deep breath before jumping.. like I was skipping with a robe. I heard an impatient growl from Alec and a laugh from Felix. "Sorry!" I called up, shutting my eyes as I prepared to do a proper one.

I realized, after I jumped, that there was a good chance I would either fall again or smack into the building's brick walls. Neither seemed very pleasant. However, what was pleasant was the two cold hands gripping onto my shoulders, pulling me up onto the building's roof.

I opened my eyes, the butterflies coming back to feast on... well, whatever butterflies eat. "Thank you.." I breathed, trying to get my balance as Alec let go of me.

Felix put his hand on my back, pushing me forward to follow Alec. "That was your sister's decision all of those years ago, not mine." Felix added to the conversation I had missed.

"And what decision was that, may I ask, Felix?" Jane turned around from the edge of the building, raising her eyebrows at Felix. Demetri stood beside her, looking down at what was presumably the newborns. I froze. Jane rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, half breed. The newborns are already occupied... at least you can see what is considered even lower than you to the Volturi."

"It could be argued that she does break the law too, sister." Alec said, going over to her, kissing both of her cheeks. "Shall I alert the other groups?"

"That would be lovely, dearest brother." Jane said as Alec walked by her to stand next to Demetri. She turned to me, attacking me with a glare. "I'll try to do my best and not push you off of the building."

Alec turned around, glancing at me then Jane. "Felix wouldn't let you," he quickly said, smiling nervously at Jane who shot him a puzzled look. "Aro's orders." He added quickly.

Jane shook Alec's strange behavior off when Alec mentioned her masters name, replying dryly. "Unfortunately." She said.

Felix elbowed me encouragingly before making his way to join the rest of the group. I gulped before stumbling towards them. I honestly wish I had more confidence in difficult situations. I can only hope that I won't start crying when we actually fight the newborns. I looked down at the vampires -that weren't directly below us; a safe enough distance that we wouldn't be caught- that resembled a pack of unruly hounds; fighting each other for the kill that would be left carelessly. Well, if they don't like each other that much, then why the hell are they with each other? I guess some of the law had rubbed off onto me; I felt a strong need to destroy them.. the dead human bodies making me feel panicky.

Alec took out a mobile phone, pressing the numbers and holding it up to his ear. Demetri scoffed.

"I told you, Demetri. Modern-day technology is actually very useful." Felix said over Alec's Italian conversation down the phone.

"Useful? I could easily go and tell them in person! Of course, the aeroplane was actually a useful invention; I never liked swimming." Demetri said.

"Be quiet." Jane snapped, growling at the both of them. They zipped their lips, knowing the consequences if they spoke.

We stood in silence, the three of them listening to Alec's Italian conversation as I stared at the newborns, studying several faces, watching their movements as preparation for tomorrow's battle. They looked like beasts. How the hell could 'Bambi' take on wild dogs?

My gaze was whipped away from the newborns when I felt a series of quick movements from beside me. Jane, Felix and Demetri had all moved their heads around to look at Alec, the phone no longer at his ear.

"Impossible..." Demetri whispered.

I looked up at an astonished Felix, my eyes growing. "What is it?" I asked, now wishing I had at least attempted to become fluent in Italian over the past few months.

He ignored me, turning to look at Demetri with squinted, focused eyes as he tried to wrap his head around the situation that I had no clue about. Are we in trouble? Outnumbered? Did one of the other groups do something wrong?

"Fratello, telefona Santiago." Jane slowly said; her mind clearly distant as she tried to remain calm, forcing herself to return and watch the newborns.

"Felix? What's wrong?" I asked again, my voice getting more agitated by the second.

Felix shifted his body, turning to face me. His lips were puckered thoughtfully like he was thinking up a plan, a plan which clearly annoyed him shown by the tight way he crossed his arms. "We have ran into a... dead situation."

"What do you mean by dead?"

Felix ignored me and I then realized things were bad, really bad.

If I had absolutely no self control over my emotions (which is, at times, completely true), I would have freaked the hell out by screaming and jumping off the building. That, however, would give Alec and Jane too much happiness.

Before I had time to ask calmly what the hell was going on, Alec tossed the phone away and spoke urgently to his sister. "Quattro!" He said, disbelief in his voice.

"Four? Four what, Felix?"

"Four new born gangs..." Felix breathed. "More than one-"

"Fighting against each other." Jane added, turning around to face me. "And I honestly do not see why we are all panicking. This happened during the new born wars.."

"But not like this!" Felix objected.

"And why do you think that, Felix? Several newborn armies, fighting each other.. seem familiar? Although the intentions are different, this time it is more for fun rather than territory, we have defeated this before!" But despite her words, Jane still spoke with remains of shock in her voice.

It was quite obvious that the events were getting to Alec, who is that powerful he really should be acting completely smooth. Maybe it was the lack of full information thats getting to him, I thought. He started to fiddle with his top shirt button, looking down at his feet nervously. "You really think that, sister?" He looked up at Jane, studying the confidence in her face.

I knew that if anyone dared to question Jane's decisions they would be on the floor in seconds. Alec was an exception, the only one. Jane spoke softly, her mind clearly more focused on the newborns. "Yes.. of course, my brother." Jane looked at him reassuringly, smiling so sweetly that the devil started to cry over the sight. "Although, it should be remembered that at the end of day, we are here to destroy wither there is one gang.. or four."

"Then what are we going to do?" Felix asked, his voice quickly turning eager.

Jane jumped into action as my brain tried to keep up and process the new information. "Demetri, call each of the group leaders and tell them to come to the city immediately."

Demetri forced his hand into his cape pocket, pulling out a mobile phone phone. "Best tracker in the world and I still have to take part in this cult..." He grumbled although he made sure he was quick with dialing the numbers.

"We must destroy them together." Jane said, moving her head around once more to gaze at the new borns who were finishing their meal. "Send them all to one of the towns... one with a forest and fields so we can fight unnoticed."

"And how are we going to do that, sister?"

Jane smirked at her plan. "A healthy competition is something that they all adore." And before I could even try and understand what she meant, Alec, Jane and Felix all had their eyes on me.

"Despite how little you all think of my brains, I take at that I am the 'healthy competition?'" If saying those words didn't scare me enough, Alec felt the need to focus his gaze even more on me, directly into my eyes. He began to walk towards me, smirking.

"And not because your blood smells good," he didn't pause as he reached me, stroking my cheek with his hand, "because it does, really. It is because you are Cullen competition."

I could point out so many flaws already that I didn't have any resistance in questioning the plan. "And how will they know that?"

"Because we will make you seen and heard."

I shook my head. "It won't work."

My comment made Jane furious. Her little face twisting up in anger.

"Easy Jane..." Alec whispered, moving back at vampire speed to calm his sister. "Our half breed just fears for her life, that is all."

"Law before needs!" Jane barked like the fe-version of Caius. "Or maybe she just doesn't understand. Do you, half breed?'"

As my body began to shake, I forced a nod. "I'm the prize. Whoever kills me first, wins... right?"

"Plans need to be deep, half breed. We want them to chase you.. we want them to all go after you to one location!" Jane said darkly in anticipation.

"How the hell do we do this? So, do I just invite them to come after me in some town as you wait there for them? And only one is in the city, by the way!"

"Ah but there is more to it... please brother, go ahead." I looked quickly at Jane, and then to Alec who was now rushing towards me. I felt the wind hit me as he pushed me off the building, still keeping a safe hold so that I remained on my feet.

"I don't like the sound of this," I groaned, wincing.

Alec rolled his eyes, shaking his head irritatedly at my increasing heart beat. "You are part of this guard and you will help us defeat them, understand? Control yourself!"

I knew if you asked Aro what he would expect the most important thing in his guard's life to be, the answer would be their duty. I will not deny or hide that I really don't have anything anymore. Maybe my role in the guard is all I have; the only secure thing in my life. My feelings for Alec aren't particularly pride-worthy nor are they secure. So, I was faced with this question; yell at his ass or get on with things?

I didn't really have the fire I needed inside of me to really have a go at him. I was too.. distracted. It wasn't like I had forgotten about the whole situation and what he said.. I just wanted my break to extend. And why shouldn't I deny myself that?

But I could tell with Alec's attitude that he was really pushing me and I knew that by the end of the night, I will have pushed him some more. Though right now, I was going to leave it.

Doesn't mean I'm going to respect him though. "I'm very much in control thank you very much. It's just that I'm quite shocked that with your guard's level or experience, as they so proudly state, I still fail to understand this situation or the big outcry."

Alec laughed sarcastically, rolling his eyes again like it was the only thing he knew what to do. "Our fault, then? Maybe it's just your intelligence level. Probably is. Well, my half breed, all you need to know is that they are four groups of newborns and it is your job to round them up."

"And I do this by being the 'prize?'" I raised by eyebrows up questioning the plan, tempted to go on and question how effective the Volturi actually are. "And by the way, although my blood does appeal to newborns, they can still control themselves."

"Although I seriously doubt your little theory what I do know is that the newborns like a competition. Wither its for territory or for fun, as my sister said. Nothing will please and get them going more is a protected, Cullen prize." Alec said.

I folded my arms, not impressed. "Are my family that famous?"

Alec did not agree or object, his face now too busy occupied in pondering over a plan. After several seconds, he pulled himself out of it. "I hate to say it," he finally said. "But you are right."

I flashed him a grin and to my surprised, he smiled at the sight of it.

My vacation suddenly came to an end, the grin disappearing immediately. Of course my grin would make him smile. Wither or not it was sincere or not, it still made him happy. Yet, he denied it all then gave away the biggest hint ever. Idiot.

The whole situation created such a mix of emotions. Fury.. frustration.. it even made me feel detached from the earth at the phrase 'someone he loved.'

_Focus Renesmee. Focus – the time will come._

I sucked in a breath of air and tried to make my face smooth and perfectly relaxed. This failed incredibly considering the fact I was starting to shake. "I know, I know, I always am."

"I wonder how right you actually are though.." Alec raised his eyebrows up, inviting me prove him wrong.

I'm not so bad at this after all, I thought as I realised what he meant immediately. "Who is famous though?" I wondered, smirking slyly. I lost control of my hand then which reached out to stroke Alec's face. "I think I know someone."

Living up to his hormonal reputation, Alec this time, after standing on that god damn flight and denying everything, smirked back as I stroked his face. Like before, he seemed to forget about everything, lying to himself.

So, I knew what he was hiding. I knew the simple side of it (the complicated strings attached could wait) and I knew that he was trying to put his duty first.

_A little distraction couldn't hurt..._

My skin still intact with his, I finally allowed my power to be used as an advantage. As I smiled wider, Alec's head was filled with the memories of the kiss.

I pulled my hand back, jumping up in an acting manner. "Oh!" I exclaimed, "Must be dreaming again!"

Alec shook his head at my play, his lips puckered together. I smiled, content at how I started the fire tonight, the games only beginning. "I believe we have a duty to do."

"Yes we do." I agreed. "If you are the famous bait, then how do I fit into this?"

"Nothing would make the newborns bigger winners than killing someone who possesses the heart of a Volturi guard."

"Oooh. Such a creative story." I taunted. "I think it may work but how do we tell them this?"

Alec ignored my attempts to poke him. "Newborns are extremely stupid beings when blinded with blood. You'd be surprised how easy this is going to be.." he paused, taking out a phone (I seriously doubted that he owned the phone; Aro probably gave him one for the mission) and handing it to me. "Put your digit-number ID in it."

"Phone number, Alec." I corrected him, typing as I did so. I flung it back once finished. "What now?"

"Start walking in their direction."

"What?" I blurted out, my mouth dropping open. "No way, Alec! No!"

Alec pushed me forward, turning me around in the process. I quickly spun round, seeing nothing but darkness, no Alec. "Just go, Half Breed!" Alec hissed, his voice the only remaining part of him in the darkness.

I flinched, my face sour with fear. I honestly can't believe I'm doing this. Wil the newborns just be smart and kill me? Or do they just want the competition so much? This isn't safe!

"I said GO Half Breed!"

I ignored his commands, taking my own time. I settled myself down, steadying my breathing and trying to stand up straight.

I can do this, I reassured myself. Alec will be watching if anything goes wrong. I can do this and after, I'm going to get him to admit what he did. I can do this.

I forced myself to take a big stride forward, blocking out the urge to stumble. I kept on walking, focusing on my hearing so it could lead me.

My phone began to ring and to my embarrassment, a pop song soon loudly filled the air. Newborn dance rave!

It wasn't until I answered it that I realized how awkward this (fake) phone call was going to be. How could I 'act' like his lover when his antics made me so angry? What-the-hell was he going to say when he did actually (maybe) have feelings for me? For the sake of Aro and the law, we had to get through it. No, he had to get through it.

I was going to use it for my advantage.

"Why are you phoning me, Alec?" I snapped. "I have better things to do than talk to a childish coward like you."

Alec was silent as I continued to walk, craning my neck around to see where to stop. Was he surprised at how in-control I was over the situation? Well, he better get used to it.

I tapped my food against the pavement impatiently waiting his reply. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Alec seemed as much in the game as I was. Alec likes his entertainment and I swear, he was almost peeing his pants (if possible) in excitement as he created the little scene. "I want you to be a good girl and come home. Now."

He just wanted to piss me off and get me worked up. Fine then.

"Home?" I questioned him, stopping to lean against a wall, arms folded. "The only place I'm going is a nearby town."

Too obvious? Yes. Scripted? Yes. Are newborns stupid? Yes.

"Then I'll chase you." He paused and I could feel his smirk down the phone. "Because I know how much you love to be chased."

Alec then lowered his voice so only I could here it, stating the distance to get to the town, "42 miles.."

"Then you'll have to get a plane to Toronto and chase me for 42 miles."

"I've chased you through the whole of Volterra and you know how it always ends..." Alec said, his voice drifting off happily.

I snorted. "Volterra isn't even that big."

"Really? That night, I swear the bedroom felt like it was on another planet."

What I said next, I couldn't control. It was pure word vomit and it couldn't be stopped if I had tried. "Yes Alec, that's what happens when you make love with me. You see stars."

Alec did not hesitate to answer. "I'm hopping onto the flight to Toronto right now."

"I'm ready to run. My shoes are on."

"Any object covering your body should be destroyed..." Alec paused, his voice turning hard. "Like anyone that dares to touch you."

I had gotten too involved with my 'character' tonight. Although the newborns couldn't see me, I rolled my eyes at

Alec. "It was a one time accident."

"You're a target. If they get to you, they get to me."

"So I take it that you're coming here with bodyguards?" I asked him.

Newborns are completely clueless when blood, territory and a shiny prize are shown to them. Nothing else mattered. Well, apart from the Volturi coming to destroy them. It had to just be the two of us.

"Of course not. Only me."

"Only you." I repeated.

"On your marks.." Alec began, wrapping up the conversation.

The conversation, a completely new style, felt so easy. It shouldn't have been. He shouldn't be able to just kiss me, deny it then say all of that stuff and again, make me suffer whilst he acted like nothing was wrong and he didn't care. And he probably didn't.

The high I had felt from the conversation came crashing down, angry tears of rage filling my eyes.

"GO!"

And on his final word, I smashed my phone against the wall. Just to show the newborns I wasn't just human, I leaped up a building (one they could still see although I could not see them) and hurried off. Maybe a prize that wasn't human or vampire would be more valuable to them.

But I really didn't care.

I felt light headed and the ground was spinning and my feelings for Alec were coming back -all of them- at a speed so hard that it crashed against me, making me collapse onto the ground.

I wasn't November anymore. I wasn't Renesmee of the Volturi. It was May and I was Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I didn't have feelings for Alec..

_Humans are so dumb._

_I don't even look nine-teen (and even in America, I don't look twenty-one either) and here I am, getting drunk at a bar. Maybe it's because I have an emergency ID on me so I just go in with confidence or because I'm a -special- vampire that can make a human do whatever I like. Wonderful, isn't it?_

_I looked motionlessly into my martini. It doesn't even taste good. Blood tastes good, not this crap._

_I do enjoy the feeling of indulging in alcohol, though. It gets rid of all of the problems. All of them._

_"Nessie?"_

_Well except from one._

_I forced my head up, faking a wide smile. "Jakie! Whats up my pedophile of a friend?" I stumbled off the barstool, reaching into my pocket and throwing a tip at the bar tender._

_Jacob quickly grabbed onto my shoulder, carefully ushering me out of the bar. "Look at you.." he whispered._

_"I don't have a mirror, sorry."_

_"Nessie!"_

_"What?" I cried out. "Does this come as a surprise to you, Jacob? Are you that god damn blind? This has been going on for a right while now."_

_"You need to stop.." He tightened his grip on me._

_I pushed it off, slapping him in the process, furious. "I don't take orders from you, pedophile pig! Get off of me! And its Ruh-nez-meh you uneducated fool!"_

_"You're drunk.. I need to get you home.."_

_"And when aren't I?" I yelled, jumping back from him so he couldn't touch me again. "I'm just glad that I haven't been drugged by you and your disgusting imprinting stuff yet, you chi-"_

_"Nessie!" Jacob finally snapped at me, coming at me again. I kept stepping back, a frightened little animal against the big bad wolf who's voice could suddenly turn soft. "Seven years.. seven years of being there for you.. as a friend and as a brother.. but now, I need you to trust me that I will love you forever."_

_"I'm sorry Jacob." I said sadly. "I know how hard those seven years were for you and your balls.. but most child groomers don't get the prize in seven years so keep your chin up."_

_It should have been a really emotional, straight moment but I vomited everywhere once I finished speaking...  
_

"I kissed you."

Still on the floor, I spun around. The moment my eyes caught sight of Alec, I was back on my feet, back into reality yet still the prize.

But it didn't matter.

He said it.

He said he kissed me. Admitted it right there.

We both walked towards each other at the same time, Alec's face showing me how much of a struggle it actually had been for him to say those words. It was a mix of guilt, anxiety, sadness and lust, all crammed into that beautiful face of his.

"Why?" I whispered although I knew Alec wouldn't answer. "Why would you do such a thing? Do you really like me like you said?"

The emotions in his face got deeper; more pained.

And it hurt me, even though it shouldn't have. I should have smiled; the winner of the night.

"I don't care." I said, swallowing back my own emotions. "I like you too and because I like you, what I feel for you inside of me, however strong it may be, makes me forget about all of the wrong in you."

Alec shook his head like it was impossible.

"But it is possible because I know. I know I felt something when you kissed me and I know I am willing to see the good which you've showed me before.."

Alec shook his head, "I have shown you no good."

"Yes! Yes you have!"

"I haven't Renesmee!" Alec snarled this time. His mouth opened again for a second although he shut it quickly afterward. He did it two more times after that, like he didn't know what to say. After several, stupid looking attempts, he spoke his final words of the night. "Then I sincerely hope your feelings are killed tomorrow."

And he was gone. Just like that, leaving me standing there, a single tear running slowly down my cheek as it reminded me of how stupid I was for liking him.

I moved my shaking hand to wipe it away, but it was replaced over and over again.

* * *

**Phew! Had a heart attack when the site uploading the chapter wrong and I'm sitting there like; "AM I HELL GOING TO SEPARATE IT PARAGRAPH BY PARAGRAPH!."** **I also should apologize for the (nearly) one month wait. Exams are the only reason then after they finished about a week or two ago, I just wanted to chill out and after writing like a billion essays, I just couldn't write. Summers nearly here though and I honestly write so much.**

**Anyway, I forgot to thank everyone in the last chap for reviewing. My bad! I'll just continue and thank for this one (in order of most recent): _IS, emylou16, RememberMe10, MaralyBrightVolturi, BadassAlec, Dendy, Lilylove, Seph Meadowes and Vivi._**

**Thanks so much again. I've reached over 100 reviews and just wow. I swear, every chapter I just doubt it. Thank you all so much for continuing to read, review and (hopefully) like it.**

**I should also say that the link to Renesmee's outfits on polyvore are now on my profile since I am such a fashion lover.**

**These also include the 2 flashbacks... and that's got me asking... does anyone like them? Would anyone like more? I ask this because I'm currently planning a new fic.. ;) **

**-Cristina xxx**


	17. Within Every Kiss, Lies a Battle

**I do not own Twilight**

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death**  
**Chapter 16**  
**Within every kiss, lies a battle.**

I tried my hardest to keep my optimism up tonight, to think of the benefits of the heartbreaking and embarrassing tears I shed after Alec left me. The benefits were rare, that was a fact. After searching and searching as I wondered around Toronto, numb, I realized one thing: I've never had a goal in mind when it came to Alec.

There had been no reason for me to bicker with him the way I did all those months ago; no benefit nor a purpose. He's a drug to me, I guess. I keep wanting more and more for no reason other than that I'm addicted. I don't admit that with any pride what-so-ever; just shame. Now, when it comes to our 'relationship' (in the loosest sense) or the mess he's put us in emotionally, I don't know what I really want.

I admitted earlier I was willing to ignore the evil in him.

Why on earth would I say such a thing?

So we could, I don't know.. actually become something, _together?_ It's horrible to say, even in my mind, because of how unhealthy it is. I'm ashamed enough for letting him make me cry tonight but becoming... his? The thought sickens me... I hope.

Do I even want to take things further? Don't I want to forget about it once he admits why he kissed me? What do I actually want?

Do I even know? _No, Renesmee. You don't._

I've never known what I've wanted to do in life, apart from running away. I didn't have a goal for that either, really. No plan; didn't know how long or the consequences. I didn't run away to kiss one of the Volturi guards and feel something for him and if someone told me this, I would have backed out, proof I didn't just go with life either. I wanted a goal, a clear and shiny goal I could achieve.

But I didn't have the motivation to work one out or push myself to get to it so instead, I slumped back to my hotel room, a dark cloud over my head. It could be worse. I could self-destruct again and take comfort in alcohol. _Yeah, because that makes it alright. _

I told Felix before that I wanted to take a wonder and that the newborns wouldn't want easy prey, unprotected and boring. Plus, they were away trying to get the other newborn armies fired up. Still, when I placed my hand on the door handle, Felix rushed and opened the door for me.

"You took your time." He said, eying me up suspiciously. "What where you doing?"

I shrugged, entering the room and taking my cape off, ignoring him as I hung it up. "Just took a walk; did some thinking about when I came here with my family."

Felix nodded, his face twisting a little as if he was trying to see how legit what I had just said was. "Fair enough." He said quietly, dismissing it with an out-of-the-blue question; "Are you a deep sleeper?"

"What do you mean?" I said, puzzled. "Are we traveling to the town tonight or am I sleeping through the battle?"

I kicked my shoes off as I waited for his explanation, my legs feeling like twigs and it wasn't due to my long wonder around the city. I walked over to the small, light green striped sofa and plumped down on it, crossing my legs over to try and ease the discomfort.

I could see from the side of my eye that Felix was rolling his eyes at my suggestions. Well, it was a random question anyway in my defence. "Nah, we're not. I was just asking." He said, moving across the room at an unnecessary vampire speed, grabbing his 'more human' coat. "I'm going out for an hour, maximum."

_Well aren't you just an fantastic body-guard!_

Nah, I was actually quite glad that he didn't feel the need to watch over me all of the time. Jacob wouldn't leave me alone for an hour if he was here and I needed some alone time right now. Maybe Felix could see that too.

"There's a ninety-nine percent chance you'll be safe but you have my number on your phone if there's any trouble.." He paused, realising what he had just said. "Not that it would make any difference.. anyway, I know how well you can fight." He winked at me, grinning as he opened up the door.

"I broke my phone anyway, Felix but I'll just... throw the sofa at them or something." I said humorlessly though Felix laughed anyway.

"Take care, Bambina." He said before exiting, leaving me alone as my depression polluted the hotel room's atmosphere.

I sat in silence for several minutes, not quite sure what to do with myself. Ah, the excitement of being part of the Volturi Guard. My thoughts were blank, a white canvas until a big splash of paint hit it.

_Seth._

I had to call him. Why would Athenodora advise me to anyway? Were the wolves planning another attack on me and Seth was rebelling? Was she just telling me to grow up and actually give sympathy over the death of his sister and Quil? My attitude towards the deaths was yet another thing I loathed about myself and the more I thought about it now, the drier my throat got.

I wasn't looking forward to calling Seth, the thought making me sigh as I raised up from the sofa. He would be in mourning and I had no right to interrupt it, clueless phoning him for no reason other than it was what I was told to do.

My gut feeling was that I should phone him and that was what I was going to do, despite how unpleasant and awkward the whole thing sounded. I made my way into the bedroom, rummaging through my suitcase and pulling out my pajamas. I decided it would be a good idea to get comfortable and ready for bed, incase Seth started shouting insults or even worse, got Jacob on the phone. I'd hang up anyway. I sorted myself out in the bathroom before getting changed into my pajamas, climbing into bed and grabbing the hotel's phone.

I recalled his number immediately, my memory being flawless because I was vampire and so academically special yada-yada-yada. My shaky hands dialed it, holding it up to my ear as my free hand tapped against the bed covers impatiently. I wasn't used to the slowness of humans (the wolves can say what they want; when they're not dogs, they're humans. End of).

The ringing stopped, Seth finally picking up

"Hello?"

"Hey Seth, It's Re-"

"Oh hey Rebecca!" Seth shouted down the phone, his voice lowering as he called over to someone else. "Nah, not your sister Jake... yeah... the girl I went on a date with... oh I didn't tell you?"

I rolled my eyes. See, I can't even phone another member of the pack without the risk of Jacob Black; stupid, Jacob Black.

I listened to Seth's footsteps and the shutting of a door, blocking out the murmuring of what sounded like a room packed of people. Great.

"Don't speak just yet.." He whispered down the phone. I could hear the wind as he made his way further outside. "Phew... that was a close one."

"What?" I snapped, annoyed that Jacob could cause such an reaction on poor Seth. "Jacob's going to get jealous?"

"No, he'll just grab the phone and I'm sure you wouldn't want that, right?" Seth teased. I forced a tight laugh. "You know, Nessie, I hate to be forward and stuff, but I would think you're calling me to show sympathy towards my sister and Quil?"

Even the word 'sister', not Leah, just sister made him break and it broke me too.

"I'm so sorry Seth.." I whispered, frowning. "I didn't want that to happen, neither did Aro. Leah and Quil, although we had a disliking, were lovely people, really... but that's not why I'm calling you."

"Oh." Seth breathed. "Do you want to talk to Jake?"

_Always humorous when I really should be shot for such a disrespectful attitude._

"Oh no, of course not." I said. "You know, your sister's death wasn't the Volturi's fault.. Aro wanted peace..."

"I'm not blaming anyone, Nessie." I flinched at the nickname but I deserved it from him, intentional or not. "They seem pretty nice.. the Aro guy is quite enthusiastic, not keen on the white haired one."

"Yeah, he's a bitch."

Seth chucked. "They organized getting Le-her body back to the states, same with Quil. Don't get me wrong though, Nessie; I know they're only being nice because we've got an alliance with the Cullen's and you know what happens when the Cullen's get their alliances together..."

Seth paused and not because he was finished talking or wanted me to speak. There was an icy, awkward silence entering the conversation.

"Spit it out, Seth."

"Well, I guess that they have an alliance with the Cullen's too now..." He said, his voice uneasy.

My eyes narrowed as I wondered why Athenodora would tell me to phone Seth over something like that. I already knew Aro considered my presence an alliance with my family. I tried to look at possibilities, answers -

"Crap!" I hissed down the phone, my heart missing a beat before taking a fit. I started to groan, dropping the phone onto the bed and putting my hands over my face.

"Nessie? You there?" Seth said, his voice raised in concern. "Don't worry, Jake doesn't know and I won't tell him."

It took me a few long moments to regain control of my body. As I picked up the phone again, my breathing was still heavy. "Jacob? I wouldn't care if he knew... it's my family.. they can't know I'm part of the Volturi Guard!"

"What?" Seth spat down the phone, sincerely surprised. "What are you on about?"

"What are _you_ on about?"

"You and.. what's his name.. Alec, is it?" My eyes widened in horror. What the hell? "Aro said there's an alliance now because of you and him..."

"What the hell do you mean, 'you and him?" I shouted, on the edge of hyperventilating if I wasn't doing so already. "What did Aro say?"

"Uh, that the two of you are well.. y'know..." His voice changed to a whisper, "Together."

I grabbed onto the bed-side cabinet as I fell out of the bed, pushing myself back up at the last moment. "No!" I shrieked, throwing the covers off me as I began to pace around the room. "He said that? Tell me everything Seth, everything!"

"Whoa, calm down Nessie. I won't tell Jake, ok?" Seth promised and I still doubted that he meant it. "Anyway, so there I was, all alone being escorted by these vampires and we reach the creepy throne room and the Aro guy is talking to the depressed one, all happy and stuff...

"Then he notices me and I bow, offer peace, y'know, normal stuff. We make a deal about the bodies, he's sympathetic and then goes on to say how much he wants his peace. I say the Cullen's want the same, for their own daughter too.

"He reassured me that you're perfectly happy and his future in-laws should know that." He paused to suck in a nervous breath as I listened in horror. "I was shocked 'cos I thought you were getting married and stuff but he said that he's letting Eros take care of that. Didn't know who that was, though so I searched it at an internet cafe in the airport and he's the God of love so.. well.. I'm really happy for you."

I didn't have the words to say anything.

"I won't tell Jake.. or your family, promise." He said.

I didn't reply.

"Nessie?"

"You can't tell anyone..." I finally whispered.

"I won't, trust me." Seth said. "I just want an wedding invite."

"We're not getting married Seth." I corrected him. "Neither are we in a relationship nor in love."

"Then why the hell did he say that?" Seth said, baffled. "He's high, Nessie, the way he spoke about you and that guy.. crazy."

I bit my lip, hoping that Aro didn't boost about Marcus's gift to Seth. "It's uh, complicated.. the way Aro works.. just don't tell anyone about it, please?"

I heard a the beginning of a word escape Seth's lips before he began yelling at someone from afar. "I told you, I'm on the phone to Rebecca!"

I should have hung up. I should have. It was Jacob.. why didn't I hang up?

"Shut it, Seth! Give me the phone! Give her to me!"

And that's why I hate him.

I was quite disappointed with myself that I didn't have the fire inside of me to say something to him. I could have finally confronted him and told him that I'm not an object nor a present nor a prize. I cannot be given and I cannot be received. Unfortunately, today had been exhausting; all of it, despite traveling time distances. The kiss seemed like it was years ago, rather than just hitting the twenty-four mark.

So, I hung up on my pedophile friend and climbed into bed, wishing I could snuggle up and watch another Disney movie like I always did during my lonely nights in Volterra. No Alec, no kiss, no 'what am I going to do next?' No nothing because despite my views on perfection, I would much rather marry a prince and live happily ever after.

Until Alec killed the prince.

* * *

When I awakened that morning, the weirdest sound was coming from Felix's room. It was a moan, that was for sure. Not a simple moan but an half-agony moan, half-pleasurable moan until everything went silent.

I scrunched my eyebrows together, looking at the door in wonder. _What the hell, Felix? _I jumped out of the bed and grabbed my house-coat, fastening it up on my way to the door.

If someone was to warn me about what was behind that door, there would be no way I would have turned that door-handle so fearlessly.

"Holy Shhh..." I gasped, my father's nagging over swear words still intact.

There, on the dark red hotel carpet, lay two naked, blonde haired girls... that weren't moving... or breathing.. _and were obviously dead._ Felix stood with his back to me, fastening his shirt up. When he noticed my arrival, he turned around.

"Morning." He said like everything was glorious and not horrifically messed up. "You_ are_ a light sleeper, aren't you?"

Blood was still smeared around his lip, my horrified gaze alerting him. He wiped it off casually. I started to back away, my hands raised like I was offering peace. This wasn't Felix, funny and the most decent guard member, Felix – this was Felix who, by the looks of things, just had sex with two girls then killed them.

Felix started to get panicky at my reaction, coming towards me as I stumbled back.

"Bambina?" He asked cautiously until a knowledgeable lightening bolt hit him. "Oh dear... you don't know about... they never told you, did they?"

Despite the fact I was ready to be sick as I noticed even more... 'objects' of an adult kind lying about the floor, my eyes widened at the insult that he thought I didn't know about such things. "Of course I know!" I said. "But... But... you..."

Felix laughed quietly to himself and proceeded to walk towards me now that I had stopped trying to get away. He placed one, large hand on my shoulder and smiled. His voice was sympathetic; like I had so much to learn, "Renesmee..." He began, unsure of what words he should use. "I'm a vampire."

I looked at him vacantly, my face pale as I tried to keep my eyes on him – not any of the things and people that my father had warned me about in typical out-dated Edward style. _Oooh, Felix's not married.. That bad boy! Shame on you!_

"And I am also a Volturi guard. None of that golden eye crap, look at my eyes..." He said, pointing to them. I nodded awkwardly, trying to hold my gaze on him. "I kill. I like you, Bambina. I like you a lot. I probably won't kill you, nor do I want to have sex with you. See these girls..." He shrugged his head towards them. "They're humans. I wanted sex, I wanted to feed... and they were how I could solve my problem. Nothing more to it."

I was too in shock to say anything.

"Doesn't mean I'm not a nice person.. well, around you." He said. "But I'm a vampire. Better get used to it, kid."

I glanced one last time at the dead in the room before taking a deep breath, clearing my mind. I nodded again, confidently this time. "I understand, Felix." I said. "A vampire gotta do what a vampire's gotta do."

He grinned at my understanding, pleased. "And right now, us vampires have a duty to go and show these newborns who runs the vampire world."

I felt the urge to do one of those chants and huddles that American footballers do before they go on. Go team! The atmosphere was still too awkward, the colour still absent from my face. I smiled once more at Felix trying to seem perfectly fine with the fact two naked dead girls were lying in the room. "I'll... go shower and get dressed, ok?"

"Take your time." He said. Felix turned away, grabbed one of the girls by their legs and before I could even bolt of the room, broke her in half and folded her up neatly so she could fit inside one of the suitcases that were lying wide open.

_He's not like my Uncle Emmett so much after all._

Without another word, I swiftly exited the room and made my way to the small bathroom. A warm shower would definitely make me faint, so I turned the water to the coldest it would go and cleaned myself and washed my hair. I let it air-dry as I put on skinny black pants, a black sweater vest and -you guessed it- a long, black coat to go underneath my cloak when it was time for it to go on. I wore boots, sturdy enough so that I could climb a tree when panic struck me. Felix would be furious and Jane would probably break the tree to get me down but oh well, sometimes situations call for moments like that.

Felix and I gathered up our luggage (the big suitcases containing the bodies had disappeared), checked out of the hotel and went into a black jeep waiting for us. Our suitcases went in another, chauffeur driven car.

Felix was, to put it quite simply, a crazy driver. He was fine on the motorway but the minute we entered a deserted road, he drove at a speed not even my family went at. I held onto the seat tightly as we skidded around corners, trying not to fly through the windscreen because I seriously didn't trust the seat-belt at a time like this.

Then, when we went off-road, things got so bad I knew Felix didn't have a drivers licence. Vampires can do everything good, I suppose, so we wouldn't crash. I felt the vibration in my pocket as my (replacement) phone went off. I looked at the number. A familiar one... Jacob Black's house.

I gasped in horror, quite over-exaggerated really but it did scar the crap out of me. How the hell did he get my number? I'd only had this new phone for a few short hours! So, I'd re-added my family.. but they wouldn't be cruel and give him my number... or would they? No, of course not...

"Who is it?" Felix asked. I jumped up as he took his eyes of the woods we were in/destroying. He yanked the phone off me and looked at the number. "Mom? Dad?"

"Jacob."

And without saying anything, Felix threw the phone out of the window. "Problem solved." He simply said. "Such a creepy boy, isn't he?"

We came to a halt soon after that. Felix 'parked' the car in the woods path and locked it up. I got out of it nervously, knowing it was time to face him again. Whatever I was going to do, it would have to wait... or maybe Alec can make a move again, since I really shouldn't even bother trying anymore.

Since I was with Felix, he made me use my vampire speed to reach the others uphill. All of the groups were waiting in a large, grassy clearing, in two perfectly straight lines of five. Jane and Alec stood in front of them, looking at us with focused, emotionless eyes.

Felix nodded at Alec, grabbing me so I would stop as he moved on to greet the other guard members. Trying to block out all fear I had over today and the curse inside my stomach for Alec, I looked at Jane with an hard expression. If I had a mirror, I could have seen how awful it looked but hey – at least I was trying not to freak out.

"I'm pleasantly surprised that you're not late." Jane said dryly. "The newborns are on their way, racing each other." She snorted, her tone treating the newborns like they actually were immature children.

It was Alec who spoke next.

"You need to wait here, alone." He said. I turned around to see that all of the group had now left. I wanted to be sick. "I'll be watching over you, of course."

Jane looked at her brother, her lips tight. "Brother, wouldn't you prefer it if I wait and guard her?"

"No. Let me, my Sorella."

"No, I really think that I should watch her..."

"Jane, I said I will watch over her. OK?" Alec snapped, his tone significantly harsher than when he usually spoke to his sister. Hell, he was never harsh when speaking to his sister.

Jane's expression was that bad that it even pained me to look at it. She resembled a small child, eager to impress her father who ended up rejecting her harshly. I expected Alec to say something, apologize for snapping but Jane left the clearing with not a word from her or Alec.

It didn't look at if Alec had anything else to say to me, so I forced myself to turn away from him and walk slowly towards the middle of the clearing. Although I was with the best vampire protection ever, it still felt like my own walk to death.

I stood, watching the trees in front of me blankly. The wind tossed my hair about and I took no notice. My heart was beating faster and faster with each second but I took no noticed. I felt sick run up my throat but I took no notice.

"Renesmee..."

I did, however, take immediate notice to that.

I spun around, my whole body tensing up as I watched him walk towards me. I felt the sudden urge to do my effort and walk to him, my legs practically screaming out for it, for him. My feet quickly cemented themselves into the ground, allowing Alec to come to me.

One thing I couldn't control was my need to look at him. His face, so perfectly heartbreaking amongst the blur around him, was staring right back at me and his eyes – oh his devilish eyes – had the power to make or break me and I hated that, I hated it. It wasn't fair. None of this was... but my eyes didn't leave his face.

Soon we both stood in the middle of the clearing, inches apart. I hoped Alec realized that I would not be the one to start this conversation, what-ever it may involve.

_Oh but I wish I could!_

"I am so sorry." He finally said, his voice quiet in regret. It seemed sincere enough. "Why do I find myself saying this time after time to you?"

"Because I don't want to do the smart thing and escape." I admitted, my voice thick. "I know I should. I know I should just ignore everything I feel for you because..." My voice trailed off, tears welling in my eyes for reasons I didn't really want to know. "It's because its what I want."

Alec shook his head, looking down at the ground. It took him several seconds to face me again and if he could, I think tears would too be in his eyes. Impossible. Stones can't cry.

"I want that too." He said, so low this time it was even hard for me to hear him. "Do you remember what I said to you before I... kissed you?"

I reached my hand out without thought, laying it on his cheek as I showed him the memory.

Alec nodded. "I don't know how to act around you anymore."

My voice turned harsh. "You sure knew how to deny everything."

"Because it's easier when it hurts, Renesmee!" He said, much more loudly this time. He wasn't mad at me, nor himself. He was mad at us. "Isn't it?"

I didn't say anything.

"Isn't it?" He repeated, determined to get an answer from me.

I nodded, a tear dripping down my face. "But we don't need to hide what we feel!" I said. "If you feel the way I do..."

"Even more." Alec confirmed, making my insides explode. "And before you, by the way."

"You always have to first... more... better, don't you?" I said with a snort. Alec laughed quietly to himself. "But I want to know why you kissed me, Alec."

"Because I like you."

"Then you wouldn't have denied it and the kiss, would you?" I snapped.

"Why I denied the kiss is another question in itself."

"I should be saying how much I hate you right now," I said, sighing "But I can't because it hurts me, Alec... just as much as you've hurt me by denying it."

"And I apologise for it."

"An apology is nothing without an explanation." I said.

"What was I supposed to do, Renesmee?" Alec hissed. "Do you know how hard it was for me to not kiss you the months leading up to Jacob's attack? Do you?"

"You've liked me that long?" I breathed.

Alec nodded, almost ashamed and it wasn't because he liked me, the half-breed Cullen but because he waited so long. "I knew when I protected you for Caius. I would have died protecting you, Renesmee."

I looked at him, my eyes soft. "Why didn't you want to kiss me? Why did you deny it? If you like someone.. you shouldn't break them like this..." And at the word 'break', my voice broke too; shattering into pieces as the flood barriers preventing my tears broke.

"I hate myself for it, and I beg you to trust me on that fact but -"

"You're not going to answer my questions, are you? Please Alec... I need to know... please..."

Alec's soft, agonised eyes looked into my wet ones for a long moment. Did he want to protect me from his cruel answer? Save me the pain?

"It's easier when it hurts." I reminded him, forcing a soft, small smile.

"The answer you are looking for is simple, Renesmee." He took a long pause, forcing his eyes to look away from me; look away from my reaction. "I couldn't kiss you and I can't not deny it."

"Why?" I shouted despite the throbbing pain in my chest. "Why? That's not an answer!"

"Because we can't be together!"Alec said urgently, desperately trying to get through to me. "We can't Renesmee! You know it, I know it! Tell me, what are we going to do now that we both feel something for each other?"

My tears choking me, I remained silent. I don't think I would be able to answer him if I could.

"Nothing! Because we can't do anything! I'm Alec, you're Renesmee and we can't be together!"

My chest, sore and broken, was suddenly filled with fire – fire to argue back even though, I too, knew we had no goal. But when is there ever a goal in a game like this? "We can! Alec, we can! Why do you think we feel something for each other? Why do you think my insides explode every time you don't insult or deny things? We don't want this but guess what, Alec, it's there!"

I placed both of my hands on either side of my face, stroking it softly. "You just don't know how to act around me and that's the problem..." I said softly as if to calm him, convince him how we could make it work.

"That's not the problem!"

My hands whipped back, now fists behind my back. "It is Alec! It is! What we feel is undeniable and you know it!"

"Then let it die." His hissed through clenched teeth.

I froze, my once opened mouth -ready to argue back- shut tightly, trembling. Hell, even my tears stopped, turning to ice no-doubt. My insides were the only things still alive... dying, actually. Burning, destroying everything.

I had to look away, look down at the ground so he couldn't see how bad he wounded me, I had to. I had to be strong, I had to get through this -

Alec didn't even need to put his hand on my chin to raise my head because it snapped up the moment he touched me. He looked at me, his face desperately trying to win the battle for covering up the pain exposed in his face. He didn't want to care, because if he did, it was the first step of us becoming one. But he did and I know it despite everything.

My breathing turned shaky as my whole body began to tremble so I ripped my eyes away from his face and shut them, taking a slow, deep breath.

Then, his lips touched mine again.

Softer this time, shorter and more meaningful. Not a peck, but not passionately. As he took his lips away, it felt like they were attacked with glue and he was ripping them away...

I opened up my eyes.

And he was gone.

Gone.

Leaving me with one last kiss...

_Our final kiss._

* * *

**Less an a month.. miracle! Well, summer's started and I plan to read, write... read, write... read, write so chapters, unless I get seriously stuck, will be alot quicker.**

**Anyway, thanks to last chapter's reviewers (in order of most recent):**

**TwilightForever2010, emylou16, Dhwani, RememberMe10, MaralyBrightVolturi, Aimee, IS. Thanks so much everyone!**

**Link to Renesmee's outfit on polyvore is on my profile =)**

**-Cristina,x**


	18. Love is a Loosing Game

_I don't own twilight._

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 17  
Love is a Loosing Game.  
**

The newborns were coming.

I could hear their feet quietly skimming the ground. Moving in groups, I suspected. More and more of them quickly joined the march and the speed increased; the race beginning. They left me no time to regain my brain back that had betrayed me, literally begging Alec for an relationship like a weak fool.

Time was becoming so precious and limited that I didn't even have a chance to bite my lip to prevent a tear or two from escaping before the first newborn arrived alone. The small female had copper red hair and her focused, blazing eyes were on me.

She lunged – and I shut my eyes, naturally, because I didn't have to brains to, _oh I don't know..._ get back!

I felt a whoosh of wind and then the roaring started. My eyes re-opened to see Felix throwing newborn after newborn off me and to my surprise, there were actually far more newborns than I had expected or heard about in Uncle Jazz's (vampire) history lessons.

I didn't feel frightened nor was my body pulsing with an urge to win this battle. I wasn't breaking in half over Alec either. I simply had no idea what to do. A pattern was emerging very quickly; newborn races towards me, my eyes bulge, Felix throws them away and I would watch another guard member destroy them. Over and over.

Of course, the rest of the guard were busy. I could hear them shouting at each other like a sport team would. There was one name that was getting called out the most and it was quite shocking that it hadn't captured my attention until Felix called it himself.

"Alec!" Felix snarled impatiently. I followed his gaze to Alec, who was fighting off two newborns as he shot Felix a desperate look. He looked under-pressure, his face strained. "What is it?"

"I can't..." Alec called over, eventually being interrupted by another newborn joining the fight. One of the Felix-like guards rushed over to help him, knowing that if Aro's shiniest fighting weapon was destroyed, their would be trouble or even worse, disappointment. "My power doesn't work!"

And before I could even allow the panic to rush over me, I was knocked down onto the ground. The male newborn was grinning – a possessed, terrifying grin of a killer ready to enjoy his kill.

Felix quickly reacted and pulled the newborn off me, ready to throw him away when he started to fight back, clawing onto Felix, tackling him down onto the ground. I ran into them without thought, grabbing the newborn by his waist in an ill-fated attempt to help my friend.

I screamed as someone pushed me down onto the ground, tackling me viciously. I looked up, and Alec was lying next to me, pulling me up and turning around so that he was now protectively placed infront of me, his arms wide for defense.

Several guard members rushed over to protect Alec and I and it was quite obvious Aro had given them orders to do this. The newborns were running towards us like bullets and I now had a view of all of them fighting in the field, the whole battle extremely unorganized – the opposite of what I expected the Volturi to fight like.

Jane and Demetri were fighting together, protected by more guards as a precaution. Jane's eyes flickered to Alec's desperately, pleading for him to save us all...

"What's wrong?" I hissed under my breath. Even I couldn't hear my own voice amongst all of the snarls and growls.

"My power... it's being blocked!"

I hadn't been paying attention to the protection infront of Alec until then, the newborns were erasing it, one guard at a time until finally, there was no layer of protection left. Alec turned around, grabbed me by the waist and threw me to the other side of the clearing – all in less than three seconds, maximum.

Like I was some meat and they were the hunters (half true), I was being ran towards again. The protection, now in a smaller number, rushed over to save me as I watched them be defeated without a hope.

So, Alec's power wasn't working but surely, if I was their target, we would know their plan? I focused in on the newborns fighting techniques, trying to see the groups when I realized in a blink what the problem -excluding Alec's power failing- was.

They weren't working in groups.

They were working together.

And it wasn't to get me either.

I don't think that our estimates on the numbers were right either because even as we fought and destroyed at a much slower pace than them, we were still outnumbered.

This wouldn't have been a problem if Alec's power wasn't blocked. We could win easily; literally tie them all up and burn them without having to fight. Easy.

But we couldn't do that for some-reason, for some shield... and I was the only one who could (or couldn't) break that.

I had this gut feeling that it wouldn't work, because apart from my mother's mental shield, I could break no other and Aro was coming to the conclusion that it was due to the bond between us. This shield, whatever it may be, wasn't like Renata's... I would think, because it was blocking Alec's mental power, just like my mother's...

My thoughts were soon jumbled up and forgotten about as I focused, the newborns now giving me a break because if they killed me, it would just be a waste of time when they should be killing those who actually could destroy them. I decided to be stupid and shut my eyes in focus, drawing all my energy and force into breaking it...

_Nothing. _

There was nothing, nothing to break. My attempt swirled into nothingness and it was the strangest, most uncomfortable situation my brain had ever been in. Nothing was there. No shield... nothing. The sensation was making me sick.

The feeling made me scream out without control, very Jane like, if I do remember the time when my mother blocked her power.

But no one looked at me. They were all too busy fighting and loosing. I couldn't even see Alec or Jane anymore, they were that surrounded.

And the fact that they were still alive was a miracle, because I could only see five other Volturi guards -not including the twins and Demetri- left. Felix was no-where to be seen.

My heart was beating for Alec, my legs were ready to run over and throw the newborns off of him. Punish them and kill them for daring to touch Alec, my Alec. I snarled once more, quieter this time, before charging ahead in a stupid optimistic bubble, thinking I would actually win...

I was down before I had the chance to reach him. A newborn rammed into me like he was playing football, knocking me down. His hands gripped around my neck, ready to snap it in half. My eyes bolted shut, my cowardly personality taking over, even as I was about to die.

"Renesmee!" A familiar, soft female voice gasped. Gentle as it may have been, the voice turned into a bark as it protectively ripped the newborn away.

I re-opened my eyes, looking up, and there, Carmen stood, destroying the newborn as I watched in utter shock.

Once the newborn had been disabled, she grabbed me and as Alec did, threw me behind her. She held me closer in more of a motherly way, scanning the battle field from side to side rapidly, looking for attacks.

The first person my eyes caught was Alec, now free as Garrett and him finished off the newborns. Just a few meters away, Jane and Kate did the same. Neither objected, despite the hate I knew Kate had for Jane... and the hate Jane had for everybody. Tanya and Eleazar helped gain control too, taking one newborn at a time, just as Demetri and the few remaining other guard members were doing.

The number of newborns was quickly declining and the Volturi -and the Denalis- soon took control.

The last one, the copper colored hair girl who I had seen at the very beginning, was easily destroyed by Jane.

It was over.

It took everyone several minutes to move. We all stood in silence, looking at one another. My eyes were fixed on Alec, who made sure that he kept his eyes off me.

Eleazar was the first to do something. Garrett helped him create a fire in the middle of the clearing and motioned for the females of his coven (apart from Carmen who still had me gripped close to her) to help him gather up the pieces of the newborns. The six remaining Volturi guards hesitated before politely helping them.

Once they were finished, the two groups divided in silence. Eleazar looked at Carmen and I and soon after he did, all of the Denalis looked at us. Complete confusion was plastered across all of their faces.

"Come to our side." Carmen whispered.

I shook my head. "No, I need to stand with them..." I whispered back nervously, knowing I had no argument for why.

"And why is that, _B____ebe Linda?__"_

"I need to uh.. I need to talk to them..." I mumbled, looking over at the Volturi.

Carmen shot a worried look at Eleazar who gave her a reassuring nod. Carmen forced herself to let go of me. I smiled to tell her that I was OK, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you." I said, before releasing myself from the hug and stepping back. I turned to the Volturi and walked over to them, knowing that all eyes were on me.

I stood next to Alec, since he was the nearest before starting to search the remaning Guard's faces for Felix's. They all looked the same – tall, bulky, and kept their hoods up.

Only Felix wasn't there.

"Felix!" I exclaimed in an agonizing shock, breaking the silence. My head searched the trees surrounding us, the field.. the fire... everywhere for him.. oh please no, not Felix... my only friend in Volterra. I started to squirm as Alec grabbed hold of my shoulders, holding me upright and controlling me.

"He's gone, Renesmee. Nothing we can do about it." Alec said cold and heartlessly, just satisfied that he, his sister and I were alive.

"How... how can you say that?" I snapped at him, shoving my hands into his chest. "Felix is dead and you.. and you.. and you don't care?"

Alec shrugged. "Aro will make a memorial."

I raised my hand to slap him, but I froze knowing it would do no good. Alec wouldn't change because of a slap, nor would Felix suddenly re-appear.

Oh yeah, and I think I admitted earlier that I wanted to become something that that Alec. Shameful.

"I'm sorry, Renesmee." Alec quietly said. "But what's done... is done..."

I couldn't say that I was particularly sensitive to deaths either, proof being my attitude towards Quil and Leah, but hadn't Alec spent centuries with Felix? And the others?

"I'm sorry." Alec repeated. "But i've seen this so many times before and-"

Jane cleared her throat, interrupting Alec who's eyes quickly snapped to her. "Brother," She said calmly although her voice was sick over the dreaded disappointment her master would have when she returned. "I believe the Denalis have something to say... although, by the looks of things, we should be changing our coven book now that they have relocated. How nice."

_Ah, the awkward small-talk between vampires._

Eleazar, normally the one to speak up, forced a tight smile. "I see from your voice, Jane, that you fear disappointment from your master." Eleazar paused to laugh. "Nothing much has changed when it comes to pleasing him since I left, has it?"

"No it has not." Jane said emotionlessly, looking vacantly down into the fire. "But I know that you will receive a gift from him in a month or so, a token of his thanks for saving us today. Although not as extravagant, my thanks is verbal. Thank you Eleazar, for saving us today."

Eleazar smiled. I looked down onto the ground. "I did it as a former member of the guard but also because you seem to be with a familiar family mem-"

"Why do you have her?" Kate said loudly, her voice strained as she forced her eyes upon me. "Why is she with you? Explain yourself, witch!"

I knew Kate respected the law but when it came to loved ones and the Volturi, she would fight against them viciously. Kate was absolutely furious with perplexity at why I was with the Volturi, jumping to conclusions immediately.

Jane remained calm. "I know how you feel, Kate." Jane spat out her name, probably wanting to insult her over the immortal child her master destroyed. "Having her with us creates the exact same reaction but trust me when I say that this is not mine nor my master's fault." Jane tilted her head to look at me. "Half breed, you have a mouth, use it."

It wasn't a smart move on Jane's behalf, but she pushed me forward.

I froze, staring at my extended family with a blank look on my face.

"Renesmee, dear, if they are... forcing.. you to be there, tell us and we will-" Tanya spoke up, struggling to keep her voice soft.

I interrupted her, shaking my head quickly. "Oh no, no, Tanya... I'm not forced to stay. I'm not even wanted." I forced an awkward laugh although no one laughed back. "Didn't my family... tell you about where I went, right?"

"Your family alerted us of your departure," Eleazar said, his voice uneasy, probably due to the memory of finding out. "However, they said your location remained unknown to them."

Suddenly Tanya exploded, her voice possessed with a need to rescue me, "The girl has clearly been kidnapped on her travels!" She shifted her body into a couch. Her eyes flickered between Alec and Jane, wondering who to attack first as Kate got ready to snatch me up and run. The guard were ready too, changing their positions beside me.

Eleazar calmly turned around, walking slowly over to Tanya with a reassurance that she wouldn't attack. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, saying nothing. Moments passed until Tanya calmed herself and moved out of her pre-attack position, her eyes still solidly on me.

I looked away immediately, too much of a coward to look Tanya in the eyes.

Eleazar moved back, going infront of his coven again. "Renesmee, Child," He began, "I think that it's best that we talk in private."

One of the Felix-like body guards quickly jumped infront of me, blocking me from view of the Denalis. Jane hissed quietly, shooting a warning glare over at the Guard. I caught his eyes darting to Alec, who gave him a swift nod without making any eye-contact. The body guard moved to the side, making the Denalis reappear again. They were all now crouched, Tanya and Kate leaning forward with Garrett ready to stop them.

Eleazar and Carmen were the first -and only ones- to get back up again now that I was in view. "We will not force Renesmee to do anything," Eleazar said. "Unless she is already being forced herself..."

"I assure you that is not the case." Jane replied. Her voice was, although still careful, not a coo like the way she spoke to Aro; begging for attention. Jane's voice was respectful, yet not like they were above the Guard. I guessed her own coven and her master's reputation was worth not spitting down on the 'dirty-water drinkers' as I had been called many times by hateful guard members. "Go on," Jane urged. "We can wait... or leave..."

Before I could reply, my decision still undecided, Jane's attention had already turned to punishing the Guard who had jumped infront of me for causing a scene. She watched, for once emotionlessly, as she tortured him with her power.

With a deep breath, I crossed the gap separating us.

I kept the silence to a minimum when I reached them. "I ran away." I stated, looking down at the ground. "I did not linger, I went straight to Volterra on my own and I..."

Theyignored my pause, intended to be followed by the confession of my new coven status. They all gasped in disbelief at my stupidity. Only Eleazar remained quiet.

"Why, Renesmee, why?" Tanya groaned.

"You were always such a smart little girl..." Kate added.

"But Eleazar joined them too! For longer!" I protested, looking back up at Eleazar.

"True," Eleazar said, "which means, I know them better than you, Child." He paused, clearly dreading the question that had to be asked. "Did you officially join them?"

My voice went quiet. "Yes," I confirmed. "Caius threatened me... not physically.. b-but..."

Carmen looked as if she was about to faint.

"I know – I know how crazy this all sounds but I need a break from my family! From Jacob! Maybe grow as a person... become stronger.. I know this is what I want.. it's my gut feeling!"

"When do you plan to leave, Renesmee?" Garrett demanded, his voice urgent. "When?"

Kate took his hand and squeezed it in an attempt to calm him down, although his eyes remained on fire.

"I...I...I... I don't know!" I blurted out. I didn't want to answer any of their questions, they had no right to know or control what I did with my life! "When I want to."

Eleazar shook his head, sympathetic. "I'm afraid that maybe it's too late..."

"For me to leave?" I snapped, furious. "I can leave whenever I want! If I want to leave!"

"I know Aro!" Eleazar said. "He'll kill you once the Cullens are no longer a threat! Pardon me, dear, but what exactly could Aro use you for if it isn't an alliance?"

Maybe it was only the truth, the brutal truth, but I took it as an insult. My lips puckered together, heat flashing across my face like a bucket of boiling water was being thrown at me.

"Excuse me, Eleazar," I heard a voice speak up from the other side. I spun around, shock overcoming me as I realized who it was. Alec looked up from his conversation with Jane, who too turned her direction to us. "My Master, and myself, a member of the guard, consider Renesmee a great contribution to the guard. A very skilled one, with much potential! Her gifts would only be slaughtered if practiced with a pathetic and weak animal drinking coven."

Burn.

I heard snarls from behind me, but I was too busy looking at Alec to care.

"Thanks for your comment, Alec." Eleazar said sincerely although clearly secretly annoyed by Alec. "But I'd rather if this conversation remained between my family and I."

Alec smirked in reply, happy his comment made an impact, despite how Eleazar tried to cover it up. "Very well, old friend." And with that, he turned back to Jane.

I turned away quickly too, trying to focus on my previous conversation again although my mind was worrying how exactly I felt over Alec sticking up for me like that.

"I apologize for any offense my comment had on you," Eleazar said. "Clearly, if you've impressed Alec, you must be very powerful indeed."

I snorted, ignoring the encouraging smile coming from him.

"I wish I was, Eleazar," I replied, sighing. "Maybe one day... at least emotionally, since physically is impossible."

We dropped the power/not powerful conversation with that, getting back to the point. "I take it that Jane doesn't approve of your presence very much, does she?" He asked.

I nodded. "Well, our first and only slumber party did end disastrously." By their faces, I don't think they understood that I was only kidding. Maybe I was crazy to them now; reckless, doing anything. But seriously, a slumber party with Jane?

"And what about Alec?" Eleazar added, ignoring my comment.

I hesitated before finally giving an answer. "No," my lips forced the word out, unable to say anything else.

"Renesmee, leaving the Volturi is possible but for you, it will be difficult. I must admit, Aro will not kill you – he'd rather have the Cullens with him than dead but this means that he won't let you leave. Ever." Eleazar broke the news carefully, trying not to send me into a panic. "But right now, trust me, Alec and Jane will let you go free."

I knew exactly what arguments to use if I wanted to object and win my case. I knew I could arrange for my family to fight for me, in Volterra, for my freedom. Aro would surrender and I would make sure my family left him in peace, keeping some sort of an alliance still standing. But I didn't say anything because I knew the truths, the bigger arguments.

Without Felix, who would my company now be? Be my friend, protect me from the Guard's insults?

What did I actually do, that was worth while, in today's fight? Did I even fight?

What would I do now that Alec and I were over and I had to forget?

We can't be together. Ever.

The fireworks needed to be destroyed and the sooner, the better.

I turned around again, walking slowly and quietly over to the Volturi. Jane was the first to notice me, breaking away from her conversation with Alec to look. She must have thought that I had decided to stay, by her displeased expression.

Alec was next to look, only after realizing who I was walking over to.

I stopped infront of him, taking in his beautiful and now blank face, terrified of what I was going to say before I had even began to speak.

"Is there any reason for me to stay?" I asked him, so quiet it could almost pass as a whisper – a broken, quiet whisper.

Alec didn't reply to my question.

"Is there?" I repeated again, raising my voice.

Jane decided to answer speak up, answer for Alec, and I honestly had the urge to slap her to get her to shut up. "Half breed, it is not my brother you should be asking these questions too, or even use such a tone on him!" She butted in, although clearly curious over why I was asking her brother such questions.

I did my best to ignore her, and everyone else who were eagerly eavesdropping in.

"Now that we've had her last kiss, is this it? Can I leave?"

Reactions were immediate, after a second of shocked silence. There was shock from the Denalis, murmurs from the Guard and an almost winded, pained sound coming from Jane.

I couldn't help but look . . . my eyes snapping away immediately once I caught a glance.

Jane was like a volcano. An exploding, livid volcano. Words cannot describe the anger which spread across her face at that moment like a wild-fire. Pure lividness.

I did my best to get the image out of my head, it terrifying me. All of the reactions were shooed from my ears too and I focused on Alec, only Alec. His beautiful face would have went paler if it could.

And then, in a tight voice, he said, "Leave."

I ignored how badly my body was hurting, how it was caving in on me. I had to ignore it, I had to walk away from this in one piece. So I nodded like that one word wasn't the death of me. I turned my back on him, walking away from Alec; away from the storm. Injured – inside and out - it all seemed like nothing.

It was official now. Both of us had lost.

* * *

**RIP Felix. :'(**

**Thanks to those who reviewed - TwilightForever2010, RoseEternal, MaralyBrightVolturi, emylou16 **

**-Cristina xx  
**


	19. Fire's Friend

I do not own Twilight

* * *

**Love is Colder Than Death  
Chapter 18  
Fire's Friend.  
**

Swift arrangements were made over getting my things sent over from Italy before Jane dismissed my old coven, Alec leading them. I told Jane to give my thanks to Aro and that I would tell my family his hospitality was perfect. I also told a lie, saying that I would always consider visiting again. This didn't amuse Jane very much, even if she knew I wouldn't. Poor thing was already devastated enough over her twin's lip adventures.

Jane left after there was nothing else to be said and I honestly hoped that it would be the last time I would see another black cloak. I threw my own into the fire before departing back to the Denali's new home with them in silence.

I didn't know what to think, what to do. I just felt depressed, like my life was pointless now that my plan to run away to Volterra had no positive impact on my future what-so-ever.

As much as I hated to admit it, the minute I entered their warm and cosy home, nestled in a clearing in the woods, I burst into tears and collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh Renesmee..." I heard Carmen murmur, pulling me up and carrying me over to the sofa. Tanya and Kate followed her, watching me with disbelief, still not over the fact I would do something so stupid. "Do you want anything, sweetheart? I can go and buy something... or we could hunt..."

I shook my throbbing head, clenching my eyes together to stop the tears. I had to! They must stop, they need to! However, the sad truth was that I didn't have it inside of me to stop them.

Remember how much I wanted to become stronger? Hah, who was I trying to kid? I'm weak little Renesmee who deserves to die for being such a disgrace.

"I'll go pour you a glass of water." Carmen said quickly, ignoring my refusal. She hurried off, mumbling something to Eleazar as she left.

I looked up, my vision blurry because of my tears, to see Kate and Tanya still staring at me.

Kate was the first to ask.

"Why?" She whispered. "Why, Renesmee? Why did you go?"

I shook my head before burying my face into my palms again now soaked by my tears instantly. It took me several gasps for air before I could answer. "The thrill!" I cried out. "I was stupid! I wanted... I wanted... I wanted to just do something... worthwhile... the thrill!" Pure lies, really. I mean, there was some truth in it and they had witnessed my breakdown, but I really didn't want to become suicidal by explaining the full story.

"But why did you stay, Renesmee?" Garrett asked. "The life-style they live would surely scare you off!"

There was a silent break as Carmen came in with a glass of water, putting it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Tanya then asked the one question that I think they -and I- had been dreading. "What you said to Alec... about him... are you.. did he..."

My nod made her stop, and silence filled the room once again. The only sound being my strangled gasps for air mixed in with my never-ending sobbing.

"Oh Renesmee.." Carmen sighed, sitting down on the sofa next to me. She wrapped her hand around me and held me close. "You're heartbroken, aren't you? And you had to leave him, didn't you?"

"There's always other fish in the sea." Tanya added optimistically.

"Tanya's right, Ness." Kate said, sitting on my other side. She too wrapped her arm around me. "You're young anyway... I mean, look at me! Seven years ago I met Garrett, and how long was I single? It's better being single!"

Tanya nodded in agreement, shooting me a sympathetic smile when I looked up at her.

"Alec and I... there was nothing.. really!" I choked out. "I'm over reacting! It was just a kiss and some... some things! Nothing more! I'm just... just.. emotional."

Eleazar hissed something out in what seemed to be his native language as Carmen gasped at his words. I looked at her watching the horror spread across her face.

"No, Eleazar! Say it's not true..." She whispered, holding me tighter. "There must be a way for us to..."

"A way to do what?" I asked, butting in curiously.

Eleazar looked at Carmen as if asking for permission. Just like my Grandmother Esme, Carmen didn't treat me like a seven year old and thought that I deserved to know what the rest of our covens knew. She nodded before beginning to stroke the tears off my face, as if to calm me for what was to come.

"You have met Chelsea, I take it?" Eleazar began. I nodded. "And you are aware of her power, am I correct?"

Eleazar, one of the few people to have actually left the Volturi, knew about Aro trying to keep his guard intact. He used Chelsea. I remember my family telling me that they couldn't ever touch their family bonds and months ago, I was told it was the same case with me. I shuddered, remembering that night which felt like years ago... remembering the blood, the screams...

I guess because I couldn't explain why I was crying, or that I didn't want to admit why, Eleazar thought Aro had made my bonds to his coven extremely tight and I was suffering from the loss of being away from them... and Alec.

"She can't play with my bonds, Eleazar." I said quietly. "It drives her crazy, I'm that... strange."

"Ah, but she can still make them..." Eleazar said referring to Alec and I.

The thought terrified me. Stuck, feeling for Alec forever because of Chelsea. Falling for someone but not actually... I had to admit, Aro knew who exactly to recruit for his guard. But I knew, somewhere inside of me, that despite how dark it was, what I felt for Alec was somewhat pure and natural, in the sense that we felt it because it was we wanted to feel. I just knew it.

I shook my head, brushing strands of hair away from my face, now calming down. "I know it's not like that, Eleazar. I know it. How could one of us feel it first?"

"Chelsea is very talented -"

"No." I said, ending it. "Trust me on this. I know, however it unfortunate it may be."

Eleazar sat down on the chair across from us, folding his hands on his lap. "Very well." He said. "I just wouldn't consider Alec the kissing type. Are you sure that maybe he or Aro don't just have other intentions?"

"Then Alec is failing horribly, isn't he?" Kate said. "I saw the way he looked at her when she was walking away."

I bit my lip. Carmen looked at me, wondering if I was about to cry again. Taking a deep breath, I smiled reassuringly at her.

"I can't deny how much Aro is loving our story though. He told Seth, one of Jacob's friends, that my family would be his in-laws." Garrett chuckled quietly. The rest of them brushed off how on earth Seth and Aro would have had a chat about such things.

"And Marcus? Reading your ties, perhaps?" Eleazar questioned.

"All the time." I said, almost a groan. "Believe it or not, he's jumped out of his seat before like he's been electrocuted before. He sent Alec with me to protect me when Jacob came too, which was when he kissed me, actually..."

"Then Aro would not get Chelsea to interfere." Eleazar stated. "Marcus wouldn't allow that.. the man appreciates pure love – that's how I was allowed to leave with Carmen actually."

I reached over and took the glass of water from the table; my hands still shaking as they gripped onto it, taking baby sips. "It's a mess, Eleazar. It really is..." I whispered. "I know, trust me, I know I've been stupid! But... he kissed me and... I.. I just felt something! Fireworks! Sparks! Just boom – and they were there!"

"And your relationship before this?" Kate asked. "What was it like?"

I smiled sadly, as if in mourning for the death of a loved one, remembering all of the happier times. "Bickering... easy, free bickering." I laughed dryly. "Oh, but we loved it.. and I could trust him with anything Kate, anything."

"Alec always did like to tease his victims before he killed them." Eleazar said, disgusted. "He likes a good kill.. he only likes that, his sister and how powerful he is."

"And Renesmee now." Garrett added in, flashing me a grin.

"Alec would go to extreme lengths for those who he cares about, Garrett. For centuries, it's only been Jane although she can handle herself. His coven members just help him remain powerful and feared. No respect for humans what-so-ever... as for his masters, he obeys and rather enjoys being the key in battles... "

"Apart from today..." Tanya mumbled. "What happened, anyway?"

"I don't think any of us know, Tanya." Eleazar explained, sighing. He stood up. "I think it's best that we give Renesmee some peace now. You can use the guest bedroom.. I believe we still have some of your clothes after your rather sudden departure..." He said with a chuckle.

I smiled, attempting to laugh off the past. "I apologize for my behavior last time I payed a visit.. it was a difficult time, I must say..."

Carmen shook her head, dismissing my apology. "We all have tough times.. that's what families are for, aren't they?"

She, along with the others, stood up. Garrett and Kate left the room together, hand in hand. Tanya whispered into my ear, "don't worry about it, Renesmee. Pedophile Pig deserves everything he's getting, and I'm sure that Jane won't allow Alec to continue their very illegal sexual acts with her anymore after today..."

"Tanya!" Carmen hissed. Tanya laughed loudly as Carmen kissed my head lovingly before the pair left.

I finished off my water, ready to leave the room when Eleazar spoke.

"I didn't speak to Alec much, he was always such a quiet boy..." He said softly. "But I do know this, if it means so much to you – I really do think that Alec's just scared." And without saying anything else, he left me alone.

I tried not to break down as I walked up the wooden stairs, slumping. My cosy guest room had been tidied since the last time I had been in it, probably the only thing I hadn't wrecked during that trip.

Remembering something, I walked over to one of the dressers, opening it up. I had taken more of my 'formal' clothing (aka dangerously skimpy outfits that I spent my nights out in) home with me. There, hung up, remained a hoodie, a long-sleeved T-shirt, a pair of jeans, sneakers, a pair of pajamas, underwear and a bag.

The bag was the first thing I grabbed, pouring the contents out onto the double bed. _I knew it! _I thought, as my eyes scanned the pile and stopped at two objects in particular. There, lying on the bed, was my thought-to-be-lost locket from my mother and Jacob's promise bracelet. I ignored Jacob's gift, knowing that it was basically just a sign that I was 'his' and I have refused to wear it for some time now.

I too the locket and fiddled with it, opening it up and staring down at the picture with a small smile. A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked at it and how happy I was. Funny, isn't it? The Vampire law-makers were coming to destroy me and I still smiled in the picture. Although my life had been incredibly messed up, or _will _be incredibly messed up, I still didn't know it. I still smiled. And now, I was a big girl who had seriously messed up her future trying to find the right one.

Sighing, I put the contents back in the bag, leaving just my two pieces of jewelery out. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror; covered in dirt, face red and blotchy and generally looking like a mess, so I decided that taking a shower would be a good thing to do.

* * *

The shower was relaxing, the warm water calming me down and more importantly, keeping me warm. That wasn't to say that I didn't shed a tear or to, over Felix and over my life – in Volterra and back at home. What am I supposed to do now? I would need to return for Christmas, wouldn't I? December was just around the corner. I had to be practical – maybe torture myself as a punishment and go to high school. I've had my fun, so maybe I need to focus on my education and my family... but why is it when I think of home, my stomach still turns?

I could have spent hours worrying in the shower but I knew it would do no good and I would end up crying again. _Tomorrow, _I thought, _I'll deal with things tomorrow. _Deciding to drop it and allow my mind to go blank, I changed into the jeans and hoodie, as I wasn't tired enough to force myself to go to sleep. Tying my wet hair up into a messy bun, I looked into mirror at my worn-out self when in a flash, someone stood behind me.

I didn't even get a second to gasp in shock as I spun around, the figure already grabbing me by the neck, placing her cold hand over my mouth to prevent me from screaming. I started to squirm in her grip, fighting to get free with no hope.

Then, suddenly, someone ripped her off me. I looked, my face paralyzed with terror, as Carmen stood between me and my attacker. Carmen's voice was urgent as she yelled at me and I honestly never knew her soft voice could speak so harshly. "Go Renesmee! Get out!" She snarled. "The window! Get out!"

My eyes flickered quickly to the window then to her again as she held off the presumably female attacker – her over-sized dark green hood foreshadowing her pale face from view. I could still tell that her eyes were directly focused on me, the object she desired the most. Although, I couldn't help but notice that there was something wrong with her focus... she didn't seem that determined, that ready to get me, as if it could wait.

"I – I – I can help you!" I cried out with no control over my words. "The others can -"

I stopped when Carmen startled me, her action making me jump back. She threw a chair – with perfect aim – at the window, smashing it.

"Go!" She screamed at me again, struggling with the attacker. "You need to get out!"

I gave her one last panicked look before my eyes darted to the bed where my mother's locket was.

Without a thought, I snatched up _both_ the locket and Jacob's bracelet before practically tearing myself away from her to go to the window. I couldn't even process leaving her, not even the guilt of doing so, as I jumped, eyes closed.

It when then, when I reached the ground, a good distance away from the house, and re-opened my eyes, that I realized the severity of the situation and why she was asking me to jump.

The bottom half of the house was burning down, the second half only seconds away from collapsing too. From the corner of my eye, I swear I could see whoever had attacked me jump out of the house, running away.

_They were all gone. They had burned with the house... they were gone... gone..._

I fell to my knees, watching the house burn down infront of me, my family inside. It made no sense, not just their deaths, but how it happened. I had heard nothing! Nothing! And the attacker couldn't have just came alone! And couldn't they have fought? Why would someone do such a thing?

"Why?" I cried out, burying my head down into hands. More of the house was burning now; absolutely destroyed and ready to spread.

"You idiot!" I heard a voice hiss from behind me, grabbing my hoodie collar, almost choking, me as they pulled me away. "The house is burning and you just sit there!"

I knew that voice. Oh, of course I knew that voice. Showing no sympathy, only disgusting anger, as per usual.

"Get away from me!" I screamed at him, pulling away and turning around to face him. Alec looked exactly the way I had left him, if not even a bigger coward than before. "They're dead! All dead!"

"And I'm very sorry to hear your loss, Renesmee but actually, I was hoping that you would -" Alec said, his voice an unusually forced calm before I interrupted him. He didn't even look at me, only looking into the distance.

"That I would what? Come with you and forgive you?" I shrieked at him, appalled he would even think I would do such a thing. "I'm leaving, right now! I'm leaving!"

I turned, ready to storm off when I saw _them. _

A whole army walked slowly, powerfully towards us. They marched behind my attacker who I could have a proper look at now, her hood now down, exposing her long, thin face. She must have stood at at-least six foot, her thin body dressed in a green, tailored military jacket, the back of it extending down onto the ground with matching green trousers and black, worn boots. The woman's emotionless face was surrounded by a curly riot of hair, the white color nearly matching her skin-tone. Her face reminded me of a Tudor Queen, plastered with power making her features striking yet boring – a long thin nose, full lips and small red eyes with really nothing more to look at.

The army behind her wore black clothing although not cloaks like the Volturi. They were made up of different types of vampires – some like Felix, others smaller like Alec. I squinted my eyes, unable to move as fear cemented my feet to the ground, zooming in on the eyes of the army.

_They were black. _

Not just a not-fed-in-a-while black, but the cold, possessing black that Nahuel had had in his eyes when he attacked me... when someone else _compelled_ him to attack me.

As the haunting flashbacks returned, Alec grabbed my arm and pulled me back, placing me slightly behind him.

"What I was trying to say," he hissed into my ear, "is that I would like you to stay back and let me handle this."

I forced myself to nod, feeling nauseous as I watched the army come towards us. How could Alec handle them alone? Where were Jane and the others? Why is Alec even here?

Alec extended his arm out, fully blocking and protecting me from the army. I automatically grabbed onto it tightly; for what I hoped was out of fear.

Seconds were now passing without Alec doing anything and my heart was now ready to fling right out of my chest it was beating so hard and fast. I clung to Alec, impatient and terrified, waiting and waiting, until I saw _it. _Alec's mist began attacking them, swirling around them in a circle. They halted, all completely frozen, as the white-haired leader smirked at us.

Alec pushed me back even more as I watched even though the army was no longer moving.

It was then, as I waited, that I realized that nothing was happening. Alec's power wasn't working, _again. _

Alec seemed to notice this too. He turned his head slightly around to speak to me. "Renesmee..." he began quietly; almost calm, "In about ten seconds, I am going to grab your hand and we are going to run, okay?"

My eyes widened at his words, looking at him like he had just asked me to strip and distract the army. "What? We – I can't run!"

Alec did not reply, he just moved his head away and faced the still frozen army, observing them carefully. Although he had given me warning, he suddenly shouted, "Now!"

Grabbing my hand, he spun us around and we began running away at vampire speed. I was always behind Alec, of course, but I physically had to keep pushing myself to keep up. We ran out of the grassy field that the Denali's house previously stood on, running right down the muddy path that would take us into the woods.

"Jump Renesmee! Jump!" Alec yelled at me as he jumped over a knocked-down tree. I wanted to roll my eyes that he would think I was so stupid that I wouldn't notice such a large object.

We jumped over several other trunks, still keeping up the pace. We dodged standing trees too and for me, it was just in the last I smashed into them. I didn't even want to imagine how pissed Alec would be if I got knocked out right now.

I knew that Alec would keep me right anyway, so I whipped my head around to see the army. I wanted to scream, throw up, as I watched them chase us. They remained, to my complete surprise and horror, at a slow pace – walking! Yet still behind us!

"Don't look!" Alec hissed, grabbing my hand tighter and pulling me towards him. "Keep your eyes to the front!"

Now that I had seen the army actually chasing us, I had this rush of fear-based adrenaline and energy to keep myself going faster. My legs turned to jello, becoming so light they didn't even feel attached as I kept pushing to keep up with Alec.

And I actually did it...

_I actually ran at Alec's speed!_

I didn't know how and I didn't even know it was possible but I was keeping up with him, running beside him. I could even go faster, if I wanted to. His hand was no longer extended back for me but beside him. Alec even flashed me a quick look of surprise before turning away again.

My small moment of pride had to vanish quickly, as I looked at what was ahead. A river was coming up, nestled deep in the woods. I didn't even know how to control the speed I was going at... what if I suddenly stopped, at this end of the river? _What if I fell in the river? _

It was too late to even dread doing it, or refuse to jump, because Alec had already pulled me to jump over it, hand-in-hand. When we reached the ground again, my eyes were still clenched shut, my minor panic attack over.

Alec had now stopped running. He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me towards him. Now that my rush of energy had significantly dropped, I was beginning to feel dizzy, the woods suddenly spinning. My legs still felt light as I stumbled.

"W-W-Why are we stopping? We need to... we need to..." I mumbled, stopping when it suddenly occurred to me that I wasn't even facing Alec. I turned around, looking in the direction Alec was staring at.

The army, now significantly smaller, was still positioned behind their leader who's smirk had not disappeared. Suddenly, the rest of the army jumped up into the high trees. I stumbled back, looking up, terrified. The trees began to merge into each other, my sight becoming even more blurry as I squinted my eyes, trying to see if they were above us.

"It's okay." Alec whispered infront of me. "They're gone."

I looked down, trying to keep my eyes away from the spinning ground. I wanted to focus on Alec's black coat, knowing that the one colour wouldn't be as bad, but I simply couldn't keep my eyes away from the vampire leader.

"I have a message for you." She said, her accent English. Her voice was loud and commanding, her posture straight. Then, in an even louder, clearer voice, she said; "Pregăti va," before disappearing.

Alec and I stood there, my breathing turning into pants as my sight failed on me even more. Alec was still gazing where the army once stood, not moving his eyes away. It was when I began to get black dots in my vision that I had to say something.

"Alec..." I whispered, breathless. "I think.. I think.."

Alec turned around, his blank; almost nauseous face (if that was even possible for a vampire) due to the woman's message twisting slightly in panic as I collapsed onto my knees infront of him.

More black dots began to take over my vision as Alec took me into his arms, placing me down carefully beside a tree, my back resting against it. "Don't... touch... me..." I whimpered; stopping as I thought of something. "Are... you.. using... your power?"

"What? No, I'm not... are you..." He sounded sincere enough and I believed him, but my hearing then cut off. I watched as the dots blanked out his face, his lips still moving silently.

And even though I could still see blurry parts of him, with a single bang in my ears, the darkness took over completely

* * *

_Where am I?_

It was my first thought when my eyes flickered open. The second was noticing my pounding headache. I didn't have any energy at all to pull myself upwards, so I stared at the bright light-bulb hanging from the ceiling. The curtains were shut, although no light tried to get through, showing me it was night-time.

All I could remember was the woman's last words and then everything becoming a blur. I looked to the side of the bed I was lying on, craning my neck up. On the wooden table lay a small note-pad with the logo of a hotel on it.

I collapsed back onto the bed, panting and sweating. I heard a voice coming from another room, along with a television that was on a low volume.

"Wait, I think she's awakened, _Mr Cullen._" I heard a voice say. I froze. _Mr Cullen? Dad? _Footsteps followed, becoming louder as the door creaked open. "She looks just as bad, if not worse, but she's awake alright."

I heard mumbling down the phone as I tried to sit up again.

When I managed, I felt like sinking right back down again. Alec stood with the phone to his ear, looking at me cautiously. I looked around the small hotel bedroom, my vision actually fine now. It was my head that was the problem, and the fact that I was burning up.

Alec held out the phone, and very casually he said, "It's your father."

I looked at him, eyes wide.

_How on earth did he get my Dad's number?_

"He wishes to talk to you." He continued, perfectly calm. Alec pushed the phone out even further. "You probably can't move, can you?"

I nodded. Alec leaned over and handed the phone to me. I took it, shaking.

"I don't think he likes me much." Alec said. "Well, after I suggested taking my shirt off and cooling you down _that_ way."

My father growled down the phone. I was ready to throw up. And Alec, well, Alec just smirked and winked at me.

* * *

**Alec and Renesmee in a hotel room alone! Woot woot!**

**Haha. **

**I must apologise for the long wait – blah, I struggled with the chapter and I'm not particularly proud of it, but It got easier when Alec returned. XD**

**As always, thanks to my wonderful reviewers – Maria Franca, XX TEARS DONT FALL XX, I'mActuallyAMermaid, TwilightForever2010, Lilylove, sweetlilsunshine, MadHat11D6, eternallystarcrossed2010, MaralyBrightVolturi, Forbidden Black Rose, Annoy, emylou16, IwonderWhatIShouldBeCalled.**

**Cristina, xx**


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